Thoughts of a Creative

[thoughtsofacreative]

Easy option

Now I am an adult trying to learn language, I think how much easier it would have been if I had learnt when I was younger. that is the easiest option…just to go back in time and learn the language I need right now. Back when I actually had time to learn a language and also when it was just easier to. Not that Im not enjoying learning a language..I actually am. But the way we learnt in school, In England, was just rubbish. We learnt French with an English teacher who spoke English to us. How does that even make sense? The first two German lessons I have had here and all we can do is be encouraged to talk. And I realise a smaller adult class is a much different environment to a classroom full of teenagers being forced to learn a language. But that is partly England’s fault, having this attitude. The majority of us couldn’t care about another language. Most are lazy because the rest of the world can communicate with us. But honestly..to me, that is so incredibly small minded and lazy. Learning a language also teaches so much about a culture. But hey..Im a geek so I like it.

[thoughtsofacreative]

home will always be home

The longer I have been away, the more I realise that I actually may like it. The grey carpet, cushioning us away from the cold,  Keeping us warm and cosy, a protection in disguise. When grey is what surrounds me, I have more colourful things to look up to. A more positive outlook, because there has to be a rainbow somewhere. I love the sun, because I am used to having it so rarely. Let there never be a day where I complain about the beautiful sun. There are crazy speed walkers are everywhere I look, So I always feel right at home. At least there I am not the only person doing crazy zigzags and dodging the slow motion tourists, Who actually seem to get slower every time I visit. When I’m on my own I feel like I’m blissfully strolling down the road,  even though smoke is steaming from my heels. Busy busy busy, I love the feeling of things happening. Peace and quiet is nice….but not for now. It’s nice to at least feel part of somewhere that has so much going on, Even if I’m not particularly busy myself. But home will always be home. And the things I always complained about, begin to have a silver lining when I realise I miss having them around.

[thoughtsofacreative]

Clear Thoughts

Fresher air and clearer thoughts, wrapping up and concealing feeling, No one knows you when it’s just you, Just you alone. What thoughts you have,  how you’re really feeling. And here it comes, I can tell from your face. Don’t dictate how I’m feeling. I know how I’m feeling and no one can tell me any different And I know me best, And I’m fine and.. Actually you’re right. How did you know how I was feeling before I felt it myself? How can you know me better than myself? You see me in a different light. I’m always so critical…does this cloud my judgment of me? Am I not the person who knows me best?

[thoughtsofacreative]

Ignoring the important things

No matter how strong a bond can be the distance can always make a difference. Easy to talk now, so incredibly easy. But when you’re not there, it’s also not hard to ignore. As good as our technology is today, I feel I’m still left needing more. When it’s just one person…that’s fine. But your whole life to keep up to date with…that’s hard. Too many people to say the same story to again and again. Every conversation is like an annual catch up with the family at Christmas And even though when we see each other everything is normal, How it always has been. Why is it easy to ignore when we are apart?

[thoughtsofacreative]

When did I become not enough anymore?

[thoughtsofacreative]

one thing

Every single part of me, has the complete, overwhelming feeling, for you to have the best, a smile on your face, For you to be happy. When it has come to the time when I am not enough anymore, You need something else to be happy with, I understand. Life isn't about just one thing. We can have dreams of that amazing unknown, but once we achieve it we can set our hearts onto something new. Life shouldn't be centred around one joy, We should have many, in every aspect. Otherwise the thing you once thought of as perfect, amazing, what made you happy, Wont be so special anymore. I wish I could click my fingers and give you everything you need, But if life wasn't a challenge, it would be boring. We'd never recognise the joys we once dreamed of having.

[thoughtsofacreative]

Baby bro all grown up...

My baby brother is going to university at the weekend. I can’t believe he is 18 and it is that time for him. I remember how I felt when I first started uni, 3 years ago, feeling so grown up and excited. I couldn’t wait to leave home. Then when I finally did, I realised how amazing my mum is and what she did for me. I wonder if there will be the same realisation for my little bro, my bets are on not, but I hope he realises a little. I am always so amazed how much a person can change when they go to university. Not always in a bad way, more often than not, it is good. It’s like the person grows into themselves and they just become who they always would have done, just much more quickly. I cant wait to see how my baby bro turns out when I see him at Christmas. And I wish him the best of luck because he deserves it (and needs it..!) ich drucke dir die daumen Will!

[thoughtsofacreative]

Million miles an hour

So since when is it nearly October? Life seems to be going at a million miles per hour. As if I have been in Vienna now for nearly 3 months. I remember when I was younger, wishing my days away at school, just so I could go home and watch TV or play tennis or something. I used to watch the clock tick by, anticipating break time where I could talk to my friends. Now I find my days slipping through my fingers. Squeezing a few extra minutes into my day to message my friends or call my mum. Before I know it, it is getting dark; autumn doesn’t exactly help with this however.  My mum always used to complain that there just weren’t enough hours in the day and I used to think she was crazy, as I sat and waited around, being bored and lazy. I love how you are so naive to so much when you are young. You get everything done for you and don’t even realise it. When you become an adult and have to do it for yourself, the hours start to melt away. I couldn’t hold onto them for longer if I tried.  There are so many things I wish I could do now but don’t have the time for. But when I did have the time for it, I didn’t even know I wanted to do them..

[thoughtsofacreative]

Self Pride

There aren't many moments when I feel I can be proud of myself. Its always about the other people. The people I love.  Why is it so much easier to be proud of them than it is for yourself? I see the good qualities, in the ones I love, so much more easily than in myself. So the rare moments when pride overwhelms me and I am the reason, is quite a strange feeling. But it should be cherished and held onto for as long as it possibly can.

This week I graduated. An amazingly tough three years of hard work, pressure, deadlines, essays and making the best friends I could ever ask for. It all came down to that one moment. Waiting to hear my name being called and walking across the stage. Everyone looking at me for that one moment. because I achieved something amazing.

another thing I realised, during the speeches after was that I have already achieved so much more than many others. I finished uni two months ago and I have already been working for two months with the added bonus of it being in a different country. They were talking about employment numbers and ratings from the uni and how we should embrace change. But I feel I'm already embracing this and this made me ever the more proud of myself. 

so for now..I know I can be proud of myself. and thats okay.

[thoughtsofacreative]

more.

Overwhelemed by you, everything. I cant get enough. Can't seem to take you in as much as i need. Can't get as close as I want. it's you. all I need right now. to be safe, warm, happy. You are more to me than you think.

[thoughtsofacreative]

So who am I, Bridget Jones?

The most horrendous journey of my life. It begins the evening before, on my graduation night. shots and wine and snakebites and wine. I think I even remember saying the words "It's alright, I will suffer the consequences tomorrow"...and i definitely did.

we had a flight the next morning at 12pm...so a pretty early flight for partying all of the night before. But you always think it will be fine when you are not currently suffering a hangover that is continuously bashing you over the head and pressing on your fragile stomach. The worst part is...we got up. We woke up on time and crawled out of bed, just about managing to croak a 'hello' to the taxi man. Things were not looking great for an hour ride in a hot car to the airport.

But things only got worse. I had to wind down the window to be sick out of the moving taxi whilst on the motorway, while my boyfriend holds me up and also inside the car as passing lorries nearly took my head off. It was not my finest moment.

So I was already feeling shit. And of course, no one else to blame but myself. But as soon as i begin to feel better and can slightly open my eyes to the bright sunshine....we begin to slow. The fucking M25 is always a killer, especially when you don't need it to be. After calling the airport and finding out information, only to be told to "rush" when we get there, as the minutes ticked by, I was losing hope. Not that I could really take in the full scale of the situation as i had the hangover shakes. 

As soon as we pass the first accident, we hit number two. and this one was even worse. I had my head hanging out of the window, looking like I was going to die. And although lorry drivers can be absolute arseholes to drive beside, behind, in front of, over take...on the motorway, a lorry driver saw my absolute hatred for life at this point and offered me gold. "would you like some water, love?" YES....YES! I WOULD LOVE SOME WATER! 

When we finally begin the move....no word of a lie....6 hours later... my head is still hanging out of the window like a dog, enjoying the wind and the air, we arrive at the airport...only to have missed out flight by about 3 hours. FUCK.

I have never missed a plane before in my life and it felt shit. just shit. Especially seeing as I had to rush and sick up the lovely water as soon as i stepped out the taxi. 

So I now smelt like bar toilet, looked like Id stolen bridget Jones' hairstyle and looked like i might die any second. And my poor boyfriend had to stand in a queue next to me while we waited to rebook our flight. I feel so sorry for him.

I even actually asked the two women in front of me to borrow a hair brush and they looked at me as if i was homeless...cheers ladies. 

Luckily I have the best mum in the world who picked us up again and put us up for another 2 nights. 2 more days in the UK was great, especially when I missed it so much being in Vienna all summer. Although, now I am back in my beautiful apartment in Vienna, smelling fresh and hair suitably brushed...I will not be getting in a car or booking a flight any time soon. 

Travel sucks. 

[thoughtsofacreative]

No more breaks.

I used to live for the holiday breaks in school, even the weekends were the golden ticket to my chocolate bar. Homework was a 20 minute thing and the rest of the evening was mine. Holidays seemed such a long break that I always ended up getting bored with them. And then at uni, breaks became even longer. We had months at a time when we had no work to do. And of course, I didn’t waste my time doing nothing. I am a bit of a geek, after all. But now, in the real world, there are no breaks. Weekends are the only breaks we’re going to get. And I know, we have holidays, but there is not set, guaranteed time for a break. Something to have in the back of your mind that no matter how stressful things are, there is a deadline in a month and then I can completely relax until the next brief after holidays.

I always knew that there would be constant deadlines in work, but only just dawned on me the realisation of the nonguaranteed holidays. Christmas will no longer be 3 weeks long but probably 3 days long. And I was told this for a long time, it’s just funny how different it is when it’s actually you experiencing it, rather than being told what to expect.

[thoughtsofacreative]

Deutsch ist sehr schwer

Also. Mein deutsch nicht so gut. Aber ich habe nicht in der gelesen oder sehr oft üben. Jetzt Ich brauche Deutsch-Unterricht.

[thoughtsofacreative]

Summer...hello?

What the hell happened to summer? I feel like it’s already autumn now.

It smells like autumn is coming, leaves are falling to the floor, creating a horrible brown carpet.

I feel like I was robbed of my summer this year. A few days here and there in the sun. I’ve even moved south and still the sunshine is hiding.

And its just september. When does this ever happen?

When it was sunny early in the year I was working my arse off for a degree. Now its just the end of August, and its already autumn. I even had to wear a jumper and have a blanket sitting INSIDE yesterday.

Im not best pleased to say the least.

[thoughtsofacreative]

Deutsch, ja!?

So, I really want to sign up for some German classes. As much as I want to fool myself that I will simply pick up German from listening and reading a few books here and there it is just not going to happen. I have tried really hard, though. Every morning I pick up the Austrian newspaper with easy reading articles. At the beginning I went in with such an amazingly positive spirit, but it gets tiresome after a month plus of straining to read such simple articles. As many words as I thought I know…I really know nothing. German lessons it is for me then. If only I had pre-anticipated my move to Austria in school. I was so against learning German because I thought French and Spanish sounded nicer. Now, I am forced to learn German (although surprisingly enjoying it…!!) and my French and Spanish knowledge is irrelevant and also quite forgotten. Good times. Another victory for the English when learning a second language. Why are we so useless!? I will not fall into the trap of being English and useless at anything else.

[thoughtsofacreative]

Routine yeah

So I’m finally back into a normal 5 day working week routine. It’s amazing how much I hated it when going to school and waited for so long to get out of it and into the student lifestyle. And then after just three years of uni I couldn’t wait to have it back again. The routine of what I grew up with as a ‘normal’ life. The benefits and the reward of a weekend.

During uni the weekend didn’t seem any different, either because I wasn’t doing anything or I had too much to do and had to work through every evening and weekend until it was done. I didn’t appreciate a lie in anymore. Now they are like gold fairy dust that I treasure cuddled up in bed every Saturday and Sunday. Also, what I love about work is no homework. It’s strange to go home with nothing at all to think about but know I’m still going to work the next day. Even through school, this is a concept I never had, unless it was the holidays. Student life was good while it lasted. But I’m so happy its over now. Hello organised life and OCD geeky Jo. It’s nice to be back after my three year student stint.

[thoughtsofacreative]

internet rambles

Is it a bit ironic how you can find anything out on the internet, however, anyone can also post any shit up on the internet. So then….can you really trust anything you read? And therefore the idea of finding anything on the internet becomes irrelevant because you can literally find anything. An overload of facts and absolute shit. If you were really trying to look up something important, how would you know what to trust? I’m not talking about cleaning tips or recipes or whatever. But at least you know with something like books you can look up exactly what you want and trust the information there. Or talking to a person, you can ask them a direct question and expect a knowledgeable answer. The internet is such a wonderfully stupid place.