A song getting me through today --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFFberbflbU
Pre-explanation: what am I counting down to you ask?
My imminent demise via marim A week long marimba seminar in Texas that a year ago I thought I could only ever dream about? I’ll just be hyperventilating over here as I wait it out. It actually hooks into the topic for this post, which I’m posting early as I have a concert tonight and probably wouldn’t get around to doing this once it’s finally over.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my time here in University is how to step out of your box, push yourself, and test your own limits (safely of course).
In high school, for a multitude of reasons I was chronically shy with not many friends, and with a lot of cold opinions about the world and it’s people, although I kept them to myself for fear of being judged. My idea of college was like one of those Disney Channel show nightmare sequences where the worst case scenario was always the most likely one.
And when I graduated and came here, I started out the same way, and began to wonder if this was the kind of person I was slated to be.
“It wouldn’t be bad”, I would think, “being invisible most of the time. Being just good enough to get by.”
When my sophomore semester rolled around, I got socked in the face with a sack of bricks in the form of a few professors and a group of friends (who are all wild enough to get their own posts soon enough) who thought I was capable of more and wouldn’t take no for an answer in terms of getting to know me and my life.
Like, actual video footage VVV
In all seriousness though, as I studied and I worked, I gradually began to have some confidence in myself and my abilities. So when Summer came and the ideas of summer camps and auditions began rolling around the department, I took a leap of faith and auditioned for a Broadway pit camp in New York.
With 25 seats available to the country, I sent in a couple videos and references and ended up getting a seat, which my school paid for. That week was one of the most memorable of my life, and through all that fear and near crippling anxiety, a new me came into existence. Someone who could navigate on her own, who could share her talents with the world, and who wasn’t afraid of being judged by anyone, because anyone who cared wouldn’t matter anyway.
With all the tools in hand, my first time ever travelling on my own anywhere was a trip to New York City, where I stayed for a week, and learned more about myself than I ever would have if I had chickened out and stayed at home. I came back a changed person, and felt at least 75% more equipped to deal with the challenges that used to cause me so much anxiety. I learned how to open up to people, how to manage my nerves, and how to interact with the world on a new level. As a reward for my courage, I got to watch the Lion King on Broadway from inside the pit! That’s something I wouldn’t trade for any amount of money or comfort.
Now, learning about yourself and pushing your limits doesn’t have to be some big extravagant trip. It can be joining a new ensemble, reaching for a new piece of music you never thought you’d be able to play. It doesn’t even need to be music related: Trying a new activity. Wearing a two piece bathing suit (something I did yesterday that was almost as terrifying as trying to navigate JFK airport on my own) at the beach? Eating a new food? The possibilities are endless if you don’t limit yourself.
I came back full of ambition and aspirations, which brings us full circle to my countdown to a marimba seminar at a school that a year ago I wouldn’t have laid eyes on because I thought “How could I possibly be worthy? How could I ever be ready for that?”
A friend told me the answer to that is the fact that we’re never ready. You can only do the best you can, and use what you have when it gets here.
Am I ready to go to graduate school? No.
Am I ready to go to this camp and find out if this is really what I want to do with my life? No.
But I will do the best I can. If anyone out there was looking for perfection, we wouldn’t have schools. They’re looking for someone willing to learn, which is just about the best thing I can give them.
So take your risks, get out of yourself, don’t let life pass you by. Think of all the fun stories you could tell your kids and grandkids! Aspire to be the cool grandma/grandpa. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.
theartofmadeline
romaincrisis
