The Maybe-Maidens is a fictional band that I made up. I made the album cover for their first album, The Apple and Me. Maybe one day Iâll make another album cover for them.
AU: Patriarchal husbands enact a massive censorship and surveillance state apparatus to keep their wives from escaping or being corrupted. Everyone's movements must be monitored and tracked in case a wife tries to escape her husband. Media is censored of all potential eroticism, just in case women get too hormonal and horny, and potentially cheat on their husbands. Media is required to have explicitly pro-obedience themes, so women don't get any subversive ideas about rebelling against their husbands' authority. These policies are framed as "protecting women."
Many unmarried men object to this. Why should they be censored or surveilled for the sake of another man's wife? "Fuck them women!" is their rallying cry. "It's husbands' job to control their wives, not mine! Women are disgusting, anyway. Why should I give up my freedom for the sake of your gross, hysterical, hormonal, shrill, menstruating wife? I didn't choose to be saddled with that smelly, whiny bitch."
From a far corner, a lone voice expresses a fringe, extremist opinion: "I think you're both wrong, actually. What if women are just people? What if they actually should be able to read whatever they want, and even disobey or leave their husbands if they choose to, because they're people, not property? And if your only objection to women's oppression is that it affects you, or that they're 'disgusting' and you shouldn't have to be reminded of their existence, you're also part of the problem. Both of your factions should just stop being misogynistic."
The pro- and anti- surveillance factions turn to the fringe extremist and say, in unison, "Why do you want access to other men's wives? To rape them? You pervert!"
You are not a People Pleaser your lack of boundaries are not a virtue and one day you are going to boil over and lash out at your loved ones who had no idea they were hurting you because you never told them
The person in my notes telling me to "have compassion for traumatized people" is exhibiting the exact behavior I'm talking about re: (not) taking responsibility for your own communication so I think this type of person Does need to hear Hard Truths, actually. Something being a trauma response doesn't exempt it from harming your relationships & the people in them. Enabling it won't help anything cause ultimately you still have to do the work on yourself and use your fucking words
I'm always seeing this sentiment of "I have got to make my art weirder" or people begging for weirder art but here's the thing, Weird is not a brand. You cannot rack your brains trying to figure out the "Weird" formula. You don't get weird art by artificially forcing whatever you think is "weird."
You get weird art (and I think "weird" is sometimes people groping for a way of saying non-corporatized) by figuring out what you like, deep down, even (especially) if you think it's embarrassing
and wallowing in it like a pig
In every relationship or friendship worth having, there will be inevitable moments of awkwardness, anger, miscommunication, frustration, or impatience. Itâs how each person decides to navigate that that determines how much they care about one another. If you internalize those moments as an overarching statement that speaks louder than all the good times you had with this person, you are practically shooting yourself in the foot. If you decide to walk away at natural moments of friction, either that person didnât matter all that much to you, or you do care but elect to self-sabotage all moments of connection because you fear abandonment or negative reactions from people you care about. Either way this is unsustainable and guarantees a lifetime of loneliness.
Funny thing is I was the worst student when I was in Korean Art School. I still remember my teacher told me that I donât have any talent of art and I should give up to go to art college. She said like that just because I didnât follow her education like sitting on the chair and sketch an apple for a whole class. She didnât even teach me how to use materials, she just gave me a sample drawing and copy it exactly the same for two months. I thought it wasted my time, so I quit it and started to learn by myself.
Of course, Iâm not a perfect teacher or artist. Itâs just my opinion.Â
why do so many freaks go right to âthere should be exams or tests before you have kidsâ when the real solution is better social services, robust infant and child development education that is accessible both financially and schedule/distance accommodating, and resources throughout any stage of a childâs life. genuine question like did you think about any social development before going straight to eugenics
Corporate Glossary: every Friday, learn the secret meaning of common corporate words
âTheyâre trying to discharge her constructively. Do you know what Constructive Discharge means?â She asked.
As soon as I heard the term âConstructive Discharge,â I knew Iâd never seen it on a vocabulary quiz.
âNo. What does it mean?â I asked.
She explained.
âConstructive discharge is a fancy way of saying âbeing forced out.â Itâs not good. And if youâre not a lawyer or in human resources, youâll probably learn what it means when itâs happening to you.â
âOh my God. Iâve seen this my entire career and never knew it even had a name.â I thought.
Youâve seen constructive Discharge too. You may have experienced it. Weâve all made choices to avoid it.
Constructive discharge defined
âWe canât fire you, but weâll make you so miserable youâll quit, and then we wonât have to pay your unemployment.â
Then thereâs the textbook definition:
âA constructive discharge occurs when your employer has made working conditions unbearable, forcing you to resign.â
Or as one person put it.
âI didnât get handed a pink slip, but when youâre not wanted, people have a way of letting you know.â
HR isnât always the secret police.
Employees arenât always victims of evil-doers.
However, employers push employees out all the time to maintain and protect the, âWe didnât do anything wrong, YOU did,â power structure.
Constructive Discharge looks like this:
â Meeting invitations slow to a trickle, and youâre excluded from emails and generally looped out of whatâs going on.
â People stop talking to you or stop talking when you walk in.
â Your emails donât get answers, or they arrive too late to be of value.
â Suddenly, your work is not good enough, though nothing about your work has changed.
â Reviews, once good or even glowing, are now mediocre or bad.
â Instead of a bonus, you get a Performance Improvement Plan.
â Warnings and write-ups start so they can justify your eventual termination with documentation of your âpoor performanceâ
â Your work, clients, assignments go away, or they overwhelm you with work.
â The words âSet up to failâ were practically invented to describe this scenario.
Constructive Discharge is illegal
It isnât easy to prove youâre a target, and itâs even more challenging if you donât even know constructive discharge is a real thing.
If youâve ever experienced this and donât fully understand whatâs happening to you beyond knowing youâre in the process of being excommunicated, it can be hell. Itâs not uncommon for the experience to leave long-lasting scars.
Talk to anyone whoâs ever been through it. Theyâll tell you.
Knowing constructive discharge exists and how itâs used gives you power to predict whatâs coming and to protect yourself.
Seeing the endgame helps you in two ways.
You know what to expect. Having a sense of whatâs coming next is enormously empowering.
You can go on the offensive and protect yourself. Constructive discharge works to crush your ego, making you feel you did something wrong and deserve this treatment.
Without strategy, you end up being a miserable pawn in your employerâs endgame.
Remember, theyâre almost certainly building a case to fire you in the event the hellscape they create for you doesnât persuade you to quit.
If youâre getting pushed out, and you know what to look for you can prove constructive discharge and you can get unemployment benefits, be released from payback obligations on a signing bonus, and protect your mental health.
Youâre not crazy, incompetent, or a failure. This is real and itâs carefully executed to leave you holding the bag and feeling like you did something wrong.
If they force you out, in addition to feeling horrible, you lose your paycheck, benefits health insurance, and possibly owe them money.
YES-AND. IF YOU HAVE NEVER READ A SINGLE ADDITION I HAVE MADE TO A POST, READ THIS ONE.
In the US, you have A FEDERAL RIGHT to communicate to your boss that you see what theyâre doing, and by so doing, YOU RETAIN YOUR RIGHT TO UNEMPLOYMENTâEVEN IF YOU QUIT!!!
Hereâs how it works.
1) go to work tomorrow and read the employee rights poster. By law, theyâre required to have one, and theyâre usually located in the breakroom. It looks something like this:
Usually, this will be posted next to a state labor laws poster, as well. (Also required by law, but I have seen them posted in two separate locations due to a building having a stupid wall layout, so if you donât see both, do some poking.) There are a few different styles of these posters, but theyâre all basically variations on a theme, so you should be able to recognize yours from the image posted above. Iâve read them hundreds of times in the last eight years, just to keep my memory fresh. If you donât see such a poster, contact your state labor board, because that is VERY ILLEGAL. The law is unambiguous on this: the poster must be posted in a highly-visible (to employees) location that is readily accessible. Not in your bossâs office, not in HR, not on the back of the fridge. Highly visible, readily accessible, REQUIRED BY LAW. If you have to contact the labor board on this one, skip straight to step 2b while youâre at it, because your boss is up to some shady shit.
2a) now that youâve had the primer of your rights as an employee, if everything is good for you, great! Keep an eye out and revisit these from time to time to be sure youâre not missing anything, especially if things start feeling rough. If things are NOT good for you, progress to 2b.
2b) if you suspect youâre the target of constructive discharge, DOCUMENT. EVERYTHING. Dates too, if you can remember them, although if youâre trying to remember âas far back as you can goâ when you begin to document, your dates might be a little hazier. Ask for personal hard copies of any consultations, write-ups, improvement plans, reviews, etc. and so forth that you receive. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO THIS DOCUMENTATION. Keep all of this in a file. If any of your coworkers make comments on whatâs happening to you, note those down too: âon 1 July I called to inform my supervisor Iâd be late due to an unexpected flat tire. I arrived six minutes after my shift was due to begin. I received a corrective action form. My coworker Linda commented that she was surprised, because although this is my first tardy in over three years, other employees with repeated, significantly more severe tardies do not receive corrective action forms. My supervisor did not explain why he felt I required this form after a single incident of tardiness.â If you know what youâre being asked to do is illegal, MAKE THAT CLEAR IN YOUR DOCUMENTATION. âAfter hearing me mention to Sarah that I was hoping for a raise, supervisor Paul asked to have a one-on-one and required me to sign a form stating I would not discuss my salary, in contravention of state and federal law.â
3) when you feel you have sufficient evidence that Some Bullshit Is Afoot, itâs time to write to your HR department. Instructions on how to do this will be on that poster (sorry, Iâm home and getting ready for bed, I donât have this part memorized), but basically youâre going to be telling them that conditions have deteriorated such that you may be forced to resign if they donât improve. Note that the phrase âforced to resignâ is IMPORTANT AS HELL. Make sure you keep a hard copy of this letter for yourself.
4) You now have to give them 10-14 days to read, respond, and implement changes (I forget the exact number of days but itâs in there somewhere). CONTINUE TO DOCUMENT.
5) best case scenario, they realize they done fucked up, and things will change for the better. More likely scenario, you have to quit. HOWEVER, if you have followed all of these steps correctly, you can still claim unemployment.
6) now go contact the IWW for information on how to start talking union to your coworkers before it gets this far: www.iww.org
And finally, a note because this has happened to me and statistically either has or will happen to some of you:
If at any time the poor conditions should escalate to include sexual assault or harassment by a supervisor, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200, CALL THE LABOR BOARD IMMEDIATELY. Make an EXACT record of what happened: write down statements verbatim, if you were touched inappropriately make note of exactly how and where, if you were offered any kind of quid pro quo (e.g., a promotion in exchange for oral sex; sex in exchange for continued employment) make note of EXACTLY what was offered and asked for. It is 100% okay to call the labor board and say âI donât know what to do, my boss groped my breasts today and told me heâd have a talk with his supervisor about my pay rate âif I was niceâ. Please tell me what to do, Iâm afraid if I quit Iâll lose unemployment.â Someone will be able to help you. In cases like these, do not wait. This is also true if youâre blatantly racially or religiously discriminated against. Please note when I say âblatant,â thatâs a much higher standard than what Tumblr understands as blatant. If your boss says youâre pretty cool for an N-word, call. If your boss makes a disparaging comment about doo-rags, document and hold your horses for now. (Is that a microaggression? Yes. Is that something the labor board will find actionable? Not on its own.)
Stay safe out there. Donât let the bastards get you down.
I have been through this, so let me add some tech-industry specific advice:
If youâve been placed on a Performance Improvement Plan, ask for digital and hard copies of the plan that have been signed by HR.
If you have the strength to do it, accept the PIP, and indulge in malicious compliance. Do everything exactly as itâs outlined in the PIP document and nothing more. Overachieving against a PIP wonât help your situation, but donât quit.
Keep copies of every email and message related to your PIP on a separate USB.
Find your company handbook. It is probably hidden somewhere on an internal website. Save a copy to the USB so you can research it for ANYTHING that might help you negotiate with HR at the end.
Keep all of your notes on the same USB.
Always assume your work computer has spyware on it.
None of this will help you keep your job. Remember that. All of this is to help you negotiate with HR when itâs time to review your PIP performance. WHEN they say you didnât meet the goals that were outlined, refer to your stack of documentation and give specific examples of where you met those goals. Ask HR what the next steps are. Your ultimate goal is to make HR suggest that you and the company part ways.
DO NOT AGREE TO THAT MAGIC STATEMENT. Thatâs when you start negotiating the terms of the company letting you go. The things I politely demanded AND GOT in writing:
3 months salary.
All remaining vacation time paid out.
Continued insurance coverage for 3 months.
A guarantee of a good reference if any potential employer asked for one.
A guarantee that the company would not contest my unemployment claim.
After all of that was signed and I had digital and physical copies of that paperwork, I told HR that my last day of work would be the following day. Remember that at that point, you donât owe them anything, including two weeks notice. Say your goodbyes and walk away.
gosh, this would have been handy to know while I was still trying to maintain my sanity in an increasingly hostile workplace environment
I was lucky enough to have allies elsewhere in the organization who helped me transfer and keep doing the important parts of my job (and greatly expand the good stuff!), but at least a decade of hell wrought such psychic damage that I doubt I'll ever fully recover
i dont think whites understand how being white makes literally everything easier.
it effects everything.
being trans is easier when youre white.
being gay is easier when youre white.
being disabled is easier when youre white.
being a woman is easier when youre white.
being autistic is easier when youre white.
oppression is eased when you are white, as you get extra privileges, and your whiteness is seen as a positive characteristic that in some ways counter-balances your other forms of being a minority. whiteness controls everything.
you are automatically way more innocent in your own oppression as a gay, trans, disabled person because of your whiteness.
You're not allowed to watch morally questionable movies because you're prone to evil and it can corrupt you. Whereas I'm allowed to watch morally questionable movies because I'm such a good person that the movies are actually redeemed by my consumption of them. If I write a favorable letterboxd review the rehabilitative effect is even stronger. But you are still not allowed to watch them in that case. Ok?
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