My personal highlights of the Starkid Broadway Whodunit 4/10/20
Strap in this could be long…
Lauren’s character is pregnant and she has the biggest most fake looking bump I’ve ever seen
Joey is wearing a baby carrier even though the baby isn’t due for another MONTH
James is amazing and so convincingly nervous as has character, I think he was the only one who didn’t break the whole time
Jaime is playing herself and controlling her puppet (you know, the sweet one Nick made for her wedding) but the puppet keeps saying wildly inappropriate things - think Trekkie Monster from Avenue Q
Jaime’s character later murders the puppet, cause why not
Meredith looks BEAUFITUL and her character wants to be an actress so every time she’s asked a question she turns it into a really long monologue about her upcoming one woman show
Meredith’s character (who was called Denise, love it): “I taped my breasts together with duct tape earlier and I’m worried my nipples will fall off” *drinks wine* *Andrew breaks*
Joey and Lauren used their tgwdlm newsreader voices the whole time, and Lauren was just hanging off Joey’s shoulders
Walker was playing a like 20 year old and just kept saying Dope, Dope about everything
Corey’s character was obsessed with Lauren’s (and turns out was the father) and every time he appeared Lauren moved rooms and ditched him with an UGH
Joe’s character also had a TikTok and Joe did not sound sure than he knew what TikTok was
Everyone left Joe alone in the room and he looked so offended
Lauren disappeared to ‘go pee because of the baby’ about 6000 times
Jamie Burns’ wig was even more wild than Chorn
Brian: “Can sesame street go away please” “Vicki BEAT IT”
Joe: “YEAH I am a teenager, have you SEEN my TikTok???”
Everyone had their character’s names at the bottom of their screen but there was a glitch so every time they moved rooms Lauren and Joey’s just said laurenlopez
Corey’s character Danny appeared in a ‘disguise’ which was just some sunglasses he was also wearing earlier, everyone sees through it apart from Brian
Jamie’s character was an infomercial star and came up with a product called the Butt Clamp which would stop you needing to use the toilet - everyone else kept calling it a butt plug and Jamie got increasingly angry the more this happened
Corey to Joe: “ThEy’Re GoiNG tO caNCeL YoU oN tHE inTeRNeT”
Joe’s character gets shot and dies, Lauren “He died of old age?!!!”, Brian “He looks like he has a butt clamp in” *everyone accuses Vicky of murder by butt clamp*
Andrew “I’m gonna call a private investigator”, Brian “Why don’t you call 911?”, Andrew “No!”
Andrew on the phone “please come figure out what happened”, Joey “finger who?!” *Lauren and Mere break*
Lauren “Ya butt clamp’s defective Vicky” “Yeah cause your not meant to use it on your vagina!” *Lauren, Brian and Robert all hide off camera they’re laughing so much*
The Investigator arrives aka Joe with a drawn on moustache, Jaime immediately “Is that sharpie on your face?”
WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT PUPPET JUST SAY?!!
Joe says some lines as the investigator so everyone can keep up with the plot, Brian “Are you reading this off of something?” “NO! what kind of question is this?!” “well your talking very robotically” “Yeah does feel like it was written” “Are you done?”
Joe “I’m going to introduce myself now, my name is…investigator ..moo-stache” everyone breaks, Joe can’t get through the line
Jaime “Are you sure sure your name isn’t investigator Sharpay?” *Andrew is so gone he gives up trying to hide his laughing, Lauren and Meredith fall out of frame*
Brian makes a suggestion, Joe “are you the investigator here or am I? SHUT UP”
Joe gets some words wrong and corrects himself, Lauren “See this makes be think you’re reading it off somewhere” “Yeah stick to the script”
Jamie Burns “Put a but clamp on your mouth and shut the hell up Mr Moustache” Joe in an incredulous voice “What did you just say to me? put an ass clamp on my mouth?!” “A BUTT CLAMP” *more people have broken than are still in character* Joe “I’ll have to come back to that one”
Lauren “Can you at least make eye contact when you’re talking to us, you’re looking at your shoes”, Brian “Listen, put whatever you’re reading more up by your camera and then It’ll look more like you’re not reading it” *everyone breaks, Andrew, Joey, Lo, Mere, James are all on the floor* Joe “I am remembering it, I have to look at my shoes to remember!”
*everyone heckles Joe, looks like he’s about to explode/have a breakdown*
Joe is now reading it higher and desperately trying to keep looking at the camera
Jamie “You’re a hack… I could figure out this whole investigation with my eyes closed and my butt clamped” *mass breaking*
Andrew announces that all the butt clamps in the world have been sold in an attempt to end this joke. It does not work.
*Inspector asks who people thing the murderer is* Meredith “Well let me look at… my thoughts that I’ve been writing down”
Joe uses the sharpie he drew his moustache on with to pretend to take notes
Andrew’s character “Can I tell you the truth”, Joe “You actually are compelled by law to to tell me the truth yes”
Brian to Joe “We have a lot in common actually, I mean…I went to the Apocalyptour too” (The poster is behind Joe on the wall) Joe, desperately trying not to break “my daughter dragged me”
“He’s not the murderer, he’s just stalking the fuckin butt plug lady”
Joe “I’ve just… got to check the notes on my shoes”
Joey desperately wants to name the baby after the murdered puppet
Lauren accuses Mere’s character of being pregnant, Meredith “Am I PREGNANT?! Is that why my breasts look so good?!”
Brian “Is that like an air drop? DID YOU AIR DROP A BABY IN HER?!” *Andrew corpses*
Corey tries another disguise, but he’s just wearing a baseball cap backwards
Turns out Joey’s character had been fucking the puppet “The thing is it’s got a big hole in its ass” *Lauren and Joey both start laughing*
Jaime “I’ve only killed one non human thing today” Joe “You killed a puppet made out of menstrual blood”
Lauren can’t remember her character’s surname and she and Joe break
*Brian tries to show something on an ipad* “I don’t know if you can see that” Joe “Yes, yes, the camera is auto adjusting the white balance I can see it perfectly” *Lauren hides laughing behind her hands*
There’s a TWIST that Robert isn’t French and called Luis (loo-E), he’s actually called Lewis but everyone had been called him Lewis all night anyway so it didn’t really work but was funny and Meredith felt so bad about it
Joe says the same thing twice and everyone accuses him of reading again “I’M THINKING, I HAVE TO LOOK AT MY SHOE WHEN I THINK AND REMEBER”
There’s a beautifully photoshopped ‘evidence picture’ of Joey and the puppet
Meredith is convinced Brian is the murderer, decides to strangle him
The proof that Brian isn’t the murderer is that in a video he doesn’t know how to use a gun
Robert accuses Lauren’s baby of being the murderer, Joey and Lauren are busy kissing Diane
Joe’s explaining the final plot points and pauses to find the next bit of paper to read “Sorry, one sec, I’m REMEMBERING” *everyone breaks* “LOOK AT YOUR SHOE!”
FINAL PLOT TWIST turns out Joe’s investigator was really the long lost triplet Gaston to the murdered Ashton and Sebastian THE END
Joe “You might think that because I was a triplet this moustache is fake, BUT IT’S NOT, IT’S REAL”
They all take their wigs off, Joe out of character sums it up: “I truly did not know what was going on”
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