[unendingnone]

the nervous pervert has a suggestion to make

[unendingnone]

sexy space explorerdroid with etchings from the golden disk engraved on their panels because exploration is a two-way street

[muttsys-deactivated20260425]

Umm.. 🫵your m🫵utual runs a 🫵 bug porn sideblo🫵g 👍 ignore my hand ✌️ i cant control it right now 👍✌️👍👉stop that

[slygirlboy]

oh, me? yeah, im a panel 1 girl. panel 2? instant loss? no, no, i dont believe in that stuff

[slygirlboy]

the faint, muffled noises coming from the right that kind of sound like me moaning are probably just swamp gas or ball lighting

[katlovesshrimps]

I felt inspired...

[unendingnone]

[pins a red string from "instant loss" to "rise of short-form content"]

[capacity2]

You’ll be sitting on my apparatus

[rudeteens]

If I had a space ship I would make having sex against the rules on my spaceship to make the sex we have on my spaceship even hotter on my space ship

[foone]

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

[foone]

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

[foone]

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

[foone]

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

[foone]

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

[foone]

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

[foone]

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess. 

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

[foone]

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock! 

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

[foone]

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also… 

THE WRENCH! 

[foone]

now that is a fucking slogan

[foone]

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

[foone]

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

[foone]

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

[foone]

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

[foone]

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

[foone]

found another tool! it’s scissors this time.

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

[foone]

sometimes all I can say is “what”

[foone]

is this vaporwave?

[foone]

I don’t think that’s how that works

[foone]

your strawberries will never be safe

[foone]

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan! 

[foone]

another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in! 

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

[foone]

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards! 

[unendingnone]

[envenomates you]

[nikoco11]

maiden in need of rescue!!! what a horrible terrifying dragon!!!!

[cottoncandylesbo]

actually u can't get into heaven unless u jerk off AS MUCH AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE

[wrigglewormz]

Quite frankly yall need to be projecting more on the doms. Make the DOM have guilty sexual fantasies !!! Maybe the DOM is shamefully staring at the ceiling after waking up from a dream!!! Yall are cowards. Do none of you have any appreciation for the noble dom identity crisis. Do none of you have any respect for guilty sadists with control issues and who desperately want autonomy for once in their damn lives and who just want to Keep someone, for once, who want to be allowed to Want and Take . Do NONE of yall have any respect for sadists realizing with horror how badly they want to hurt the person they would do anything to protect and take care of and make smile? Cowards, all of you.

[unendingnone]

[taylor-titmouse]

aw damn i hate when some random paramecium swims in front of the action. get outta the way.

[unendingnone]

nightreign and chill

[unendingnone]

the rain is coming. The r

[unendingnone]

nightreign and chill

[poetrylesbian]

how beautiful to be 28 and still discovering fun new ways to masturbate. never kill yourself.