I Give Too Many Fucks

This is my youtube blog that I have been pushing away on so if you want my personal then it is sarahhinkle.tumblr.com 

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I am in a hell of my own creation

I have built this cage around myself

And for what?

To feel comfort?

I know what misery feels like

I know what worthlessness feels like

I long for so much more

To feel different

To feel wanted

But that's the trap

The small amounts of bliss

The small amounts of worth

You know I can't resist

You are a predator and I the prey

You tell me what I want to hear and that's all it takes

You steal what is mine

You take my kindness

My compassion

My empathy

You turn it into insecurity

Loneliness

Hopelessness

Which gives you even more of an advantage

You know you then are the only one who can make me feel

Even if it is for the slightest moments

You have been so full on my weakness that you have made me forget my strength

You remind me that all I am good for is for you to play me like a ventriloquist plays their dummy

I believe you

I don't want to but I do

At least I have someone who makes me less alone

Let's be honest

I have defeated myself more times than you can count

It's nice to blame someone else for my misfortune

I keep breaking free of my shackles

Only to lock them even tighter a second later

You love that about me

You don't have to try so hard to wrap me in delusion

I'm not so sure I'll ever be okay on my own

Sometimes I think I will be chained until death releases me

I am not strong enough anymore

I give up

You do as you please and I'll be here waiting

A toy waiting to be played with.

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I am starting to feel the fire

You were suppose to be here

the embers float out of my mouth

you were suppose to be here

quiet like a good girl

festering like a wound.

Why weren’t you there?

I never blamed you

but maybe I needed to

I screamed for help

and you put up that façade

and I wanted to believe you.

Why weren’t you there?

So many years later

and I’m sitting in an institution

talking about how worthless I am.

You will never know the damage you’ve caused.

Why weren’t you there?

Why aren’t you here?

I have chased love like yours

thinking maybe

I could get someone to stay

but they were all the same

They left me like you

They fooled me like you

Maybe this isn’t true

but right now

I need to break down.

I lost myself

and you were a piece to the puzzle.

A child inside my heart is clawing at the cages

I’m so scared of the rages.

So

Why weren’t you there?

I needed you

Why aren’t you here?

I’m scared

You are suppose to be here.

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I don’t get why people get hooked

It feels good but not that good

I still want to do it again

again

Stronger?

again

again

more

more

I need it

I can’t live with out it

everything is falling apart

I’m falling apart

I can’t be happy with or with out it

I’m going to die

I’m not ready to give it up

I died but I’m back

For some reason

3 months later with out it

I still can’t picture my life

that feeling

that rush

that numbness

that escape

if only

I’m trying to heal

I’m trying to fight

I will persevere but at what price

Who am I

with or with out it

purpose is a foreign concept

pain is forever

Faith is hard to come by

It’s all I have though

So for now

I will feel

I will love

I will live again

[theradicalace]

im curious abt something. reblog with how old you are and whether or not you like the beatles. i’ll start: im 18 and i honestly cant stand the beatles

[dualvoidanima]

‘origins-unknown’

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I am always in a limbo

getting thrown whatever direction pulls hardest

I make myself powerless

letting others choose my happiness or misery

you define my worth

you define who I will be

I will always shape shift for you to like me.

Even when I try my hardest

there is always something of distaste

something I can’t erase

you see, I can look past every single flaw,

inconvenience,

mistake,

anything to feel your love

anything to not be abandoned

but you never could do the same for me.

So here I am for once asking for more

asking for better

asking you to love me the way you should

somehow I still have left the decision in your hands

like I don’t have a choice

because I am in a limbo

my voice is yours

[time-for-maps]

this changes everything oh my god

[rosswoodpark]

do you understand why it trips me out that people can drive 45 minutes and be in aNOTHER COUNTRY? I drive for 45 minutes and im like

a city over 

[isaia]

I live in “Italy” and took a day trip to go to “Austria” and “Germany”

[filth-and-abscess-deactivated20]

 #it is literally impossible to leave texas #you will be in texas #FOREVER

[whitepajamas]

Chums, that’s sweet, and all, but Australia just ate Texas for breakfast. 

[quietcarriage]

If you drive for 45 minutes in Australia you aren’t a city over, you’re just 45 minutes away from the city.

[buginateacup]

If you drive for 45 minutes in Australia you may not even leave the cattle station.

[cookie-sheet-toboggan]

If you drive for 45 minutes in Canada you may not even leave your driveway.

[no1hotmullyfan]

If I drive 45 minutes in the us I’m just at another mcdonalds

[slowspinningredemption]

If I drive for 45 minutes in Northern Ireland I’m 10 minutes into the sea.

[mattg124]

I can’t drive. 

[clotpolesonly]

[emilyknowseverything]

Still considered as one person

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I saw this and decided to take a picture, the next time I went there it was painted over so I’m very glad I did. But I wanted to keep this alive for the artist.

[best-life-wisdom]

girls glorify the idea of having a boyfriend as a best friend, but no one talks about how much it destroys u when u lose 2 people in one

[crushsuggestions]

walking home alone in fall felt cold and empty, but then you came along with your laugh and your smile and your words and suddenly its spring again

[thechanelmuse]

Love this! Her pieces are dope af. 

[geekyrules]

10/10 would hang her work in my home.

[spacepunk09-deactivated20181023]

These are actually so beautiful. I would totally buy her work

[he-started-it]

Tru

[fairylightsphil]

[instarbuckswithdan]

[dxntasies]

x

[dantlers]

“that’s how confident we were”