Andulka
Cosimo Galluzzi
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
roma★
tannertan36
cherry valley forever
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Origami Around
izzy's playlists!
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YOU ARE THE REASON
shark vs the universe
Discoholic 🪩
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Today's Document
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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@titowam
Fun Fact: The Sims originally had levels! In the 1998 version of the game, there are four levels in which you achieve goals to move on to the next level.
Level 1: The Accident
Level 2: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Level 3: The Kiss
Level 4: The Money Pit
yeah mom im ok i just dont want to be alive haha
it’s almost 2014 and “nekci menij” is on my dashboard
DM: so, you are on the peaceful land of…. whatever the fuck,
Player 1: wait. The continent we are on is Whatever The Fuck?
DM: no, I just don’t have a name for it yet-
Player 2: THE LAND IS CALLED DA FACK
DM: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK IT. YOU LIVE IN DA FACK AND YOU ARE IN DA FACKIN BAR SIPPIN DA FAKIN BEER AND LISTENING TO DA FAKIN MUSIC!
Stayin' Alive
DM: Okay (My Wizard) you’re still down. Roll for death saves.
Me: *Rolls a 13*
Me: (To the tune of the Bee-Gees) Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Sta-bilize, Sta-bilize. Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Stabiliiiiiize
DM: That is…
Druid: That is such a bad joke…
DM: Hold on I’m going to look up rules for anti-inspiration.
I’m planning a short campaign and I made a world as well as a map. While my friends were working on character sheets, I stopped to take a break and play a game with another friend of mine. During this, one of my players was messaging me if I could get back into our discord call and look at roll20.
When I came back, I said: “I feel like a mom coming back to my kids and everything’s on fire.”
Their first reply was: "Just so you know, Azzy didn’t take any part in this and it was all us.“
Name Changer
(We we’re in a building that canceled out our magic and our sorcerer just killed a Minotaur with a crossbow)
Sorcerer- (excitedly proud) “I blow the smoke off my crossbow”!
Gunslinger- “That’s not how that works!”
Gunslinger OOC- I blow crossbow-“ (meant to say rifle but misspoke)
Monk- “I change my name to crossbow”
Racist Salt
Our Half-Orc Barbarian Emlee (me) has inadvertently become the godhead of some Kuo-toa, magical fish people who’s faith is slowly giving Emlee fish-like traits (scales on her face, yellow bulgy eyes, etc.). She is very upset about this.
Upon searching an old underground fort, they find something in a closet.
DM: It looks like a big bag of salt.
Barbarian: I’ll just touch a little and taste it to see.
DM: You put your finger in and it BURNS.
Barbarian: WOW NOT SALT YOU GUYS.
Monk: I’m going to load a pouch of whatever it is.
Wizard: Can I investigate it? *rolls successfully*
DM: You’re pretty sure it’s salt.
*Others all touch it and are fine and realize it really is salt.*
Cleric: OH MY GOD IS IT BECAUSE YOURE A FRESH WATER FISH?
Barbarian: I’m a half orc, it could be that! You don’t know! This salt is racist.
Monk: I’m writing ‘racist salt’ in my inventory.
*A few minutes later I’m another closet.*
Barbarian (sulkily): Whats I’m here? Racist pepper?
when my mom tells me to make my own food
dont you just hate it when you get stuck inside a calzone
3 years later, what the fuck was i smoking
A short summary of TV’s Desperate Housewives.
“I’m gonna do the stabby stabby.”
Our drow thief whenever the DM asks them how they’re going to attack (via yourplayersaidwhat)
Cooking and Baking Hacks
That last one is DANGEROUS. I do not need this much power.
^This
Ok, sorry, but I have to reblog this! Definitely trying out the cake mix one!
I’ve been doing the cake mix one for a while ( this post opened my eyes) they taste home made ! My husband is amazed ! I haven’t told him anything, just take the praise 😂
life hack
what in gods name
(We are exploring a sewer.) DM: “As you walk down the hallway, you hear a clacking noise, like hard stuff on hard stuff.” Player: “It’s two dicks.” DM: “It is not two dicks. It is in fact a dick’s worst enemy, a whole family of crabs.”
( Context: our monk has convinced a bartender half orc to put on a pair of jorts )
Dm: the half orc removes his pants to put on the jorts, he has no underwear
Paladin: I ROLL FOR DICK SIZE
Monk, Cleric, gunslinger, and Druid: SAME
Dm: uh ok sure….
Paladin: nat 20 Cleric:18 Gunslinger: 19 Druid: 19 Monk: 17
Dm: …..ok fuck so it’s 15 inches, moderately veined, 6 inches thick, uncut, and with the nat 20 you can tell that when hard it grows to 20 inches
Everyone starts cheering
[The party has just killed several cultists that ambushed them.]
Rogue: “I’m gonna sit on this guy and search his body.”
[Rolls a nat 1 investigation.]
DM (me): “You begin searching the body, looking for anything of value. You find what feels like a pouch of gold in his pocket. As you begin squeezing it to see how much is in there, you realize… this is not a pouch of gold.”
Our very gay cleric: “It is to me!”
