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@tr0p1cal
☆welcome to the shit show! make yourself at home☆
intp | ‘03 | ♏︎ | any pronouns | living in my delulu wonderland
biases: changbin, jiung, jongho, jay, soobin, vernon, j-hope
best way to interact is through asks and reblogs<3
recent updates:
buy me a drink first | teaser/aesthetic
works in progress:
(not) on the same page | introductions
(not) on the same page (smau)
random fics
current series:
the star series
Hahaha sorry for accidently posting earlier!!! But surprise i guess!!! I'm working on some stuffs again >:)
Hi!!
I just checked and I know it says restarting soon, but are you going to continue with The Star series? I really loved it. I saw you took down the Innie ones. Just checking and wishing you well ❤️❤️
Aweee hi omg🥺🥺 it means so much knowing that you still care about it! I do still have plans to continue it, I've just been super swamped with school and just life in general🖐😔
I love the ideas I have for all of the stories, its just been hard finding time to actually type them out.
astronomy | j.yh
synopsis: We've traveled the seas, we've ridden the stars, we've seen everything from Saturn to Mars, as much as it seems like you own my heart, it's astronomy, we're two worlds apart
genre: fem!reader; childhood lovers; exes in love; angst; fluff if you wait til sunrise
wc: 3.8k
cw: broken homes; mentions of food; reader makes decisions for Yunho; mentions of engagement/marriage; Yunho’s ‘mom’; happy ending everyone say ‘thank you hongjoong’
Astronomy by Conan Gray
We drive through the woods, rich neighborhoods to watch, we joked as we looked, that they were too good for us.
“Look at that one! I bet they slow dance in their kitchen while cooking pasta shipped in from Italy and drink wine from Bordeaux.”
“Could you imagine having that much money?”
“Oh, absolutely! I could drive a Rolls-Royce and pay someone to take care of my purebred pup. Maybe even take my yacht out for the weekends.”
Yunho laughed, and you couldn’t help but giggle along with him. Neither of you were anywhere near Bordeaux wine, Rolls-Royce cars, or even purebred dogs. You were both more boxed wine, limping Toyota Corolla’s, and strays if any pet.
Your lives just weren’t fanciful like the houses you enjoyed making up stories for. And as fun as it was imagining dancing around a marble kitchen in expensive heels with Yunho, you couldn’t actually see that life for yourself.
'Cause socially speaking, we were the same, with runaway fathers and mothers who drank.
“You’re being selfish!”
“Oh that’s rich, coming from you!”
The door to your childhood home was slammed shut behind you as you took off down the street, heading right to Yunho.
He opened his door, took one look at you, and grabbed his keys.
The both of you had your fair share of home struggles, driving aimlessly quickly became your primary escape from your lives. You’d been driving around to clear your heads far longer than either of you actually had a drivers license.
It wasn’t the most cost effective, which had gotten the both of you in trouble more often than not, but it was yours. It brought peace to both of you, and the idea that you could just keep driving and not return was your escape from the cards life had dealt you.
A tale old as time, young love don't last for life
You screamed at the top of your lungs when Yunho appeared on the screens. As loud as his fans in the stadium, but more proud than any one of them could understand.
He looked like he was born to be on that stage.
As soon as the show was over, you were making your way against the crowd toward backstage.
You rushed to Yunho, throwing your arms around his neck as he easily spun you.
“You did so amazing out there, bubs!” You said as he set you down. He grinned as he planted a kiss on your lips, and then two more before finally releasing you and grabbing your hand to walk with you the rest of the way backstage.
“That was probably our best show yet! I just know we’re going to do something great together. I really love performing with these guys, Y/n. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.”
“With stage presence like that, the future holds nothing but success. I have no doubt in my mind.”
And now I know, now I know, it’s time to go, it's time to go.
“Y/n, come on. Let’s talk about this.”
“There’s nothing left to talk about Yunnie.”
You turned to face the man you loved more than anything and anyone in the world, the man that had been by your side when even your own family wasn’t. He was your whole world, and you knew it was for that reason you had to do this.
“We’ve come as far together as we could, now you’re going to go continue doing incredible things with the boys and I’m going to go the opposite way. We both knew this was bound to happen.”
“No, we didn’t know that. You know I don’t think that. Y/n, everything I do is for you. So we can have a good life together.”
“You need to stop living for me and start living for yourself, bub. I’m going to be okay. Don’t worry about me.”
His large hands cupped your face so gently you thought you’d melt right there.
“You’re so stupid if you can’t understand that I am always going to worry about you.”
You gently took one of his hands into your own, turning your face to press a chaste kiss to his palm. You took a deep breath, relishing these last few moments of closeness with him.
“I have to go now, Yunho.”
“Don’t leave,”
“I have to.”
Turning, you grabbed your bag, set the key to his apartment on the kitchen table, and you left.
From far away, I wish I'd stayed with you,
“I knew I raised a brat but I didn’t think I’d raised a dumb brat.” Your mother grumbled as she watched the TV.
You rolled your eyes, smiling and shaking your head at her.
“Why am I dumb?” You asked playfully.
“Because I never thought you’d have chosen to give him up.” She said, tone completely serious.
Your eyes followed hers, training on the screen where Yunho could be seen alongside the rest of Ateez. You couldn’t help but let your eyes linger on him, recalling every curve of his body as if it were your own. Except he’d grown up some since you last saw him. He looked more muscular, and his jawline sharpened up some.
You couldn’t argue with her. Sometimes you thought you were dumb for the decision you had made as well. You hadn’t even given Yunho a choice or a chance to talk you out of it. You’d made the choice for the both of you and, while you’d never once believed it was necessarily the wrong choice, you’d regretted not letting him make a choice for himself.
Sometimes, especially days like these as you spend endless hours in front of the television screens while your mother had to get chemo, you’d let yourself imagine what your life would look like had you still been with Yunho.
Some days you could let yourself fall into the daydream of being an idols girlfriend. You could let yourself think up scenarios on where you and Yunho would be right now. Would he have proposed yet? Could the two of you have had a child by now?
It was easy to think about your life being intertwined with his. Easy to wish you’d stayed and let yourself have a chance at those possible futures.
Easy to wish he’d gone after you instead of letting you walk away.
But here, face to face, a stranger that I once knew.
“Oh, I am so sorry about that. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
One moment, you were on the phone with your mother, balancing lunch and coffee for you and your co-workers. The next moment, half of it was on the ground and an arm around your waist was the only thing keeping you steady.
“Y/n?”
Your head shot up at the sound of his voice.
“I gotta go mom, I’ll see you later.”
You watched as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Pushing yourself away to create some distance, he let you as he crouched to try and salvage what had hit the ground.
“You talk to your mom again?” He seemed hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if it was even his place to ask but he had to.
“Yeah. She got diagnosed with cancer and I guess it put her whole life in check. We had a few heart to hearts, and have been okay ever since. What about you?”
He scoffed. “Yeah she reached out. Demanding I use all my ‘fancy new money from selling my body’ to pay her back for the years she spent keeping me alive.”
“Wow I can’t stand that woman.” You said, looking at your phone screen to check the time.
“Yeah, me neither. Hey would want to-”
“Shit! Sorry Yunho, I’m like really late for a meeting, I gotta go. It was nice seeing you again. I hope you’re doing well.”
“Yeah. Yeah of course, I didn’t mean to hold you up. Goodbye, Y/n.”
You tried to walk away as confidently as possible, but it felt like a mirror image of the last time you had. His eyes were burning into your back, you knew he was waiting to see if you’d turn around, if you’d look at him one last time.
But you just couldn’t bring yourself to. He had to be a stranger to you if you were going to keep things as they were. And everything was better this way.
Wasn’t it?
I thought if I wandered, I'd fall back in love, you said distance brings fondness, but guess not with us.
Yunho watched as you walked away from him again. He let you walk away again.
He didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know if he was hoping that you’d change your mind with the distance. That maybe you’d fall in love with him again. But as he just sat there watching you walk away from him, not even glancing back to see if he was still there, he knew you had moved on.
Slowly rubbing his chest in hopes to ease the burden on his heart, he finally kept moving. He knew his head was going to be out of whack for the rest of the day, so he pulled out his phone and called the one person that had any semblance of understanding of the situation.
“Hello Puppy! I thought you were wandering for our day off, what’s up?”
“Hey Mingi, I don’t want to be alone right now.”
Yunho could hear movement and then a door opening and shutting moments after the words were out of his mouth.
“Stay put. I’m on my way.”
The only mistake that we didn't make was run. Now look what we've done.
Mingi stared at Yunho for a long moment after he finished updating him.
“She’s probably just trying to protect herself.” He finally said.
Yunho blanched at that. “Protect herself from what? Me?” The thought alone hurt more than Yunho could’ve imagined non-physical pain to.
Mingi sighed. “Look, I was always the odd man out growing up. We all know it, so don’t try to say otherwise, and that was okay because I saw how crazy the two of you were about each other. You always have been. But you’ve both always had this insane need to do what you think is best for each other. You’re not always right, but you always follow through.”
“You’re saying she’s doing what she thinks is right for me?” Yunho felt even more confused.
“I think when she broke up with you, she was thinking of your career and your future. The one the two of you had planned up of running far away from here and creating a life together completely separate from the memories of how you grew up could no longer be achieved, she knew it, you knew it. She likely figured she would inevitably just be holding you back or causing you issues. You know better than most how the industry handles idols with partners. She was protecting you from that.”
“So when she ran off today, it was for the same reason?”
“No, I think today it was likely if she stuck around she’d be pulled right back in. Her resolve would crumble and everything she’s sacrificed so far, and every decision she’s made on your behalf and hers, would be voided. Like I said earlier, you’ve always been crazy about each other.”
“When the fuck did you get so smart about these things?”
Mingi just shrugged, a shy smile gracing his face.
Stop tryna keep us alive, you’re pointing at stars in the sky that already died.
“Woah, someone is so lucky. Ugh, where do you even find a man like that anymore.”
You rolled your eyes playfully at your co-worker. She was always watching videos of perfect couples online and talking about how hard it is to find a relationship like them.
“I wonder who he’s here for.” Another co-worker piped in, officially garnering your interest.
“What are you two talking about?”
“There’s a guy outside with like, a huge bouquet of flowers and a coffee. He’s just been sitting there for a while now. Aw he’s probably waiting for her to get off work! So sweet.”
You peaked over one of your co-workers shoulder to see the man they were gushing about. And there sitting outside of your place of work in a pair of sunglasses, likely trying to look as normal as possible, was none other than Jeong Yunho.
Your eyes widened and, before you could consider the crowd you were definitely going to have, you were already making your way downstairs.
Bursting through the front door of your office, you watched Yunho look up from his phone and right at you. Before you could say anything he was already up, coffee extended towards you.
“What are you doing here?” You hissed, trying to put some venom behind your words but likely failing from how soft and familiar the whole image in front of you was.
“I uh, I wanted to apologize. For bumping into you yesterday and knocking over your coffees. So I, brought you a coffee.”
“How did you even find me?”
You wanted to reach out to him, to accept the coffee, the flowers, him. But none of it made any sense.
“Employment records are public information, I just looked you up.”
You laughed. A genuine, honest laugh.
“What are you actually doing here, Yunho?” You asked softly, accepting the drink he was still offering to you.
He hesitated, but only for half a breath. “I miss you. I miss us. Y/n, we’ve always been so good together. I just want to understand when that changed for you.”
Stop tryna keep us alive, you can't force the stars to align when they've already died.
“Y/n! Your boyfriends waiting for you again!”
“Oh my gosh, you’re so lucky!”
Your co-workers had been gushing over Yunho for the past week since he’d first arrived at your place of work. You were counting your lucky stars neither of them had realized who he actually is yet.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” You muttered, not for the first time that week, as you packed up your desk and ignored the traitorous leap of your heart.
Yunho had spent the last week showing up after work every day. Sometimes with flowers, sometimes with coffee or food he knows you like. Always with his beautiful smile and an attempt to get you to talk to him.
You asked him the same question every day, he gave you the same answer. You were easily falling into a pattern you couldn’t find it in yourself to be mad about, but you still brushed off his question everyday, not having the heart to give him the true answer.
Walking outside of your office, you tried to keep the carefully trained look of indifference on your face as he spun on you with his signature puppy grin. Everything in you melted at the sight, but you tried to not let it show.
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought you’d might want to go for a drive with me.”
Your breath hitched in your throat as he strayed from the practiced, safe routine. You were nodding before you could stop yourself, never having before declined a drive.
It was never an option.
We've traveled the seas, we've ridden the stars, we’ve seen everything from Saturn to Mars.
Music was blaring, the wind was blowing through your hair. Yunho couldn’t keep the smile off his face as your hand followed the motion of the wind whipping around the vehicle.
The air was humid but not hot, the perfect weather for a windows down drive with no destination in mind.
It had been a long time since you’d last done this.
Yunho drove around for about an hour before he finally pulled to a stop on some back road. You recognized the area almost immediately as you gasped and hopped out of the car, running across the road to look down at the pond.
You and Yunho had once broken down right there, and the pond had become one of your favorite places to visit after. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d even been there.
Turning, you found Yunho on one knee beside his car in the middle of the road. The smile fell from your face almost immediately.
“What are you doing?” You whispered.
He took a deep breath before lifting the ring in between his fingers.
“Y/n, for as long as I have memories, I’ve had you. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did to push you so far away. I don’t know what I can do to bring you back to me but I want a chance to try.
“I’m not proposing right now, that would probably be considered insane, but I do want you to know that this scene right here is what was supposed to play out just a few weeks after that day when you left me. This ring is yours and I wanted to give it to you the way you were meant to receive it.
“We’ve done everything together since we were kids and I can’t imagine choosing anyone else to live the rest of my memories out with. Every trip I take without you feels like I’ve left behind the most important thing. We’ve seen so much together, and now we’ve seen a lot without each other. And I don’t know what I can possibly do to get you to take me back, but I don’t want to see another day without you being in it.”
“Yunho we haven’t even properly talked since I left that day.”
“Okay then let’s talk properly. Start with answering my question. What changed for you?”
He didn’t flinch from his position on one knee, not for one moment.
“Yunho, I can’t answer that.”
“Because nothing ever changed for you?”
“Everything changed!”
“What’s everything? Please, Y/n I need to know.”
“You! Your life, the way you view the world, your goals. Everything changed for you when you left our neighborhood, and I was still there. And I’m not blaming you for it, you’re beautiful. The life you’ve built is more than we could’ve ever possibly dreamed the last time we were here together.
“It’s because of that that I had to go. I didn’t want to hold you back from the new life you were building for yourself, far away from the shell of childhood we raised ourselves and each other in. You and Mingi both deserved to grow as the people you were becoming without having to look at that life every time I visited you guys.”
As he finally stood, the two of you gravitated towards each other as if it was the most natural pull in the universe.
“There is nothing about you that makes me think of that life. You were always my light then, and you’re just as stunning now.” He cupped your cheek in one hand, “l know you think that our lives are too different now for us to work, but I think that’s why we would. It takes multiple stars to build a constellation.”
You giggled, shaking your head. “That’s cheesy, even for you.”
He pulled your hand up, fastening the ring into its rightful place.
“Maybe. But now that I’ve found you, the last thing I want to do is lose you again.”
As much as it seems like you own my heart,
You did know why you felt nervous, these guys were your friends once upon a time, but as you stepped into KQ headquarters for the first time in a long time, you had the sudden urge to turn and bolt. Yunho, seeming to sense that, grabbed your hand and pulled you along behind him, his hold firm but still gentle.
“They’re excited to see you.”
“They should all hate me for what I’ve put you through.”
“Why should they? I don’t even hate you for it.”
“Yeah well, I’m questioning your sanity for that still.”
You thought you’d get a little chuckle or some sort of witty retort. Instead you were greeted with the most serious face you had ever seen on Yunho.
“I will keep reminding you, for the rest of my life if I have to, that you are the most precious thing in this world to me. I couldn’t hate you if I tried. The boys never hated you for leaving me, they’re the ones that helped me understand all the possible reasons for it.” He finally let a smile grace his lips. “Besides, Mingi’s really missed you.”
Before you could respond, you were being tackled from the side. You felt the air escape from your lungs as your body was lifted easily from the ground.
You were engulfed into a spine-crushing bearhug and spun around as you heard excited squeals off to the side. As you found your feet again, you looked up into the warm eyes of your best friend, who ruffled your hair before releasing you entirely.
Mingi didn’t get far before you were pulling him into your own tight embrace, rocking his large body back and forth.
“I mean, leaving Yunho I can understand. But abandoning me too?!” He grabbed both your hands in his, bringing them up between the two of you. “Don’t you ever do that to me ag- IS THAT AN ENGAGEMENT RING?!”
“Not exactly. I guess you could call it a promise ring?”
“A promise that you’re not gonna disappear on us again? Ow!”
Yunho pulled Mingi into a side hug as Mingi rubbed the back of his head, presumably from where he’d just been smacked.
“We don’t need to keep bringing that up. It’s all in the past now.”
“Yes Mingi, a promise that I’m not going to disappear again. No matter how different our lives may be.”
“Good, because I don’t know how we’ve managed this long without you.” Wooyoung butted in, shoving the others away from you and pulling you into a hug of his own.
You laughed as the rest of the boys passed you around, getting hugs and catching up. You’d missed all of them, you’d missed being a part of their world. They filled you in on various aspects of their lives, things you wouldn’t be able to read about in tabloids.
As you enjoyed being surrounded by some of your favorite people again, Yunho’s arm keeping you tucked into his side snuggly, his ring already comfortable where it rests on your finger, you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
You couldn’t help but start to think Yunho was right, you can be from two completely different lives and still fit together like a constellation of stars.
It’s astronomy, we’re two worlds apart.
Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfics Masterlist
a/n: one of my favorite songs for my favorite boy☺️ I hope you enjoyed this one! let me know if I should do a taglist for this series/if you’d want to be added if I do one🫣 also I’m posting as I finish different ones so I always have one to follow up🫣🤭 5/8 are completed and posted/ready to post (I feel so proud of myself on this guys I don’t think you understand lmao)
the exit | c.s
synopsis: You love her, it's over, do you even doubt it on your lips? You love her, it's over, you already found someone to miss, while I'm still standin' at the exit.
genre: fem!idol!reader; lovers to exes; exes to ?; angst; fluff if you wait til sunrise
wc: 3.8k
cw: San pov primary; he lowkey self isolates a lot; depression; mentions of/allusions to cheating; mentions of harassment; I mean it’s based of a Conan Grey song so take that as a warning in itself lol
The Exit by Conan Gray
February, and the flowers haven't even wilted, it’s crazy how fast you tilted, the world that we were busy buildin'.
It felt like all the air was suctioned straight out of the room as soon as the words were uttered.
San looked at you, the tears already welling up in your beautiful eyes made him want to reach out and comfort you, or haul off and hit a manager. He didn’t even necessarily care if it was his or yours that would be receiving.
“Now I understand this isn’t the response either of you were hoping for, but it’s what’s going to be the best for both of your bands and our companies. You have to break up.”
Mid-November, and I'm sippin' on a half-cold coffee, staring at a girl who's not me, on your arm, a carbon copy.
San couldn’t believe his eyes. He didn’t want to believe what he was looking at.
Years the two of you had been together, years of planning your future together. Then your companies tell you to split and not even a few months later your face is splashed all over every surface in the arms of another man.
He didn’t know what to think, he just felt angry, sad, numb.
His brain started floating through your last few months together, had you seemed off any? Was it possible you’ve been seeing this other idol for a while now?
He didn’t want to think that way of you, but you’d both been idols for several years before deciding to ask your companies if you could make it public. So surely you wouldn’t have gone public already if it weren’t serious. If it hadn’t been serious for a while.
Would you?
I can't hate you for getting everything we wanted, I just thought that I would be a part of it.
San couldn’t breathe without seeing your smiling face lighting up another man’s world, or hearing rumors about the possibility of an engagement coming up any day now.
He wanted to be happy for you. He wanted to be supportive that you were living the dreams you’d discussed together, but a much bigger part of him just wished it was him by your side. That you were going through these things together.
San knew he was entirely off kilter. He was hardly eating or sleeping properly, let alone his singing and dancing. Everyone could see it. Staff, his band mates, Atiny could probably tell at this point.
But he couldn’t even be bothered to try and pretend he was fine. How could he be? You seemed like you were the happiest you’d ever been, and it wasn’t with him.
His world was crumbling to pieces, and he just let it happen.
I was movin' into your apartment when you met someone, she's from your hometown. I hate the East coast, it's where you live now.
“New up and coming boy group already taking the world by storm with their debut song, and member dating rumors with Y/n of Icarus Flew?”
Having to see you in love with another man was hard enough. San didn’t need or want to learn that your new lover was a trainee of your company. That opens up a whole new can of worms for him to shuffle through and dissect.
Did the two of you get close because you were helping him train? Were the random late nights in the studio you spending time with him? Did your group know and help cover for you? Had you actually been-
San couldn’t even think it. He refused to. Even if that was where the arrows point, even if that’s the best explanation he could possibly reason with, he still loved you. He still respected and trusted you.
You may have agreed to the split mutually, as mutual as a breakup can get with seemingly two separate companies breathing down your necks about it, but the years still happened, the memories still existed, and the love you shared remained in tact. At least for San.
Impossible to understand how you're not comin' back but I can't say it out loud.
The apartment you’d picked together felt hollow without you. Even the kitten you’d adopted seemed to understand something was wrong.
San would sit on the overstuffed couch you’d insisted on getting, waiting for you to walk through the door as if nothing had changed. As if everything was as it was always supposed to be.
But you never did walk through the doors. Not to move your stuff in, not to check on the cat, not to check on San.
He’d been tempted to end the lease, to move back into the dorms with his bandmates, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It probably wasn’t healthy, his only reason for keeping the apartment was so that if you’d decided to come by, for any reason, it’d be there for you.
Everything San ever did was for you.
Feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised
“Would you just leave me alone! I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to be near you. I want nothing to do with you. The faster you get that through your thick skull, the better off we’re all going to be.”
San had only said your name.
Award shows were always a mixture of companies and groups, San knew he would see you tonight, he’d hoped you could at least be cordial with each other. He’d hoped that maybe you’d talk to him, that maybe there’d be some sort of explanation on your tongue for everything that had happened in the past few months. He felt foolish for getting his hopes up.
Your eyes, once meeting his, glazed over with an instant regret that San couldn’t handle. He’d always told you that you didn’t need to sugarcoat anything with him. He was always pushing you to be completely honest, completely open.
You were a people pleaser at heart. You had a habit of saying things you thought people wanted to hear instead of what was on your mind. As much as your words hurt, a part of him was so proud of you for saying them. He couldn’t bear the regret shining in your eyes, he couldn’t be the reason it was there after preaching to you the importance of standing up for yourself and your wants.
So, despite the knife piercing his chest, San bowed politely and walked the opposite direction. Holding back tears when you didn’t even call after him.
And yours is perfectly fine.
The award show continued on without a hitch after that. Everything was perfectly normal the rest of the night.
Your boyfriends band sat directly behind your band, with your boyfriend behind you. The cameras were eating it up, the crowd ‘aww’ing everytime the two of you would appear on the screens.
Hongjoong didn’t know what to think. San had yet to confide in him about anything. He knew his member, he knew he needed to talk, but it was like if he did, that would make everything real.
Despite not knowing the situation, Hongjoong was only more confused by it.
You weren’t happy. You put on a fantastic show, he’d give you that much. But he’d watched you and San together for years. He and the others likely knew the sparkle of pure, sickening love better than maybe even San did. Too also sickeningly in love to recognize it.
To Hongjoong, you looked like you wanted to scratch your own skin off with how uncomfortable you were. And of course, there was the non stop glancing at San anytime the cameras weren’t on you.
Hongjoong felt as though he could go grey just watching. He made eye contact with the leader of your group, raising an eyebrow questioningly. She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. Which told Hongjoong that whatever was going on, she didn’t like it either.
Feels like we buried alive something that never died.
All the groups were called to the stage, San was praying to anyone that would listen that he didn’t have to stand near your group on that stage. That he wouldn’t have to pretend his heart wasn’t actively in shreds, and even worse, act like you were a stranger.
There were no public relations between your groups. You’ve never done challenges together, or worked at the same music festivals. By the worlds view, your groups have never coincided outside of award shows, which would mean by the worlds view, you’re strangers.
Of course, if anything heard his prayers, they didn’t care or had a sense of humor vehemently against San. Because not only did Ateez end up directly next to Icarus Flew, but his arm was brushing yours.
He felt you stiffen at the initial touch, and then it was like you melted. Like the tension in your whole body dissipated from the proximity alone. He tried not to think about it. Tried not to recall the countless memories of you calling him your stress relief, of him being the person you needed every time the world got to be too much.
There at that very public stage, your arm pressing against his, the two of you much closer than you likely needed to be, San felt the most himself he’d been in months. Since the breakup. And if he didn’t know better, if he hadn’t already been snapped at by you once in that very same building that night, he would’ve been able to let himself believe that your smile was just a little bit brighter than it had been in months as well.
Then you looked at him, your eyes shining with a million words you didn’t have time to say, and he didn’t want you to ever look away from him again. Neither his nor your smile faltered once in that moment underneath the stage lights, confetti spraying everywhere, the world silencing like you were in your own bubble.
Then the bubble was broken. Hongjoong grabbed San and pulled him back to his group, your leader doing the same, and the second your eyes were pulled from his, everything rushed back in. The air felt suffocating again, his chest aching, his smile faltering momentarily before he was able to get his mask up. He was still an idol, he was still on a public stage with cameras and fans everywhere, and you were still very much his ex-girlfriend whose current boyfriend was also on this stage somewhere.
The moment the two of you shared on stage was a natural reaction to a person you’d dedicated years of your life to. San knew that. He knew how you felt about him now and he knew it was just the moment.
And as much as he knew it was wishful thinking, he couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t.
So, God, it hurt when I found out, you love her, it's over.
“Rumors of an engagement are circling the internet. The hottest new band on the scene were spotted in a jewelry store. Could everyone’s favorite couple really be discussing tying the knot?”
San hadn’t been to the dorms since moving into the apartment. He just met the guys at the practice room, the studio, or wherever he was needed for that day. He had never before felt like an intruder when standing at the doors, but in that moment he did.
He wasn’t even sure why he was at the dorms in the first place. But when the door swung open, and Wooyoung was tackling him into a tight hug, he didn’t let himself dwell on the emotions or thoughts, he just hugged his friend back, biting back the tears threatening to escape.
San noticed the others behind Wooyoung, all dressed as if they were getting ready to go somewhere. A pang of loneliness flushed through him but he shoved it down as far as he could.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your plans.”
He was ready to go back to his far too empty apartment, sit alone on his way too stuffed couch, and try to finally come to terms with his emotions when Seonghwa lightly flicked his forehead and dragged him into a hug.
“We were on our way to you.”
That was the pebble that broke the dam. San collapsed into Seonghwa’s arms, tears streaming down his face. He held onto his friend as if he was the only thing keeping San from coming entirely unraveled.
“We saw the rumors, figured you could use a cheer up.” Mingi said, getting elbowed almost instantly by Jongho.
Hongjoong ushered everyone back inside, all eight boys piling into the living room, San was placed on the couch and everyone else filled in around him.
He was grateful for his team. His friends that cared about him, not just about his capabilities on stage. His family that was worried about him.
Furiously rubbing his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears, San mumbled a pathetic sounding, “It really is over, isn’t it?”
Do you even doubt it on your lips?
You ran. You didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t have any goal in mind, you just needed to get out of that building. You needed to get away from those people. You needed to put as much distance as physically possible between you and him.
The dating was one thing. Any publicity is good publicity, and all that absolute crap. But when he showed up with a ring and a disgusting smirk on his face, spouting off about how it’d be the best idea because the fans would be thrilled to have an engagement to gossip about, you wanted to throw up or just outright swing on the man.
So you did the only thing that made sense to you, you bolted.
You knew your leader would be panicking any moment if she wasn’t already. You knew your members would inevitably start a search party for you. You couldn’t bring yourself to care as you just pushed your legs to keep moving forward. If you stopped running, if you gave yourself time to breathe and think, you’d likely just end up in a ball sobbing your eyes out.
Tired. You were so tired. Tired of your company, tired of pretending to be okay, tired of him. You were forced to leave the love of your life and weren’t even given a month to mourn the life you’d created and envisioned before you were being pushed into some sort of messed up publicity stunt. When you’d agreed to “date” a member of your company's newest band, you assumed it’d be for a music video, maybe some social media content. You had no idea it would come to this.
Your company was trying to put to rest any potential rumor that had ever existed regarding a relationship between you and San. You hadn’t realized that until the meeting today, with that bastard looking so smug about putting a ring on your finger that was meant to be San’s, with your company breathing down your neck about “image”, with an non disclosure agreement sitting in front of you regarding the nature of your “relationship” and the expectations the company was going to be adding to it.
You weren’t sure where your legs were carrying you, you didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings as you went, you just knew you had to go somewhere. You had to escape the life you’d stuck yourself in.
You love her, it's over, you already found someonе to miss,
There was an insistent knock on the apartment door that jerked San awake from where he’d dozed off on the couch. The cat was already meowing incessantly in response to the knocking, being none too pleased at the rude wake up call.
“I’m coming.” San grumbled out, making his way to the door. “I told you I’m fine Wooyoung, you don’t have to-” The comment died on his tongue immediately as he took in the sight in front of him.
You. You, breathing heavily and sweating, hair all frizzy as if you’d run a marathon before coming here. You, looking every bit the picture of gorgeous he’d always known you to be, even in such a state. You outside of his apartment that was meant to also be yours. The one he hadn’t sold in case of this exact scenario.
San opened his mouth to ask you why you were here, ask if you wanted to come in, if you needed water. But before he could actually formulate any words at all, you were already cutting him off.
“I’m sorry.”
It felt like all of the air was hit right out of his lungs.
“I’m sorry for leaving, I’m sorry for that God-awful relationship that was plastered all over everything. I’m sorry for the pain I know I’ve caused you these past few months. I’m sorry for randomly showing up on your doorstep, though I am relieved it is still yours, I was worried you’d already moved out. But most of all I’m sorry I didn’t tell my company to fuck off when I had the chance. I know you’ve probably already moved on. I understand, I probably would’ve as well if I’d seen you plastered everywhere with another girl before even getting a chance to mourn. No actually, I probably wouldn’t have already moved on because damnit you’re the only person in the world for me, but that’s not what matters right now.
“What I mean is, I’m not here for your forgiveness or to win you back, I just thought you of all people deserved to know the truth. I don’t love him. I don’t even like him. I actually can’t fucking stand to be around him, and he’s who I thought was behind me that night at the award ceremony, not you. But I didn’t come after you because I signed a stupid contract and couldn’t talk to you. But legalities be damned because the only thing in this whole universe that I want right now is for you to know that all of it was bullshit. That the rumors are bullshit and no matter what you hear or see in the next few days, it’s not real. I won’t marry him, San. I don’t think I could marry anyone that wasn’t you.”
San opened his mouth to say something but rustling in the kitchen pulled both of your attentions away from one another. When he turned back to you, you were white as a sheet.
“Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening. I’ll leave you be now. I just, I thought you deserved to hear the truth from me.”
While I'm still standin' at the exit.
San didn’t let himself think anything over as he reached out for your arm, dragged you into his arms, and kissed you like you were the air he was being starved of as he drowned. Your arms were wrapped around his neck, returning the kiss just as desperately. The two of you holding each other, uncaring of the semi public display right in the middle of the hallway, until you were forced to part by the necessity of oxygen.
He leaned his forehead against yours, breathing in your presence the best he can. You clung to him as if your very life depended on it.
“That sound was your stupid cat, not some other girl. Just so you know.”
You couldn’t stop the relieved giggle if you wanted to.
“You’ve always been the only one for me, Y/n. I’m sure I can be offended about you thinking otherwise some other time, but right now I just need to prove it to you and remind you who you belong to. We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow.”
And with that San swept you up bridal style, and finally carried you into the apartment that was always meant for the both of you.
You love her, it's over.
“News spreading like wildfire that Icarus Flew’s very own Y/n was forced into a publicity relationship by her company, who also forced her to end things with long term boyfriend, San of Ateez. KQ Entertainment is helping Icarus Flew file a lawsuit against their now former company for duress and mismanagement. Y/n also reportedly suing fellow idol, her former alleged boyfriend, for harassment and coercion. Keep up to date with all things Y/nSan and the cases right here on-”
“Well, I for one am excited about having Icarus Flew signed to the same company. We finally get to do challenges together!” Wooyoung shouted happily, picking you up and twirling you around.
“I’m just relieved to be out of that company for good. Though I guess the way we got here isn’t exactly ideal.” Your leader cringed, sighing as she got comfortable on your couch.
“Yeah, good riddance to that awful place. Is it too late to add on to the charges, we could probably sue the company for years of neglect, mistreatment, harassment, and a few other things.” One of your other members said, carrying in some of your boxes. She was followed by Yunho and Mingi as they carried in some of your furniture.
The past few weeks since you’d found your way back to San had been a whirlwind of leaving your company, your band following you, starting legal battles left and right, and finally moving into your apartment with San. You were grateful for San’s group and for yours. You weren’t sure you ever would’ve had it in you to break away from your company if it weren’t for all the support you’d received. Even your fans were in full support of you, some of them even offering their legal expertise should you need it.
The biggest shock came in the form of Atiny. You’d always loved and appreciated San’s fanbase. They were loyal and most of them obviously cared abundantly and genuinely. But having a front row seat to them not only accepting you with the widest of arms, but also going to literal war online for you and your group as everything came to light, you knew your band would make it out okay.
If your former company thought a falsified relationship with an unknown newbie would be good for your career, they’re likely losing their minds seeing how much more attention you were garnering now.
You hadn’t been this happy or at peace in a long time, and as San’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you back into his chest, surrounded by your bands helping you move into your dream apartment with the man you love more than life, you couldn’t see yourself in any other situation. You didn’t want to be in any other situation ever again.
You weren’t positive of what would come of your bands careers, you didn’t know if you’d be able to successfully relaunch Icarus Flew or if leaving your company meant the death of your band. But you couldn’t bring yourself to fully care at that moment.
You already found someone to miss.
Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfic Masterlist
a/n: I’m actually super excited for this series and while if you’re not new around here you know me and how I am (I will disappear for extended durations of time) I actually already have 4/8 written🫣🤭 I hope you enjoyed! and I hope you look forward to the rest of the slightly heart wrenching world of reading stories based on Conan Gray songs!!
Ummmmmmm so its been literal ages! Im so so sorry😭
I started school again and have just been so far removed from Tumblr I haven't even been thinking about my stories or anything on here really. I hope to pick it back up at some point, but I'm really not sure when that might be at this point :(
I miss you all so much though!!💔💔
' We're the same. ' With a troubled past, one of FNC's greatest has fallen from grace after such sloppy work. Leaving Milan, the Poetesse returns to Seoul to redeem herself, guided by her equal. A thorn on the first day; a rose on the next. But as love deepens further, chaos just can't stop coming in between.
[ prev. | next. ]
word count: 3.4k
genre/s: romance, mystery, action, crime, angst, fluff, thriller
main theme/s: enemies to lovers, assassins
The first week of work was fine. Not boring but a little underwhelming. Theo and I are pretty close to the culprit, and I can't keep my excitement away. Is that unusual?
Today is Saturday. I have been sitting alone in the living room ever since I came out of the shower. Living alone is something I miss these days, but that doesn't mean that I'd rather have Theo out of this flat, huh… On second thought, I actually would rather have all the time to myself than have him around.
Sure, he's an insightful partner, but I can't pretend that I could stand him and his weird principles. Call me a hypocrite for it, but really? No socks over the coffee table? Come on, they're squeaky clean! I’m not as dirty or disorganized as he thinks I am.
Just as I thought I’d have all the time to myself, the door of his room creaked open as his feet tapped across the wooden floorboards, heard loud and clear. “... You’re up?” Theo uttered, his voice deeper than before, as I turned around, waving my hand at him as a good morning.
“Yeah, I’ve got plans today,” I said, later munching on the spoonful of milk and cereal as he hummed back, making his way straight to the kitchen. “I’ll meet a friend.”
All of a sudden, the shuffling sounds that came from the kitchen cupboards stopped as he slowly turned around, facing me from behind while I watched the news on the TV screen. “You have friends? I thought it was just Keeho,” he joked, making me look back at him with a rather annoyed pout, causing him to raise both of his hands in the air as if he were being arrested. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. It’s not like I have any friends… at all.”
The two of us laughed at his words as I shifted the rest of me to the side of the couch, giving him enough space. I guess the acting week did pay off since we’ve gotten closer. I mean, who wouldn’t get closer after those few romantic bits? It’s one of the funniest and most bizarre things I’ve ever done in my three years of being an assassin.
I guess it’ll have to go on for another few days, too. “Which friend are you visiting again?” He asked once more as my mind started to roam around the memories, causing me to get up from the couch to head to the rack, where I hung up Ann’s purse.
As I unzipped the bag, my hand searched for the picture of him – the one that I stole from the orphanage. Pulling it out, I realized how crumpled it already was. Maybe I should’ve kept it in some nicer place, but I couldn’t afford that years before now, unfortunately.
Returning to the leather couch, I handed Theo the photo carefully, not wanting it to form any more folds as he took it from me the same way, slow and cautious. “Who’s he? You two look young here, especially your friend,” he commented, placing the picture on my palm once again. “I’m guessing a lot of time has passed already, huh?”
“M’hm.”
Theo lifted his head from the photo, his lips curling into another small smile again, almost as if he was hiding it from the rest of the world except for me. “You know you have that look on your face that usually means ‘I miss him a lot’, am I right?” The smile on his face grew wider the moment I kept my distance from him, seeing how fascinated he was in causing reactions like this.
“I don’t like your face near mine, okay?” I warned him, crossing my arms as he nodded casually in response, letting out an airy chuckle right after.
“Oh, come on. We’re kinda engaged. This is fine.” His gaze showed patience, anticipating another reaction from me as I almost choked on what he told me. “There she is!” Theo cheered, clapping his hands rapidly with no rhythm whatsoever as I jokingly rolled my eyes back at him.
He’s lucky I’m someone he could joke around with.
Because the last time I worked with a partner, my cheek ended up bruised.
“I’ll let you have your fun, Theo,” I said back with a calmer tone, later getting up from the couch with the empty bowl in my hands. ‘Should I wash the dishes?’ I thought as soon as I was at the sink, I would later shrug to myself before placing the dirty bowl on the sink’s metal surface.
I have plans today. I wouldn’t want to waste my time on this. Maybe Theo could do this for me instead.
“Y/N, can I come with you?”
Well, I don’t think either of us will be able to wash the dishes this time. Turning to look behind, I could see him peek from the couch’s cushions, arms placed above it with a twinkling stare like a child persuading me to buy him some candy. “... It’s a Catholic orphanage. I don’t think you’d like to be there.” My tone was a bit condescending, but this was one of those rare times where I’d take something seriously. I didn’t want any mishaps to happen. Imperfect is fine, but somehow, I want everything to go smoothly for… him.
But it didn’t even faze the young assassin; it only caused him to further push his plump lower lip outwards. “I’ll take anything. Just save me from boredom.”
I don’t have much of a choice. I know this is unreasonable for me. I could’ve told him a single no, but half of me somewhat liked his company, which is the weirdest thing I’ve ever felt in my entire career. Everybody else knows that I’m nothing like this; that my weaknesses are shadowed by this huge ego. Although it's not something for me to be proud of, it’s still a great thing since I’m not easily threatened by anybody else.
I know it resulted in a few injuries, but who survived? Who walked the streets of Milan? Who put a bullet in the mayor of that city? Just me. It’s all just me.
But oh, so many things are changing in milliseconds.
Once all ready, the two of us walked the streets of Seoul, side to side, and watched each other’s backs. Unlike the past few days, I’m letting my hair down. Always putting it up in that stocking cap kind of irritates my scalp a little, so it’s honestly relieving to let it down today, just flowing over my back like a rippling river. Believe it or not, it IS difficult to play a blonde daily, I mean, imagine waking up so early every single day to get ready? It’s not the best part of this whole playing pretend sequence, but I have no choice.
If FNC falls, I fall.
And once I fall, how could I keep up my promise to him?
“I’m looking for Soullie. Is he there?” I leaned forward, trying to see him through the blurry windows behind the staff member, who stood inside the counter. Theo was next to me, dressed in an outfit with better color choices.
Finally, some periwinkle. “Oh, I’ll call him!” The nice HR happily answered back, excusing herself later on as the assassin and I stayed at the lobby nearby.
I remember how depressing it was to be here with no assurance of leaving… The only thing that could make anyone leave this place is once their eighteenth birthday comes up. It’s either that or we get adopted by some couple who wanted to house kids that weren’t theirs to begin with.
And it turns out, my mother's suicide was a big deal to those potential parents I had before.
“... You okay, Y/N?”
“Yeah… Just a lot of memories.”
Looking over to the counter, the HR came out of the back door, already walking next to the boy I was looking for, as I smiled at the sight of him, all good and left without any scratches this time. “Soullie,” I whispered his name, rising from the bench as he sprinted towards me with his arms wide open, welcoming me for a hug. “Oh, I missed you so much!”
“Me too,” he responded softly, later keeping his distance from me to just stare for more than a second at least. “... I thought you wouldn’t show up anymore after you went to Milan.” I couldn’t even think of what I was going to tell him next. Did he think I would leave him for some easy job at Milan? Of course not. How could I leave the only human being I’ve ever cared for?
“No- That would never happen. Why would you think that?” I hugged him once again, tighter than the first one, as the HR smiled at the two of us. I’m just thankful that no one else knows about my job. It’d cause way too much drama with the priests. “I already told you before, I’ll always come back. A promise is a promise, Soul… Besides, I went there so we don’t have to think about the money anymore. For you… For both of us.”
It took me back to those days in the orphanage where I used to be bossed around by the older kids. No wonder they weren’t adopted, because who the fuck would want to take demons in for children? No, thanks. “Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch, your parents wouldn’t have given you up!” One of those ruthless kids screamed at the rookie, and I could just remember how I tucked my ears behind both ends of the pillow, trying to sleep so furiously.
But God, I couldn’t take it anymore when I heard him cry.
Rubbing off the blur from my eyes, I went down the ladder of the bunk bed, setting my feet on the tiles flat, as my roommates repeatedly warned me not to go after them. “You know what happens when Jaemin sees you fucking around!” Yujin wanted me to remember the way that boy’s knuckles came straight to my face without a warning. It’s a good thing the orphanage still covered our insurance, or I would’ve been living with an uneven nose.
“Well, I can’t sleep and I don’t want to waste time anymore,” I muttered back, making my way to the door as I silently twist the doorknob, not wanting to attract any attention. “If I don’t get back, put sunflowers on my grave. Thanks.”
All of my roommates raised their thumbs, later retreating under their blankets, shivering in fear after Jaemin probably struck another punch at the kid. I knew I had to do something. I can’t let that kid live with any serious injuries.
“I’m the fucking boss here, you hear me?!”
I rested my face against the side of the door, peeking at whatever torture was happening to the newbie as I couldn’t stop myself from barging in. Without a word, I balled up my fist and swung it against the boy’s face, blood dripping from his nose in less than a second.
“Shut the fuck up.” I was sweating, both nervous and frustrated at him and his group of friends, but none of them even tried to fight back. I always asked myself why they decided to leave us alone, but now, I finally understood why: It was the first time someone from the “losers” fought back.
“Are you okay? Let’s get you to the nurse.”
“W- Who are you?”
There was a moment of silence and confusion before I could even say my name to him, which led me to find out that he must’ve been a foreigner since those words didn’t sound natural at all. “I’m Y/N… You?”
“Soul.”
Those three years with him were something that I never thought I’d get to experience again. I was sixteen and he was barely a teen when we met. It was like every time we hung out after a fight with those boys or the rude canteen staff, I was fixing my childhood; the inner child that I didn’t pay much attention to.
I’m not the best at admitting things that pained me, but there are a lot of things I lacked from and whenever I remember them, it always makes me feel as if I didn’t deserve any of it.
But in the end, I was just a child. Maybe now, I don’t deserve to even skip down the streets with a look of victory on my face when the pulse left its body, but if the world decided not to commit arson on me, I wouldn’t have done anything close to what I’m doing now.
“Y/N, please! Don’t leave me!” Soul’s hands were grabbing down my shirt, trying to pull me away from the two staff members who guarded me on my way out. After that one punch I gave Jaemin, my acts of violence refused to slow down. It’s faster. It got more creative over time, but I was never given the chance to have some extension the day I turned eighteen. Let’s just say it’s not the best birthday gift ever. “I’m so sorry, Soullie…” I kept my head down, not even taking a glance at him and the other staff members who prevented him from coming closer to me.
I felt like a monster that day.
And a year later, I turned into one.
“Y/N, can I ask you for something? I hope it doesn’t bother you too much,” Soul asked alongside a comment that caught my attention. The three of us were just talking about that new Spider-Man movie that got released and how we were going to watch it together once Theo and I had done the job. “I’ll be leaving in August and I don’t think I'll be adopted anytime soon… I have nowhere to go-”
“Oh, but you do. I’ll take you in.” I interrupted him, letting him know that I’d let him live with me after this whole orphanage fiasco. Sure, it’ll be a tough time once he realizes how hard it is to be a protected criminal, but no one else would be there for him except for me. That’s not selfish of me. The inside staff here could be shit, especially the ones at the canteen. I don’t know if they even changed the staff, but hopefully, they did because once I find out that they did something to Soul, blood will be on my knuckles again, and I’ll make sure it’s not mine.
“You’d do that for me?”
“To be honest, she’d do anything for you.”
This was one of the moments I’d accept the fact that Theo was right. Soul is my only family, and if I can’t save him, I’d never be able to forgive myself. “Thank you so much, Y/N. I don’t know how I could pay you back for this.” The young boy slightly smiled as if he’d been feeling guilty for asking me about it, which he shouldn’t. He should’ve expected that I would take him in once his extension ends.
“You don’t have to. You’ve already done enough.” I brushed his brunet locks with my fingers gently, just finding him precious.
Yeah, I don’t think he’d be a perfect roommate because he could be too annoying at times, but that’s what family is for. I think shit roommates are the most fun.
Speaking of shit roommates, I’m already trapped with one. “You know, I’m actually adopted.” Theo chuckled, dangling and playing with his spare keys before putting them down on the table next to the door. The two of us decided that it was best for us to come back home once the staff was looking for Soul already. For some reason, visitation hours at Saint Agnes's are worse than jail because once you’re already deep into the conversation, they just come and take away that piece of happiness from the orphan.
“... Wait, you’re not joking?”
“M’hm.”
Theo made his way to the kitchen, opening up the fridge to take the last can of beer for himself as I followed him there. With no shame, I pulled one of the drawers from the counter, smiling at him before taking one of the glass straws he bought from Rhodes. “What makes you think you’re allowed to take stuff?” He snarkily shot back, only pushing me further into putting that straw into his freezing drink.
“Can we just admit that you’re also a shit roommate?” There was absolutely nothing stopping me from asking him that question, catching him off-guard as he snickered at the way I just said it, no hint of conscience in my voice.
“Never did I think that we’d have so many similarities till now,'' Theo admitted with a brighter smile on his face, holding the drink near me as I took a few sips from it. “... If you think about it, we’re the same.”
“I won’t disagree with you there,” I admitted as well, staring back at the living room as I let out a breathy snicker. “We make a pretty great team.” That was another first. I’m normally not like this unless the person’s got on my good side. Even assassins like us have good sides, but most of the time, they remain hidden in plain sight.
Instead of blaming the ones who did the dirtiest work, why not ask questions to those who gave them money to do it?
“Mom and Dad were also FNC employees,” He said it all so casually that I wasn’t even sure how I was going to react to it. Theo always comes up with the craziest topics to talk about. I think his calm and collected personality cancels out the weirdness in him. “I guess you could say that I was both a son and an intern during my high school years.” He crossed his arms, smiling at the memories he had before, as I only stood there, too startled to even say something back.
I felt sorry for him, but I didn’t know why. The emotion just came out like that. I can’t completely hold whatever I feel back.
My fingers unwittingly played with the top part of the glass straw, in a trance as I thought about how my life could’ve been if I were him. No trauma. No vengeance. No personal vendetta. It’s just nothing, and that disturbs me the most. “But when I watched the way you talked to Soul, I realized that I liked how…” He took a pause, turning to the side to stare back at me with fascination in his eyes. Like a scientist in the middle of a discovery. “... How normal you were.” Hearing him say that with a voice that sounded close to a whisper broke me. “Ever imagined a world where… we didn’t get to experience the things that hurt us?”
“Always.”
“Oh, we really are the same.”
He then pulled the beer can near him, taking a sip from the little opening, not caring if the end of the straw was touching his face. “I’ll go take a nap. Do whatever you want, just don’t make a mess.” Theo abruptly excused himself, but he still stood there, waiting for a response from me while I just looked back at him, finding it hard to turn away.
His face. It’s hard not to stare at him. Is it just me, or have I not realized how good he looks before?
Theo cocked his head to the side, another smile creeping up his face as if he was ready to tease me about it– whatever this was. “It won’t be long,” he reminded me, patting my right shoulder nicely as he later leaned forward, his face inches away from mine. Softly, his pillow-like lips grazed over my forehead, letting out a bit of a squeaky noise as I looked up at him, feeling my heart race faster. Was he drunk? Why am I freaking out? There’s no way he’s drunk. He knows it. He knows whatever the hell he’s doing, and it’s making my heart–
“See you later, Ann.”
Oh… Wow.
a life lived | l.mh, h.js
genre: soulmate au; reincarnation au; fluff; angst; poly!minsung x reader
wc: 3.1k
cw: this one got a little suggestive in a few places; Minho falls; I think that’s pretty much it? please let me know.
a/n: the final part is finally here🥹 I’m sorry it took so long, life hit me like Santa’s toy sack but filled with bricks. I hope you enjoy, as always please leave me your thoughts, I love to hear from you! and if you’re on my tag list for this series, please let me know if you’d like to be tagged an any future content💚
part one: a life forgotten
Soulmates.
Jisung was the first to notice you, his eyes lighting up as he shot up out of his seat. Within seconds, he was across the room and dragging you into a tight hug, his face nuzzled into your neck. Your body didn’t hesitate in wrapping itself around him in response, tucking your own face into his neck.
“Don’t leave us again. Please, don’t do that again.” His voice was shaky, and when you looked up, your eyes were met with Minho’s watery ones.
“I’m not going anywhere.” You held Jisung, maintaining eye contact with Minho. “I promise.”
When Jisung finally let up, Minho pulled you immediately into his own hold.
Your soul had never felt so at peace as it had in that moment, surrounded by the comforting presence of both your lovers at last. You knew you wanted to fight it, the thought of every possible thing that could go wrong weighing you down, but they didn’t let that last. Being around them, being with them, was all you really needed to know for sure that it was going to be okay.
“We went ahead and asked Sage to make you your regular, I hope that’s okay. We haven’t ordered anything but drinks though, we wanted to wait for you.” Jisung couldn’t stop shifting, his eyes looking at just about everything but you.
Reaching out your hand, you grasped his, smiling when he finally looked at you. “Let’s sit down.” You turned your smile on Minho, holding out your other hand for him and leading them both to the table they’d abandoned.
Minho pulled out a chair for you and then he and Jisung sat across from you. You tried not to flinch at the blatant distance.
“I’m L/n Y/n.”
“We know.”
Minho elbowed Jisung.
“I’m Lee Minho, this is Han Jisung.”
Your face brightened as you fiddled with your fingers under the table.
“I know.”
Jisung reached his hand across the table, stretching his fingers in your direction. Slowly, you slid your hand into his, earning a smile.
“Out of curiosity, how long have you known?”
His fingers squeezed around yours, keeping you from pulling away from him as your eyes cast downward. Another hand slid across the table in your peripheral and you slowly linked your other hand with Minho’s too.
Taking a deep breath, you sat up straight and looked at them again.
“I’ve known for a little over a year now.”
Minho’s eyes flashed, Jisung flinched, but neither made any move to pull away from you, and that settled your rapidly beating heart just a little bit.
“You didn’t plan on telling us, did you?” Phrased as a question, but said as a statement, you couldn’t help but squeeze their hands tighter. As if you were keeping them from getting up and walking away.
“No, I didn’t.” Jisungs hand squeezed yours in response. “But, I had my reasons, and good or not, I did what I thought was best for both of you at the time.”
“And now?” Jisung’s voice was scratchy, as if he were holding back tears.
“Now, the decision is yours to make. I’m done choosing our future. If you want me, I’m here and I don’t plan on leaving again. If you don’t, I will respect that and you’ll never have to see me again.”
Jisung pulled his hand away from you as if you’d burned him. You tried not to let the pain of his rejection show on your face.
“You’d really just leave?” He was standing, backed into the bookshelf behind the table, seemingly putting as much of a barrier between you as possible.
“If that’s what you needed from me, I would.” Your heart was aching at the mere thought of it. Running the first time was a spur of the moment panic reaction. Discussing you leaving willingly now had your heart in your throat, feeling like it wanted to break into pieces and throw itself to the floor.
Jisung’s eyes were watery, the tears starting to form. You chanced a glance at Minho, who’d gone eerily quiet but had yet to release your hand.
Jisung’s words were stuttery and small as he hiccuped out a sentence.
“But you, you promised. You said you weren’t going anywhere. You promised!”
“And I’m not, as long as that’s what you both want. I don’t want to get in between you, I don’t want to be some hitch in all of your plans for the future. If it would be easier for you both if I just disappeared, as if none of this ever happened, you can say that. It’s okay. I can take it.”
Looking at Minho, you were shocked to see tears in his eyes, his brow furrowed angrily.
“You’re so stupid.”
“HAN JISUNG! You’re a dead man!”
You couldn’t help the full blown cackle that left your mouth as you heard your soulmate yell at the other. Your laughter only rose as Jisung bounded into the kitchen, sliding behind the island as if he were playing baseball with Seungmin.
Your soulmate held a finger to his lips, begging you to keep your mouth shut only moments before a fuming Minho stormed into the room. He scanned the room, stalking over to you and dropping a gentle kiss on your lips.
“Where’s the menace hiding?” He murmured against your lips.
You let out a noise as if you were thinking before sighing. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you. Sanctity of marriage, and all that.”
“What about the sanctity of our marriage?”
You pat his shoulder, shaking your head in faux sadness and pouting at him. “He got here first.”
His eyes burned with a rage you were certain was playful. “Well in that case, if he wants to keep hiding, I guess I’ll just spend my time with you instead.”
Before you could so much as form a thought, your ass was firmly planted on the island, hips held in his hands as he took up position between your forced open thighs. He placed another kiss on your lips as he pulled your body to meet his.
“This is our kitchen!” Jisung shouted in dismay as he popped his head up over the counter.
You laughed again. Because of course that would get him to come out of hiding.
“You’re one to talk! It’s not like you haven’t made your fair share of messes in here.”
“The kitchen is a place for making delicious meals! Not shenanigannery!”
Minho raised one brow at the younger boy. “You did not just say ‘shenanigannery’.”
“I for one don’t mind some kitchen shenanigannery.” You giggled, playing with the hair at the base of Minho’s neck. You noted it was starting to get a bit longer than he usually kept it.
Minho growled playfully. “I like the way you think.”
“Oh so it’s okay when Y/n says shenanigannery, but when I say it, it’s a problem?”
“I’m mad at you right now!”
“I didn’t know you’d already fed Soonie! He was meowing like he was starved!”
“You’re the reason my cats are getting fat!”
“I am not going to apologize for loving and taking care of our babies.”
“Y/n, deal with your soulmate.” Minho groaned in response, tucking his head into your neck to hide away from your other soulmate, pulling you back into him once again.
You grinned at Jisung, curling your finger to motion for him to come closer. Pulling him into a kiss over Minho’s shoulder, you felt Minho stiffen as he realized he was sandwiched.
It didn’t take long for kisses to be trailed along the expanse of your neck, Jisung releasing you from your kiss to work along Minho’s neck. You tried to hold in your moans as Jisung rocked Minho into you gently, but Minho just sucked at your skin a little harder in response to get you to release the noises he craved.
Finally releasing you, Minho pressed one last kiss to your lips before turning to Jisung and wrapping his arms around his waist, reveling in the way his eyes were already starting to gloss over with want.
“I thought you said the kitchen wasn’t a place for shenanigannery.”
“Hm, did I say that? Doesn’t sound like me.”
One of your favorite parts about dating two international pop stars, was definitely the concerts. And one of your absolute favorite things to do at concerts was wear shirts that say ‘my boyfriend is on stage’ or something along those lines, and revel in knowing nobody took you seriously.
It was like your own little joy of publicly claiming your soulmates without breaking the internet.
Right up until it did break the internet.
You and the other soulmates usually avoided anywhere the boys would actually see you, due to yea, not wanting to publicize your relationships, but mostly because the boys would get extremely distracted and you all agreed to let them focus on Stay.
But when your friend that had initially told you about Stray Kids, and who you had yet to actually introduce your soulmates to, informed you she’d gotten tickets in the pit, you knew you couldn’t tell her no. You also hadn’t thought to inform Jisung or Minho about the plan, deciding on surprising them instead.
Worse idea.
The moment Jisung found you not too long into the very first song, he somewhat gracefully elbowed Minho mid choreography, and nodded in your direction. You couldn’t stifle your laughter when Minho misstepped and actually fell on his face. Which of course not only led to Jisung cackling, but to you getting completely singled out due to everyone else just being concerned.
You’d never truly realized how serious Stay was about the boys safety until that moment.
Jisung couldn’t keep the shiteating grin off his face and Minho couldn’t stop the blush growing across his cheeks if he wanted to. The Stay’s around your were appalled when he rolled his eyes and blew you a kiss before continuing on with the performance.
You enjoyed the show and the random attention your boys would offer throughout. You could tell they were trying really hard to focus on Stay’s but failed when they’d see you.
It wasn’t until you said goodnight to your friend after the concert and made your way to the back of the stadium to greet you boys when you realized you were way more obvious than you thought.
Scrolling through your phone, you were met with countless videos of you. Stays asking who you were, recounting stories of you in the pit, discussing your relation to the boys, who obviously knew you. Some were speculating you were Minho’s soulmate, some Jisung’s. Some were trying to protect you by telling Stay’s it didn’t matter.
There were clips of you laughing at Minho falling and of the kiss he blew you, clips of Jisung spacing out while staring at you. Your face was in almost every video on your for you page, and you knew you were going to get an earful about it from Riley.
The cackling that filled the room could only be described as a rock of noisy seals playing king of the hill.
Minho’s face was firmly hidden in your neck, his arms gripping around your waist for dear life, as Bee and Jisung recounted his face plant in dramatized fashion. You couldn’t fully stifle a giggle yourself every now and again, which would lead to Minho’s face getting even warmer against your skin.
“I thought it was cute bubs.” You tried to ease as you played with his hair.
“You laughed. In the middle of the pit. Surrounded by Stay.”
“Well it sounds bad when you say it like that.”
He just grumbled more and pulled you impossibly closer to him.
All of the laughter disappeared from the room the moment Chan and Riley stepped through the door. Minho refused to look up and acknowledge them, Bee and Jisung both sat like trained puppies that knew they were in trouble, and you just stayed where you were being held.
“Give me the news straight up Doc, how bad is it?”
Chan sighed, eyes fixing on you. “The company is giving you a choice. You all pretend you don’t know each other and it was just circumstance, or you come out as Soulmates to the public.”
You perked up at that. “All three of us?”
Chan and Riley shared a look that would’ve put you on edge if you hadn’t already felt about ready to jump out of your bones from the nights events. The smirk Riley leveled you with just about had you wanting to hide entirely behind Minho.
“They didn’t specify. Just that you admit to being a Soulmate.”
Bee scoffed. “There’s no way the company didn’t specify, why the hell would they not be specific about outing their own members when, oh. I’ve caught up.” Bee just fell right back into position and went back to being quiet.
You, on the other hand, were not at all caught up.
Chan nodded at Riley, who then stepped in front of you, gently taking the hand that wasn’t dutifully massaging Minho’s scalp.
“Chan and I have made the decision that if you want to come out as a Soulmate and make yourself a target of the public, you have every right to claim both of your Soulmates. We’re willing to fight the company on your behalf if it comes to it, but we couldn’t possibly imagine forcing you to choose which one you can love openly, and we especially would never force them to pretend to be something they’re not.
“The decision is entirely up to the three of you in any case. We’ll leave you to discuss and decide. But we want all of you to know that we’re backing you all one hundred percent in any decision you come to.”
“We want to be public!” Jisung spouted off.
Minho’s head shot up in tandem with yours whipping around to look at Jisung, eyes wide in shock.
“They told us to discuss it Jisung-”
“What’s there to discuss? None of us are going anywhere, Stay’s are just going to get more curious if they keep seeing Y/n at shows, and if we move now we have the least likelihood of getting fired because the internet is already gossiping about us.”
Chan stepped forward as if already ready for a fight. “You’re not getting fired in any case Sung.”
“You can’t guarantee Hyung. I appreciate it, I do, but you can’t guarantee it. The company owns us to an extent and they absolutely can do away with us at any point if they decide to.”
“Sungie, you might be overthinking this-”
“I think you guys are focusing on the wrong part of what I said. I just think like, hey why not? No time better than the present, right?” He made his way to you and Minho, grasping and squeezing a hand in each of his. “I love the both of you more than anything in this world. Even my career, should I get fired for it. I want to share you with the world, so what do you guys say?”
You looked at Minho, watching as a beautiful smile slowly dragged across his lips. You couldn’t hold back your own smile as you grabbed Jisung's phone right out of his pocket, went to his instagram, and wrote up a post with your favorite picture of the three of you. You made sure to include Minho and yourself as collaborators, and hit post before you could even consider your actions.
“Have fun with that, Baby.” You slipped his phone back into his pocket, pressed a kiss to his lips, and gave his chest two love taps before kissing Minho as well and finally freeing yourself from his arm prison. “I’m going to go face the consequences of my actions.” You muttered as your phone immediately started buzzing with your friends name. “Hey Eve-”
The whole room could hear the half yelling, half screeching, entirely rambling happening down the line.
“Lee Know and Han of Stray Kids reportedly Soulmates. An official statement was released by JYP Entertainment following a concert with some interesting footage of a person in the crowd, and later that evening what has been presumed to be the hard launch of the throuple.”
You didn’t know you could get happier. After finally falling into the arms of your Soulmates, moving in with them, getting to love and be loved by them everyday, you didn’t know it could get sweeter. But scrolling through your phone, reading the sweet posts and comments about you, seeing the fanart of you with your boys, all of it just made your smile never want to falter again.
You knew Stay would be accepting, save a few that claimed to be true fans but clearly were not, but you hadn’t expected the immense outpouring of love you and your boys received.
“This was a bad idea.” Jisung pouted, looking at your screen from over your shoulder. “Stay loves you more than us.”
You scoffed out a laugh. “No they don’t.”
Jisung just plucked your phone out of your hands, typing in just your name, and you watched as your feed was flooded with art, sweet messages, thirst tweets, and all sort of other stuff.
“You even have fanfiction about you already!”
That made you choke.
“I have what?!”
“Oh yeah, a lot of it’s really good!”
“Han Jisung, you’ve been reading fanfiction about me?!”
Minho entered the room at that moment, eyebrow raising immediately.
“What?”
“He reads it too!” Jisung outed, pointing at Minho, who just shrugged.
“Some of it’s really well written.”
“This is so embarrassing.”
“Only if you think of it that way.” Minho pressed a kiss to your cheek.
“Maybe we could try out some of it sometime.” Jisung whispered, pressing a kiss to your other cheek.
You two soulmates shared wicked smiles that made you want to bolt. Or throw yourself at them. You couldn’t decide which.
They made the decision for you, Minho scooping you over his shoulder and Jisung grinning like a Cheshire Cat as he followed the two of you out of the room.
He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips over Minho’s shoulder.
“I love you, Y/n.”
“I love you too, Jisung.”
“I love both of you, despite doing all the heavy lifting while you two have all the fun.”
You and Jisung didn’t let Minho feel that way for very long.
Yeah, you were only getting happier and happier in life with your soulmates.
taglist💚 some didn’t work, boo tumblr😔
@starlostastronaut @mariteez @tired-of-life-86 @minsungsthirdwheel @elisiexoxo @httpswilloww @sundownimup-1 @lolareadsimagines @kayleefriedchicken @vivirantshere @luvyev @seungpuppymin @ciellebys @xiaotheworld @jihanniee @leezanetheofficial @felixthemochicat @redkarmakai @flwrs4bin
buy me a drink first
The Star series master list
Paring: performer!Changbin x reader
Synopsis: after asking and asking, Changbin finally gets to perform at the local cafes “underground”, a bar and hot spot for the college kids in The Stars basement. After his performance a stranger brings him a drink and they continue to after every show going forward. Little did they know what that kind gesture would get them in to.
Genre: non idol au, coffee shop au, slice of life, college au, strangers to lovers, fluff, angst
Warnings: sexual themes and language, cussing, mentions and consumption of alcohol
Note: this is strictly a work of fiction and not meant to portray a realistic version on the idol in any way. It is simply fantasy and meant purely for entertainment.
Any and all feedback is always very welcome <3
Start: 13/7/23
End: 23/9/23
Status: completed
Updates: every Saturday + whenever I want to
🖍 = written portion within the update
teaser / aesthetic
introductions
one - yall hear summ?
two - in sync bby
three - too late to get a refund
four - going to fail
five - what in the cinnamon toast fuck
six - I said what I said
seven - a threat or a promise
eight - someone spill the tea pls
nine - no, no you do not 🖍
ten - wanted you to be different
eleven - god of clownery
twelve - of course you’d be there
thirteen - miss you
fourteen - stop simping on main
fifteen - share with the class
sixteen - claim citizenship
seventeen - listen here you little shit
eighteen - sus
nineteen - lix cookies >>>
twenty - throuple
twenty one - maybe don’t do that
twenty two - fuck you for that 🖍
twenty three - lil bitch boy™
twenty four - no return policy
twenty five - yet
twenty six - happy🖍
twenty seven - idiots
Epilogue
Tag list is open!
Stop this is literally so sweet. Thank you so much for the kind words🧡
I've been in such a writing slump and haven't written anything pretty much all year, but I went to stray kids concert last night and I've been feeling a bit more motivated to pick it back up. Your feedback just made me even more encouraged, so thanks a lot!!! :]
Had surgery on my back today🤩
once these 15 million different stressful situations resolve themselves I’m gonna be so normal again. I can be normal and not exhausted
the beautiful mind md photographer posted some of the photos on their instagram !!
that's a nice... uh... necklace yes
the way i loved you | m.yg
wc: 2.2k
genre: song fic; lovers to strangers; rebound!bang chan (sorry bby);
cw: rebound!Bang Chan; relationship arguments; it feels a lil toxy but understand I only wrote the tail ends of their relationship and it’s based on a Taylor Swift song; open ending
a/n: just a lil thought that tickled my brain on a roadtrip when I heard The Way I Loved You (Taylor’s Version)
“Here, let me get that for you.” Chan said with that breathtaking smile of his as he pulled the door open for you.
“Thank you.” You smiled back.
“You look absolutely stunning tonight.”
His hand was placed respectfully on your mid back, guiding you gently through the restaurant.
“You don’t look too bad yourself.”
It didn’t take the two of you long to find your table.
“Y/n!” Lia squealed, rushing to hug you. Giggling, you threw your arms around her.
“It’s been too long!”
“Agreed. We need to work on that.”
Pulling away, Lia turned to your guest, sticking a hand out to introduce herself.
“I’m Lia, the best friend. You must be Chris.”
He accepted her hand, smile lighting up the room.
“I am. Y/n’s told me a lot about you.”
Lia’s eyebrow raised as she looked back over at you.
“All the terrible things, I’m sure.”
He just smiled, taking the joke in stride.
The night went on a little too easily. Conversation flowing easily, the atmosphere comfortable. Chan picked up the bill and offered to order an uber for Lia, to which she rejected, looping her arm through yours instead.
“Well, it’s been a great evening, but if you don’t mind, I’m gonna be taking our girl with me. We have a bit of catching up to do.”
“I don’t mind at all. It really was great to finally meet you.” He smiled at Lia before looking at you. “Call me when you get home?” He asked, you nodded in agreement and he grinned, pressing a gentle kiss on your lips. “You two ladies enjoy the rest of your night then.”
You both watched on as he walked away.
“Damn, he has a great ass.” Lia commented, whistling in appreciation.
You laughed, smacking her shoulder. “Don’t catcall my boyfriend.”
“I’m just callin’ it like I see it love. And that man has a fine ass. But he’s got an even better personality, like damn girl, talk about moving up in the world.”
“I mean I guess you could say that. He does respect my space. And he’s always on time, and he’s charming.”
“He could be charming when he wanted to.” You didn’t need her to clarify who he was.
“And he’s sensible, you know.” You continued, ignoring her attempt at getting you to talk about what was really at the tip of your tongue. “He always has an answer to everything. He’s genuine with me, it’s all perfectly comfortable.”
“But…?”
But.
Because of course there’s a but when it comes to such a seemingly perfect guy.
The lights were giving you a headache, you thought if you had to talk to one more stranger you’d pour your drink on their head or start crying.
You’ve dated Yoongi long enough to know this is just how nights like these go, that once it’s been long enough that he won’t get in trouble with his management for leaving, he’ll wrap an arm around you and swish you away.
You just kept smiling, having perfected the show smile early on in your relationship. You stayed close to any of the boys you could find. You sat with Jungkook for a while before he wanted to dance, you’d found a corner with Tae and Jimin, which lasted until Jin called them over for a conversation he’d been having with some snobby looking people. All in all, these events were possibly your least favorite thing that came with dating a member of a world famous group.
You were ready to excuse yourself to the bathroom for the duration when a hand found its home on your lower back. Almost too low to be appropriate.
“What’s a gorgeous thing like you doing all alone?”
Smiling, you turned towards him, looping your arms around his shoulders in a way that you knew seemed dainty.
“I believe that’s the first real smile I’ve seen out of you all night. Is this really that miserable?”
“I just don’t feel very good. I’m ready for my pajamas and maybe a tub of ice cream.”
“And an episode of our show?”
You couldn’t help but grin at that. “Oh absolutely.”
“Perfect. Okay, let me say goodbye to the boys and let my manager know we’re leaving. I’ll be right back. I love you so much.” Placing a gentle kiss on your nose, he squeezed you once before releasing and moving further into the room.
The flash of cameras turned your attention away from him and you waved shyly, keeping a polite smile plastered in place and knowing the media will be eating up such a tender moment of the Suga. You put on a show for them anytime you knew the cameras were turned to you, knowing the tenderness they catch a mere glimpse of is your reality everyday.
“Hey! That door was shut for a reason.” You grumbled.
“Yeah, to keep everyone else out.” Yoongi said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Exactly. Everyone else.”
“That’s what I just said?”
“Everyone includes you, Yoongs.”
He just shrugged before making himself comfortable on your bed.
You rolled your eyes, huffing in annoyance. “You know, girls have boundaries, right?”
“I know. I just don’t see you actually setting them. Do you want me to leave, Y/n?”
“Oh fuck off.” You responded, shoving his shoulder.
“That’s not a yes.”
“I can’t stand you.”
He just laughed, pulling you into his chest and kissing the top of your head.
“I don’t understand what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is that you spend more time cooped up in your studio than you do with me, Yoongi.”
“You knew what you were getting into when we started dating.”
“And I’m not asking you to change, I just,”
“Well damn, Y/n. It kinda feels like you are. I can’t just stop doing my job because you’re feeling needy.”
“I’m not asking you to! I’m not. I am just asking you to act like you give two shits about your girlfriend once in a while and show up when we make dinner plans!”
You watched as his eyes slowly widened in realization. “That was tonight?”
Sighing, you turned and opened the door to his studio, already halfway out. “Yeah, Yoongs. That was tonight.”
You were outside and walking down the cold rainy street when Yoongi caught up to you.
“You’re gonna catch a cold.”
“Not like you care.”
“Come one, don’t say that. You know I care.”
You stopped and turned on your heel, causing him to almost run into you.
“It doesn’t really feel like it right now Yoongi.”
“I’m sorry I forgot about our dinner plans,” You scoffed, turning to continue walking. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care and it definitely doesn’t mean I’m just gonna let you wander around in the rain and get sick!”
“You wouldn’t even know I was out in the rain if I hadn’t come to your studio.”
He reached out, hand enclosing gently around your wrist and tugged you back into him.
“You’re absolutely right. Because I would’ve assumed my beautiful girlfriend was safely in our home curled up on our couch or in our bed, all cozy and perfect because you love rain but hate going out in it. But now that I do know you’re out in it, I’m not gonna just let you get yourself sick.”
You didn’t know how to respond, eyes flitting between his hand and his eyes, which were so soft and earnest, your lip stuck between your teeth. Sighing, you finally felt your body begin to relax.
“I’m still mad at you.”
“And you have every right to be.”
You nodded, reaching a hand up to clasp around his, “Do you have an umbrella?”
He blanched. All color draining from his face before he flushed bright red. “No…”
You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you, grinning as you pulled him in closer for a kiss.
His hands quickly found their home around your waist, pulling you closer to him. And you relished in the warmth of his body against yours, at war with the cold rain hitting the rest of your exposed skin and seeping into your clothes. You brushed some wet clumps of hair out of his eyes after pulling away.
“Take me home, Yoongs.”
You stared blankly out the car window as you watched lights from buildings pass by, the air thick with tension but you had no interest in being the one to break the silence. Yoongi’s knuckles were almost white from how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel.
You felt his eyes on you for a moment before you heard his tongue click against the top of his mouth in a tsk.
“Are you gonna say anything?”
You spared him a glance before locking your eyes back on the window.
“Got nothing to say.”
“You and I both know that’s a lie, Y/n.”
“We’re both upset and talking right now will just lead to more arguing.”
“Then let’s argue, Y/n. We’re in a relationship, people in relationships argue. I’d rather have a million arguments with you than have you feel like you can’t talk to me.”
You scoffed a laugh, finally dragging your eyes away from the window.
“I don’t want to argue, Yoongi. I’m so tired of arguing. I just want to be able to enjoy time with my boyfriend without wondering if there’s going to be something that sets one or both of us off.”
“I’m leaving.”
“What?” His voice was so soft, almost non existent despite the silence of your shared apartment. The place you’d called home for so long.
“I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. I just can’t do this anymore, Yoongi.”
Y/n watched as he bit at his lip nervously, brown eyes shiny with tears. He closed them, looking up at the ceiling and taking a deep breath.
When he looked at you again, you felt all the air rip out of your lungs.
“I love you too, Y/n.”
He pulled you closer, kissing you with as much emotion as he could put into it. You looped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him flush against you. You ran your fingers through his soft hair and kissed him until your body was protesting.
“I will always love you.”
When you pulled away, you touched your forehead to his, refusing to open your eyes and see the turmoil in his.
“Goodbye, Yoongi.”
Taking a deep breath, you pulled yourself out of his arms, ignored his voice calling your name, and walked away.
“But he doesn’t know me. He can’t tell when I’m faking a smile. He doesn’t really get my jokes. He doesn’t break my heart.”
“That one doesn’t sound like a bad thing, Y/n.”
“It is though! He doesn’t break my heart because I don’t really feel anything at all. He’s just, fine. He’s quite possibly the kindest, most generous man I’ve ever met. I literally could not ask for a better guy. But he’s not,”
“Yoongi.”
You nodded, shoulders slumped as you admitted to your best friend the thing you’d been struggling to admit to yourself for so long.
“I feel like I’m just stringing him along and wasting his time all because I can’t get over the man that I couldn’t make it through a week without fighting with. I miss him, Lia. I miss how batshit crazy he made me feel, I miss the screaming and fighting and making up, I miss him. I miss the way I loved him. And I don’t even know where he is or what he’s up to. I’m dating the world’s most considerate man, and I feel nothing because I just keep comparing him to Yoongi. And despite the hell he put me through, Yoongi always wins.”
Lia’s eyes were filled with pity, which would drive you crazy in any other situation, but you needed someone to be sympathizing at that moment.
“What if I could tell you where he was?”
Your head shot up at your friends words.
Lia shrugged. “I kept in touch. He was my friend too, y’know?”
Uncertain on if you wanted to cry or squeeze your friend out of joy, you just nodded.
With a raised brow, Lia’s lips quirked into a crooked smile as she pulled out her phone.
It rang a few times before he answered, you held your breath as Lia chatted with him for a moment.
Before you could decide to back out, have her hang up, realize quite how bad of an idea this probably was, especially with Chris waiting on you to text him, Lia turned her phone to you and painfully familiar eyes locked on yours.
You were torn between wanting to reach over and end the call, or curl up and talk for hours, basking in his addictive attention
He looked good. His hair was a little longer than he used to keep it, messy from where he’d probably been running his hands through it while working on a song. You wanted to reach out and smooth it down.
“Y/n.” His voice sounded stuck in his throat. Like he couldn’t fully believe he was saying your name to your face. And you were drawn in, throwing caution and sense to the wind.
“Hi, Yoongi.”
a/n: in my mind, there is no cheating, they just chatted some that night, Y/n called Chan the next day and they sat down together and she told him everything and they very maturely agreed it wasn't going to last much longer anyways and Chan encouraged her to get her mans. I do have somewhat of a sequel in mind if anyone would want that but I also think this is a perfect little short fic in its own right lol.
thanks for reading and as always let me know what you thinks!
(not) on the same page UPDATE
Sooooo it's been a while since I've felt any real motivation to work on writing stuff and I think I just need to rework the story to make it better. Since the look of my smau will be very different, I thought it would be best if I just scrapped the few parts I made and revamp it entirely since I'd prefer to have a new look for the beginning of a story instead of randomly changing six parts in. I hope you guys are still interested and will look forward to the content to come!!🧡
I got a new phone, so I'm still figuring out what apps to use and all that, so bare with me haha
tag list🏷
@thisrandombitch @dailyyhyvne @aalexyuuuhm @instabull @alice-went-away @estella-novella @velvetmoonlght @vegetablesarefuntables @jabmastersupriseee @jazziwritesthings @hyeon-yi @gnabnahcbby
smau app recommendations : ifake and twinote
a website for twitter : https://www.tweetgen.com/
Thank you lovely🧡🧡
Guys I think I’m switching to Samsung and i don’t think the apps I use to make my smau is available on there. Send help I need new app suggestions😫😫
