The Millennial Who Gave No Fucks: A Fairytale
Once upon a time there was a poor, starving millennial who lived in a great town on the edge of a fearsome forest. This millennial had once been rich in fucks, and given them freely and generously to both friends and strangers, but then a bunch of garbage happened and life is bullshit and the US election and have you even *seen* the job market these days, and now she had not a fuck to give left in the world. And this millennial decided one day to venture into the dark forest to seek her fortune, because might as well, why the fuck not, better than sitting at home scrolling endlessly through tumblr and failing to do laundry.
She had been walking a goodly while and she was kind of tired, but also her sleep cycle was all fucked to shit so who even fucking knows, when she came across a Wise Fairy at a crossroads in the woods.
“Hey you,” said the Wise Fairy, “come give a fuck about this thing over here.”
“Sorry,” said the millennial, “I have literally no fucks to give.”
“No, but have you seen this thing? You are societally obligated to give a fuck about it.”
“Look, I don’t know what to tell you, man,” the millennial said, “but the well of fucks has run dry. I got nothing.”
“Ahhh!” said the Wise Fairy, revealing herself in her true and radiant form, “Then you shall go on a great quest to the Mountains of Emotional Labour to find and placate the dryad of the Well of Fucks, so that the Well may flow freely with fucks once again.”
“Okay, first of all, that was a metaphor,” the millennial said, “I don’t know how you missed that. Second of all, I would honestly just settle for a job with benefits that didn’t require bullshit amounts of impossible-to-get experience, and maybe a beer.”
Then the Wise Fairy waxed wroth. “For your apathy and lack of gumption, I hereby turn you into this loathsome toad!” she cried, and with a wave of her magic wand, the transformation was complete.
“Are you not ashamed?” the Wise Fairy demanded
“My dude,” said the millennial, “I feel like you fundamentally misunderstand the concept of not having any fucks to give,” and with that, she hopped down the road into the dark forest.
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