Estranged

A place to write about my experiences with family, disability, and social trauma. I don't like promoting negativity but sometimes we just gotta let the grief out. ANTI AI

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

you need to be kind… listen closely… to yourself

[toomanythingsandnotenough]

I don't want to have a business. I don't want anything to do with that world. I just want to do what I love. Unfortunately though I need money to live. And I can't work for another business because I can't maintain my health in a way that is required of me to keep a job. So I have to work for myself. But I hate it. I don't want to market. I don't want to deal with customers. I don't want to go through the motions when a small thing happens. It doesn't feel worth it. But it's all I have. Even just making music I'll have to advertise myself. And I hate it. It feels forced. It feels disingenuous. I don't want to participate in life in those ways. But I have no other options.

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

shoutout to people who find mother’s day hard to deal with whether your mom left, your mom died, your mom is abusive, your mom is hard to connect with, you don’t get to see her, etc. get through today as best you can. love you.

[thisisdogs]

i bet it feels good as fuck to feel good

[scarabies-real]

Realizing the depression is not seasonal is like: Wow! What a beautiful flower! The birds are singing! I sure do love spring! I think I am fundamentally unlovable as a person.

[transandrosis]

When I was in the psych ward once, my parents sent me flowers. Everyone else oohed and aahed and said that nobody would ever send them flowers for being in the psych ward. They said I was really lucky to have such a loving family.

My parents knew that I'm allergic to some types of flowers. In fact, I was so allergic to the flowers they sent that I had to take them out of my room and put them in a common area, and they *still* made my eyes watery and made me sneeze the whole time I was in the hospital.

In the end, I saw other people's families come to support them emotionally. When my parents picked me up, they yelled at me the entire car ride home. I came home to find that they'd opened all my mail and gone through my belongings. The flowers didn't mean that they cared -- they just wanted other people to have the idea that they cared.

Just like you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, you shouldn't judge someone's family based only on how things look from the outside.

[softgritspoonie]

[weltenwellen]

Wildness Before Something Sublime Leila Chatti

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

self deprecation will always hurt you far far more than it could ever help you. don’t keep convincing yourself you’re the exception in all the worst ways. don’t keep letting yourself believe you are not savable.

[toomanythingsandnotenough]

I painfully keep discovering, more and more, how bad my trauma is with communicating with words. It's something you just can't escape unless you get better. Wow.

Wow.

[toomanythingsandnotenough]

I often struggle to understand the implications of wanting to leave people and have a sort of 'clean slate' with other people.

I have strong feelings about it but there's a resistance to knowing if I can trust myself to know what's best for me.

[toomanythingsandnotenough]

I hate OCD with every fiber of my being

[cicada-swarm]

wild having moral OCD while also believing in the inherent goodness of humanity/the necessity for restorative justice, because it’s like: yeah, people are a product of their circumstances. very rarely is anyone truly incapable of change and there’s no such thing as a person who is fundamentally evil. except for me of course.

[hibiscus-sweetie]

you don’t need to push through pain to be worthy.

[concerningwolves]

You will never 100% idiotproof your creative work & if you try to, you will only succeed in smothering the soul out of it. btw

[toomanythingsandnotenough]

Vulnerability and mistakes aren't the enemy, avoidance is.

[kosmogrl]