Alternate Universe - No UTI’s

they/he

[forfawkssake]

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

[jonmoxleys]

sometimes it just ends up being something like

[onlyhereforthedrama]

ITS BACK

[dontleavemydreams-deactivated20]

lord 

[uhmgilinsky]

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

[forfawkssake]

Please stop reblogging this post

[myterribletwenties]

This post made my water break

[myterribletwenties]

In honor of my daughter’s first birthday next week, I’m sharing the post that made me laugh so hard that it broke my water.

[forfawkssake]

WHAT

[whitakerforever]

God, I love this accursed website.

[myterribletwenties]

Hey internet, the girl that was born from this post is 4 years old today (July 2 2021) also, the gif still makes me laugh. Happy Birthday, Marceline!!

[twomanyfandomshelp]

Happy July 2nd, 2024, guess Marceline is 7 now

[insufferable-yapper]

Happy July 2nd, 2025; she’s 8 now (5am for me)

[myterriblethirties]

Happy Birthday to my Marceline, 8 years ago today (July 2, 2025) she came into this world five days before her due date to see wtf was so funny 🤣 this post, like many other things, are on a long list of topics to discuss when she’s older lol

[brokenteardrops]

Happy 9th Birthday Little Marceline!!! (July 2 2026)

[myterriblethirties]

It’s July 2 2026 internet, help me wish a Happy Birthday to my brilliant and beautiful 9 year old, Marceline! I’ve shown her (most of) the comments and she says “thank u internet 😁😁”

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

[anais-ninja-bitch]

unrestrained summer fun

[hotvampireadjacent]

https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw

[littlemisspipebomb]

ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.

[baronfulmen]

"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.

Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.

Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.

We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."

I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.

[strawberry-crocodile]

like fundamentally the concept of the femboy is what a transmisogynistic society wants out of transfems- for us to be skinny, white, and young, for us to put the maximum effort into passing but to still maintain and affirm the sexgender binary by identifying with our agab. and, of course, to be sexually available. they want us to do that or die.

[strawberry-crocodile]

the idea of a young transfem finding this as her only option, her shaving meticulously and spending an hour a day doing makeup and voice training and cutting her weight, and after all that to not even ask to be respected as anything but a submissive sex object thats still Biologically Male... harrowing. surely some people are happy that way but...

[eroscestlavie]

when you’re a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isn’t really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile you’ve been “single” for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now you’ve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because you’re lions.) 

[finalgrrrl]

no woman should ever have to explain why she doesnt do something to her body.... 'why don't you wear makeup?' 'why don't you shave?' like. thats what i look like. idk what to tell you

[blondie-in-the-zone-deactivated]

[psychotrope777]

fuck it really has like almost the exact cadence

[soncee]

Water tribe siblings !!!

[corantus]

locked the fuck in get my money up

[skoomabong]

[thenwearedecided]

fuckkkk my sacrificial lamb has started hanging out with the scapegoat

[bidulgie]

A goth and her ghost boyyy

Close ups! <3

[mothmanmagicalboy]

no sorry i dont really use instagram, i can contact you via ouija board, spirit box, fluctuations in temperature, flickering lights, and certain rituals. i am also on tumblr.

[valleythey]

what if greg heffley had the death note

[polyel]

He would open a phone book and just start writing

[audrey-molinatti-art]

My new sticker destroy godzilla!!!! i redraw a meme with my artstyle ( soon i ll post a catalogue of my print with prices if you want to support me) i love how it came up

[haunted-skitty-doll]

So I screwed up the proposal minigame

[jan-seni]

[queerofthedagger]

the fun thing about having a mental health crashout in your thirties is that sure yeah you're crashing out, but at the same time there's a part of you standing across the room smoking ben affleck style, going yeah yeah you're crashing out. you crashed out before you will crash out again can we wrap this up yet. and the most annoying part about it is that they're right, and that that does Not stop you from crashing out even a little. love and light on planet earth.

[queerofthedagger]

me, strongly dissociating, staring into space:

cunt-ass part of my brain swigging whiskey from across the room: yeah yeah you're not real we get it. that's not gonna get the dishes done and the trash taken out tho is it 🤨

[slowpumpkins]

Godzilla