just a trans witch

hi! I'm (just refer to me as anything) i use he/him they/them sun taurus/aries. 18+ just ✨ vibing ✨

[sunbakery]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[deviantlydino]

I think I will reblog this a second time

[huefaced-deactivated20240114]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but reminder that you didn’t choose to play life on hard mode. You didn’t choose for “simple” or “small” things to be so excruciating or overwhelming to you: No one would choose that. You are doing what you can, all while bearing a tremendous burden on your back. You are so strong, and I’m proud of you for making it this far.

[ginger-ale-official]

McDonald’s should start selling 99 cent margaritas

[kingdeath000]

McDonald's should start doing abortions

[fembutchboygirl]

Hi guys i'm so glad no one's doing april fAAAAAAAHHH AHHHHHH AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO DID THSI

[beepathan]

hey everyone its april fools. but dont worry i dont have anything planned. just going to sit here and...

I LIED !!!! GET PRANKED

POST BELOW ME GET FUCKING WET

[trivialentity]

❗️ 🥰 😇 💯 ❤️‍🩹 💍 🌟 ❗️

- the good wizard

[sm64mario]

Hm… Mario’sa saw an ad in the newspaper for’a part time job! Mario’sa gonna take it! It’a seems like easy pay! Yahoo!

[sm64mario]

First’a night on the job, everyone!

[sm64mario]

Why are they moving.

[touhouweed]

Some Holier-Than-Thou Fuck: "Dont shoplift, it inconveniences minimum wage workers and could get them fired :(((("

Me, a grocery store employee that literally watched a guy stuff 10 steaks into a stolen reusable bag at the checkout counter and watched him leave without paying, and without anybody being fired or getting into trouble at all: "You sure?"

[backwardsorbust]

No place I've worked at has EVER given a shit. Sure they saber rattle, but none care THAT much. Case and point I was working at a huge grocery store chain in high school and, on Wednesdays like clockwork, the access vans from the old folks homes would pull up. And I tell you right now, those old timers were fuckin PROS.

My personal favorite was this old dude who was shoplifting a melon. He noticed me as he put his contraband cantaloupe in his bag. And he smiles sheepishly and puts his fingers to his lips as if to say "shh, you didn't see anything". I give him this huge wink and a thumbs up, and his face blooms into a huge grin. Next day, the dude comes up to the sushi counter and real sly slips me a Tupperware of cantaloupe, and goes, "you and me are thick as thieves" and disappears. I never saw pappy again, but you bet your ass I had that melon for lunch and I was grateful for it!!!

I was an ACCOMPLICE and I didn't get in trouble. No one even noticed, including the loss prevention guard who spent his shifts slavishly hitting on me and every other "girl" in prepared foods and produce (I put girl in quotes bcus I am not one). Stores will warn of huge punishments to convince you to snitch on people shoplifting but the fact of the matter is that most stores have exactly 0 way of tracking how much shit gets lost or damaged without you acting as their eyes and ears.

Don't be a class traitor! And remember!

IF NOBODY TALKS, EVERYONE WALKS

[touhouweed]

I hope gramps is still shoplifting melons to this day

[home-sheepo]

REBLOG to fuck a WIZARD

IGNORE for PENIS CURSE

[johnthedragon]

I ain't taking any risks with no penis curses...

[lorax177]

[hollowboobtheory]

imagine hiring an assassin and they talk to you in a customer service voice

[teaboot]

"Hello, how can I help you today? Wonderful, can I get a first and last name? And how would I spell that? Awesome. And would you happen to have an address for this individual? And place of work? Fantastic.

Now, I'm going to give you a number, and I'm going to ask that you send in a photo of your target alongside any additional information you may have- family members, security, combat training, medical conditions, just anything you can think of that might be helpful.

Wonderful, you are all good. All we need now is a piece of government-issued ID, for insurance purposes, and a location for payment pickup. We accept cash, gold, processed uranium, and etransfer.

I'm sorry, we don't take american express.

Good, okay, so it looks like we are all set- when the job is complete, you will be notified VIA discreet codeword that a stranger will whisper to you on a crowded street.

We do not issue receipts, but if you'd like, I can arrange for a specific breed of tropical flower to be sent to your home address. Our associates will be able to validate it should the need arises.

And is that everything you were looking for today? Great! Thank you for coming to us. Have a nice day!"

[teaboot]

Alternatively,

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid the Pope is a high-status target that is beyond our area of service.

Yes, I- no, I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that for you.

Okay. Okay. Yes, I understand.

Sir, if you're going to use that sort of language, you should know that our HR department does operate in a hands-on capacity.

Wonderful. You take care."

[nebulousboundsfloof]

They create a perfectly normal call cemter staffed by decidedly amoral college students and paying them at least 4x minimum wage.

[hollowboobtheory]

hiring manager: you’re not concerned about the ah, services we offer? 

a college student who has eaten ramen twice a day for the past year: for $25/hour i’ll pull the trigger myself

[talvin-muircastle]

Look, the difference between Assassins and Customer Service is that Assassins are paid a lot of money to kill people and Customer Service isn’t being paid nearly enough not to.

[moved-to-korrigantsionnach-deac]

I want a story about a king whose son is prophesied to kill him so the king is like “whatever what am I supposed to do, kill my own kid wtf is wrong with you” so he just raises him as normal, doesn’t even tell him about the prophecy, and instead of some convoluted twist of events that leads to the king’s murder the son grows up and when the king is very old and dying and in excruciating pain the kid is just like alright I'mma put him out of his misery.

[femonologue]

The king’s son becomes the new king, and is prophesied to defeat evil and bring an age of prosperity. His generals and knights all crack their knuckles but he pretty much ignores them and focuses on strengthening the infrastructure of his kingdom. Forty years later he is old and sick but still hearing his subjects’ grievances, and a general’s like “how will you defeat the prophesied evil now? You’re old and weak.” Another visitor, a teenager fresh out of the kingdom’s public education system, looks at the general like he is an ignoramus. The king eradicated poverty, housed the homeless, taught the ignorant, ended class exploitation by abolishing the nobility and imprisoning the corrupt, and established a highly respected guild of doctors that recently figured out how to cure the plague. There are no brigands because there is enough wealth for everyone to live comfortably; hiding in the woods and taking trinkets from people simply doesn’t make any sense for anyone but the desperate, and the people are not desperate. Evil is a weed, explains the teenager. It grows in cracked roads and crumbling houses and forgotten corners, rooted in indifference and watered by suffering. But the king demands that broken things be mended and suffering people be made well.

No evil lives in this kingdom, says the teenager. It starved to death before I was born.

[femonologue]

Every once in a while, when I’m feeling down, I go and look at the notes on this post and they make me feel a lot better. This is the energy I want to carry into 2018.

[thestarfishdancer]

For those who need to carry it into 2019.

[noctumsolis]

And on to 2022

[tiktoksformyfriends]

[video by crowbabies. original caption: My stinky baby]

[aprillasaurus]

[instagramdotcom]

enamoured with this image

[teaboot]

You ever meet a kid so shitty you're immediately like "I want to adopt you as my own so I can instill into you the values of dignity and compassion and respect for self and others that your guardians have so obviously neglected, so that you may escape the unhappy future that lies ahead of you with all the smoldering ashes of wasted potential" but also, like. I punt you like a football

[teaboot]

Drop the vape u little turd I'm gonna take an active interest in your passions and buy u pants that fit. When was your last dentist appointment. U wanna go to summer camp

[thelastonewaspokenfor]

and then you didn't

[teaboot]

Did u want me to kidnap a child

[moist-astronaut]

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

soft reminder: you’re alive. you survived the worst nights you’ve ever experienced. you picked yourself up when you were at rock bottom. you made it through the worst relapses, loneliness, heartbreak, failure and darkness in your life. when you wanted to disappear you stayed, time and time again. you can make it through anything. you will get through this too.

[lokistan-deactivated20211226]

…… shit…. 😭

[blackqueerblog]

[avellach-the-realmwalker]

Chik-fil-le sandwich

INGREDIENTS:

4 hamburger buns, split

1 head green leaf lettuce, leaves separated

1 beefsteak tomato, sliced

20 dill pickle slices

FOR THE CHICKEN

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 cup dill pickle juice

1 ½ cups milk, divided

1 cup peanut oil

1 large egg

½ cup all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

Place a chicken breast on a cutting board. With your hand flat on top of it, carefully slice the chicken in half horizontally. Trim excess fat as needed.

In a large shallow baking dish, combine chicken, pickle juice and ½ cup milk; marinate for at least 30 minutes. Drain well.

Heat peanut oil in a large skillet over medium high heat.

In another large shallow baking dish, whisk together remaining 1 cup milk and egg. Stir in chicken to coat and drain excess milk mixture.

In a gallon size Ziploc bag or large bowl, combine chicken, flour and confectioners’ sugar; season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Working in batches, add chicken to the skillet and cook until evenly golden and crispy, about 4-5 minutes. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate.

Serve chicken immediately on burger buns with green leaf lettuce, tomato and pickles.

[stardust-lightning]

Also if y’all are interested, I have the copycat recipes for the Frosted Lemonade and the Chicken Nuggets

https://www.tablespoon.com/recipes/copycat-chick-fil-a-nuggets/2b483ee0-a13e-4a3f-bf0b-9b26099c6e24

https://cincyshopper.com/copycat-chick-fil-a-frosted-lemonade/

[plainwallpaper]

^^^

[pendylion]

If you like their food, this post will help you not fund them anymore.

[cassiefisherdrake]

https://www.familyfreshmeals.com/2019/03/copycat-chick-fil-a-sauce.html

Here also is a link for their famed sauce. Gonna start making it myself.

Copycat Chick Fil A Sauce

Skip the restaurant and make this craveable sauce at home. My Copy Cat Chick Fil recipe tastes just like the real thing, and you make as muc

[caffeinatedandhistory]

Aldis has a copycat chicken in their freezer section in the red bag.

[lotus-eyedindiangoddess]

Might I suggest watching Joshua Weissman’s But Better versions of these on YouTube? It will be BETTER than these fast food restaurant food.

[thenatsdorf]

Ekekek battle. (via ekekekkekkek)

[sashaforthewin]

The internet is a magical place because imagine how close we all came to never having witnessed this.