The most ridiculous OoT theory youâll hear lately:
AKA Why tf are there Cows underground in random holes???
To understand this, we need to look at Majoraâs mask.
So, Majoraâs Mask is kind of infamous for one of itâs quests at the ranch involving cows being abducted by aliens that are simply dubbed as Them. If you fail to protect the ranch by way of loosing arrows at the invaders, they abduct the cows (and Romani) and plonk her back a day later with her memories wiped. You can find the poor girl wandering around in the rain, looking terrifically lost, and a little bit distressed as she tries to remember what has happened and cannot.
Traumatising stuff when youâre a young lad.
So we have that, and we have this:
And basically we can consider that aliens are *present* in the series, at this point, even if only as a very background thing. Thereâs no evidence of Them in OoT⊠that we know of. Arwings not withstanding.
Except⊠Most of the cows in OoT seem to be buried in holes.
Why? Well, because in Zelda, Cows appear to attract fucking aliens.
So if you have a cow, and you know that cows typically attract really weird happenings and possibly just vanish due to abductions, I meanâ First, expensive losses. Second, what the fuck. Third, in a world setting like OoT you really canât do without cows.
No, seriously. They fucking hide them. All over the damn country, in fact.
The vast majority of cows in OoT are hidden in holes. The rest are usually hidden in even weirder places.
Impa keeps her cow INSIDE her house, in a cage. Thereâs plenty of good grazing room in the center of Kakariko. This is a weird choice.
Then again the Sheikah in the Era were torturers
Thereâs one in Jabu Jabuâs belly. Causing indigestion, no doubt, but since Ruto is in charge of feeding him and he tends to inhale just about anything led onto that platform, suffice to say, this was on purpose.
The Gerudo do have a cow but itâs right down the bottom of the canyon and not at all in plain sight, with rocky cliffs preventing abduction. It is purposefully put here, even though this is a ridiculous spot for it. It has a guard standing by and a crate for milk collection and even a soft soil patch for bean plants that it presumably eats.
This qualifies as a hidden cow also.
But what about Lon Lon, you say? The ranch obviously has cows?
Not only are the cows indoors again, despite the best possible opportunity in the game to have cows just kind of grazing, but the Ranch seems to keep a few spare HIDDEN cows in the only solid stone building they have: their storage room. They have cows in the obvious place, in the barn, and then they have some hidden aside for⊠no valid reason at all.
Unless alien abductions were a frequent enough affair to warrant this precaution.
Because the Ranch is responsible for most of the milk in game, and makes large deliveries to the castle too. An alien induced milk shortage would be bad. And perhaps having a few cows available in the one place the aliens know theyâll be is easier on everyone, also, because then they probably donât come down looking.
Also, what happened to Malonâs mother?
Maybe somebody was trying to protect their cows and got beamed up, huh?
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