About MBTI romantic compatibility
In this post I want to talk about my personal thoughts based on what I observe about MBTI romantic compatibility or romantic compatibility in general.
Because remember, MBTI isn't enough when looking for a partner; there can be:
Very different people of the same type
Similar people of very different types
It also depends on what similitarities and differences mean for you.
MBTI: COMPATIBLE, SIMILIAR, DIFFERENT
Think at colors: there are colours which matches armonically to you but maybe you still preferer a "very similar" colour that accompany you or "very different" one that make you natural color stands up
1) COMPATIBLE if you look for an armonical balance between your differences (dichotomies) and similarities (same primary function but inverted and same process thoughts of the other two functions)
E/I + P/J difference or also F/T or N/S depending on what is the primary function (change the other). F/T or N/S lead to apparently more differences but deeply same way to process some thoughts (exactly same middle cognitive functions)
Example: INTJ x ENFP or ENTP
Example: ISFP x ESFJ or ENFJ
2) SIMILIAR: same type or similiar in many things (but not having the same primary function and thinking process can still lead to a not so small difference): you prefer having more similitarities with your partner (e.g. both introverted)
Change just a letter (be conscious that usually the S/N difference alone could still lead to a strong difference)
Example: INTJ x INTJ or ENTJ or INFJ or INTP (or also ISTJ)
ABOUT changing only the last 2 dichotomies: it will lead to a more complex mix between similarities and differences, usually it can be great at times but can also lead to many misunderstandings, for this reason I see more friendships than romantic partners on these.
3) DIFFERENT: very different type or opposite type: you feel safe with a companion that can do the things you can't do.
Example: INTJ x ESFP, ESTP, ESTJ, ISFJ,...
If all you look for is just a personality type yes, but if you consider many things among which a specifically personality type... no. People choose their partner based on physical appearance, interests, sympathy, familiarity, style of life... and choosing based on the way a person perceive and process reality that affect every part of their daily life is nothing but deep.
"BUT if you both are willing to make it work..."
I will be honest here on my opinion. We are not talking about getting along with colleagues or in family or something forced, but with romantic relationships. It's so natural to look for a "compatible" friendship, why not with romance? Friends can be many while a romantic partner is hopefully just one and for every day of our life; and every relationship is already difficult by itself without us making it more complicated. We will live and share everything with our partner, make decisions with them, see and talk to them everyday: for this reason I personally don't see why we can't be selective.
So... is MBTI compatibility important? Depends
My personal opinion is that compatibility in general is very important, but not each couple needs MBTI compatibility to work well.
Your perfect match depends on who you are and what you look for in a partner.
-> Some thoughts to consider for wishing to have MBTI compatibility or not:
If your MBTI type is a huge part of who you are and your mental process - choose YES
Passions, interests, character and other things have a huge impact of who or your partner are more than MBTI - choose NO
You are selective and look for deep understanding of who you are to feel completely gotten - choose YES
You get along easily with others and feeling get is not your primary need (or not by a partner), you enjoy and look for other things - choose NO
Your process thoughts deeply, analyse others and observe a lot - choose YES
You are in tune with the ambience more than focusing too deeply on the others, you are more practical and a doer - choose NO
Your answer can be different of the one of your partner. For example an INFJ chooses her ENFP for MBTI compatibility because she wants to have long conversations and feel mentally connected with him while ENFP chooses her for the way she treats him and prefers spending time doing some hobbies together. So their relationship's will won't match.
If you wish for MBTI compatibility:
I will repeat it another time: MBTI isn't enough! There are always other things that defines us as values, humour, interests, style of life, mentality. So your life partner will be one of the personalities you get along with: not all will work perfectly with you!
MBTI isn't a guarantee! There is no perfect balance and every couple needs work.
If you wish for other kind of compatibilities:
Still be conscious about your personalities! Sometimes feelings cover our differences and you are ok with how are some things now but maybe in the future you or your partner will look for other things.
Be aware! Not thinking about it doesn't remove their type and your similarities/differences, the best is knowing your MBTI types and still be sure it's the best for you! MBTI knowledge in any case could always help in your journey.
Some example of couples I know:
ISFP x ENFJ: natural match and they also share the same way to see life - worked
ESFP x ISFJ: compatible but the mental disorders of one destroyed their relationships and also their interests didn't match - didn't work
Not MBTI compatible couples:
INFP x ISTJ: they have the same values of family and both looked for a companion that can do what they couldn't, and feel safe in the differences of the other - worked
INFP x ESTJ: they loved the differences because they made them feel safe, during life they realized they needed to feel understood by the other and suffered for the lack of similitarities - didn't work
Be careful and choose what is best for YOU depending on what you and your partner look for in a relationship. Because at the end knowing what you want in your love life and waiting until you find it is the most important thing! If you want read this last part by thinking at different characteristics other than MBTI.
Different partner: more work to to but they can help you with doing the things you can't do. Always looking for an opposite partner can be sometimes linked to low self esteem, or positively to a strong adaptation ability.
Similiar partner: less work to do but you will have the same limits and face the same problems. Always looking for a very similar partner can be sometimes a sign of immaturity, or positively of a sensitive trait.
I talked about MBTI compatibility but remember that MBTI doesn't describe us totally so choose wisely considering that person completely!
And work with your defects and mental disorders, with them every relationship is destined to fail or be unhealthy or toxic.
Maybe you are thinking "love is blind"... to our mind maybe yes, but unconsciously is linked to how we see ourselves deeply.
Feelings may last some time but having a partner hopefully will last a life.
I wish you all the best love life :)
