this is afamphobia

for things that are afamphobia

[this-is-afamphobia]

Welcome to @this-is-afamphobia, a blog where we look at things and say "That's afamphobia!"

A little bit about me: my main blog is @privygrid, I am demifamilial, aroace and agender, and I am of legally adult age (thats the closest im getting to revealing my age on here). I go by she/they, and am not a big fan of gendered terms, so please try to avoid using those for me. I am also a university student with a ton of assignments, so apologies if I miss any submissions.

What's afamphobia? Afamphobia is discrimination towards afamilial individuals. What is afamilial? A person who is afamilial/afamspec is someone who experiences little to no familial attraction/love.

Please make sure your submissions are polite and worded clearly. If you wish to make any changes to your submission, you can send a message about it.

Inspired by other this-is blogs, mainly @this-is-arophobia, @this-is-aplphobia, and @this-is-ableism.

[this-is-afamphobia]

everyone else being allowed to speak freely about their repulsion and gets to be heard out, but the second i say im repulsed by found family (which everybody loves, i mustve missed the memo) im told i need to censor it and that i make people feel unsafe just by. existing. and mentioning this facet of my self without even going into detail. is that afamphobia? think it might be. if its not just delete this.

this is afamphobia.

[this-is-afamphobia]

questioning afamilial, but there was this one time i complained to my therapist about my brother desperately trying to connect with me despite him being way older than me and us not having anything in common and how it was annoying me and they just replied with "well, maybe you should try a little too! you're siblings, after all!". i dropped them afterwards lmao. no therapy for me i guess

this is afamphobia.

[this-is-afamphobia]

Kinda related, I don't think I am Afam, but growing up my siblings bullied me and harrassed me for being undiagnosed autistic and everytime I told them to stop they just say "were just being siblings" "it's what family do" and they still do/say it like it doesn't actively trigger me about our neglectful/abusive past situations. They genuinely do think it's a joke but it was my physiological torture from my childhood they ate weaponizing again an again

This is afamphobia.

[this-is-afamphobia]

the way people like to say “they’re not just friends, they’re family!!” to stress the importance of their relationship, and make every platonic relationship into ‘found family’. it feels exactly the same as when arophobes go “they’re not just friends, they’re romantic partners!!”

as if being friends isn’t enough?? as if platonic bonds aren’t good enough or strong enough, we need to make it MORE important?? no, they don’t need to be family to be important and loved!

this is afamphobia.

[afam-culture-is]

techniafamilial

a technidentity label where someone is afamilial, but doesn’t resonate/identify with the label

[this-is-afamphobia]

not feeling safe to tell many folk im afamilial, because i dont want to be demonized and shamed as if my lack of familial attraction is a failing that theyre entitled to 'fixing' :(

this is afamphobia.

[this-is-afamphobia]

I learned what this term was because of this blog, thank you.

I come from an abusive family, and I've been away from them for almost a decade now. It's really difficult, because my mother tried to contact me against my wishes not long ago. I tried to humor her for a little bit, but I realized that when she told me 'I love you' I said it back only as a trigger response. There had never been a point in my life where I meant it, and she expected it from me.

I tried to talk to my friends about this, but they loved their parents, and I think it alienated me from them. My partner's parents don't talk to me, because they think I did something wrong to not have family.

Anyways, thank you again. This is the first time I've seen this treated kindly.

this is afamphobia.

I got emotional while reading this, anon. I'm genuinely so happy that you found this blog helpful, and I hope you experience many other instances where being afamilial is accepted and treated kindly. I wish you all the best in the future.

[this-is-afamphobia]

My mom who insists I'm being rude to her for not seeing her as "family" due to trauma, like 0 actual platonic bonding, and being demifamilial

let it be known i have never even said this out loud, i have just said things like "i dont really like living with family" and "being family does not automatically mean i love/like them" and more stuff like that.

this is afamphobia.

[this-is-afamphobia]

Happy Pride Month to everyone, don't forget to take care of yourselves and drink water! Sending hugs and high fives to all of you ❤️🧡💛💚💙🩵💜🩷🤎🖤🩶🤍

[this-is-afamphobia]

The fact that me and my siblings are all pressured to keep in contact with our grandparents who are bigots just because they’re our grandparents.

I don’t feel a desire to have family anyway. I don’t think “they’re family” should be an excuse.

this is afamphobia.

[this-is-afamphobia]

Opposite of what this blog is for, hope it's cool if I pop in with some positivity: Now that I'm an adult who's maintained boundaries for several years, my parents are very accommodating of my aversion to familial connections. They don't even mention me to extended family, let alone expect me to visit them; they mostly leave me be and have found things they enjoy doing together without me; they go days without even texting me anymore.

That isn't to say they've "given up on me" or anything familial people find so depressing. In fact, now that we've let things settle for a while, I've invited them to things a few times of my own accord and we've started building a platonic relationship without the familial baggage that, to be honest, I don't think my trauma will ever let me feel anything but nauseated by.

Obviously won't be everyone's situation, but I just wanted to offer some hope that it is possible.

this is not afamphobia.

i'm really happy for you anon!! i hope for the best for all of you, and thank you for the positivity! 💜

[ebulatheduck]

i decided to ask my sister to stop hounding me for hugs and they responded with "but you are my sister"

sighhh

yes, but also-

[this-is-afamphobia]

this is afamphobia.

[this-is-afamphobia]

A few months ago, my mom invited my cousin to stay with us indefinitely and didn't inform me of it until she'd already been here for hours and I finally asked what was going on. She knows I have really bad social anxiety and do much better with a very clearly laid out plan in place, especially if someone is coming over to the house, but since I'm related to this person my mom just assumed it wouldn't matter. When I expressed it made me uncomfortable, especially since my cousin had been using my bathroom, my mom looked at me in disgust, went on and on about how mean I was, and made some kind of comment about how some of us actually missed my grandma, who'd died a couple months before that. She also repeated "she's family," more times than I can count.

I did/do actually miss my grandma, but I guess since that didn't translate into me wanting to spend more time with other family members, it didn't count.

this is afamphobia. i'm sorry for your loss anon, and i hope things get better soon. 🫂

[this-is-afamphobia]

afamphobia in my case i think is shaming folks for having familial f/os / selfships but in the same breath shaming afamilial people or people who dont have a good connection with their relatives. like pick a SIDE damn!!!!!!

this is afamphobia.

[this-is-afamphobia]

Afamilial culture is why the fuck adults reinforce in literal children mentality that they should have family and / or kids when they get older? My family tries to dump into my 7 y.o. sibling's mind that they will have kids like "average people." Bro, they are 7 YEARS OLD! I hate familiarity (if it's the word).

This is afamphobia.

The word could be allofamilialism but I'm not sure either.

[this-is-afamphobia]

when society expects you to "love" your family because "they're still your family" and shame you if you express any kind of distaste for them (especially in certain cultures that are family-centric like mine, wherein most children are expected to support their parents even if they've been shitty)

this is afamphobia.