I think I forgot what it meant to be surprised in a bad way. You know, surprised when there is another step to take up a flight of stairs, or in this case, rather the opposite. You take another step too many and you’ve run out of stairs. That free-falling moment of “Oh shit!” Yes, that sort of surprise. But this time, it was finding out that my previous roommate stopped paying one of his bills three months ago and now that he has moved out, the bill is my responsibility.
I don’t think there is enough wine in the world to express how upset I am. How devastated I feel. How irresponsible I feel for not having noticed before now. And I should have noticed. I claim to be on top of my game in regards to my home and what happens in it, but I was not prepared for this. I didn’t even see this one coming.
I would like to think that I would have handled this better. I mean, I didn’t message him and tell him what a fuck up he is, because he already probably knows and if he doesn’t know, he’s too high to realize what I’m talking about. But I didn’t think I would fall to pieces over the looming prospect of water being turned off because the bill hasn’t been paid in three freaking months.
An unpaid bill is just that. A slip of paper telling me that someone wants the money I work 40 hours a week for $9.25 for. And normally, that wouldn’t be a bad thing. Budgeting and what not. But I am a control freak at the best of times and this makes me feel as if I’ve never paid a bill in my life. Just the one idea that I am late on something is enough to have me taking deep breathes from a paper bag.
And for some unknown reason, everyone around me today has sensed that I am an emotional wreck over something very simple and easy to tend to. They have been sweet and responsive to my needs without even having to ask what they are.
A turning point, I suppose, for my character, is that I received the one thing from my father today that put this whole bill thing into perspective over a bottle of wine. “I’m really proud of you,” he said, as if he couldn’t tell that on my end of the line I was breaking. “I hold you in very high regards. You’ve got a special place in my heart, baby girl.”
The boyfriend has left messages in my inbox about how much he loves me and wants to be a better person because of me.
The new roommate made dinner (a chore I typically do because I love cooking but sometimes it gets to be too much) and asked if I wanted to do a wine and movie night with her.
So, I think I forgot what it is like to be surprised in a bad way. But also, I think I forgot what it is to be surprised in the best of ways.
