you only have to die

Hi. I'm Rachel. Nice to meet you.

[seymour-butz-stuff]

[sharkangelic]

The Ring: If I had a quarter for every time a hobbit picked me up, I’d have two quarters.  The Ring: Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[markwateneymemorialcrater]

Of all the bearers of Sauron’s ring, 4 of them were hobbits.

[markwateneymemorialcrater]

I was wrong. It’s 5. Not 4

The lineage of ring bearers is as follows.

Sauron.

Isildur

Deagol

Sméagol

Bilbo

Frodo

Samwise

[kaispeakshermind]

I love how Deagol counts as a ring bearer even though he had it in his possession for all of like five seconds

[uberguber89]

He held it for the rest of of his life!

[animanightmate]

[Image description: Tweet by @banalplay saying “but something happened then that the ring did not intend. it was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, the same fuckin thing that just had it for like 500 years.” End Image Description.] Link to original here. Otherwise reblogging for the final rb there, which made me cackle.

[elidyce]

From the ring’s perspective:

1. Home, the finger of my creator and other self.

2. Well, I don’t like it but I can work with this. Cause some trouble, get some revenge, find my way home, this is fine.

3. What the fuck is you?

4. Right personality, wrong species, I don’t know what you are but I hate you and I don’t know why you’re so resistant to my powers.

5. NO NO NO there are goblins everywhere how did I find another one of THESE horrible things. This one’s even more resistant than the last one and also disgustingly nice. I suffer.

6. Listen, I’ll cooperate, just get me the fuck out of this hellhole full of small cheerful people my power doesn’t work on properly. No, not like that. I hate you. Please stop. 

7. FUCK

8. (Frodo again) I still hate you with every molecule of my mortal form but at least you’re not number seven. Think I’m starting to get through finally. 

9. (Smeagol again) YES it’s you I actually missed you now get me back to the Master and NO FUCK NO I HATE YOOOOUUUUU…. *fzt* 

[kiwivee]

[kelssiel]

you CHAIN The One Ring?! you chain it like the prisoner?! oh! OH! trauma! deep psychological trauma for hobbits for One Thousand Years!

[nudityandnerdery]

Been a rough couple days for one of our favorite cats, send Miette some good thoughts.

[officiallordvetinari]

TREMENDOUS news

[gunsandfireandshit]

“You dose Miette??

You make her have psychedelic experience like the hippie??

Shame! Shame on Lizard!”

[missmollyetc]

Everybody who wears The One Ring in LOTR starts to refer to it as ‘My Precious,’ and Tolkien’s right that is super creepy, but what I really love is that everybody does it, which says to me that this super powerful scary evil sentient ring has a favorite pet name and just, like, will not respond to anything else.

[swilmarillion]

Hey uhh @piyo-13 you cant hide brilliance like these in the tags

[piyo-13]

look i’m just saying, even as educated as frodo is, would he really KNOW the true name of sauron? like shit, of any of the elves left in middle earth by the time the events of LotR actually happen, only círdan and galadriel are old enough to remember that sauron existed in valinor (not counting old sindarin/avari elves because iirc sauron was never called mairon on the shores of ara [except possibly by melkor wink wonk]), let alone what his name was. so to everyone in ME, he’s always been sauron, and there’s no connection to “precious” in any linguistic sense… but mairon remembers.

[swilmarillion]

no you’re a hundred percent right!! no one would know, and it wouldn’t make sense to anyone except maybe Gandalf, but that shredded little piece of sauron’s souls remembers

[marithlizard]

Oh, wow.   

[scarletjedi]

this is why i love lotr fandom. this right here

[shaelit]

so what you’re saying is there’s a tiny piece of sauron’s soul tucked smug into the Ring just going around introducing itself as “i’m babey”

[tuulikki]

This post has justified every second of every minute, hour, and collective day I have ever spent on Tumblr. It was all worth it for this.

[thatscarletflycatcher]

We joke about the neovictorianism that wearing masks brings about, but yesterday one of my students pulled his mask down to drink some water, and the girl sitting beside him exclaimed: "I have never seen your mouth before!" and he blushed and covered his mouth with his hand.

It was just... iconic.

[princessscrambledpancakes]

kinda gay to dislike masks ngl. what do you want to see other men’s mouths for? to kiss them?

[goodatyugioh]

me walking into the animal shelter: hi id like the stupidest cat you have

[goodatyugioh]

sometimes my cat won’t eat her dinner so i thought i was tricking her into eating by putting a few treats on it but she’s actually tricked me into feeding her treats and i want a stupider cat

[amodevotee]

Literally what I said to the woman at the shelter. I want the dumbest cat you have

Look at him, he’s got no brain cells. You can hear the elevator music playing in his empty skull. I love him

[goodatyugioh]

you look into this animals eyes and you can tell absolutely nothing is going on in there i am so happy for you

[somekidinacoma]

His tag says “Long Boy Bob” 😂😂

[joyfultimetravelbanana]

Reblog= equals one pat For long boy bob

Like= more cat treats 

[defective-replicant-deactivated]

my son,,,, he has,, poo brain

[33v0]

what is it about capybaras that attracts groups of small animals to them? Its not just mammals either its like birds and turtles and frogs too

[33v0]

look at this shit

They radiate peace

[transfemininomenon]

capybaras are friend shaped

[gaylor-moon]

I love this post

[cantavier]

This is actually a cool thing I know about!

In the wild capybaras live in large groups so naturally a female capybara will take care of not only her own offspring, but all of the other offspring in the group. So capybaras are super great mothers who will adopt pretty much anything and take care of it.

Lots of places that rescue different animals will give a group of baby animals to a capybara to raise if they have one.

Like puppies

Ducks

Deer

Emus

They are just super calm animals so they’re naturally great at mothering or just existing in a group!

[screambirdscreaming]

mom shaped

[medusaceratops-deactivated20210]

Hey while you're loving elephants: Denver Zoo has two teenage boy elephants and one Old Man Elephant named Groucho, and lately they've had the lads housed with him so he can teach them Proper Elephant Manners like how bulls raise teenage boy elephants in the wild. Bull elephants are apparently very into being parents but due to the matriarichal nature of most herds, they really only get to raise calves after they've hit puberty. My point is, one of the boys was being annoying and chasing rabbits so Groucho came up and jabbed him in the ass with a tusk, the lad ran around the enclosure crying then came back and did a lot of "I'm sorry I'll be good now dad" fawning and it was adorable.

OH MAN SEE SEE SEE i wish we knew so much more about how bull elephants interact with herds and families - we've documented bull elephants traveling to matriarchal herds and fake wrestling with male calves, and we've documented bulls protecting orphaned calves, but in god's name i want every in and out about it. everything we know about elephant social interaction is not enough. it's a Thing that introducing old bulls to a population lowers the amount of younger bulls in musth, also known as the state in which bull elephants desire nothing but murder and possibly sex, but - i want to know the precise mechanisms. old bull elephants teaching younger bulls manners renders me VERKLEMPT. i just wanna know every secret elephants have.

this is incredible though. peak teenage boy. groucho has his hands full and i fucking love him for that. get their asses, groucho.

[gallusrostromegalus]

So from what I understand, as remembered from nature programs and the zookeeper lecture, is that Old Bulls reduce the violence i young bulls by putting them through Elephant Finishing School.

This is better documented in African Elephants than asian ones because they're easier for elephant biologists to observe by the means of 'sitting on top of a jeep and taking notes' but the general scope goes like this:

Elephant herds are largely matriarichal as both a means of protection- elephants have a long childhood and it's easier to protect calves in a group, AND as a socio-political means of sexual choice.

An African elephant is pregnant for nearly two years, then she spends at least 3-5 years with that calf completely dependent on her, so she only gets a few opportunities to have babies before she hits menopause, and it's a lot of damn work so she is naturally EXTREMELY picky about who she mates with. And if she's younger, her mom, sisters and grandmothers will also be real picky about who she mates with and WHEN too- can't go around risking a teenage pregnancy, especially not with asubstandard male. Elephants also have a pretty clear idea of what they want out of a Male too: they have a marked preference for Large, Old, Socially Adept Males. Large males are HEALTHY males with all thier bones in place and functioning digestive tracts. OLD males are healthy, have good intelligence to stay alive, and have good teeth. Socally Adept Males can make friends, get along with her whole family, won't engage in dangerous behaviors like trying to kill her calves or grandmothers. It's a good system that produces robust, intelligent and helpful calves.

This means however, that most female elephants are into Dilfs, or even Gilfs. Which is extremely frustrating when you are a horny teenage boy elephant, so they go a bit nuts with hormones and social isolation and get involved in teenage elephant gangs and do things like murder rhinos out of sexual and social frustration.

BUT! If there are Large, Old, Socially Adept males about, they like being parents too, but are largely pushed out of the role by the matriarichal herds and their strict group politics that exist to prevent unsuitable mating. So They turn thier attention to these violent orphans and like your beloved Batman go "I'm gonna parent the shit outta that."

They mostly do this by herding the Lads around, pointedly demonstrating Behaviors like "How to dig for roots so you don't starve" or "How to knock over a tree" or "Greeting a Matriach Properly so she doesn't sic her descendants on you", and disciplinary behaviors like "Jabbing naughty Lads in the ass with a tusk" and "Hitting you in the face with a branch until you STOP THAT" . This is WILDLY beneficial for the young males under thier tutelage, who are less likely to die of accidents, and start mating earlier because they've had a Suitable Gentleman make introductions for them, like they are fancy men at a regency-era ball being intoduced to the debutantes.

Imagine some Fine and Respectable DILF wandering around adopting teenage delinquents and spraying them in the face with a windex bottle full of vinegar until they learn how to be proper upstanding gentlemen and you're getting close.

[guilty-as-battery-charged-deact]

The Addams Family renting out rooms in their huge mansion cheaply to broke college students.

The students digging it because the craziness and the bugs are pretty much the same as any other dorm house. Also, Morticia and Gomez treat them all like visiting cousins, not like tenants to abuse and exploit. 

[guilty-as-battery-charged-deact]

One of the tenants is a creative writing major and Gomez and Morticia house them up in the tower because of the quiet and the inspiring view

They’re supposed to be working on a typical coming-of-age story but after living with the Addams for just a week the project is becoming a horror-Gothic-romance

They go to their room after classes one day and find Thing correcting the grammar errors in the manuscript with a red pen 

[specialstarfish]

and yeah, the students pay roughly market value for their rooms, but that doesn’t stop gomez from shouting “capital idea!” and handing them wads of cash when they tell him about their weekend plans or what they’re researching, so they basically end up living there for free

[gholateg]

In the same vein, half the them have to turn into exceptional fencers, because Gomez just doesn’t give a shit, and if he sees you in the library, its fucking Sword Fighting Time. 

Fester and Pugsley find out one of the college students is trying to get into chemistry and woo boy, there has never been a faster study of how to counter various acidic chemical reactions due to “water” balloons in campus history. 

Morticia and Grammy are keeping the horticulturalists on their toes with their Black Tulip/Rose hybrids, which can flick their barbs a foot away from their stem system. But it’s fine, one of the kids has managed to breed Aloe with the anti venom. 

Lurch makes sandwiches for everyone who’s too much of a coward for Grammy’s cooking. Any music major will find him looming over them, utterly stone faced as they practise until they finish, when he’ll smile, and slowly applaud. 

And the spookiest thing of all

Wednesday and Thing will find your thesis. They will critique it in every way imaginable. 

There is no escape. 

[aardvarkingmad]

I especially love the idea of Gomez spotting a student in the library, throwing a sword at a startled student, shouting, “En garde!” and lunging at him/her with a sword of his own.

Student (later in life), when asked how she jumps from quietly doing research to handling a sudden influx of ER cases so quickly and easily, says, “When you have to snap out of deep concentration on biochem to fight for your life then get back to biochem without losing your train of thought…you learn or you die.”

[soap-stains]

This has made me laugh so hard-

[tinygiantrobotsinouterspace]

And you know how chatty Gomez is when he fights, he’d probably help more students work through creative blocks via swordplay than any education counselor in a stuffy little office.

[breelandwalker]

Gomez Addams as the embodiment of the Rubber Duck Method for struggling students via surprise swordplay is directly on brand.

And I firmly believe that long-term residents who finish their degrees suddenly, mysteriously, find that their student loans have been paid off. The family attends every single graduation ceremony and claps and cheers for “their” students as boisterously as any parent. They make a particular point of doing so for the ones who have no other family in attendance.

[villainous-queer-deactivated202]

do u ever want something so bad that you can’t even write wish-fulfillment about it u just. cry. instead.

[swindle94]

I fucking CRY everytime I read these. Out of the good feels.

[mirdania]

there is not a single role chris pratt does that jack black couldn’t do better

[starkcontrasts]

facts

[teaboot]

You know what's wild?

Your body- like, the one you're existing as? Your mind prison?- it's not a wholly independant entity. It's an ecosystem. You're a bog that's self-aware

[teaboot]

Imagine if a swamp could telepathically communicate a desire for Chicago style deep dish and then just. Have it

[teaboot]

No wonder my stomach hates me, the fish are confused as fuck

[normal-horoscopes]

I just finished LOTR

Men of Rohan: The glories of war are only a means to an end. All I desire is the saftey of my people and peace for my country.

Eowyn: I want to murder orcs so badly it is making me physically ill.

[normal-horoscopes]

Eowyn, while holding Faramir’s hand and making eye contact with him: I am in love with a noble, strong, wise, but most of all kind man.

Faramir, nodding: Who wouldnt fall in love with Aragorn.

[normal-horoscopes]

Also, this isnt like a fun headcannon this is damn near a quotation. Eowyn was literally holding the dudes hands and staring into his eyes professing her love and the dumbass thought she was talking about Aragorn. He responded along the lines of “But Aragorn wont be back from the black gate for like a week, so in the meantime its nice to hang out and just look at how pretty you are”

I know its a meme but they really are the epitome of “Couple that shares one collective brain cell”

[normal-horoscopes]

Glaladriel: Aragorn why are there orcs in lothlorien who have you brought me this time I swear to god if you keep dragging trouble in- *she turns and sees the four hobbits, dwarf, and baby elf*

Galadriel: Nevermind I love them have some presents. 

Galadriel holding Gimli by the armpits: Babie..

[normal-horoscopes]

Gandalf: *Accidentally knocks over a glass of milk*

Gandalf: …

Gandalf: Somehow I am certain this is Peregrin Took’s fault.

[normal-horoscopes]

Hobbit Cop: You leave me no choice but to arrest you Samwise “Big Dick” Gamgee: Lol do it then

[normal-horoscopes]

Aragorn: We come to speak on beha-

Sauron’s Emmissary: I am very evil

Aragorn: Okay. Well, we come to nego-

Sauron’s Emmissary: I would totally kick your ass if my boss would let me

Aragorn: Look we-

Sauron’s Emmissary: Im so evil I don’t even have lips anymore

[lesbianshepard]

maybe one day there will a presidential election that doesn’t feel like a variation of the trolley problem. 

[weirdcultstuff]

Kinda wild how my parents have known me for longer than literally anybody else on the planet and they still haven’t unlocked the relationship levels that allow them access to information like what TV shows or music I enjoy, when some random guy at Walmart got there within ten minutes today

[valtsv]

the only 2 base designs for wizards are weird grandpa and twink

[valtsv]

for illustrative purposes

[woobifiedvillain]

The halfway point seems to include an element of dirt goblin.

Slightly left of center: dirt goblin grandpa

Slightly right of center: twink goblin with dirt flavor

[cherryandsisters-deactivated202]

[homofied]

[plumcurry-deactivated20240306]

I fucking love this video

[rangelssss]

i chokeddddd

[porterr-robinson]

[geekinglikeaboss]

the dogs reaction tells me this is a game they have played many many times and he can’t wait to provoke this dude into chasing him through the house

[willow-wanderings]

The split-second play bow the doggo does before he takes off really makes this whole video XD

[saccharinesinger]

Laika and me if only I were a tenor