| 21 | he/him call me Jay | Currently cannot stop thinking about the Pitt especially my boy Dennis Whittaker (any mlm ship with him I eat up) | Hunter owl house and House Md. will forever be apart of me | occasionally other random shit I like |
robby felt better letting jake go without him when he found out dennis was working it. dennis had said something about needing the extra money.
it was a little ridiculous. dennis wasn’t even ten years older than jake, but he was brilliant and nosy and more mature than robby ever was at that age, for sure.
when robby was alerted about the shooter, his first thought was jake, his second was dennis, his third was how the fuck am i going to get us all through this?
when jack walked in, and robby collapsed into his arms in front of everyone, robby whispered, “they’re there.”
jack squeezed his husband. “i know. i tried to call jake, but the towers must be jammed.”
robby almost started crying right then. jake. poor jake. he stepped back and shook his head, not leaving jack’s space to say, “dennis, too. dennis is working it.”
“what?” jack stilled, his fierce compartmentalization he’d been steeling in the car ride over had slipped. “are you sure?”
robby shut his eyes tight and nodded. “i gotta go organize some things.”
“yeah, yeah,” jack responded in a daze.
they’d never really talked about dennis before. he was a favorite dinner topic, sure, but there was no acknowledged importance. neither of them had the balls to bring it up.
he had a special place in their hearts, and they could only hope dennis’s was still beating.
one of the biggest things that helped me with some of my fandom stress was realizing how like. none of this is real. it's smoke and mirrors. none of these people know me, I know none of these people. hell doesn't await me if I block someone I dislike. I'm not fundamentally evil and unlovable if someone (a STRANGER) blocks me because they dislike me. it's the fucking Internet. all you and I will ever be to each other is words on a screen.
When Simon finally opens up to Grace about his past, being in prison for 16 years, telling him about Filament Station, about Eden- Grace suddenly stops him.
Because Grace is very good at math.
Simon seems to be in his early 30’s… meaning if he was locked up for 16 years he could have been anywhere from 13-18 at the time of the attack. Grace had been a middle school teacher. He had taught that exact age range, before watching those same kids that he taught grow and go to the high school in the next building over.
The idea of one of his kids being held responsible for 65 deaths and then sentenced to prison is enraging enough. The more he learns about the cult Simon was raised in- it sets off every alarm Grace had ever had as a teacher.
The fact that Simon was a child soldier and Grace was a child educator is not talked about enough.
I need Simon to be ‘forgiven’ by someone who understands that he was just a kid who had been groomed by a cult
thinking about FLDS (fundamentalist mormon) whitaker again…
he sort of forgot that his life sounded like a LifeTime movie. he rationally knew that it was a batshit way to grow up, but it was hard to truly internalize that when he didn’t know anything else for nineteen years. but now he was out in the real world, and there was no prophet, multiple wives were not the norm, children were protected (most of the time).
it was a slow day, even if no one would jinx it by remarking on it. they were all taking an actual lunch instead of just housing a protein bar. mckay started lamenting about harrison being an only child. she said, “i don’t know, i just feel like he’s missing out on something. he talks a lot about how boring summer is when his dad and i can’t drive him to his friends houses.”
“i grew up an only child and i’m pretty normal,” frank said while taking a bite of his grilled chicken breast.
trinity and mckay made loaded eye contact. dana, not wanting it all to devolve, cut in and said, “whitaker! you got any siblings?”
dennis wasn’t really thinking. trinity’s leftover adobo was so fucking good. “yeah, i’ve got nine full siblings, and i have no idea how many half siblings at this point. they don’t talk to me.”
trinity’s eyes widened. she knew, of course, about dennis’s past. that was hard to hide from someone you lived with. dennis was weird about food and didn’t understand a lot of cultural references. he averted his eyes anytime she wore something above her knees for the first couple months. it all came tumbling out one night after some drinks, like things often did. she was sworn to secrecy.
she was honestly surprised she wasn’t the one to let the cat out the bag.
frank (who trinity refused to believe was ‘pretty normal’) got that mirthful look in his eyes that he usually got right before he said something HR-worthy. “your dad got a girl in every port or something? was it a shocking 23 and me reveal?”
dennis clammed up. “no, my family’s just weird!” he waved his hand, as if to throw away the topic. “forget i said anything.”
“no, no! this just got interesting,” frank insisted. “how many half siblings last you heard?”
“i don’t…” dennis trailed off uncomfortably. he didn’t know how to get out of this.
mckay took pity. “it’s fine, dennis. it sounds complicated.” she glared over at frank, telling him to knock it off. “you don’t have to get into it if you don’t want to.”
so dennis didn’t. dana changed the topic, trinity exaggeratedly made fun of a patient, frank reluctantly ignored him.
dennis resented the way he never quite fit in anywhere. he was too worldly for short creek, too short creek for the world.
and now they had proof. it was only a matter of time before people put it all together, before they started asking him about the prophet and the sister wives and the funny hairstyles.
only a matter of time before dennis had to explain his whole upbringing like it was an interesting podcast one listened to on a road trip.
only a matter of time before he went from acceptably quirky to down right different. and different wass what got him left for dead in the dessert.
Something something Dennis grew up learning that he had to pay people back no matter what.
Even as a kid his parents were counting how much he owed them. Not for necessities, but for toys they thought he didn’t need. Foods or snacks he really liked that weren’t in the budget. Things that, to him, made sense.
The first doctor’s visit where he had to get real medical care was scary. The doctors and nurses were very nice as they explained he just needed to get sewn up, like mom would do with his socks when they got holes. And they made it so it didn’t hurt and he even got a lollie after that was free!
Then his parents sat him down and told him what he did was reckless. If he hadn’t climbed up the hay like that, they wouldn’t have to go to the doctor. They showed him a spreadsheet they had for him and his brothers and told him the doctor’s visit would go on there. His eyes bugged as he looked at all the stuff his brothers still needed to pay off. It would take a very long time.
But his parents were nice, you see. No interest! They explained that some people would make him pay extra on his debts, but since they were family, Dennis didn’t need to do that for them.
After his chores were done, Dennis started going over to the neighbors and asking if there was anything he could do for a few dollars or even quarters. It got harder when school started. His parents never reminded him of the debt unless he asked for something he wanted. They would make sure he knew it was going to be added on and then get it for him. It was just being smart to make sure he knew how much he owed.
One day, he got hurt at his neighbors. A similar injury to what happened to first time, and all that debt flashed in his mind. He couldn't risk that again, so Dennis did his best to hide it. He made sure to finish the chore first, wrapping up the cut with some scraps he found.
When Dennis got home, he made sure to clean it out and throw away the scraps so no one knew what happened. Good thing he had a few old shirts he could rip up and wrap around his leg to keep it closed.
It didn't last, though. Something happened two days in. Dennis got all sweaty and feverish and his parents couldn't tell what happened. Going to the doctor became inevitable but not before they tried to break his fever with a cold bath. Dennis had tried to fight against it, but he was too weak and his parents too determined.
The ride to the hospital was silent. The nurses asked how this happened and Dennis told them. They asked why he hid it for so long and Dennis couldn't look up from the ground. It was impolite to talk about your debts or ask someone else about theirs, his parents had told him. So Dennis lied and said going to the doctor was scary.
He got two lollies on the way out.
They didn't help when he saw how much more he owed.
At least Dennis learned the lesson early: if he got hurt, he shouldn't wait to tell his parents. It would only make the bills higher and Dennis owe more.
Eventually, he got into a rhythm. Everything he made went straight to his parents. The cut on his leg became a nasty scar, a reminder. It helped him be more careful and the few times Dennis thought to hide an injury, he just had to look down to see the results of it.
Most of his debt came from things around the house. A vase broken here, a window shattered there. Once, a tractor broke down while Dennis had been driving it. The repairs were extensive and it was what made the debt he owed crawl into the five figure range.
It never hit the six figure range, though. Dennis could be proud of that. Even as he started college and gained more debt with interest, Dennis didn't ask his parents for anything more.
There were odd jobs Dennis managed to do to send a few dollars back home here and there. Most of that money went to Dennis himself, though. A few scholarships helped, but those went towards housing. Having the small jobs were for his groceries.
If Dennis missed payments for too long, his parents would ask after them. For the first time since he'd been indebted to them, they asked for the money. Every time, Dennis would send what he could. They were never more than fifty dollars and often under twenty, but his parents were pleased with it.
Dennis took extra care not to get into debt with anyone else. His roommates were always nice, but when he started to get worried about money, when they offered to pay his portion of rent, Dennis shook his head. He lied and told them he had somewhere he could stay. Better than dealing with anymore debt.
At least he found the abandoned hall he could hide in. It worked for a long time before Trinity found him and took him in. That whole situation had been... difficult. Trinity told him over and over that he didn't owe her anything. She never planned on having a roommate when she moved in, so she had a good financial plan. Still, any money Dennis managed to get while making his way through the rest of his rotations and graduation went to savings for Trinity and all the kindness she showed him.
There were setbacks, as always, but once he started making money, Dennis was able to take care of himself, pay off his debt to his parents, and start paying off his student loans. It was a lot to balance, but after a while, Dennis got the hang of it. He even managed to have a bit of savings. (So maybe he dipped into it too often and it never broke a thousand, but he was proud.)
Getting into a relationship in the middle of it all hadn't been Dennis' plan. Especially not with the married day and night attendings. Those were men Dennis thought were off limits. They were his superiors. Besides, two attendings salary? Dennis didn't have a dream of keeping up when it would come to dates.
Except, they said, Dennis didn't owe them anything. Which would have computed in his head. Dennis never made note of when people were indebted to him. Not only did it rarely happen, but he didn't like being in debt. He saw no reason to put other people in debt. He needed to pay off his own anyway.
There were restaurants with fancy looking names and menus without prices next to him. There were extravagant days and nights out and plans hidden from Dennis with the receipts just as. He managed to find them all and add Jack and Robby to the spreadsheet he made.
There were little things Dennis tried to do so he could chip away at the debt. Things he didn't do with Trinity, but he figured it would be forgiven since they were his partners. He made sure to have a section just for those little things in case it caused problems later on.
Robby and Jack never mentioned his debt. They only talked about how Dennis shouldn't worry about picking up the bill or the times he bought them stuff that he didn't have to. They knew how much medical school indebted someone. They told him to focus on that instead.
So Dennis listened. He made sure to put his efforts into the debt he earned for his degree and finishing off the debt from his parents. It took a while, but halfway through residency, Dennis had cleared what he had with his parents. Sent them the last payment and even called them for the first time in years to see their reaction.
(It had been more underwhelming than Dennis thought. They hummed as the transfer came through and then showed him as they input the last of his debt. His sat at zero while the rest of his brothers still had more to pay off. It made a pit grow in his stomach and he'd been off all day, though refused to tell his partners about it. At least they were kind enough to just hold him and let him relax without need for an explanation.)
With his debt to his parents out of the way, Dennis turned his attention to Jack and Robby. There was some savings Dennis could use and he really wanted to show how much he appreciated the men for letting him take care of previous debts first.
Maybe not a lot in their eyes, Dennis realized, after he transferred the two hundred and had both men in the living room. They had been in their separate offices, working on emails and paperwork. Well, Robby had been. Jack had admitted to Dennis he mostly played solitaire.
They must have talked at the top of the stairs. Dennis had heard them and sat up a little more normal on the couch rather than spread over it. The TV got muted when he heard them come down, and he shut his computer when they actually walked into the space. His parents always told him it was impolite to be fidgeting or distracted when they discussed his debt.
Neither of the men in front of Dennis sat down.
"You sent us both two hundred dollars?" Robby said. Dennis nodded up at him. He wanted to smile, but Robby only looked confused. Jack had his arms crossed and narrowed eyes. It looked intimidating but Dennis just knew it meant he was thinking hard.
"Yeah!" Dennis said. "I paid off some other debt and--"
"You couldn't have paid of your student loans that fast," Jack interrupted, "And what does 'other' mean? You're not indebted to us." Dennis snorted and rolled his eyes.
"Sorry," he said, "I know it's not nice to talk about debt with people, but we're all adults."
"What are you talking about?" Robby asked. Dennis reached forward and grabbed his computer. When he showed them, they'd understand. And they seemed to know what he was getting at because they sat on either side of him; Jack on his left and Robby on his right.
It took some time for the spreadsheet to load, but once it did, Jack went still and Robby leaned in. There were maybe ten names on his spreadsheet, including his parents. Just because he was out of debt with them now didn't mean he wouldn't get into more debt later.
Dennis pointed out where the men's names were and where he'd taken money out for some of the things he paid for.
"If what I sent isn't enough, then I can give you more," he said, "And. Um. I pulled some money out whenever I got us stuff, but I know that doesn't really count, so I can add it back in and--"
"Dennis, what the fuck?" Jack breathed it all out in one go. He took the computer as Dennis' face grew red. Maybe they just weren't indebted to as many people as him. Was ten a lot of people? Dennis didn't know. They were the first people he ever showed this to.
"It's just to keep track," he mumbled. He thought about the easiest way to ask Trinity to pick him up for the weekend. After seeing all the debt Dennis had, he wondered if Robby and Jack would even want to keep him around. "Uh, Trin doesn't seem to mind waiting. She's never said anything about it so..."
"Jesus Christ," Robby leaned back, arm over the couch, as he tried to crane his head around Dennis to get a look at the screen, "Baby, why are tracking this?"
That made no sense. Unless they were tracking it for him (God, what if they wanted him to pay interest?), he just needed a way to keep everything in one place. Everyone was in debt. It was just different amounts.
"It's easier than guessing," he sniffed, "I mean, my parents taught me how to keep track of it for them, so I figured--"
"Your parents?" Jack cut Dennis off again.
"Honey, let him talk," Robby said. Dennis could feel Robby's arm shift behind him. He knew the man had gripped his husbands shoulder to help steady him.
"Yeah, they taught me about debt and to make sure I always pay it off," Dennis blinked to keep from crying as he stared down at his hands. He was fidgeting. "I just thought you guys were waiting until I started paying to bring it up. I like to keep some money in savings but if you want more, I can send you more."
The warm bodies on either side of him curled closer. They were still quiet as Dennis waited for a response. After enough time, Dennis huffed and took the computer back. This was what they wanted. They wanted him to do it without being prompted. His parents hated reminding Dennis about his debt because he should have been thinking about it all the time.
When he opened his bank, though, Robby took the computer back from him.
"Dennis, you don't owe us anything," he said. Dennis glared at him for the lie, "Okay. How about this. I see a lot of people on there that you owe money to. What about the people who owe you money?"
Dennis rolled his eyes and scrubbed away the tears. That was a ridiculous question. Didn't they know him by now?
"I don't like being in debt," he said, "I don't want to do that to someone."
"Right. And if we had someone come into the ER who said their partner was holding their finances and preventing them from leaving a dangerous situation?"
Something in Dennis' mind clicked. Still, he shook his head. Refused to see the picture Robby was painting. It wasn't the same. It really wasn't. Dennis had left. His parents had kept him in Broken Bow. They just told him it would be a mistake and...
Strong arms wrapped around Dennis' waist and he gripped Jack as he pulled Dennis back into a sturdy hold. He stared up at Robby with an open mouth as the man closed the computer and set it aside.
"It's not the same," Dennis tried to argue. His voice broke and tears flowed freely down his face. "It's really not. I... Because, um, my parents they were just..."
"It's okay." Jack pressed a kiss to his temple. "We can just lay here, yeah?" Dennis nodded and squeezed his eyes closed as he let the men swing his legs onto the couch. He leaned against Jack as Robby laid over his legs and rest his head against Dennis' stomach.
Dennis couldn't remember how long they were like that as Dennis cried, desperately clinging to Jack behind him and Robby in front of him.
He didn't even know what he was mourning. A childhood he never had? Money he'd lost? How much had he sacrificed because his parents demanded him to pay for existing?
There were hands running up and down his sides. Fingers in his hair and thumbs swiping the tears as they came.
By the end of it, Dennis had a headache. He had the hiccups and he still had Robby and Jack. They had made it clear before they weren't going anywhere. This only helped solidify it in Dennis' mind. It melted something in his chest.
"Water?" Robby asked. The sound rumbled through Dennis. He nodded and the weight lifted off him. Jack held him tighter as Robby disappeared. Dennis still didn't open his eyes until Robby pressed the glass into his hand. When he opened them and finished drinking, Robby held out tissues.
"I just thought it was normal," Dennis whispered.
"Everyone does," Jack said, "When it's happening to them." Dennis choked. He didn't want to start crying again. He really didn't.
"Alright." Robby grunted as he got onto the couch. This time, he rested Dennis feet in his lap instead of laying over him. "What should we do with those four hundred dollars, hm?"
"Wh'do you mean?" Dennis said into the tissue. He blew his nose and Jack poked his side. "I'm snotty! Leave me alone."
"Don't bully him." Robby flicked Jack's toes. "You sent us both two hundred. So, what are you going to do with it?"
"It's not... I sent it to you so..."
"Okay," Jack nuzzled himself closer to Dennis, pressing his lips into Dennis' neck. He relaxed further into the hold as he felt Jack's lips move, "Baby steps."
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