hey chat here's my favourite thing i've ever written
CHECK TAGS FOR TRIGGER WARNINGS
the sum of all parts
greater than the whole by forwards (me)
i know you now. but i wanted to know you then, to know you when… it didn’t make sense. and i know it now. and i want it to be known. no, i want it to be known, to you.
this, is the story,
of you.
you were once innocent, infant, entire.
with all your heart, you loved, and you loved, and you loved.
yet, in return, you were loathed. neglected, mistreated, abused, traumatised. they left you broken, didn’t they? your innocence, exploited. how could they? a heart full of love, they drained, they corrupted.
it is not your fault. you didn’t know what it was like to live without their wounds... so you made sure you would never find out. you were so scared, but you had no one to listen, no mouth to scream, no voice to cry suffering.
until, you fell in love again. and this time it was different. this time, she loved you too.
talking, flirting, confessing, handholding, kissing. finally, someone who cared!
until she became someone who went too far. kissing turned to soliciting, soliciting turned to threatening, threatening turned to blackmailing, and with blackmailing came extorting. she couldn’t take no for an answer. she wouldn’t take no for an answer. and because you loved her, you said yes. what was the worst that could happen?
and then, the worst happened. everyone. staring, whispering, judging. their gaze pierced your soul. and then you knew what the worst was. she took your heart. and she cut it into pieces.
you ran, and you cried, and you denied, and you would hide, until there was nowhere left to run. alone, betrayed, sobbing. school had ended but you couldn’t move, crying and begging for someone, anyone, anything, to help. praying to a god you had never believed in.
but nobody came.
and yet, a hand on your shoulder. arms wrapping around you. bringing you into an embrace.
a voice. “everything is going to be ok.” and everything faded away.
you woke up. at home, in your bed. you think, for a moment, that maybe, it was all a nightmare after all. only for a moment. somehow, you got home. and somehow, you weren’t aloneanymore. there was something, rather, someone, new. a voice, a person. she made you feel safe. she comforted you as you wept. she helped you face the world.
and truly, she loved, and she loved, and she loved.
just like you.
and the next day, when the whispering and snickering continued, you only heard her voice.
“keep going.”
and you did. you kept going.
it didn’t get easier, there was no lucky break. only a friend. but sometimes, a friend is enough. enough, to keep going.
over the years, you found out who you were, and you were scared of it. she tried to help, but you pushed her away. you were never alone, but always lonely. only at your lowest would you let her in. though, that wasn’t rare. and each time you let her in, you listened a little more. you started to work together. because of her, you could make friends again! ...or at least, she could make friends, but to her friends, it was always you.
and one day, when her friends left that lunch table, some others walked up to her.
you realised what they would do. you were unable to stop it. but, you could stop it from happening to her. for the first time, you took control. you let them touch you. over, and over. you never let it happen to her.
and then, you were three. a man, a woman, and a child. she could charm, and he could chill, and you... well, you couldn’t do much of anything, could you? never alone, still lonely.
until, you started to work together.
you faced the world with each other, as the sum of all your parts. and you began to flourish. you stopped running and for the first time ever you saw yourself as what you were,
and you accepted it. together, you could do anything! you stopped spending all day on the sidelines, stopped being an audience to your own life, you started to lead! slowly, your other parts, went from being in charge all day, to eight hours, then to five, then to three, then to one,
and before you knew it, to none at all. you called out for them,
but nobody came. you had become whole. alone in your mind. and for the first time in forever, everything... was quiet.
and then,
i met you.
