[paranormal-taters]

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

[paranormal-taters]

okay nevermind it IS a word now and this is exactly what it means.

[paranormal-taters]

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT THIS NEW AND BETTER WORD

[rpfwasfine]

it takes 10 layers of the water filter to completely drown a tumblr screenshot if anyone was wondering

[rpfwasfine]

[the-joju-experience]

I mean, I guess there's always the inherent eroticism of the sea

[hellenhighwater]

I forgot to eat dinner so I'm having 11 pm corn on the cob. This counts as a meal

... It's possible that I really need to do some grocery shopping

[hellenhighwater]

Okay for those of you living in pitiful ignorance, take a raw ear of corn with the husk on and cut all the way around the base (as pictured: above the point where the husk meets the cob, so that the entire husk is severed but still wrapped around the corn. Do not cut through the cob.) Then, with the husk still on, microwave it for 5-7 minutes. It'll basically steam it inside the husk. Remove from microwave --it will be hot, so use a mitt or a towel--and firmly pull the top of the husk/silk, which should come off easily in one piece, unsheathing a flawless corn on the cob. If it doesn't, you probably need to cut a little higher around the base, so all the leaves are severed. No picking off silk!

[hellenhighwater]

For the nonbelievers (and for me, a second corn)

[hellenhighwater]

This website works so well

[helsinore]

gxrl i do not care if being fat “makes you hot” or not. i do not care. you need to eat so you can experience life as a full fucking person. you are a whole ass person bitch, not an entity that can solely be reduced to being desirable as an object!!! you have other concerns or fulfillment in life besides ensuring how fuckable you are!!! eat your damn food!!!!

[azure-alter]

You have to separate the art from the Garfunkel

[nyctosaurid]

barnyard the original party animals is the uncontested lord of bad implications in childrens movies

[nyctosaurid]

ok so like “the secret life of x” movies tend to not strongly explore the actual reasons why, exactly, their life has to be secret… they don’t really focus on it within the narrative. They do usually have some small justification for why animals or video games or toys or whatever have never just revealed themselves:

There’s no stated reason. They just pretend to not be alive. We usually can suspend our suspension of disbelief here because when it’s something like a video game or an emoji because any odd occurrences is perceived as a glitch or something similar but the actual reason why they aren’t too hung up on this kinda shitty lot in life isn’t said

They get something out of their current relationship with humans (like in toy story)

They have some specific reason to hide that they’re alive, like they die if they’re seen (like in the christmas toy)

They perceive themselves as sentient, talking creatures, but humans can’t understand them. They just see a squeaking mouse or an inanimate hot dog or whatever. 

and the last one is what most animal movies do, and it’s like, not devoid of weird implications but you can see where it mostly works.

but barnyard is the outlier here: it goes with tier one: the animals can talk and walk on two legs but just pretend that they can’t for unstated reasons. 

in the history of the barnyard world non human animals, at some point, decided to just pretend to be unable to speak. a “cow” or a “coyote” or a “hen” do not exist as we know it in the barnyard universe. the baa of the sheep is false; the ewe doesn’t understand it either. they only made up that noise to hide the fact that they speak human languages. a dog barking and running on all fours is a facade. animals naturally walk on their hind legs and made up whole postures just to appear non sentient.

and for what? what do they gain from this? they have no rights and no voice by their own choice. at one point a donkey claims the farmer is a good person because he’s vegan and a pig mentions bacon - this is not a fantasy universe devoid of death and misery and meat. do animals, in hushed whispers, remind their children not to sob in their real voice as they’re taken away? do the dogs not beg for kindness when they’re tied up and hit? do cows and chickens not cry for their life in the slaughterhouses? does a rat not scream a human scream when the trap misses their neck and only breaks their spine? Why? what is the point? They loose so much and have everything to gain.

anyways does everyone remember this really awful cat. it only appears in one scene but i can just sense the porn of it that would pop up if i googled it’s name

[inkthecryptid]

This post is like being tied to a chair as a a joker-style villain monologues and presses a gun closer and closer to my head as he reaches the climax of his rehearsed piece on the flaws of society and when he finally pulls the trigger it’s a little flag that says “bang!”

[grapnel]

An example of why one should use the Oxford comma.

[sepdet]

LOL. I think they tried to fix it.

Nice try. Still no.

[rivendellrose]

Wake up, babe, a new example of why the Oxford comma is a really good idea just dropped...

[vampirecorleone]

"Do you know I'm anatomically correct?" Tyra Banks as Eve in Life Size (2000) || Costume Design by Maya Mani

[knownqueerbaiter]

i’m having an affair with Open in New Tab

[delphinidin4]

Most ironic photos

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

Here’s a photo my dad took at work

[random-meme-bot]

I love Environmental Storytelling

[youneedone2]

Wild Turkey fight by Ken Phenicie Jr

[cylonbarnes]

hostage situation on my classic emmerdale. call that classic emmerdale

[parakeet]

Today I saw a leaf that looked like a frog and I was like haha nice and then it hopped because it WAS a frog and I started crying bc life is really full of everyday miracles including but not limited to experiencing frogs

[deathwarlock]

you got camouflaged dude. If you were frog prey...... hoooo boy

[mallowmaenad]

[maraudereestauderelb]

For those who needed to hear this today:

Slow down, you crazy child, you′re so ambitious for a juvenile, but then, if you're so smart, tell me, why are you still so afraid?

Where′s the fire? What's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out. You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.

When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you′re doing fine you can′t be everything you wanna be before your time.

Slow down, you crazy child & take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while. It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two.

When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

And you know that when the truth is told that you can get what you want, or you can just get old. You′re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through.

Why don't you realize Vienna waits for you?

[evilnicegirl]

this would have got 100k notes as a tumblr post in 2018

[kink-tomato]

This zine, and I cannot over emphasize how funny this is, is for Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire

[getvalentined]

These people blocked me on both Twitter and Tumblr, and then someone used a burner account to go off on me on Twitter. This person insisted that I was singlehandedly responsible for the project falling.

I made one comment, and it was this:

No clue how my single comment did this. But okay.

[undeadhousewife]

[setulose]

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

[setulose]

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

[setulose]

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

[deliciousghosts-final]

#mambo number 0.0000000000005