Maybe a bit of a warning before firebending, Itijuk?
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@tiffmightbe
Maybe a bit of a warning before firebending, Itijuk?
For realism in your fanfiction, an important cultural element to know about hockey twitter circa 2010-2020 is only fringe weirdos were fighting about if their ship was REAL or DELUSIONAL.... true hostile engagements were granular analysis of whose guy is the most unforgivably #problematic. Here are some helpful ideas to get you started on in-universe cancelations:
Ilya liking bisexual pegging porn on main (real event)
Ilya getting caught saying a slur on mic leading to additional discourse about how it's actually xenophobic to assume he knew what it meant in the first place
Ilya shaking putin's hand at the olympics
Scott hunter being noncommittal about You Can Play on multiple occasions
Scott hunter being a registered republican in 2012
Pervasive 10 year old rumor about Scott hunter having a threesome with his linemate during his rookie year (this person is the real winner)
Hayden pike going to a megachurch
Hayden pike thanking Jesus before his wife in post-game press when he scored a hat trick more than once
Shane promoting eating disorders by talking about his weird diet
Shane being controlling and a bad captain for forcing his weird diet on his team (this is reddit discourse though)
Shane tweeting #stopasianhate but not #blacklivesmatter
Shane catching amulet and antivaxxer strays due to his wacko nutrition/lifestyle coach
shane cockwarming ilya this, shane cockwarming ilya that… this fandom tends to forget that ilya is a throat goat and freaking loves to suck a dick, he swallows cause he “does not mind” (i.e. moans harder when shane cums down his throat than shane himself.. you know - the person cumming)
add to it that ilya loves resting his head in peoples laps, getting his hair played with.. and has an oral fixation
so what i am saying is that ilya loves, loves, LOVES! cockwarming shane - sometimes they just chill on the couch, watching a renovation show or a movie ilya isn’t particularly interested in so while he rests his head in shane’s lap he simply turns around, tugs shane’s sweats down and puts shane’s cock in his mouth
they stay like that for a long time, ilya gets all floaty and sleepy bc shane’s hand is stroking through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp and his cock is in his mouth
when ilya gets antsy again he starts sucking him off and gets him to come quickly, swallowing at the end of course and goes back to cockwarming him if shane wants to continue watching his show
@kissingpractise you are right and should say it! a lot of how ilya’s attraction is described by a portion of the fandom is rooted in biphobia with heteronormative roles just glommed on top of it all
Katsa and Bitterblue all bundled up
Shane’s head smashing into the headboards and he’s yelling fuck Ilya harder!!! Meanwhile Ilya’s heart rate is 182bpm and he’s like fuck Shane I have a cramppp
oh yeah, the new atla content is great!!!! i love how the comics are finally expanding on the distinct personalities of each of the kyoshi warriors!!!! wait……… what were you referring to…??
Day 1: Soulmates
«Excuse me, I think you may have dropped your book»
Hell yeah CLRG!
the witch of the waste: ive been dismembering bodies and putting them back together to make the perfect man and he will be king once he has howls head
sophie: ok first of all, people are not jigsaw puzzles and second of all, howls head ? are you sure ?? what good would his head do ???
woman yelling at cat meme but make it ancient greek red figure pottery
From ancient to abstract, this one sure got around.
Japanese one made no sense to me until I finally saw the “sale sale/sasa lele” version. セール セール。 But then it’s a meme so it has to be misspelled? 🤷♂️
tHERE ARE MEMES IN THOSE HIEROGLYPHICS
Ohhhhhhh…. Chinese and greek are my favourite, but there is more!
@heatonice I have no self restraint and too much free time. I apologise... (there's also a baby Ilya and an adult Ilya now)
It may never come up in an actual fic but please know that every six months or so, Tin Roof Rusted Shane and his prominent anterior pelvic tilt are having to address rumors of his pregnancy. He's photographed with his hand on his belly because he was smoothing down his shirt or because he sometimes just?? Puts it there?? While he's talking (Moment that papers the walls of my brain: "I have my own well" [Hand on tummy like he's entering his second trimester] Why'd you do that baby? What was that??) and the title of the article is something like Ice Ice Baby!! Boston hockey's omega phenom is sporting some extra padding in these exclusive pics and inside the article someone who is identified only as "A source close to the couple" is quoted as saying, "Shane is really private, so I don't know how much I can say, but he and Ilya are really looking forward to the off-season."
Shane attempts to ignore it until his Aunt Janine, mother of Shane's most annoying cousin and the sister that David only speaks to twice a year at Easter and Christmas, texts him (Shane didn't even know she had his number) to ask if Yuna has any plans for his baby shower.
Shane blocks her number, sends out a Tweet that says something to the effect of My Body Is Just Shaped Like That, and then screams into a pillow.
The next time it happens, Shane almost breaks Kayfabe on his and Ilya's whole deal by posting a picture of Ilya loose-postured at seven in the morning, shirtless and clearly recently fucked, watching the coffee maker whir with beady eyes and scratching his tummy--which curves with the exact same postural tilt that Shane's does.
"He's glowing," says the Tweet. He deletes it ten minutes later. It's screenshot and reposted 130 times before noon.
"I always told you to stop slouching," Yuna says, every time.
There's a version of the Hollanov story where Yuna has just slightly less self control when it comes to her maternal anxiety spirals. And they're in Montreal but not for Shane-related reasons (David travels quite often for his job with the Treasury department and Yuna can work anywhere with a wifi connection and a horizontal surface to put her laptop on) and maybe Shane said Sorry, Mom, I know you're gonna be in town but I've got plans and Yuna said Of course honey, that's fine, it's only overnight anyway. Only now it's midnight and Yuna is in the same city as her son but she hasn't put eyes on him except through a television screen in months and something is not sitting right in her stomach. And yes she could take a Tums and try to forget about it and yes she could just quietly stew about it like she has in the past but her skin is crawling and she's gotten herself so worked up at this point and at this time of night Shane is probably either back from his plans or asleep so she just--
Goes.
And on the way she's thinking that Shane doesn't even have to know. She doesn't want him to know! Fuck, this is embarrassing for her and she knows how it'll look if anyone ever finds out but--isn't that kind of the point of being a mother? Being a little insane about your kids? And she promises herself that she'll just poke her head in and see if he's there and if he looks okay and then she'll GO and nobody has to know. And she's also thinking about the hours she spent driving in circles around their neighborhood when Shane was colicky just to get him to stay asleep for longer than a handful of minutes and she thinks about driving back and forth several times a week between Ottawa and Kingston when Shane was fifteen and had just been drafted to his OHL team and she thinks about all the vacations they didn't take and the way that she saw her whole life change form before her very eyes when Shane was eleven and a scout approached her and told her that her son was something special, something very special.
And this isn't any crazier than all of that right?
So she pulls into the parking garage and she takes the back way in, practically tiptoing already like Shane can hear her from all those floors up. And she gets in the elevator and scans the card to get up to Shane's floor and she tiptoes up to that door, too, and tries to make as little noise as possible on her way in.
The apartment is dark, almost airless, and Yuna for a moment wonders if Shane is even here, and if not where he would be at almost one o'clock in the morning. And then she's thinking Don't be foolish, Yuna, he's twenty-four and he lives in Montreal, he could be literally anywhere at one o'clock in the morning, and the voice sounds a bit like her own mother--
And then there is a sound from up the stairs and she realizes that it's music, playing realtively quietly, and she follows the sound of it up. It's coming from Shane's bedroom, of course, and she decides that this is more than enough proof that he is home and safe and alive, but then she hears a laugh and it--
Does not. Belong. To her son.
She's thrown for a whirl. Because what does that mean. There is a man in her son's bedroom who is not her son and what the fuck does that even mean--
Then Shane's voice does appear, just to say, "You're such an asshole," and the laugh comes back, louder this time.
And Yuna knows that she shouldn't. She knows that she's actively betraying her son's trust right now. She knows that she has absolutely no valid reason for moving towards the door when she now has proof that Shane is alive, well, and definitely has company of some...capacity that she doesn't know how to interpret at the moment (Though: Yes, she kind of does. There are only so many ways to interpret it).
But she's also not thinking very much at all, and her feet move sort of mechanically, and then she's peering through the slightly cracked door.
She'll realize, later on, that whatever cosmic accident or greater power formed this scenario did not do so with complete malevolence, because otherwise she could have certainly caught her son in a compromising position indeed. If she'd arrived even ten minutes earlier, she may have.
What she sees is already compromising enough. They are under the thin top sheet of one of the six identical bedding sets that Shane owns, and they are laying side-by-side propped against the pillows, not really cuddling by anyone's standards, but the thin sheet does nothing to hide that their legs are tangled together and the man (MAN) laying next to Shane has his hand in an extremely proprietary position on Shane's thigh. The music is coming from the phone in the man's hand, and they are watching it together, and Yuna--
Yuna is a fucking adult, and she knows what the words post-coital mean and what it looks like. And she is so violently embarrassed and her head is spinning with so many questions and so much regret that she almost doesn't realize who the man laying next to Shane IS.
Almost, because there is no power in the world that could prevent her from realizing that Ilya Rozanov is in her son's bed.
"You see?" Rozanov is saying, and it's absurd that Yuna's first thought is that he sounds different outside of press conferences and post-game interviews. Softer, younger. "This is called music video, Hollander. I know, I know, is very new thing for you, maybe scary-"
Shane snaps out a hand and slaps Rozanov in the shoulder, and Yuna--kind of winces, because that sounded actually pretty hard and she doesn't like the idea that she raised a kid who would treat someone they're in bed with that way--
But Rozanov grins, and Shane grins back, and then Rozanov is--rolling over and--
OH, oh God, she needs to leave.
And before she's out of earshot, she hears Shane say, "Why did this guy even want you in this music video?"
And Ilya fucking Rozanov says, "Well, probably they wanted big famous hockey player and they thought Shane Hollander, eh, too boring to ever be in music video--"
"Asshole," Shane says again.
And Yuna, despite herself, despite racing down the stairs as quickly and safely as she can in socked feet on laminate flooring, can only think, Yeah, asshole. They reached out to us first.
MY DEAR TUMBLR USERS!!
WONDERFUL NEWS!!
NETHERFIELD PARK IS LET AT LAST!!!
What a wonderful thing for our girls!!!
How so? How can it affect them? 🤨
My dear Merian! You must know I am thinking of his reblogging from one of them!
Is that his design in blogging here?
Design? nonsense, how can you write so! But it is very likely that he may reblog from one of them, and therefore you must follow him as soon as his blog is online.
I see no occasion for that. You and the girls may follow him, or they may follow him by themselves, which perhaps will be still better for them, for as you are as clever as any of them he might reblog most from you of the party.
My dear, you flatter me. I certainly HAVE had my share of cleverness, but I do not pretend to be anything extraordinary now. When a woman has five grown-up mutuals, she ought to give over thinking of her own reblog counts.
In such cases, a woman has not often much of a reblog count to think of.
im fucking crying
SY: And you wanna know the thing that kills me the most?! Your writing had so much story potential— you clearly show you can world build well, and your characterization of Bingge was fascinating. Even your prose was similar to ‘Dawn of the Red Mountain’, which won awards!! Clearly you know how to write well, but you’re such a fucking coward you never commit!!!!
SQH: Wait you read ‘Dawn of the Red Mountain’? As in critically acclaimed novel ‘Dawn of the Red Mountain’? By author Xiang Fei?
SY: Yes, though you clearly didn’t or you would know how to write male leads with complex relationships to papapa and strong platonic relationships.
SQH: BITCH IM XIANG FEI. PUT THAT UP YOUR ASS AND BOUNCE, YOU’RE DICK RIDING FOR ME!!!
#myshane was a late talker. Like really late, like almost 5 years old and never spoke once late. Yuna and David were a bit worried about it but it’s not like he didn’t communicate at all, just not with spoken words. He could clearly understand what was going on around him, he nodded or shook his head when he needed to, he pointed at things he wanted or needed, he could already read pretty reliably, he just. Didn’t talk. They made a concerted effort to speak to him like a person, not just baby talk, and in both English and French, in the hopes that he’d understand both languages better, even if he wouldn’t or couldn’t speak them.
They were starting to get concerned about how he’d do when he started kindergarten in the fall, there had been a few late night conversations about if they should find a speech therapist if he was still non-speaking by the time he started school, but one day after they’re driving home from a Centaurs game, Shane suddenly pipes up from his carseat in the back,
“Mama, Daddy, I wanna be a hockey player when I grow up.”
It’s so unexpected that David slams on the brakes and Yuna spills the remains of her ginger ale on her lap. They both whip their heads around to look at the small boy happily kicking his feet in the backseat wearing the jersey that looks more like a tent on him (he’ll go through a growth spurt in a month or two and it’ll fit just fine) who has no idea he just did anything special.
Turns out, he was just waiting until he was sure of his language abilities and found the right thing to say. After that, he happily chatted away in perfect English and perfect French, pointing out cool rocks or asking about interesting things he sees when he runs errands with his parents, or (to Yuna and David’s both horror and delight) chirping players when they watch hockey together, pointing out their weaknesses and mistakes and just generally talking shit, even at 5 years old.