Alien slams the door to their shared cottage closed with a look of horror on their face.
Human, drinking tea: "...So...the "megaherbivore related to cetaceans couldn't be that unsettling, huh?"
Alien: "Human-"
Human: "-I have a name-"
Alien: "Why did you not inform me of their ferocity? That...thing eats plant matter? It can unhinge it's jaw like a 'Kul'ak-valmir', and it's temperament is horrific!"
Human: "Yeaaah...[sips tea] hippos are no joke."
Alien: "A-And the-the speed! The speed of them! Nothing that weighs so much should be allowed to gallop so freely! How anything survives near their domicile is inconceivable!"
Human: "I'll tell ya how they survive...they don't. Fuck. With the hippo."
a beat. silence. a sip of tea. then-
Human: "They're also an invasive species."
Alien: "They what."
Human: "Yeah, a drug lord bought four of them and kept them in Colombia for a while. Then, after he died, they broke out. They almost got to two-hundred before the authorities got the greenlight to use euthanasia and sterilization on 'em. But there's still a few."
Alien: "I-why-what-"
Human: "You don't fuck with Pablo Escobar, either, clearly."
My boyfriend won’t stop talking to me about whether or not I would eat Pokémon steaks. We think maybe Mr. Mime steaks would have white meat and ooze a purple liquid. I feel like you’re the only one qualified to tell us more
listen the ONLY part of a mr mime thats edible are the red spots, and thats ONLY after being properly cooked - if you bite into any part of their body while its still raw youll suffer near immediate food poisoning
luckily, just like red kidney beans, the potential toxins are easily to remove provided you take the right steps
once theyve been safely removed from their inedible surroundings, the larger red spheres are ready to begin working with - its worth noting that the smaller spots on the hands and cheeks also fall into this category, but theyre almost always too small to be considered harvesting by most professionals
youll want to start by cutting away any flesh thats still directly touching the pale parts; when in doubt, a wider cut is always preferred. better safe than sorry ! one benefit of working with mr mimes is that, along with many others in their typing, their bodies are held together with physic energy and thus dont require deboning
the next part is going to require boiling in a large pressure cooker- some may find it a challenge to to find a pot big enough to host all the parts, so cooking them individually is fine. remember to follow the instructions to the letter
after theyve been removed and dried, an easy way to text if theyre safe to eat is to cut them in half and check the spongy center - a darkened purple core means theyve been boiled long enough, while any lighter, greenish tints means you probably needed a bit more time
once theyre out of the danger range, you can now safely use them in variety of dishes ! their almost mushroom-like texture means they absorb flavors well, and pictured above is one of my personal favorites
THIS guy though, you can just pop em into your mouth whole. its fine
Bruce Wayne beats the shit out of a Vampire!!! Not Clickbait!!!
SO, after Danny is adopted by the Batfam and they accept his Halfa Status, he gives them all their own special Fenton Deflector Badges that will prevent them from being overshadowed and lets them touch ghosts even while intangible
Of course Vlad finds out that his little Badger got adopted by an entirely separate Billionaire and wants to get revenge.
So one day, while Bruce is walking down the street, Vlad tries to overshadow him. He is hoping that he will be able to destroy Bruce’s public reputation and then sell himself Wayne Enterprises, making himself the richest man in the world and making Danny run to him instead.
What actually happens in that Vlad collides face first with Bruce’s back and is knocked to the ground. Bruce turns around, recognizes Vlad, and starts beating the everloving crap out of him.
And across the street, some people are recording it. It looks like a Looney Toons Sequence, with Bruce and Vlad fighting with a bench concealing their view, Vlad and Bruce appearing above a bench, with Vlad holding bruce in a chokehold before Bruce kicks him in the *redacted* and they both fall out of view again, Vlad trying to crawl away before Bruce drags him back behind the bench, Bruce standing up just in view above the bench, and then proceeding to deliver an Elbow Drop. Basically every comedic fight element you can think of.
The Video gets posted to Youtube and goes Viral within the day.
Danny has a GIF of Vlad trying to crawl away and getting dragged back as his Screensaver. The GIF if him getting kicked in the *redacted* is his Background.
Once the rumor spreads that Bruce Wayne is supplying blood for batman he has so many “accidents” with people falling into him and ripping his shirt to see his neck. After one incident the lady goes back to her friends to tell them sadly he didn’t have any bites. “The necks not the only place with juicy veins.” The ladies turn around to see a young black haired, blue eyed man standing behind them. He taps high up on the inside of his leg and gives them a wink before strolling away. In the other room Bruce has a shiver of danger crawl up his spine.
That same teen just staring at the ladies like “also. The neck is actually kinda a horrible place to bite to get blood because of how high the blood pressure in the artery is. It would create a mess and be very risky. I wouldnt be surprised if Batman was a smart enough vampire to not mortally kill his blood supplier. Especially with him being agaisnt killing” sips his smoothie.
Ladies: who even are you and why do you know?
Same black haired teen: lets just say that i know where dear old plasmius came from and we all know what to watch out for.
While thralls often do supply their vampires with blood, they can also serve other purposes such as defending and caring for their vampires territory.
Bruce Wayne runs several charities which cater to the well-being of Gotham’s people (which Batman has claimed just as much as the land), keeps Batman well sated enough that he shows no discernable urge to bite even in the middle of a fight, and very effectively laid the smackdown on an invading vampire before he could even find Batman. That is a prime quality thrall.
Any time B leaves Gotham after the news goes viral, other vampires are either trying to seduce him away from Batman (as Bruce) or challenge him for his claim to Bruce (as Batman). He is exasperated by all of this. He could get ordinary civilians coming up with this nonsense, but shouldn’t vampires be able to tell that Plasmius wasn’t a vampire? Or at least that Batman isn’t?
Just imagine the chaos and possibility for multicrossovers.
Vampires fighting Batman and/or trying to seduce Brucie.
We’ve already seen Batman beat up Dracula in that The Batman movie. Whom else can Batman take down without his vampire opponent realizing Batman is a human, and if they do realize will they be willing to admit it.
….
Tangent
…
Vlad tries to get back at Brucie by possessing a real vampire and one that Brucie would trust implicitly, Brucie’s lover Batman.
Let’s just say the second verse is the same as the first and Danny gets a new screen saver.
And with the Tibetan monk techniques he’s learned, he definitely knows how to use Hamon! It’s why he doesn’t smoke, so his lungs can be in top form! And eventually a stone mysterious stone mask makes its way to Gotham.
I should note that Rocky is Not beating up or throwing the soft rocky into the ocean (tho i totally understand why it looks like that lol). He's just running with it to get it out fo the dome as fast as possible, while also trying to keep it as far from Grace as possible while doing it lol
Also, Grace is safe! The asbestos becomes a problem if it starts breaking into little fibers that he could breath in. Since eridans use it as clothing, they probably do it in a way that it doesn't break down so easily (tho it would over time). But Grace didn't have it long enough for that to be a problem, but they want to get rid of it to make sure
However
At Grace's next birthday
Oh to be so loved that your friends go to all the work of finding a safe material that they can produce for the sole purpose of giving you comfortable touch
Danny had spent the last six years building something stable out of the Infinite Realms.
Which, honestly, still sounded ridiculous when he thought about it too hard.
At twenty years old, Danny Phantom was somehow the acting Leader of the Infinite Realms version of the League of Assassins, mediator of territorial disputes, protector of portals, the peacemaker, and — according to Frostbite — “a deeply beloved young lord.”
Danny personally thought that title lost meaning the third time he had to stop two eldritch entities from starting a war over haunted soup recipes.
Still, the system worked.
So Danny did his rounds.
Checking territories. Listening to complaints. Solving problems before they became catastrophes.
And unfortunately, that included Walker’s Prison.
The prison loomed in the distance like a rusted beast made of iron and misery. Chains rattled endlessly somewhere in the fog while ghosts scattered out of Danny’s way the moment they spotted him.
Walker himself appeared almost immediately.
“Lord Phantom,” Walker greeted stiffly, eye twitching like it physically pained him to be respectful.
Danny gave him a lazy salute. “Walker. Any riots? Escape attempts? Illegal soul harvesting rings?”
“Only three this week.”
Danny snorted quietly and continued walking through the massive prison halls, half-listening as Walker listed updates about inmates, contraband, and a smuggling operation involving cursed playing cards.
Then Danny stopped dead.
His body just… halted.
Like every instinct he had suddenly slammed into a wall.
Down in the cafeteria, surrounded by dead warlords, failed tyrants, and extradimensional criminals, sat a living human.
An older man with sharp green eyes and a white streaks in dark hair, perfect posture despite the prison uniform.
Danny’s core went ice cold.
Walker noticed immediately. “Lord Phantom?”
Danny didn’t answer at first.
Because there was no way.
No fucking way.
But Danny knew that face.
He remembered that face looking down at him with complete indifference.
He remembered being ten years old and realizing, in those final moments, that this man had never loved him at all.
“…Walker,” Danny said quietly.
Walker straightened.
“Who,” Danny asked with terrifying calm, “is the Mortal?”
“Oh. Ra’s al Ghul,” Walker answered. “Imprisoned for the illegal misuse and contamination of Lazarus Waters across multiple realms.”
Danny stared.
Then he laughed.
It was sharp. Breathless. Wrong.
Several nearby ghosts immediately pretended they had somewhere else to be.
“Oh,” Danny murmured. “Oh, this is rich.”
His eyes flared green.
Not the bright, clean ectoplasmic green most ghosts associated with Phantom.
This was darker.
Sickly.
The color of corrupted Lazarus Waters.
Walker took one instinctive step backward.
Every survival instinct he had developed over centuries screamed at him to leave immediately and pretend he had never seen anything.
Unfortunately, it was his prison.
Phantom started walking again.
Slowly.
The cafeteria quieted almost immediately as inmates noticed him approaching. Conversations died mid-sentence. Trays stopped moving.
Ra’s looked up at the disturbance with visible annoyance.
Then confusion.
Because the being walking toward him looked young, young enough to be almost insulting.
Tall now, broad-shouldered, clad in black and white with space itself curling unnaturally through the edges of his aura — but still young.
And furious.
“Ra’s al Ghul,” Phantom said pleasantly.
The room went still at the tone.
“Well,” Phantom continued, smiling without warmth, “this is a surprise.”
Ra’s narrowed his eyes. “Should I know you?”
Phantom’s smile widened.
“You know,” Phantom said conversationally, “that answer honestly hurts my feelings a little.”
Ra’s opened his mouth, but he never got to speak.
One second he was sitting down.
The next, his face slammed into the metal cafeteria table hard enough to crater it.
The sound echoed through the entire prison.
Several inmates screamed.
One ghost in the back dropped his lunch tray and whispered, “Oh, thank Ancients it’s not me this time.”
Phantom had Ra’s pinned before anyone could react, one hand twisted into the man’s hair while his other pressed him against the ruined table.
“Don’t worry,” Phantom called casually over his shoulder. “I’ll fix the table later.”
Walker stared at the destroyed table.
“…You always say that.”
“I usually mean it.”
Ra’s struggled violently beneath him. Phantom barely had to use force anymore. Twenty years old in human age meant very little when his existence had become something vast and ancient enough to make lesser ghosts instinctively lower their heads around him.
Phantom shoved Ra’s to the floor instead.
Hard.
Then planted a boot against his throat.
The entire cafeteria watched in horrified silence.
Because Phantom was kind.
Phantom negotiated treaties.
Phantom gave second chances.
Phantom once sat through a forty-hour mediation between two warlords because one had allegedly “stolen the other’s emotional support leviathan.”
This?
This was something else.
Phantom looked down at Ra’s with open hatred.
Not rage.
Not blind fury.
Hatred aged over ten long years.
Carefully preserved.
“Walker,” Phantom said calmly, never taking his eyes off Ra’s, “how much money would it take to transfer custody of this inmate to me?”
“What?”
Phantom finally glanced back. “I asked how much.”
Walker blinked.
Then blinked again.
Because somehow that was the part that disturbed him most. Phantom — the paragon of individual rights and resident goodie-two-shoes — would never ask something like, "How much money do you want for him?" as if this were a slave market.
Pointdexter slowly raised a hand from one of the cafeteria tables. “Uh… Lord Phantom? Respectfully? What the fuck is happening?”
Phantom ignored him.
Ra’s finally managed to rasp out, “Who… are you?”
Phantom stared at him.
Actually stared.
And his grip tightened slightly against Ra’s throat.
"Seriously? You don't recognize me even after all the hints I gave you?" Phantom mocked. "Don't you remember how you treated me? Like a punching bag? Like a spare? Don't you remember putting your foot on my neck until I died, only to use my body like some twisted kind of footrest?!"
Ra’s went still.
Walker’s expression changed instantly.
“Oh,” Pointdexter whispered faintly.
Phantom’s voice never rose.
That somehow made it worse.
“No,” he breathed, face going pale.
Recognition finally hit him.
“Oh,” Phantom mocked quietly, smiling. “There it is.”
“…Tariq?”
The name sounded wrong coming from him.
Phantom’s eyes glowed violently green.
“Don’t.” The word cracked through the cafeteria like thunder. “You don’t get to say my name like you know me, grandfather.”
I could feel the anger as I kept reading this! I’m so glad I read this alone because if I had read this with any other people around, they would’ve gotten scared at how loud and how angry I sounded! I fucking love hellish retribution!
And Sydney Pointdexter is definitely gonna come and visit Phantom one day to have an emotional chat with him and just be there for him.
Yknow the lil fanfic trope where a character, usually non-human, purrs like a cat. In this case it would obviously be Rocky but what if it was Grace instead hear me out-
I see your “Rocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans can’t hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words mean” and raise you “Rocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that ‘bad bad bad’ isn’t actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.”
Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rocky’s been saying is “shit shit shit”.
John: Love. Love. You have to come pick me up. Quickly. Please.
Zatanna: What? But I thought you got along with Bruce.
John: I do! But normally, I have access to my magic when I'm on a loony adventure with Bruce. Normally, I can portal out when things get scary! Please, you have to come get me.
Zatanna: John, I can't go pick you up. I'm traveling the world to find the ingredients to lift your curse.
John: I know the plan was for me to stay with Bruce so he and his family could protect me while you broke my Magic-sealing curse, but Zatanna... these people are weird. I don't feel safe.
Zatanna: Is this because Bruce said you're not allowed to drink in his home? You can go to bars-
John: No. Its not the drinking or the smoking or the awkward crush I have on Bruce and his butler-
Zatanna: What?
John: Zatanna, it's the Ghost King posing as a child. He calls Bruce "Dad" because Bruce adopted him! And Bruce has no idea!
Zatanna doubtful: The Ghost King? The most feared individual in the multiverse is posing as Bruce's kid without Bruce's knowledge? The same Bruce that used Math to beat a god half a year ago?
John: I tried to tell him, but Bruce just laughed and said Danny was his only civilian child. He won't listen to me! None of them will!
Zatanna: Uh-huh. And how old is this Danny?
John: He claims his only fourteen but I know better.
Zatanna: What does he look like?
John: Like the face of evil.
Zatanna: Let me guess. Evil has dark black hair, and blue eyes with a tragic backstory that just needed a safe place to call home?
John: Yes but-
Zatanna: Look, I'm really busy right now. I have to haggle the soul of a never-touched-by-sunlight shrimp from a mermaid merchant- who I know is trying to cheat me!- and I don't have time to listen to you freak out about one of the Waynes kids.
John: No! No you're not listening! He's the Ghost King!
Zatanna: He's a Wayne. That bloodline and anyone adopted into that bloodline, are weird but harmless.
John: Please pick me up. Save me.
Zatanna: John, I can't. Treat this as a vacation. Bruce will let you spend whatever money you want, and since its Bruce, I'll give you permission to try to get him in a throuple with us or just you for a little fun.
John: .....I want that so much but Danny-
Zatanna: Is harmless. Bruce comes with kids, and yeah, all his kids are weird, especially that first one. I don't trust his bubbly personality- I know there is rage underneath that circus upbeat boyish glee. Terrible rage. But that doesn't mean you're in danger there.
John: Zatanna please- *gasp* The Ghost King is watching me from the upstairs window. He's knows im trying to escape.
Zatanna: Are you outside? Good! Go for a walk. Bruce has a lovely forest surrounding his Manor-
John: A walk?! In the woods!? Where the Ghost King can get me alone!? Do you want me to vanish with a trace!?
Zatanna sighing: Nevermind.
Mermaid: I don't have all day. I have other customers and a business to run. Are you giving me your hair or not?
Zatanna: I got to go John.
John: No! PLEASE! Z, PICK ME UP-
Zatanna hanging up and pointing at the mermaid: For the last time I am not shaving my head!
Mermaid: Do you want the soul of a shrimp that has never seen sunlight or not!?
Zatanna: That is not worth ten years of growing out this amount of hair! I can give you my bangs.
Mermaid: Bangs!? Those aren't bangs- they're barely long enough to cover that whale-sized forehead!
Alfred: Master Bruce, what's that under your shirt?
Bruce: Nothing. This is just big on me and it looks bulky because of that.
Alfred: Lift up your shirt, then.
Bruce: I'd rather not.
Alfred: Why not?
Bruce: Its a cold night and I-
Bruce's bulky shirt: *moves*
Alfred: ....
Bruce: .....Can I keep him?
Alfred: Did you find an animal you want to keep as a pet? Master Bruce, you don't have to sneak the poor thing in like this. You could have just ask and I would have gladly allowed it. Where did you find it?
Bruce: ....In a cardboard box, floating down the river. Someone wrote "This is where you belong for stealing our son, exto-scum" on it. I couldn't let him drown.
Alfred: People are horrible. I'm proud of you for helping. Is it a cat or a dog?
Bruce's shirt: *baby wails*
Alfred: *freezes*
Bruce slowly lifts his shirt to show the crying baby strapped to his chest: It's a boy. He'sNameIsDanny.
Alfred: Wha-
Bruce: *Throws blue confetti into his face from his pocket* IT'S A BOY!
Danny: *Baby laughter*
Alfred: Agh! You little shit- did you pocket sand me!?
Bruce running to his room: He'sMyNewBabyBrotherPleaseDon'tHurtMe.
Alfred: You can't pick up a baby and claim it's your brother! Master Bruce!
Unbeknownst to all, Danny is (unwillingly) taken in under Red Hood's wing (ha). Pre-Red Hood reveal, Damian is the only one who knows Jason is alive.
Seems Jason took a page out of Bruce's book on kidnapping adoption
pt. 2 to this post. More to come!
Warnings: vulgar language
--
Danny stared down at the bullet hole in the floorboard scornfully.
A reminder of his imprisonment.
Sure, he could technically leave anytime. There was a door he could literally walk through. Or even the floor. The ceiling. The window.
So many routes of escape.
And yet…
“Stay here, twerp,” Danny said mockingly, standing up from his pout on the couch. (ha! That rhymed) “You’ll get killed out there, dumbass.” He grumbled. “Yeah, well, jokes on you, jackass, I’m already dead.”
Realistically, Danny knew Red Hood couldn’t actually do any lasting damage with his guns. He’s been shot by much worse.
But Red Hood seemed the type to find a way to maim you in about 101 different ways and cuss you out in about 40 different languages if you so much as looked at him wrong.
Ghost half be damned, if Danny didn’t listen, there would be hell to pay.
Not to mention– this was Red Hood’s haunt. Danny couldn’t exactly do as he pleased.
“If I’m going to be stuck here, then I at least get to raid his kitchen,” Danny said as he opened the cupboards.
Dust and stale corn flakes.
Cheesecurds.
The fridge was slightly more promising. The milk was more like Oobleck, and the kale salad looked a bit like Blob Ghost. The freezer, though, offered the holy grail.
Ice cream.
Danny pulled a few out, looking at their names and flavors. All seemed to be Justice League themed.
Dark Knight Delight - dark chocolate fudge, espresso swirls, brownie bites
Golden Lasso Caramel - honey caramel, vanilla bean, gold sprinkles
Mind Melt Mint - Peppermint fudge, brownie bits
Up, Up & A-Sundae - vanilla, blue raspberry swirl
Danny snorted at the names. Grabbing Mind Melt Mint, he wondered what an ice cream themed after him would be. Maybe Death Breath. Something with mint and ectoplasm. Or maybe EctoScum.
Cause you know.
Ghosts are illegal.
Honestly, fuck the government.
Superman and Martian Manhunter are immigrants, and they’re not being hunted down.
(Does being half dead qualify someone as having dual citizenship? Asking for a friend)
Danny's just trying to live his half-life without being torn apart molecule by molecule. Did no one get the 'rest in peace' memo?
Then again… Superman is the poster boy for good behavior. Everyone loves him.
And Martian Manhunter is just the coolest.
Maybe Danny should put that bed sheet cape back on and puff out his chest.
That’ll convince him he’s not scum.
Totally.
But first, he’ll have to leave Red Hood’s apartment.
Ugh, but he still has to explain the whole ‘I know you’re dead’ thing.
He and his big mouth…
Some duct tape would solve that issue.
Ice cream first, though.
Danny nearly jumps out of his skin (literally) as the window opens with a loud Snap!
Before he could fully process what was happening, the walking, talking traffic light of a hero began his tirade.
“I have simply had enough, Akhi! Enough! Those– those imbeciles! I can’t even make it through patrol without being chastised like a child! Have they forgotten I was trained by the League of Assassins since birth? I am far superior to any of them! And that Timothy… That fool mocks me! Me! I am the one true blood son, and he seems to think his place within the team is more valuable than mine? He goes on and on about how he earned the title of Robin and how I came along and stole it from him. As if it were his in the first place! It was yours! And then he laughs as that Blonde girl pinches my cheeks to mock me… if it weren’t for Alfred’s warnings, he would have been dealt with months ago… Could you please go back to finish him? I simply cannot take–”
Danny took another slow bite from the ice cream tub as he watched Robin pace back and forth in the room. Clearly, he hasn’t realized Danny isn’t ‘Akhi’ (must be Red Hood. Doesn’t take a genius to make that conclusion).
Robin goes on for another five minutes until he stops to catch his breath. It was then that he stiffened and slowly turned towards Danny.
Busted.
Pulling the spoon from his mouth with a pop, Danny spoke: “Oof, Big L, my guy. Have you told them to like– I dunno– fuck off or something?”
After the Nasty Burger incident, Danny went to live with Vlad under the promise that he would change. And he did, for all of two months before Danny discovered a secret basement full of clones. All except one of them were unstable.
Thoroughly betrayed, Danny takes the one stable clone and puts the rest of them out of their misery. Then he heads to Gotham where the local billionaire has a habit of taking in black hair blued eyed orphans. Fight fire with fire right? Or in this case money with money.
Bruce was expecting many things when he woke up to an unknown presence in his bedroom. Assassins, one of the boys, one of Damian's pets; he hadn't been expecting a bedraggled looking teenager, holding a sleeping baby.
The teen appeared...distraught. Eyes rimmed with red, shoulders drawn tight, barely contained rage written in his clenched teeth.
But his hands were gentle where they held the child. Even though it was raining, the baby was completely dry, while the teen was soaking wet.
The windows had not been opened. The door had not been utilized. No alarms had been set off.
A meta.
A young, pissed off meta.
"Adopt him," the teen ordered, staring Bruce down.
Bruce raised his hands, showing that he wasn't a threat, and used that same movement to trigger a silent alarm.
"I know my reputation precedes me, but I don't actually take in every kid I-"
"-Shut up. Take him in, you're the only real option I've got. I have to hurry, I need to lay down a false trail or...just. Take the kid."
Unspoken words. The boy was hiding from someone, trying to hide the baby from someone. He himself had no intention to stay. He felt the danger was bad enough that a "false trail" would be required.
Shadows moved under the door.
Whoever was nearby to answer the alarm was ready and waiting.
"Okay. Okay, let's say I do this. Does he have a name? Is there someone specifically I need to watch out for?" Bruce asked, buying time. He needed more information; this boy had potentially brought a threat to his doorstep.
He needed to be prepared.
He needed more information on the boy himself, to investigate what the hell was going on.
"No name. Watch out for Vlad Masters, can't imagine he's happy about me taking my kid away from him, and he's got a weird mind control thing he does, so never enter a room alone with him."
Bruce's mind went blank.
Oh.
Shit.
No, he was not leaving a teenager to face their rapist alone, especially one with literal mind control as a power. He needed to know if this teen had proof of his claim of said power, if he knew if Masters had used his powers on any others, if he knew how long the mind control lasted-
"...What if I take you both in?" He asked instead.
The teen's eyes narrowed, lips parting in a small snarl.
"Not good enough. Vlad can't know he's here, so I have to-"
"-How do we defend against him, then? You broke away once, is that just something you can do or is there a way to fight back?"
The teen snorted, bouncing the baby as it started to wake up and fuss.
"Well you can either be dead or you can have anti-ghost tech, and you don't look too dead to me."
Looks were deceiving, and Bruce refrained from saying so. He also filed away that bit about Masters dealing with the occult.
"I can easily procure anti-ghost technology."
"'Easily', pff, yeah, sure. What, do you know Batman or something?"
Bruce's door quietly creaked open, and Nightwing, in full kit, poked his head in and smiled reassuringly at the bristling teenager.
"Or something." Bruce repeated, nodding at his eldest.
He was going to take both of them in, for as long as they needed.
He was also going to ask JLD for anti-possession charms so he could punch Masters in the face. Repeatedly.
So on the one hand Danny does NOT intend to stay. He has to distract Vlad and buy the Wayne’s enough time to get all the legal paperwork adoption stuff sorted. That way it will be a whole media circus if Vlad goes for legal custody or kidnapping. And it’s not like the bats can physically stop him from just dipping at this point in time.
On the other hand Danny is extremely angry and petty and right now? Doesn’t have anything left to lose. Bruce can handle Vlad. Batman can handle Plasmius. What’s Vlad gonna do? Out Phantom’s identity to his dead parents? Danny is gonna set the Justice League on Vlad’s ass. That should buy the Wayne’s enough time to get things sorted on their end.
And in the meantime? Well after he’s shared his intel with Nightwing Danny supposes he can accept a shower and a hot meal from the rich guy he’s dumping his clone on. He really is tired. Okay so staying over one night won’t hurt. It’s not like it’s permanent.
Of course Nightwing points out that the Wayne’s are his best bet for getting updates on the Justice Leagues progress with Masters. And the League might need more intel for their operation to be successful. Oh and also the baby’s vitals are different to baseline. Looks like he inherited your metagene. Don’t you want your baby to get the best care possible? You gotta at least stick around to let the Wayne’s know about any health needs that crop up.
Just realized Danny not seeing Bruce press the silent alarm will probs think it’s pretty weird for Nightwing to just randomly show up in Bruce Wayne’s bedroom
The teen tensed at Nightwing’s arrival, sneering at him with distrust. “You his sugar baby?”
Dick and Bruce both cringed. “Nope!” Dick immediately denied. “Absolutely not. That’s gross and disgusting. He’s like my dad.” Bruce shot him a warning look.
“Uh. Stepdad. Y’know, cause he’s married to Batman.”
Bruce sighed deeply. Now was not the time for the digs about being “married to his work”. Besides, this kid brought a case to him, not the other way around. Bruce was actually sleeping- it wasn’t his fault this time.
“Not married.” Bruce corrected. “Legally it’s impossible. But regardless- I can get access to the tech I need to protect you both.”
“Huh.” The teen chewed on his lip and Bruce spotted elongated canines. “This… could work.” He looked up and studied Bruce with a piercing gaze. “Your sugar batsy- he’d go after a ghost for you?”
Bruce’s face twitched. “Please don’t call him that ever again. But yes, Batman would.”
Nightwing snickered. “Great. Sounds like we have a collaboration in our future. So how about introductions? I’m Nightwing, that’s Bruce. You are?”
“…Danny.” The teen hedged. The baby gurgled and began to fuss.
“Nice to meet you Danny. How about we get you dry and the little one a place to sleep?” Nightwing coaxed.
“I’m not staying.” The tee- Danny immediately protested, the scowl on his face incongruous with how he gently rearranged the baby in his arms.
“So you’ve said.” Bruce placated. “But you still need to share your intel with Nightwing. And it’s pouring outside. It would be nigh impossible to track anyone in this weather- and that’s only if Masters tries at all.”
“Bruce is right.” Nightwing added. “You’d be the only person outside and therefore an obvious target.”
Danny sighed gustily. Then sniffed. Grimaced. Gingerly transferred the squirming baby onto Bruce’s lap. “Here. Uh. Needs a change, I think. So… yeah. I’ll just let you deal with that while Nightwing and I go talk strategy! Okay. Bye.”
And then he turned on his heel and dragged Nightwing out of the room while Bruce wracked his brain trying to think if he’d never changed a diaper before.
Dick has never interrogated someone as Nightwing in the parlor over Alfred's tea, but there's a first time for everything. Plus, he has given the impression that Bruce is his step-dad so...in costume in the Manor it is.
Thing is, Danny's not relaxing like Dick expected. Sure, he's rambling and providing small details as if he is oversharing, but Danny's not drunk his tea, there's a tenseness to his shoulders, and, as the conversation continues, Dick is pretty sure Danny is providing small details to hide the big ones.
"So how do you know Masters?"
"Oh, he was my parents' lab partner back in college. They went to Wisco back in the 80s."
"And you said he had mind control powers?"
"Oh yeah, because of their lab project at school. Vlad was pretty pissed about it, actually. They didn't speak for nearly twenty years as a result. And hey, if my parents' built something that rearranged my genes, I'd be pissed too."
Dick waits - Danny did absolutely use a meta power to sneak into the Manor. Was that inherited?
"But at a class reunion they reconnected. Dad had really missed his best friend, you know?"
"And Masters didn't use his mind control powers on your parents?"
"Are you kidding? He loves my mom too much for that. He'd never hurt her. Even named his cat after her."
Nothing about Masters hurting other members of the family. Nothing about what he and Bruce both suspect: that Masters used those powers on Danny, an assumed trans teen, who is looking for shelter for his new infant.
"You mentioned Master's power can be stopped?"
"Yeah, Batman just needs anti-ghost tech. But good luck getting that. There's only one manufacturer in the world right now who makes it, and well, that's Vlad's company."
Suspicious.
Danny looks out the window. The rain is still heavy, but dawn is starting to break.
"Look, Vlad can find me. I don't think he knows that I took the newest one," Dick has to hold back his alarm at that statement, "so he should be safe as soon as I'm gone. Vlad's the only one selling anti-ghost tech, but it looks like Bruce's pocket book is bigger based on the sheer amount of stuff in here, so, take this."
Danny digs into his pocket and places a flash drive on the table. "Plans for anti-ghost weapons, as well as where to find supplies. I recommend starting with a ghost shield and -"
"Look, it's late. Early. Why don't you sleep, and we can go through those plans tomorrow."
"What part of Vlad can find me don't you understand? Doesn't matter I'm several states away. I've got like, an hour maybe, and I need to make sure he doesn't come here." Danny stands.
Dick stands with him. "Danny, please. Let us help. Or tell me what he's done. If we have evidence, of, of him hurting you, we can -"
Danny laughs. "Look, it's funny you think that'll work. But it's not like Vlad's hurt me, just completely broke his promise and violated my trust like, five times over."
Dick winces. They need to get Danny away from this guy.
"Vlad's outside the law, I'm outside the law. Nothing will stick. Just, just take care of the baby, okay? I think it'll piss him off, having a better, richer dad." Danny's grin is feral, fangs on display and Dick has so, so many questions.
Danny's head snaps to the doorway, eyes alarmed, sliding into a ready stance. He got in without alerting anyone, could Masters do the same?
Dick hears the shuffle and recognizes Bruce and Alfred's footsteps. They step into the room, the baby fussing. He's swaddled in at least three blankets.
"What are you doing?" Danny snaps, taking his son.
He might have no idea how to change a dipper, but Danny is gentle with the infant. He starts removing the wrapping. "He'll overheat in all these layers."
"He's cold," Alfred states. "I suspect hypothermia from the rainy night."
"What? No. This is normal for us." And indeed, as Danny peels off another blanket the kid settles down. He snuggles into Danny's chest, and a small purr fills the parlor, from the baby or Danny, it's hard to tell. Maybe both.
Dick locks eyes with Bruce over Danny's shoulder. He might have a flash drive full of blueprints, but he hasn't gotten much extra info from Danny that's be useful to take down Master. He's certainly more pissed, if this baby is the 'newest'. How long has Danny been under Master's thumb?
"Danny, please, stay the night," Dick asks. "You gave me information on anti-ghost tech." And that's an unanswered question - is Masters a ghost? Controls ghosts? "But we need information about the baby too. Standard care won't work, I'm guessing."
Danny looks between them. There's a slight edge of panicking creeping in. "I, I need him to be safe. I can't, the others, I want him to live."
Miscarriages? Did Masters dispose of them?
Bruce whispers in Dick's ear. "He's Master's charge, after Danny's parents died six months ago."
Dick has more questions now. How long has the abuse been going? Did Danny's parents know?
Danny is starting to spiral, half talking to them, half talking aloud. "I thought you'd be able to help him, that he can live a normal life. But that means you need to take care of him, and if you can't...Who else? Who else is rich enough to piss Vlad off? Who else can I give him too? This can be the false trail, I've been here long enough, but there's gotta be someone on the other coast. Or farther? How quick can I cross the ocean?"
It's all in one breath. Danny isn't breathing, but that doesn't seem to be a problem for him.
Step one: take care of the infant. Once that's taken care of, Danny will settle.
Dick steps up and takes the baby from Danny's arms. "We can absolutely take care of him. We just need your help. Go do what you need to, lay your false trail, but be back here tomorrow morning."
Danny looks at him - big blue eyes, messy black hair, pale exhausted face. Bruce is 100% going to try to care care of him too.
"Okay," Danny says. "Okay, I'll be back tomorrow morning."
And then he disappears into thin air as a cool breeze blows through the parlor.
The baby in Dick's arms whines, and Dick pulls him close.
"I'll prepare a bottle. And more tea," Alfred says.
Dick turns to Bruce. "We have twenty-four hours to come up with a plan to convince Danny we can protect him and the kid."
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