[officialprydonchapter-deactivat]

How do you write healthy parent-child relationships?

[dragon-in-a-fez]

this might be more response than you want, but interesting (and kinda depressing when you think about it) fact: there’ve been a bunch of research studies where parents have been asked what they think makes a healthy parent-child relationship, and they tend to like…not answer the actual question because they think they’re being asked what good parenting is, which is not the same. so they talk about things like helping kids with homework and making sure they eat well. children, on the other hand, usually respond to the same question with stuff that’s literally just the definition of healthy relationships generally. affection, honesty, respect, spending time together, sharing interests. and the real kicker is, objectively, we know that’s the kind of stuff that actually has a much better impact not only on whether or not the relationship is strong and positive but also the kid’s overall happiness and psychological health.

so, if you want to write a character who’s really intent on being a Good Parent you’d have them putting massive effort into making their kid Grow Up Right, worrying about shit like if they have The Right Friends and they’re spending Enough Time Outside. but if you want to write a good relationship, just make parent and kid laugh together and respect boundaries and be emotionally supportive, like you would when writing a solid pair of friends or romantic couple.

[officialprydonchapter-deactivat]

No that was actually really helpful and I’m glad you took the time to give a serious response

[luna-azzurra]

Tips for Writing Trauma!

i love you all and i need you to stop writing trauma as a single breakdown scene in the rain after which the character is Healed and Ready to Love Again. that is NOT trauma :(

⊹ Trauma doesn't announce itself. it shows up as your character suddenly not being able to eat a specific food, or going very quiet in a loud room, or laughing at the wrong moment because their nervous system decided that was the appropriate response. it's mundane and weird and it makes no sense from the outside. the dramatic flashback sequence is the least realistic part. the most realistic part is your character suddenly needing to leave a grocery store for a reason they can't articulate.

⊹ The body keeps score and it keeps it in the strangest places. a particular smell. the quality of light at a certain time of day. a tone of voice that sounds like someone who hurt them. your traumatised character doesn't think "this reminds me of the bad thing." their heart rate spikes and they don't know why. they feel wrong and they can't locate the feeling. they're irritable for three days and only later, if ever, do they make the connection. write the disconnection. it's more honest.

⊹ trauma also does not make people universally sympathetic and wise. it makes some people controlling. some people funny at inappropriate times. some people very good in a crisis and completely unable to handle a normal day. some people are generously kind to strangers and absolutely terrible to people they love. trauma shapes behaviour in contradictory, inconvenient ways that don't resolve into a lesson. your traumatised character can be difficult to like. that's not a flaw in the writing. that's the WRITING.

⊹ Healing is not linear and it is not a destination. your character does not get better and stay better. they have a good month and then something small undoes two years of progress and they have to start again with slightly more tools than before. that's the actual shape of it. the spiral, not the arc. the scene where they finally open up and cry is not the end. it might not even be progress. sometimes it just means they were tired that night.

[nim-lock]

prey animal

[narutwitter]

[agnesmontague]

you can kinda tell when a writer has spent a lot of time around kids bc they avoid most of the pitfalls that come with writing children. namely, not giving them a too cutesy or twee voice but making them sound more like extremely weird little adults. kids playing pretend will almost never cutely slot into some romantic scenario for the adults' benefit bc the adults are usually too busy cleaning up or wondering what the fuck is wrong with their child. kids also have surprisingly stringent hangups ranging from very petty grievances to downright chauvinist gender roles, more often than not the result of a tragic education but sometimes far surpassing what they were taught in intensity. what im saying is there's nothing inherently wrong with treating fictional kids as stock characters but it's always quite nice to see when they aren't

[hardwrench]

i like a character who follows all of the rules their whole life and then ends up with big fucking nothing except their own self righteous #coping because the rules arent actually good for them or for anybody else

[mutators]

1. Be tormented by it

2. Convince yourself you like it actually, to survive

3. Seek it out, because you like it

4. Return to top of list

[rederiswrites]

Next time you go to write a ten year old child, please know that mine just gave me a fairly accurate explanation of fiat versus commodity currencies, in those terms. So for goodness sake, just have them talk like the adults they’re around most.

Also I saw a post yesterday that said that children under ten don’t understand sarcasm, and I assure you, that is not the case.

[pyrrhiccomedy]

I talked like an adult when I was 10. So did all of my friends. Writing children believably is not about making them not know stuff, or making them struggle to express themselves. Kids can be very knowledgeable and very expressive, especially if they’re little book weirdos like I was.

To write a believable child, DO NOT make them:

- dumb

- inarticulate

- prone to outbursts

- superlatively innocent

DO make them:

- totally incapable of accurately calculating delayed gratification or the long-term consequences of their actions

- intermittently sociopathic

- sometimes choose to lie in a way that cannot possibly be believed, due to a dearth of life experience making it impossible to determine the likelihood of their own statements

- only sometimes, profoundly weird

[lacylu42]

I just want to add: intermittent competence. 

My 10 year old can do her own laundry, cook simple meals, look after pets, carry on a sophisticated conversation, make jokes that will make adults laugh (with her) for days, and do long division, but sometimes wears the same pair of underwear for several days in a row or forgets to wash the conditioner out of her hair. 

[heywriters]

My favorite thing about kids of all ages but especially pre-adolescents is they will casually observe and absorb whatever older kids and adults are doing and be doing it too within a day.

Also, if your little kid has older siblings/kids they spend time with, they have the advantage of learning stuff sooner than expected. Older kids are who you learn dirty, dangerous, and “grown up” knowledge from. If adults won’t tell you, older kids are only too happy to sound wise.

[error-404-fuck-not-found]

i ran a black market candy fencing operation at the age of ten

[rederiswrites]

fantastic

[krakenartificer]

My experience with 14/15-year-olds is that — as you would expect — they know about half of the things that “everybody knows” by age 30.

But it is a completely random half

Some of them have all the emotional skills and none of the practical. Some of them have all of the practical and none of the emotional. Some of them know how to mop a floor but not how to wipe down a counter. Some of them can be trusted to cook dinner for 50 people. Some of them don’t know how to say “I don’t feel good” and just have to sit around waiting for someone to notice that they’re about to pass out. Some of them have all of the adult skills but only half as good as an adult. Truly, there is no combination that would surprise me at this point.

So yeah. 1/3 completely competent, 2/3 utterly unaware of their own ignorance. That’s what a 10-year-old is like

[romanceyourdemons]

my scholarly physique and delicate constitution are not well-suited to questing, but they keep me around because i’m very good at saying ominous and unsettling things at significant moments

[fairy-wren]

grey go-away bird

(photos by loot eksteen)

[blindbeta]

I have a blind main character in a fantasy setting. He was born blind (congenital cataracts), and due to the setting there is no widespread usage of accessibility options like guide animals or orientation and mobility training. Would a blind from birth character have less need for O&M training or guides to navigate effectively, because they’re used to navigating on their own?

Navigating Without O&M

This one is tricky for me. I think it might have to do with your phrasing at the end. It isn’t so much less need as it is them managing on their own out of necessity, which isn’t the same.

O&M would enhance what the character can do and how confident he is while doing it, especially when going to new places. Since you want him to be independent in this universe, I assume he has a cane. He can, in theory learn to use it on his own, as early cane users probably did, but think of O&M as passing on tools and knowledge gained in blind communities since the development of formal O&M training.

Is he the only blind character in the story? Surely there is an older blind person in the community who could give some tips? Surely he has family who can help him navigate the landmarks in his community? O&M is also learning to memorize and navigate routes used everyday, learning to navigate unfamiliar places, and traveling.

I suggest researching the developing of O&M, such with this page on the AFB, and trying to create something for your fantasy story. Even if your character is the only blind character in their region, there will be other blind people in the world making changes and experimenting. If someone came up with a cane, there will be other developments as well, even if they are slow. Even if the character prefers to use resources from their own culture and community. So even if a formal O&M isn’t available, it isn’t necessarily and all of nothing experience where the character does absolutely everything on his own with only his own knowledge to work with.

I hope this helps.

-BlindBeta

[bratprivilege-moved]

Love this so so much. One of the biggest things I’m always telling people making blind characters is to think about where your character basically learned how to be blind, so to speak. Even if there weren’t training centers or formalized programs in that time period, it’s important to think about how they got to the place where they are now. Even if it was just a single mentor. Even several hundred years ago, smaller, loose organizations of blind people existed. Maybe they weren’t as structured, maybe it was just a collection of friends even, but one of the biggest things that I think lots of people miss is to give your blind character access to their own community.

I think giving disabled characters access to their community is such an overlooked and wildly underrated thing that I absolutely need to see more of in stories. When you are the only person like you that you have ever met, that’s going to be really, really hard, and community is one of the most important, life altering experiences for someone who doesn’t see people like themselves every day. The same way that I as a lesbian had my world rocked when I found other gay people, it was equally groundbreaking when I suddenly uncovered a massive community of blind people that I didn’t know existed. It’s so, so important to find people that are like you

Chances are, if they grew up in a sighted family, those people didn’t necessarily know how to teach them the accessible way to do something, so they must have learned it somewhere. Maybe it was trial and error, but more than likely, you’re only going to learn so much by yourself, and there are always going to be things someone else has thought of that never occurred to you. Finding community is extremely important.

Long before formalized organizations and long before training centers and long before guide dog schools, there have always been blind people that manage to find each other and share ideas they have had and techniques they have come up with. Sometimes it somebody they meet in person. Sometimes it’s somebody they exchange letters with that a mutual friend connected them with. There have always been blind people looking for and finding each other and brainstorming things together.

[blindbeta]

Thanks for this addition! Some gems: “One of the biggest things I’m always telling people making blind characters is to think about where your character basically learned how to be blind”

and “one of the biggest things that I think lots of people miss is to give your blind character access to their own community.”

Also I realized I forgot a link in the original post and now I cannot remember what it was.

Edit: I noticed a few typos I missed. The last sentence is edited to correct wording and improve clarity.

So even if a formal O&M is not available, it isn’t necessarily an all or nothing experience where the character must do absolutely everything independently, with only his own knowledge to guide him.

[askablindperson]

Oh hey look, more of my old writing from one of my old personal blogs! I’m surprised I wrote it on that blog and not a blindness one, but a well. Look at younger me, still thinking I was a lesbian back then lol. Still standby everything I wrote in that reply though. Good stuff. Disabled people have always found a way, even when we may not have had government agencies with millions of dollars of funding to manage those things. Just like every other minority group has always organized one way or another, so have blind people. We have never existed in a vacuum, and your blind character shouldn’t, either.

[askablindperson]

Hello. How would phantom vision work, and what is plausible to see with phantom vision (I hope it's the right word)? I'm writing a character who is blind in one eye - unsure if you're familiar with the Hero of Time from the Legend of Zelda?

A bit of background info:

1. When he was younger, he used to have a fairy friend named Navi who would fly around next to him.

2. In the games, we know he eventually turns into the Hero's Shade, who's clearly missing his right eye.

I was wondering if it's plausible that whether it is possible that occassionally his phantom vision would fill in his fairy friend Navi on the side of his missing eye, and if yes, how realistic do those usually feel?

Hi! I am unfortunately not familiar with the character, legend of Zelda is not unfortunately a blind accessible video game series and I haven’t yet had a friend describe any of them to me. But I will do my best without that context.

So to start, phantom vision has a more proper terminology in our world that might help you do more research. It’s called Charles Bonnet syndrome. This is the specific term for visual hallucinations specifically experienced by people who went blind or lost significant portions of vision. Researching CBS should give you a lot more information to go on.

And to answer your questions more specifically, it is entirely possible for him to experience CBS hallucinations of that nature. CBS is usually only associated with bilateral vision loss, i.e. being blind in both eyes, but there are a small handful of documented cases of it happening to someone blind in only one eye, It’s rare, but it is possible.

CBS hallucinations can vary wildly from person to person — sometimes all a person sees is nonsense like random colors or static or starbursts of light, and sometimes what they see is more realistic but still nonsensical like objects or people in places they shouldn’t be. But sometimes it does indeed look like things that are entirely appropriate for the time and place in which you find yourself and everyone’s brain will do it a little bit differently. I have one friend who said that in the first few years after she lost a significant portion of her vision, she would sometimes be brushing her teeth or drying her hair at her bathroom sink and her brain would supply an old memory of her doing those things seeing herself in the mirror.

Importantly though, the blind person almost always knows that the CBS hallucination is fake. This is one important characteristic that sets them apart from any other variety of hallucination which researchers are still investigating. That’s not to say though that they can’t sometimes still be startling or even uncomfortable to experience especially the first few times, but usually the person will be aware that it is not real, and after a few years it will become very normal to them most of the time. CBS hallucinations are also pretty restricted to visual hallucinations without incorporating other senses.

Not everyone experiences CBS hallucinations though and they tend to become less frequent with time, so if the character has been blind in that eye for many years it may be less likely or at least will happen probably less frequently. This varies quite a bit from person to person though so there’s a lot of flexibility in that. It may also depend a little on how early in life the character lost their vision. If it was at a very young age, CBS hallucinations are probably a lot less likely, but if it was in teen or adult years, it may be more likely.

Based on the info you’ve provided here, the hallucination you have in mind seems entirely possible, if quite unlikely for someone only blind in one eye. But something being very rare doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it and so I think this would work totally fine. Though again, it likely wouldn’t feel very realistic. It may look very realistic but he should be able to tell that it isn’t real.

Hope this helps!

[castledock]

Honestly as a blind person I’m so tired of seeing fictional blind characters who don’t use white canes or other guides. “They have special powers so they know what’s around them” or “they’re confident enough to not need a guide” are common tropes, and I’m tired.

Are people scared that using a white cane will make their blind character seem weak? They can’t use a cane because they’re so special that they already know what’s around them, and other blind people who use guides are inferior because they’re not special?

I’m tired. Give your blind characters white canes and other guides. Let them hold onto their friends, let them have guide dogs. Don’t make white cane users feel ostracized for not being “strong enough” to go without.

Another thing that pisses me off is when a sighted character comes up with the fantasy equivalent of braille and teaches it to the blind character. Braille was invented by Louis Braille, a blind man, in 1824. The blind character should be the one coming up with it.

Tldr I’m blind and tired of sighted people lol

🔪 Sighted People MUST Reblog This 🔪

[blindbeta]

Hi, I ran into your blog when doing research for a blind OC and so far you've already helped me a lot. Do you have any advice on blind characters and fighting in a mediveal fantasy setting? I'm planing for more blind character, but for the one I'm currently working on I've been thinking about giving them swords. I'm trying to avoid the super senses or magic negating blindness as much as possible, but I've had a hard time finding resources for realistic fighting.

Blind Character Fighting

One thing I’m thinking of is using the same techniques used in blind fencing. Orientation, balance, reflexes, and footwork are improved. I also wonder if magic could be used to assist by adding an audio cue to the opponent. This would allow your character to follow the opponent.

Obviously fencing is different in that your opponent isn’t actually trying to murder you. Probably. And there are rules to ensure challenge and fairness and overall safety. However, I think using accommodation techniques seen in blind fencing can be helpful here.

I wouldn’t worry too much about your blind character getting hurt. Blind people play all manner of sports that pose some risk, including lying down and throwing balls at each other at the Olympics.

[blindbeta]

Hi! I've sent asks before but it's been a long time, and I've been scrolling and haven't come across them. So I wanted to pop in again and say first off, hi, and then go into the expanded lore.

So my character is a god. God of life. He's also blind, and the reason he's blind is yet to be officially decided. My current idea is that he goes blind during a war with his family, who are also gods.

So basically, war starts, he gets punished for burning an important building to the ground, and he escapes after his punishment and creates an entire island. Then the war comes to his doorstep and in defence of his new home is when he goes blind. Either due to head trauma, or his brother decides to... uh, take his eyes out himself because basically he is an awful person who wants the god of life to suffer, or the god of life gets burned/is affected by the toxic miasma from another god.

The god of life spends the next few years adapting to both his lost vision, the other injuries he sustained in the war, and the fact that he created several thousands of people who live on this island. He's their God and their king at this point and he's dealing with recent health issues.

Uh... I think the point of my ask was to ask, what do you think of this concept?

Oh yeah. So the island he makes, it's partially actual land and the rest of it is a giant willow tree. The roots make up the ground level where people live. My friend says it's a similar concept to the swamp people's home in Avatar: The Last Airbender, which I like the comparison a lot since it seems pretty apt.

My original design for the island was, he becomes blind way later in life so the island isn't tailored to his needs. So his house is up in the canopy or halfway up the giant willow tree. And it's tall enough that you could easily watch a thunderstorm going on and be safe from lightning and whatnot.

As for OM, I'm thinking he mainly has his wife guide him or he has an actual guide dog. Er, well, he's actually a wolf (tamed. I don't think my god would appreciate waking up to a wolf chewing on his foot lol).

Sorry I'm kinda jumping around here. I have more to add but I can't remember what so I may send another ask when or if you respond and I have more questions. Just as a nickname and so you can identify me, call me Omen.

Blinding a God, Accessibility, and Trauma

Hi, Omen,

Thanks for the ask. The idea sounds good so far with O&M and such. I think as long as his actual home is accessible, the island itself doesn’t have to be accessible initially. He can create accessibility through small changes and blindness techniques. A lot of the world isn’t accessible for blind people in general, so that could be relatable. As long as he is able to make changes to accommodate his needs.

My main concern is going blind through trauma. War and trauma are associated for obvious reasons, so he’ll deal with that on top of being blinded in such a way. Since he is a god, you can probably play with the timing a bit more, but give him time to recover and get used to his new way of living.

If you’re planning on having him be blinded purposely and in a traumatic way, I suggest having other blind characters who don’t go blind in one-off traumatic incidents. Blindness is also a spectrum, so having other blind characters displays that reality. Lastly, he’ll need access to his own community. Some blind characters will be doing O&M training, some will be around, some can be his friends, I don’t know.

If you want to create tension between him and his brother, you don’t necessarily need to have him stab his eyes out. You could also have the brother leave him in a vulnerable state or have a hand in the miasma/pollution leading to blindness.

I suggest going through @scriptmedic and @scripttorture when you figure out which way you want to blind him. While you can speed up the recovery time due to god of life thing, it might help to keep in mind that each way will have a different result. For example, burning might leave his eyes looking visibly different from a sighted person, with possible cloudiness, unlike head trauma, which might cause cortical blindness or other visual processing difficulties.

Burning and having his eyes stabbed would leave scars around his eyes and probably scar tissue. If he has any remaining vision, the scar tissue might lead to photophobia. If the brother is able to actually remove the eyes or they need to be removed afterward due to damage and pain, he might also need orbital implants for maintaining skull shape, followed by conformers and/or prosthetic eyes. Search @cripplecharacters and YouTube for that. This is total enucleation, which, today, means conformers and maybe prosthetics. You don’t have to get prosthetic eyes! The main job of conformers are maintaining the shape of the eye sockets and eyelid, comfort, and keeping debris from getting into the eyes.

You could maybe get away with some magical god fuckery to make things easier or cooler to write. However, I think it helps for relatability and representation if a lot of the beats of recovery are familiar to real life blind people. So I also suggest giving a character who had total enucleation something rather than nothing.

Hope this helps.

[lenaskzorel]

so umm that dream sequence was insane but it also gave me some thoughts...

[rapidlydecayingcorpse]

“what’s your aesthetic” it’s super niche actually it’s called clothes i like. hope this helps