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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
EXPECTATIONS
Monterey Bay Aquarium
if i look back, i am lost
cherry valley forever
taylor price
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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Fai_Ryy
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I'd rather be in outer space šø
shark vs the universe
Sade Olutola
š©µ avery cochrane š©µ
noise dept.
sheepfilms
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seen from Argentina
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@toomuchtimefangirling
Media sometimes uses a snarky butler as a sign of a weak or ineffectual employer, but man, if I had that kind of money, Iād pay extra for a butler who was quick-witted enough to just burn me to the ground at a momentās notice.
This is the principle behind medieval jesters
(via BurkhartAdriana)
reblog to save a life
when your leg turns against you
I CANāT STOP LAUGHING. OMFG.
*Hamilton voice* Thatās true
My bros I have been doing a lot of reading about Wacky WWII Hijinks lately and I want to tell you a story because I love it okay
once upon a time there was a dude in Spain named Juan Pujol Garcia. Pujol was a chicken farmer. Pujol hated him some goddamn fascists.
See Spain had recently ended its civil war, with the fascists taking power. So when WWII broke out in Europe, Spain technically remained neutral but in practice was buddy buddy with the Nazis. Juan Pujol Garcia thought this was pretty bullshit
so soon after war breaks out Pujol travels to his local British embassy and goes āhey I wanna spy on the Nazis for youā
āwho the fuck are you?ā say the British, and kick him out
but Pujol is not deterred! He still wants to dunk on some fascists, so now he goes to his local German embassy instead. āheyā he says, āI wanna spy on the British for you, I sure do hate themā
āyeah okayā say the Germans āthat seems pretty legitā
and just like that Pujol now officially works for the Abwehr, the German intelligence agency. They hand him some spy gear (invisible ink and such) and instruct him to travel to Lisbon, and from there make his way into the UK. So Pujol heads to Lisbon, and a little while later writes to his German handlers telling them heās made it to England
Pujol had not made it to England. He had, in fact, made it to the Lisbon public library, where he checked out a number of English guide books and set about just wholesale making shit up
this is slightly complicated by the fact that, for example, he completely did not understand British currency and all his expense reports were basically gibberish. He also reported things like bribing Scotsmen, because the people of Glasgow would ādo anything for a litre of wineā (an actual quote) because, hey, people in Spain like wine so thatās probably the same right?
Here is where it starts to get really crazy, because the Abwehr loves this. āwow this dude is a great spyā they say, because apparently none of them had ever been the England either. In fact, they are so pumped about this new awesome spy that the British start to get worried
you see, by this time the British had cracked Germanās supposedly unbreakable Enigma code and were totally dunking on the Nazis by reading basically all of their ~super top secret~ radio transmissions. And, crucially, theyād become so good at breaking and reading traffic that there were literally no German spies in England. The Germans would set up a spy drop (usually dropping dudes in by parachute in the middle of the night), the British would intercept the message and then just scoop the dudes up as soon as they landed in a move that must have been SUPER embarrassing to the spies
so there are no German spies in the UK because theyāre all sitting in a prison run by MI5 (although some are being run under supervision as double agents, feeding Germany bullshit). But suddenly MI5 is picking up all this traffic from the Germans talking about their super great spy- a spy the British do not have in their jail
āoh shitā says MI5, and starts rereading all the transmissions they have to and from this mysterious super spy.
āhey waitā says MI5, upon actually reading the shit the spy was sending. āsomeone is playing silly buggers, pip pip cheerioā
At this point, Pujol, still in Lisbon, had actually been approaching the British embassy again, repeatedly, but apparently āI am literally an Abwehr agent and would like to offer you my servicesā wasnāt interesting enough, because he was repeatedly turned away, again. It wasnāt until MI5 started asking around that one of the embassy staff was like āoh yeah we know that guyā
so in 1942 the British finally make contact with Pujol and he officially becomes a spy for MI5. They move him to London and assign him a case officer so he can start making up even better bullshit
and he does. Once actually in London, Pujol reports to the Abwehr that heād recruited a whole slew of informants- from a bunch of Welsh Aryans to disaffected army officers. He ends up with a network of 20+ sub-spies, all feeding him information from around the UK
none of these people actually exist
Pujol just straight up invented like 20 people, keeping careful track of their fake personalities, names, and activities. With the help of MI5, the information he sends becomes even better- a mix of true but ultimately useless facts and actually important intel timed to arrive in Germany just slightly too late to be of any use. He and his āspy networkā become the Abwehrās most trusted agents
Pujol, now codenamed Agent Garbo (for his acting skills), ends up playing a huge role in the run-up to D-Day, where the Allies mounted a huge intelligence campaign to convince Hitler that the planned site of attack was going to be Calais and not Normandy (this was Operation Fortitude and you should absolutely look it up for more Wacky WWII Adventures). Obviously you know how this ended
crazily enough, the Abwehr never figured out that Pujol was a double agent. After the war he received both the Iron Cross Second Class (which require personal authorization from Hitler), and a Member of the Order of the British Empire (from King George VI)
unable to resist being totally fucking ridiculous, Pujol turned down MI5ās post-war offer to continue spying, but this time against the USSR. āno,ā he said ājust help me fake my own death and then Iām moving to Venezuelaā
and thatās exactly what he did. Juan Garcia Pujol died in 1988, at the age of 76
Okay Iām just editing my reblog to add this picture of Juan Pujol Garcia because I feel that it adds so much to the story to picture him doing ALL THE ABOVE with this expression:
What a legend.
Weaponized foreign shitposting
this is my favorite post in a very, very long time.
#a precious bean.
one of my favorite tropes is when your group of main characters has been split up for questioning and theyāre all answering the same questions in a neatly-spliced montage
my favorite trope is when the stories blatantly and hilariously conflict
Vijay Singh with the most outrageous golf shot the masters has ever seen. Ever.
G O L F W I T H O U T L I M I T S
I can only assume this is from some amazingly realistic looking sports anime because there aināt no goddamn way that happened in real life.
Iāve definitely reblogged this before, but I just think itās super cute because there are like āgolf mannersā where youāre not supposed to make a huge ruckus but like EVERYONE felt it warranted cheering because HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A GREAT SHOT.
I donāt personally care for golf, but that is pretty dang impressive.
Clever Illustrations by Danish illustrator HuskMitNavnĀ
Life With Cats.
Adorable little assholes
This puts absolutely nothing into perspective, but thatās not a Bad Thing.
non-chudley ask which location would you choose to fight each of the hamilton characters?
iāve been preparing for this question my entire life. thank u. here are my thoughts
Alexander: i would fight alexander hamilton in his own office. i know it seems counterintuitive but i feel like i could distract him by destroying a bunch of his shit. our respective scrappiness would ensure a close match, there would probably be biting involved and it would culminate in me stabbing him in the chest with a letter opener
Burr: I donāt want to fight burr. i think itād be really depressing, like beating up an old man. iāll pass on this one
Eliza: eliza and i would fight in a sunlit baroque dining room at precisely 10:00am and it would be preceded by 15 minutes of drinking tea and having a very calm yet ominous and metaphor-laden conversation from opposite sides of the dining table. the fight would end in a tie where we both decide to spare each others lives and part ways with a newfound sense of mutual respect
Washington: i would literally fight this man anywhere. any time, any place, i will fight george washington, and lose magnificently
Angelica: angelica and i would recreate the blacksmith scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Peggy: i would fight peggy in a grassy field dotted with wildflowers in the early autumn sunlight and it wouldnt be a real fight itād be a pretend fight with our dog and then weād kiss
Lafayette: iād fight laf in the park next to my parentsā house because its where he got supremely fucked up one time in a humiliating defeat and his bad memories may give me the upper hand. JUST KIDDING not only would he kick my ass extremely easily heād probably be charming and kind to me the entire time, and then i would feel bad
Laurens: i would fight laurens in bed. not in a sexy way, just because i feel like the only way i would stand a chance is by ambushing him in his sleep and smothering him
Mulligan: why would i bother honestly. iād fight herc in a cemetery next to a freshly dug grave so he could just dunk me right in. i trust him to give me a proper burial and come back every once in a while to leave flowers
Maria: i wouldnāt fight maria what the fuck
Jefferson: here it is: i would fight jefferson in the parking lot behind a dennyās at 3 in the morning
Madison: i kind of just assumed madison and jefferson would attempt to tag-team me, therefore i would also fight madison in the dennyās parking lot. i use the word āfightā very loosely here since i feel like i would just have to yell at him or like gently tip him over or something
Philip: philip is a child but i would still fight him. maybe just a little though. maybe just a heated debate
KGIII: i would slap-fight king george in ye olde royal boxing ring surrounded by royal subjects and press photographers. heād go down pretty quickly and hopefully iād get to wear the cape
hamilton characters as actual things said in my class
alexander hamilton: 17 is the best number of all time and anyone who contradicts can meet me in the pit
aaron burr: oh no please don't do this ill kinkshame you
john laurens: [about our class turtle] he's beauty he's grace he's mr. turtnited states
lafayette: [screeches] MINI CROISSAAAAAAAAAANTS
hercules mulligan: my scarf protects me from harm
george washington: if you call me daddy again i will literally kick your ass
angelica schuyler: [2 hours late to school] sorry feminism called
eliza schuyler: dont worry, its my sole purpose in life to be overlooked
peggy schuyler: merp
king george: [in swivel chair] PUSH ME AROUND TINY PEASANTS
thomas jefferson: talk french to me english can go fuck itself
james madison: if i was a mcdonalds order i would be a milkshake and small cry
philip hamilton: [puts hands up] i am the sun
maria reynolds: the answer is me cause im a ten bitches
Donald Trump and his senior staffers are all using unsecured email servers. Right. Now.
If you paid any attention during the presidential campaign, you know that Donald Trump repeatedly harped on Hillary Clintonās use of a private email server while she was Secretary of State. The controversy fueled the common ālock her upā chant at Trumpās rallies. And now something even more hypocritical and enraging about Trumpās staff information security has come to light.
The [play] proved so popular that Prince Charles attended. And one night both Sean Connery and John Hurt were in the audience. āThat was embarrassing,ā recalls Higgins. āThereās a bit in the play where the squaddies are arguing who should play them in the film of their lives. One says, āI definitely donāt want that cunt from The Elephant Man.ā And we all knew the line was coming and that John Hurt was in the front row, but what could we do? The next day we got a card saying, 'Congratulations on a magnificent performance of a very important play - from the cunt in The Elephant Man and his wife.ā
(x)
honestlyā¦the best part of 2016
