he thought of cars. and where to drive them.

sideblog to hide from my irls. she/her 19

[cupcakesandhags]

okay but for sure baby shane on his first hockey team got to play on the ice during an intermission at a centaurs game in the 90s. he scored a goal and did a cute little celebration jump (and immediately lost his balance and fell on his butt). harris pulls the clip from somewhere deep in the centaurs archive. he makes an insta post after shane's first game with the cens and includes the video with a caption about tonight being shane hollander's second ever centaurs goal.

ilya just barely manages to keep himself from sobbing in delight at the video.

[torturedome42069]

I need to stop being friends with stoners 🫩🫩🫩

[two-seventyone]

[first dinner at the celebrini house]

rick: will can i just say we’re so happy to have you here. we’re so glad you could finally make it. mack has been inconsolab– macklin stop trying to kick me under the table– mack has been inconsolable all summer and i can tell he’s immediately loosene- i mean brightened up. also our guest room exploded and the only other place for you to sleep is mack’s bed. i’ll see you boys tomorrow for 5am hill sprints

will: i’m so happy to be here mr celebrini you’re so considerate thank you so much mr celebrini. you’re so kind. can you take a look at my shoulder later, no worries if not. no it’s not acting up i just want to make sure. haha. no mack i don’t need a massage right now it’s fine seriously

rj: will i dmed ea sports nhl and told them it should’ve been you on the cover. also can you follow me back on instagram

aiden: dude i swear i didn’t aim that knife at will it literally slipped out of my hand. no dude it was an ACCIDENT

charlie, looking at matty b sitting on the back porch hugging his knees like one would at a stray dog: can i feed him please? just a few bites? he looks so sad

mack: uh will your mom keeps sending me pictures of you and leno together should i just hit report spam or

robyn: so, wade, what do you do for work? ❤️

[waldemarstr]

Have we considered that between Ilya Slavanov and Mr. Autism 3000 this is probably how they look to the outside world even when they're as happy as can be 😭

[bugslibraryy]

That’s where Shane Hollander lives can you believe it

[somanyfandomsbruh]

slut! by taylor swift x hollanov

[torturedome42069]

in an evil fandom so authors who write the most beautiful soul searching compelling fics ever keep disappearing without a trace 🚬🚬

[raccoonspew]

I personally think that Hollanov’s first child chooses to play soccer instead of hockey. Kid (maybe 5 y/o) tells them this offhandedly over breakfast one day, Ilya chokes on his cereal and Shane has to excuse himself and totally doesn’t cry a little bit.

so Kid joins a kindergarten league. Ilya (retired to be a stay at home dad when Kid was two) attends every single practice without fail. He is either standing just behind the fence with his hands on his hips, murmuring in Russian, or he is sitting in the stands taking notes. Shane comes to practice when he can, but never ever misses a game. He also takes notes and films game tape. Theyre genuinely deranged together. The other parents gossip about the Insane Hockey Gays and their equally insane soccer Kid, because you better believe that Kid inherited Shane’s crazy obsessive tendencies and is the most passionate player by far.

They send so many unhinged emails about “inadequate coaching” and “uncoordinated training” that the coach gives up and just lets Ilya do it. The parents are annoyed until they realize how fucking hot the new coach is, and damn the kids are winning now? This is how Ilya ends up holding a clipboard on the side of the field in a bright pink team shirt and stupidly tiny shorts, failing to notice the flock of women (and one other queer parent) drooling in the stands behind him. Shane is sitting in a folding chair pissed the fuck off, because that’s his big strong husband with a clipboard. At half time he gets up to kiss Ilya (just a peck) and maybe squeezes his ass possessively while the kids aren’t looking to send a message to everyone else. Ilya is caught off guard for just a second, before he gets distracted by overhearing his daughter chirp the other team’s goalie.

“What did she just say?” Shane asks.

“Nothing. Was in Russian.”

“You need to tell her she can’t talk like that.”

“Was very cute though.”

[ilyarozanovsmediatrainer]

Ilya : I. Need. To. Win. FUCK NORTH ELEMENTARY.

15ish 5 year olds: 🫪👍 yes coach

[praypanic]

[madqueensarah]

I love how when fan-fiction writers have friends in the fandom, to demonstrate their friendship, they dedicate porn to one another.

I think that’s lovely.

[gaynehollander]

Ilya throws Shane a surprise birthday dinner. Only he doesn't actually tell any of their friends that it's Shane's surprise birthday dinner, they all just think it's a regular dinner party. When dinner is served, Ilya stands up, as though to make a toast and says "it's Shane's birthday! Surprise!" (It's not, Shane's birthday is in a few days but it wouldn't be much of a surprise if it was on the actual day).

Cue everyone freaking out because they didn't actually bring a gift and Shane just looking vaguely confused but definitely entertained. Then Ilya reveals a pile of presents he's bought for Shane and tells everyone to pick one out and give to Shane. This idea came about because Shane always complains about birthday presents being thoughtful but ultimately useless because, being a multi-millionaire, anything he wants he could just go out and buy so Ilya's bought him a bunch of stuff he knows Shane will like but that he'd never buy for himself and all of their friends get to be just as surprised as Shane by what "they" have gifted him.

[yolkylemon]

💪 💦

ilya version

[scottsumrners]

[bloominflowers]

those funny erling haaland memes but with ilya rozanov because this type of humor is very ilya coded to me

[torturedome42069]

I hate that some people really believe that Tumblr is a social media you give out like instagram

[idrawsnoopyeveryday]

174.

[llanval]

“People who didn’t live pre-Internet can’t grasp how devoid of ideas life in my hometown was. The only bookstores sold Bibles the size of coffee tables and dashboard Virgin Marys that glowed in the dark. I stopped in the middle of the SAT to memorize a poem, because I thought, This is a great work of art and I’ll never see it again.”

— Mary Karr, The Art of Memoir No 1 (via elesheva)