blue-rry

a dumb way to die: die of stubbornness. too dumb and too stubborn to realize.

[unstablehorsestance]

shipping stuffs, beware of heartbreak

How old were you when you started choosing ships in a fandom? Or what is your first gay ship (or any ship is fine)? In my case, the first time I discovered shipping stuff was when I was in junior high, I was 13/14, maybe. My first ship is from anime since i haven't discovered kpop yet then, or kpop wasn't that big yet back then (you can guess how old i am by that, ꉂ (´∀｀)ʱªʱªʱª). It was coai (edogawa conan x haibara ai), I was into detective conan at that time. I also discovered fanarts and fanfictions at that time, hehe. And my first gay ship is from kpop, i was 16/17 back then (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵). So when i found people (from animanga side) said everyone first gay ship/BL/yaoi is from 'junjo romantica', i can't relate bcus mine was from kpop boy group, hehe. And it wasn't even from the first group I stan.

In my case, it's mostly always straight ships on animanga side, and gay ships on kpop side, idky. Maybe bcus i watch various anime, with equal amounts of male and female characters, so I think it's only natural that I like straight ships (first) more. And I'm only into male kpop groups. Especially when the group has a lot of members, haha. Like my fave line from pitch perfect, "there's ten of us, that means one of us is probably gay", something like that (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑). I think I only have one or two straight ships in kpop.

My first gay ship from animanga side, I think it was sourin (yamazaki sousuke x matsuoka rin) from 'free!' anime. I was a college student the first time I watched that anime. I never watched sports anime before, I wasn't into that. And when i watched 'haikyuu!!', i had this thought "did all the gay ships are in sports anime?" Come to think of it, it makes sense, there are a lot of male characters. When I think again, all my animanga gay ships are mostly from 'haikyuu!!' Omg.. (˶˃⤙˂˶)

My worst case shipping gay ship is on the kpop side, tho. Yes, I was totally gone nuts. It was that bad bcus i even wrote fanfictions for that ship! Even made a blog dedicated to that ship, wrote some silly couple analysis shits there. My delusion for that ship was the worst. Damn! Unbelievable. I should've not gone that far. You know why, bcus that ship had sunk, like almost a decade ago. Not only sunk, but was destroyed with no remnants left. I won't explain why bcus i refuse to write about them again. It was my first gay ship and my first heartbreak, I won't even allow myself to say that ship's name. I was so heartbroken I even hated those two, until now. Well, it's part of my own fault too, I was too naive and lunatic back then. I regret everything about shipping them, I even swore to myself not to ship real life people ever again, well at least not as bad as them. That's why I still can ship svt members with each other, I keep reminding myself not to go that far, that one day in the near or far future they will have a family of their own (wife and children). Yeah, there might be heartbreak but maybe not as bad as 'that sinking ship'. ಥ﹏ಥ

Well, idk if this counts, but I once ship real life people, they were a real couple. Yes, they are public figures. This ship/couple makes me want to believe in love again. Like damn, their relationship was so beautiful, so true love indeed exists. It must be nice to fell in love at the same time. Damn, I was still naive, why did I invest in someone's relationship, it wasn't even my business how it goes. I totally forgot about "just bcus a couple dates for a long time doesn't mean they will get married in the end". When they broke up, it's not heartbreak that I felt, more like anger and disappointment. Damn, I won't invest in someone's relationship ever again, I won't ship real life people ever again. Did true love even exist?! Damn silly me. I was a fan of one of them, but now I'm unstanning her, such a disappointment. Damn.

BUT! Damn, this real life people ship gave me the similar feeling as 'that sinking ship'. Yes, sungbri! Damn, I don't wanna hate them too one day in the future (ง ͠ಥ_ಥ)ง. I cast the same 'spell' I use for my svt ships but it's not working!shit. I limited myself by not reading fanfictions about them again. I think I can prevent myself from writing fanfiction, but damn my imaginations are still wild. Shit. Is it bcus the captain of the ship is one of them? Like damn, i think it's not a secret that yonk ships himself with sungjin, most of the fandom just in denial. Shit. I need to stop. I dont wanna hate them just bcus of this petty(?) thing, shipping stuff. But damn, their relationship is so beautiful I cry happy tears! I need to stop for real, or maybe limit myself again. Ugh! ( ｰ̀εｰ́ ) 

I think the reason I will stop shipping them, in the near or far future, is the shippers themselves. Specifically, the shipper that does not share the same ship dynamic with me. I think it will be similar to when I shipped junwonu. Well I still ship junwonu (in silence, by myself), but no longer consume or get excited with the ship's contents nor the fanfictions/fanarts. Just happy when they smile or sit next to each other. What I mean is, the shippers change the ship dynamic. I'm afraid they will change it completely, and I have to ship 'sungbri' alone again. I actually had trauma. Y'know, not every shipper likes switch/versatile ships. That's my concern. So recently I get anxious every time I find sungbri's ship content on twitter or fanfiction on ao3. I guess it's time to limit myself again. I will only consume my imagination and headcanons

Yes, I'm not a fan of switch/versatile ships and polyship (I like the harem concept for ships just for fun, not actually exploring it). If I 'believe' A is a top then he will always be top, if B is a bottom then he will always be bottom. It is a serious matter, dear shippers, please tag your ship contents properly. AxB is not the same as BxA. Again, not every shipper likes switch/versatile ships. I hate it when they tag both AxB and BxA when obviously the content is about the latter (or they definitely prefer the latter). Yes, we exist. Ugh, actually I hope ao3 makes an update on their filter for ship dynamics like this, like ffn.

Damn, being a fangirl and shipper is hard, especially fujoshi. I wish I could only ship fictional characters and not real life people. Minimum heartbreak and ship sinking. Endless and everlasting alternative universe, for when your ship isn't canon. Hehe.

Damn, how many times did I write 'damn'? Hahaha. Ok so that's my story on shipping experience(?). Hope I didn't offend anyone. Plz don't bully me. ฅ/ᐠ. ̫ .ᐟ\ฅ

[redstonedust]

"tumblr humor is only funny to tumblr users" NOT true. those bitches on pinterest love us.

[superstarsisi]

sometimes i feel so alone it’s like i don’t even exist

[hel7l7]

I’m scared of what I’ll feel if I stop distracting myself

[unstablehorsestance]

random and unnecessary

Unnecessary. No one asks. No one cares. But i wanna share about how i 'call' these group members, or more like the nickname i use for them. No one is interested, so here I go!

Super Junior: suju/my supermen

Leeteuk: papateuk

Heechul: momchul/kimichol

Yesung: bang yesung (bang is short from 'abang' means older brother)

Shindong: shindong-hyung

Eunhyuk: hyuk/hyukjerry

Donghae: 0hae/dongek (everytime i 'call' him this idky it sound like i'm cursing, sorry dongek)

Siwon: papiwon/papi

Ryeowook: ryong

Kyuhyun: kyu

Seventeen: sebongs

S.Coups: skup/kups

Jeonghan: jeonghan

Joshua: josh

Jun: jun/junnie/kucing 1 (cat 1)

Hoshi: my son/hosh/horang

Wonwoo: wonu/nonu/kucing 2 (cat 2)

Woozi: uji/uji gemash/anak kucing (kitten)

DK: dokyeom/dikey/dika

Mingyu: minggyu/ming-ew/kiming

The8: hao/minghao/myungho

Vernon: nonie

Seungkwan: boo

Dino: bayi (baby)/dinoselalubayi (dino always a baby)

GOT7: got7idiots

Mark: mark-hyung/maku

Jay B: jbbong/jebom

Jackson: jackson

Jinyoung: jinyoung/jinyoung-ah/momnyong

Youngjae: youngjae

Bambam: bambam/babybam

Yugyeom: babygyeom

DAY6: desik

Sungjin: sungjin

Young K: brian/yonk/yonkirahipsdontlie

Wonpil: wompil/wompirriiii

Dowoon: doun/doun bayi (baby)

For them i dont give nicknames, actually I don't have any reason. It's just how I normally 'call' them. Also this essay doesn't mean anything to anyone but me. So… hahaha insane.

[hel7l7]

I think I need fucking therapy (again)

[unstablehorsestance]

subunits

I wanna share my thoughts about subunits in kpop. Right, no (specific) ship talking, i mean writing.

I know no one will stumble over this, but for you who don't know yet, the first kpop sub-unit came from suju, just a year after they debuted. It's suju kry, focused on their main vocals, singing mostly ballads. Ugh, beautiful. I love all suju sub-units, bcus all of them have different concepts. Like, that was the sub-unit supposed to be. Then suju m focused on their activity in china, well too bad sm fucked them up (i wish ode ent can do something about that). Then suju t for trot special, pretty comedic to me; and suju h singing only happy songs. Too bad these two doesnt last long, sm sucks! For suju d&e, at first they're not supposed to be sub-unit. The lore is donghae overed to do solo but he asked eunhyuk to join him. There we got suju d&e. I thought they were the last suju sub-unit. But in 2022 suju lss was born. The lore is quite funny. They said they were members that didn't have much activity at time, so random. But, it's suju so it's normal. ꉂ (´∀｀)ʱªʱªʱª

So, what I wanna discuss is the sub-unit i wanna see, or like members combo. It doesn't have to be official or fixed units. Something they do for fun, like only performing at a concert or fanmeet, or just releasing one song. Okay, before i start i wanna share kpop groups i stan/follow. I might like several groups but I won't call myself a multifandom but a 2nd gen stan. Actually I have only stan suju since i was a highschooler until 2015 when i discovered svt, well i still stan suju up till now. I wanna proudly call myself an elf and a carat, elfcarat. Also i have followed got7 since 2015 too (i guess) but i can't call myself an agase, idky. But I really like these boys and their music and their dynamic. And recently (like last year) i follow d6 but chose not to join the fandom or call myself myday. Just for the music, and that specific ship, really I'm too afraid to join that fandom or follow what the boys are up to. I have known them since 2016 and have loved sungjin since 2017, shipping sungbri since 2018 (in silence), there i said it. (¬⤙¬ )

Okay, let's start with suju sub-units/combo i wanna see. Right, we already got those random units performing at their spin-off concert last year. I wanna call them as fighting units bcus of the vcr that tell the lore. Like, yes I wanna see siwon-ryeowook as a unit bcus of their fights and we got them there, really funny. Well I want them to release their own song tho. Okay next, here we go:

The AB line (heechul-yesung), I want them to do some rock songs that suit their voice and aura. 

The hyung line (leeteuk, heechul, yesung) 

The middle child line (shindong, eunhyuk, donghae)

The maknae line (siwon, ryeowook, kyuhyun)

Timon and pumbaa (Eunhyuk-shindong) 

86 line (Eunhyuk, siwon, donghae), I still remember how siwon wanted to join them so bad. 

The noona line (leeteuk, heechul, eunhyuk, kyuhyun), all members that have noona, since their noonas hangout together a lot. 

The leader-maknae combo (leeteuk-kyuhyun).

Superparents a.k.a 83line (leeteuk-heechul). Since leeteuk mention he wanted a subunit with heechul so bad in his recent yt content. They already made the 'sarang' combo, now we need them as an official unit like d&e. Like, please heechul, leeteuk is so desperate. ꉂ (≧ヮ≦)

Now, say the name, svt! They already have 3 official units, and bss as their first subunit. And their agency should've made the china line duo as a whole deal for china promotion since they can't do that as a whole team, but they didn't, kinda disappointed. Well, at least they let the china line do solo activity and debut. Also that age-based units for the ‘semicolon’ album, they need to make a comeback. Actually svt already has a lot of random units/combo for their concerts/fanmeet or albums. Since they are in the military era, there is a high probability they will promote as subunits, so more subunits will be born. Here some of them I wanna see and don't exist yet (kinda wish some of them happened before military era): 

Junwonu, here i wanna see them as a unit doing songs together not as a ship, hehe. I still remember when Jun once said wanna do a unit with wonu ages ago. 

Gyuhao, as a unit not a ship.

Geminis (Jun-hoshi).

J units (Jeonghan, Joshua, Jun, Jihoon (Woozi)) singing japanese songs. 

Tired line (jeonghan, wonwoo, the8) singing lullaby. 

Leader-maknae (s.coups-dino). 

Tallest-shortest (Mingyu-woozi). 

The hyung line (95 line+96 line)

The maknae line (97 line+98 line+ dino)

The rich only-child line (Joshua-the8) >⩊<

2.18 duo (dokyeom-vernon).

Also hoshixwoozi should make a comeback after they finish their military duty in the future. The soulmate unit like d&e, I believe they are d&e 2.0 hehe..

Next is got7. We already got jjp as the ‘supreme’ subunit, the root and the pillar of got7. And jus2, that’s really unexpected to me. Well, not surprising since yugyeom is jaebeom’s fave child. Here are some subunits I wanna see and should’ve happen too: 

ATK is a must! 

Evil twin (bambam-yugyeom). 

Jinyoung line (Mark, Jaebeom, Jackson). 

J units (Jaebeom, Jackson, Jinyoung). 

Hyung line (Mark, Jaebeom, Jackson, Jinyoung). 

Maknae line (Youngjae, Bambam, Yugyeom).

jinYOUNGJAEbeom (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑)

In d6 we got eod as the only and official subunit. Actually i wanna see park bros unit when eod promoted as subunit, but that won't happen. Then we saw the wonpil-doun combo and that's great! Wish they would make their own song as a duo, so we could hear doun singing again. And then of course sungbri. Hm. Kinda wishing one day when d6 no longer in that agency, there will be a collab of d6 feat. eaj, an album or ep, not just a single. Wishing for a 15 years anniversary reunion. 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Oh, can I share about the collaboration of my favorites above here too?Hm, why not. It doesnt have to be a whole group collab, just a few members from each group is fine. Here we go:

superseventeen, donghae and woozi compose the song and these two group perform it on a new year stage. Or woozi makes a song for kyuhyun happen, like what hoshi suggests. or d&e hoshi. or ryeowook-dokyeom. or heechul-jun.

super7, wait, has there ever been a group called this exist before?? Or just d&e jackson, like what jackson wishes.

superday. or just yonk makes songs for suju. or the little prince(s) ryeowook-wonpil collab plz. or yesung-sungjin, my two biases, they have similar aesthetic.

got17. the china line conquering china (or world wide) music chart plz. or the 97z since they are already friends.

gay76, no serious, idk the combo name for them. They should have debuted as a whole group back then, like e.x.o. But that man is too afraid of them, that’s why he keeps delaying their debut. The collaboration I always wish to happen is: they perform on a special stage, got7 do d6 songs, do choreography; d6 do got7 songs, live band performance. Or they could make a whole new song together, got7 make the choreo, d6 play the live band, and they all sing, with equal line distribution. Not just d6 as the session band, or got7 just dancing around them. That award show did them dirty. (¬`‸´¬)

seventeenday/day17. Especially dokyeom, plz make dokyeom-wonpil collab happen before i die. Also hoshi-doun plz, that funny ‘accident’ should’ve been a sign for them to collab, they could make songs like ‘horangi power’, that suit them. or joshua and yonk do ‘sunday morning’ cover together. (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

Well, if you found this, some of you might agree and disagree, but this is just personal opinion. I don't intend to hurt anyone with this. If you enjoy it, thanks! ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ

[sandmandaddy69]

[azrielsshadows42]

There are two types of writers:

1. 'It's fiction, it doesn't need to make sense!'

2. 'I didn't account for the rotation of the planet and how that affects the constalations while my characters stargazed at different times of year, I have failed as a writer, and this entire thing is trash'

[writersbloxx]

Body Language

When someone is...

Sad

Face/Body:

Avoidant/reduced eye contact

Drooping eyelids

Downcast eyes

Frowning

Raised inner ends of eyebrows

Dropped or furrowed eyebrows

Quivering lip/biting lip

Wrinkled nose

Voice:

Soft pitch

Low lone

Pauses/hesitant speech

Quiet/breathy

Slow speech

Voice cracks/breaking voice

Gestures/Posture:

Slouching/lowered head

Rigid/tense posture

Half formed/slow movement

Fidgeting or clasped hands

Sniffing or heavy swallows

Self soothing gestures (running hands over the arms, hand over heart, holding face in palms, etc)

[waywardsou2]

Some idiot: "Why are you reading your own fic, that's shallow and stupid"

All fanfic writers and writers everywhere: "Who the fuck do you think I wrote it for?!"

[hel7l7]

I wanna be kinder to myself but I find it really hard

[thesweetnessofspring]

Me leaving comments on fics.

[unstablehorsestance]

Forevermore (永遠 Eien)

an ushisemi fanfiction by Freeda Liberio

Characters: Ushijima Wakatoshi | Semi Eita

Pairing: ushisemi

Genre: Angst; hurt/comfort; romance; drama

Notes: alternative universe; Actor!Ushijima; Model!Semi; nonbinary!Semi; age-up characters

Summary: Itu adalah sebuah rahasia. Selamanya adalah waktu yang tak terbatas. Ushijima tidak pernah menjadi milik Semi, maupun sebaliknya…

a/n: inspired by Taylor Swift - Wildest Dream, august, illicit affair

a/n (2): fanfik ini kutulis pada tahun 2021 dan belum pernah di-posting dimanapun. pernah pengen posting ke ao3 tapi nggak jadi karena aku insecure dan nggak pede. kontribusi kecilku untuk fandom Haikyuu!! dan kapal ushisemi yang gethek itu.

ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

[Part 1]

Mereka pertama kali bertemu di awal musim semi pada acara pagelaran busana terbesar di Jepang, Japan Fashion Week. Itu juga merupakan kali pertama Ushijima hadir dalam acara yang diadakan dua kali dalam setahun itu. Ushijima duduk bersama undangan yang lain, sementara Semi berjalan di runway dengan kostum musim gugur dari salah satu brand yang berpartisipasi. Ushijima mengenalinya, dia pernah melihat Semi di salah satu majalah milik Tendou. Temannya menjelaskan, Semi merupakan salah satu model yang sedang naik daun sejak dua tahun yang lalu. Kedua matanya terkunci pada Semi sampai dia menghilang di balik dinding. Itu bisa dikategorikan sebagai pengalaman cinta pada pandangan pertama. Dengan bantuan temannya, dia berhasil mendapatkan kontak Semi.

Sekitar dua bulan setelahnya, Ushijima melihat Semi di lokasi syuting film yang dia bintangi. Tendou mendengar bahwa Semi akan menjadi cameo pada salah satu adegan tanpa mereka. Hanya melihat dari jauh, dia belum pernah mencoba menghubungi Semi meskipun sudah memiliki kontaknya. Karena merasa itu kurang sopan, harus berkenalan secara langsung terlebih dahulu. Tendou yang sudah menyadari ketertarikannya pada si model, membantu mereka berdua berkenalan secara resmi.

Imej yang digunakan Semi saat itu berbeda dari ketika dia di runway dan di majalah. Di runway dia memancarkan aura kharismatik, sedangkan di majalah dia terlihat sensual. Semi di depannya sekarang terlihat ramah, seperti teman lama. Dia adalah seorang profesional. Ushijima ingin tahu lebih banyak, sisi lain dari Semi. Imej-nya yang bukan seorang model.

Kencan pertama mereka terjadi begitu mudah. Menjelang sore hari, dengan mobil yang disewanya, Ushijima membawa Semi melihat taman nemophila, yang kebetulan tidak terlalu jauh dari lokasi syuting. Hamparan nemophila dan langit lilac cocok pada Semi—meskipun dia hanya berdiri di sana tanpa melakukan apapun—Ushijima tidak bisa untuk tidak terpesona padanya. Mengambil beberapa gambar, melusur taman sampai jam bisnis berakhir, membicarakan banyak hal, saling mengenal lebih jauh. Ushijima mempelajari jika mereka berada di usia yang sama dan melakukan debut pada waktu yang berdekatan. Semi mengungkap bahwa dia adalah seorang penggemar, menonton semua drama dan film yang dibintanginya.

Saat langit menjadi gelap Ushijima berniat mengajak makan malam, namun Semi menolak karena harus kembali ke Tokyo malam itu juga. Semi memberi kecupan singkat di pipi saat Ushijima mengantarnya kembali ke hotel, “Temui dan bawa aku kabur saat kau sudah kembali ke Tokyo.”

Ushijima melihat lampu hijau pada senyuman Semi yang membuatnya semakin tertarik. Itu adalah sebuah janji. Kisah ini belum berakhir.

.

Mereka bertemu kembali di awal musim panas, diantara jadwal keduanya yang sama padat. Masih saling berhubungan melalui panggilan suara dan video. Saat itu, Semi hanya setengah bercanda tentang ucapannya namun Ushijima menganggap serius. Merencanakan untuk membawanya kabur sejak hari itu, dan baru sanggup mewujudkan keinginannya pada hari ini. Meminta manajer untuk mengosongkan jadwal di akhir pekan, lalu menyampaikan rencana pada Semi yang dengan senang hati setuju.

Ushijima membawa mobilnya untuk menemui Semi di jalan belakang pusat perbelanjaan suatu senja di hari Jumat. Semi yang menyarankan penyamaran, menutupi separuh wajahnya dengan masker, sementara Ushijima dengan kacamata hitam. Mobil bergabung bersama kendaraan lain di jalan raya, melaju dengan kecepaan rata-rata. Semi menghubungkan audio mobil dengan ponselnya dan memutar lagu favorit. Ushijima sama sekali tidak keberatan dengan hal itu, dan mempelajari jika dia juga bisa bernyanyi. Terkadang hanya menggumamkan melodi atau beberapa lirik, terkadang menyanyikan satu lagu penuh.

“Jadi, kemana kita akan pergi?” Semi bertanya—berbisik—saat mobil berhenti di lampu lalu lintas. Langit berubah dari jingga, menjadi lilac, dan semakin gelap.

Ushijima melirik sedikit, Semi bersandar sedikit pada pintu, menghadap ke arahnya, “Apa ada tempat yang ingin kau kunjungi?”

“Kemanapun kau membawaku. Aku tidak masalah. Asalkan kau tidak menurunkanku di tengah perjalanan, hanya karena kau mulai bosan padaku,” suara Semi terdengar seperti angin, kata-katanya seperti sebuah kutipan dari film atau buku, atau penggalan lagu.

Ushijima menatap iris cokelat itu untuk beberapa saat, dan mengatakan, “Aku tidak akan melakukannya. Aku tidak akan bosan padamu.”

Itu cukup bagi Semi. Tidak peduli berapa lama hal ini akan berlangsung ke depannya, dia ingin mencoba melakukan segalanya bersama laki-laki ini.

Mereka pergi ke onsen, menyewa kamar dengan fasilitas pemandian air panas luar ruangan pribadi. Menghabiskan malam bersama, dalam artian melanjutkan episode perkenalan, dengan tambahan beberapa sentuhan singkat dan tatapan sugestif. Semi sebenarnya hanya melakukan sedikit usaha tapi Ushijima tidak tahan untuk tidak tergoda. Dia tidak ragu-ragu mengambil kesempatan itu, saat Semi menawarkan ciuman pertama. Itu manis dan lembut, dan mereka memilih untuk tidak terburu-buru meskipun sama-sama menginginkannya.

Di ruangan gelap, cahaya lampu taman dari luar jatuh ke lensa matanya. Semi berbisik, “Akan ada malam-malam yang lain, kan?” memastikan jika mereka masih akan berada di halaman yang sama.

Ushijima mengagumi detil iris cokelat itu sebelum mengangguk setuju untuk berada di halaman yang sama ke depannya. Itu adalah malam ketika semuanya mulai menjadi lebih intim, dan mereka memutuskan untuk menjadikannya rutinitas akhir pekan.

.

Itu adalah sebuah rahasia. Menutupinya dengan rapi, tidak ada siapapun yang tahu, bahkan manajer mereka. Mungkin hanya Tendou—yang otomatis menjadi sahabat Semi juga. Keluarga, teman, dan publik bahkan tidak tahu jika mereka saling mengenal.

Bebas. Itu adalah dunia mereka, hanya ada mereka. Orang lain tidak perlu tahu apa yang mereka lakukan. Hidup mereka bukan untuk konsumsi publik.

Tidak pernah ada pernyataan secara lisan. Namun keduanya tahu perasaan mereka berbalas. Tidak ada kata selamanya. Karena keduanya sangat sadar jika apapun itu yang terjadi diantara mereka tidak akan berlangsung selamanya. Jadi mereka memutuskan untuk tidak memberinya nama, terlalu nyaman pada zona ini. Terlalu khawatir jika mereka memberi nama, sesuatu akan berubah. Membiarkan waktu yang menentukan jalan ceritanya.

.

Bertemu di lahan parkir dekat gedung agensi, Semi memperhatikan Ushijima yang menunjukan eskpresi sukar di wajahnya. Dia merasa sesuatu telah terjadi padanya dari percakapan mereka beberapa hari sebelumnya. Ushijima berusaha menutupi tapi Semi masih bisa melihat ‘tidak biasa’ itu. Menemukan sesuatu yang sebelumnya tidak ada di sana pada Ushijima, memilih berpura-pura tidak tahu, Semi memasang wajah netral. Tapi dia tidak tahan untuk tidak melihat tangan Ushijima yang mencengkeram roda kemudi.

Tidak ada percakapan seperti biasa selama di perjalanan. Ushijima sangat kentara menahan banyak emosi, sedangkan Semi tidak mau menekan tombolnya. Membiarkan laki-laki itu melakukan apapun sesukanya, jika itu bisa membantu menyalurkan beberapa persen emosinya yang berkecamuk. Jadi saat Ushijima menyerang, Semi tidak melakukan apapun untuk melawan, justru memberikan akses mudah. Berucap lirih, “gunakan aku,” dan mengizinkan laki-laki itu mendominasinya secara penuh.

Terbangun di tengah malam seperti ritual, mendengarkan suara napas teratur, menelusur setiap kurva yang membentuk wajah rupawan hanya dengan tatapannya. Tangan Semi berhenti di udara, satu inci dari wajah, merasakan napas hangat menerpa kulit, sebelum menariknya kembali. Memutar ulang ingatan pada saat Ushijima melepas benda mengkilat dari jarinya sebelum mereka memulai. Semi tidak bodoh, hanya berpura-pura naif. Meskipun dadanya terasa agak nyeri, apa dia boleh? Kuat dan tahan banting adalah karakternya, sedikit nyeri di dada tidak membuatnya lemah. Mengatakan pada diri sendiri bahwa hatinya tak tersentuh oleh rasa sakit.

Ushijima tidak mengatakan apapun tentang hal itu sampai pekan berikutnya. Setelah rutinitas akhir pekan, keduanya menatap langit-langit kamar, menstabilkan napas, menyejukkan tubuh. Semi tidak pernah mengajukan pertanyaan, Ushijima membuka mulutnya sendiri. Kata-kata keluar begitu mudah seolah sudah ditulis dan dihapalkan sejak beberapa hari terakhir. Semi mendengarkan dan tidak berkomentar bahkan setelah penjelasan berakhir, dan dapat merasakan tatapan Ushijima yang seperti menuntut respon. Apa yang diharapkannya? Respon seperti apa yang ingin didengar? Apa Semi boleh merasa dikhianati? Sesuatu memang terjadi diantara mereka tapi tidak pernah ada nama.

Jadi Semi bertanya, “Apa kau ingin berhenti?”

Dan Ushijima menjawab tanpa keraguan di suaranya, “Aku masih menginginkanmu,” dan menyegel dengan ciuman yang dalam.

Napasnya terasa ringan, badai emosi di pikiran dan hatinya perlahan mereda. Meskipun tidak ada label untuk mereka, selama Ushijima masih menginginkannya, Semi tidak akan pergi kemanapun. Laki-laki itu lebih memilihnya daripada seseorang yang mungkin adalah masa depannya. Jadi meski merasa seperti karakter jahat, Semi tidak menyesali apapun.

Semi sudah tahu bagaimana akhir dari kisahnya bersama Ushijima bahkan ketika itu baru dimulai. Jadi saat laki-laki itu berhenti menghubunginya di awal musim gugur, dia tahu mereka sudah berakhir. Kehidupannya kembali normal seperti saat sebelum Ushijima. Bukan berarti kehidupannya saat bersama Ushijima menjadi tidak normal, hanya saja itu meninggalkan kesan khusus. Semi pernah jatuh cinta, tapi itu sudah lama sekali. Saat itu terasa seperti mengalami cinta pertama lagi. Meski singkat, setiap detiknya tak terlupakan. Kisah cinta musim panas yang seperti cinta pertama, sulit untuk dilupakan. Semi menertawakan dirinya yang menyedihkan.

Musim gugur sepertinya memang identik dengan patah hati. Berharap musim gugur segera berakhir meskipun tidak bisa menebak apa yang menunggunya setelah itu. Dalam kehampaan, pikirannya kembali pada saat mereka menandai kalender di hotel. Membuat janji tentang merayakan bersama ulang tahun masing-masing. Seperti pasangan remaja yang merayakan hari-hari penting bersama. Mereka merayakan ulang tahun Ushijima di bulan Agustus, dan Semi sedikit berharap dan menantikan ulang tahunnya di bulan November. Namun dia tahu benar akan merayakan sendirian seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Semi agak kecewa, tapi tidak bisa melakukan apapun. Ushijima bukanlah miliknya, dia tidak perlu merasa kehilangan. Setidaknya itu yang Semi percayai.

Musin dingin tidak jauh berbeda; dingin, warna putih dimanapun, kehidupan terus berjalan normal. Sejauh ini dia mampu mengatasinya. Hanya karena kisah kasihnya berakhir, bukan berarti kisah hidupnya juga. Ikut berjalan bersama kehidupan, Semi tidak membiarkan dirinya membeku dalam waktu, namun juga tidak pernah berusaha untuk melupakan. Karena semakin ingin dilupakan, justru semakin teringat. Membuat ruangan khusus di pikiran dan hatinya, membiarkan Ushijima bertahan di sana. Selalu berharap yang terbaik untuknya.

Persis seperti tebakannya di musim semi lalu, saat kisah mereka dimulai, seperti inilah akhirnya. Ushijima hanyalah sebuah bab di dalam bukunya. Sebuah bab terbaik dengan jalan cerita menarik. Semi akan sering membacanya ulang. Mengingat momen dimana dia merasa Ushijima pernah menjadi miliknya meski hanya untuk waktu singkat.

.

Ada yang mengatakan jika cinta pertama itu sulit untuk dilupakan. Ushijima belum pernah jatuh cinta sebelumnya. Di kehidupan yang baginya monoton, dia tidak pernah memikirkan jika akan memiliki kisah romansa. Cinta pertamanya ternyata adalah cinta pada pandangan pertama. Suatu hal klise seperti drama romansa yang digemari para remaja. Belum pernah mendapatkan perasaan dan gairah seperti itu sampai dia bertemu dengan Semi.

Sejak mereka memutuskan untuk saling mengenal lebih akrab, apapun yang dilakukannya bersama Semi adalah yang pertama kali. Mungkin tidak untuk ciuman pertama karena itu terjadi pada salah satu drama yang dibintanginya, jauh sebelum mereka saling mengenal. Tapi dia ingin percaya jika Semi yang memberinya ciuman pertama, karena perasaan terlibat di dalamnya. Dia masih bisa mengingat dengan jelas bentuk bibir Semi di atas bibirnya. Seolah itu masih sering terjadi. Masih teringat saat Semi pertama kali berinisiatif untuk melakukan kontak yang lebih intim.

Ushijima ragu-ragu, menggumamkan, “apa kau yakin?”

Dan Semi membalas dengan mudah, “aku percaya padamu.”

Setelah itu selesai, Ushijima tidak bisa tidur meskipun ingin, hanya memperhatikan wajah Semi yang tertidur lebih dulu di sampingnya. Masih terasa panas menjalar di kulitnya, dan bagaimana kulit mereka bersentuhan. Rasanya seperti mimpi, khawatir jika dia pergi tidur semuanya akan berakhir. Tapi kisahnya masih berlanjut saat cahaya matahari memaksa masuk lewat celah tirai. Semi masih di sana, memberi senyum kecil dengan wajah mengantuk, menyapa dengan kecupan singkat di bibir.

“Apa kau akan mengingat ini?” bertanya dengan suara pagi, Semi membawa jarinya menelusur wajah Ushijima, dari dahi lalu berhenti di garis rahang.

Di ingatannya, masih terasa hidup ekspresi yang digunakan Semi saat dia mengungkap, “Itu adalah pengalaman pertamaku. Tentu saja aku akan mengingatnya.”

“Kalau begitu, aku beruntung,” gumam Semi, pipi dihiasi rona merah muda yang kontras dengan kulit.

“Aku juga.”

Bekas kuku Semi di punggungnya baru benar-benar pudar setelah beberapa hari, dan selalu mendapatkan yang baru setiap akhir pekan.

.

Kisah ini berakhir bukan atas kemauan keduanya. Dia telah memilih Semi lebih dulu, dan Semi menerimanya. Namun tidak ada apapun yang mengikat mereka, dan sesuatu terjadi di luar kendali. Semi memilih untuk menoleransi setelah Ushijima menjelaskan situasinya. Dia tidak pandai membaca ekspresi, tapi wajah Semi menunjukkan jika kenyataan yang diungkapnya jelas mengganggu pikirannya.

Saat itu, dia tidak bisa membayangkan orang lain berada di sampingnya menggantikan posisi Semi. Selamanya adalah waktu yang sangat panjang. Ushijima tidak yakin bisa memberikannya pada Semi, namun dia juga tidak ingin melepaskannya. Selama Semi masih membiarkannya untuk mendekapnya, Ushijima akan bertahan.

Ciuman terakhir mereka terasa manis dan lembut, persis seperti saat itu pertama kali terjadi. Tidak melakukan apapun lebih dari itu. Ushijima tidak mengatakan jika itu akan menjadi yang terakhir, namun Semi memahami situasinya. Memeluk dan menciumnya untuk waktu yang lama. Merekam setiap inci wajah Semi di memorinya. Semua yang menarik dari diri Semi.

Menggunakan senyuman yang sama seperti saat mereka berpisah setelah kencan pertama, Semi sedikit gelisah menanyakan, “Apa kau akan mengingatku?”

Ushijima membawa tangan Semi di dalam genggamannya ke bibir, menciumnya, dan memberi jawaban tegas, “Aku akan mengingatmu.”

Mengirim kecupan singkat di pipi, Semi berbisik di telinganya, “Senang bertemu denganmu.”

Itu adalah terakhir kalinya mereka bertemu. Itu adalah terakhir kalinya dia melihat senyuman menawan itu. Senyuman yang akan selalu menghantuinya sekalipun dia terbangun.

.

ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

[Part 2]

Reuni mereka terjadi pada musim semi dua tahun kemudian, pada sebuah acara jamuan makan malam setelah acara premier film. Ushijima menemukan wajah Semi di salah satu meja bersama beberapa orang yang tidak terlalu dikenalnya, kemungkinan besar para pemeran cameo atau tamu undangan lain. Semi tidak berubah, justru semakin mempesona. Saat mereka membuat kontak mata, rasanya seperti ruangan menjadi hening. Beberapa kali saling mencuri tatapan. Beberapa kali mengirim tatapan rindu.

“Lama tidak bertemu. Bagaimana kabarmu?” Semi menyapa lebih dulu—dengan senyuman khasnya—setelah Ushijima berdiri di depannya.

Sementara Ushijima tidak langsung merespon, membiarkan dirinya terpengaruh oleh pesona Semi. Mungkin berlebihan, tapi dia seperti melihat bintang di dua iris cokelat itu. Sedikit memuji penampilan Semi sebelum memberi isyarat untuk mengikutinya menjauh dari keramaian. Berbasa-basi saling bertukar kabar. Sekalipun telah terpisah dan hilang kontak selama dua tahun, tidak ada perasaan canggung di antara mereka.

Semi adalah yang pertama membuka pembicaraan itu. Kedua matanya sengaja melirik tangan Ushijima yang memegang gelas sampanye, dan tidak menemukan apapun melingkar di jarinya. Penasaran, Semi kembali berbasa-basi menyinggungnya.

Di saat yang sama, diam-diam Ushijima merasa lega karena dia juga ingin membicarakan hal itu tapi tidak tahu cara mengawalinya. Setelah mengungkap apa saja yang terjadi selama dua tahun terakhir yang tidak diketahui oleh Semi, mereka terlibat dalam sebuah argumen kecil. Itu adalah yang pertama kali sejak mereka saling mengenal.

Semi menggumam, “Toshi, ini tidak benar. Seharusnya kau mempertahankannya. Kau akan menyesal jika memilihku,” ekspresi wajahnya sulit dijelaskan, namun suaranya terdengar seperti kecewa.

Ushijima terdiam untuk sesaat, baru menyadari jika dia merindukan suara Semi memanggil namanya. Lalu dengan nada tenang dan tegas pada saat yang sama, membalas, “itu yang hanya pendapatmu. Seharusnya aku mempertahankanmu. Aku tidak menyesali apapun.”

Tidak mengerti kenapa Semi nampak menentang keputusannya, padahal dia melakukan itu untuk mereka berdua. Apakah salah jika dia lebih memilih Semi? Kenapa Semi tidak senang? Di pikirannya mulai muncul dugaan seperti, apapun yang pernah mereka lakukan hanyalah sepihak dan pura-pura. Ushijima merasa agak kecewa.

Di sisi lain, Semi masih terlihat frustasi. Suara Ushijima menggema di telinga. Pikirannya menjadi penuh, bahkan tidak mampu membuat kalimat apapun. Mulut terbuka dan tertutup beberapa kali tanpa suara. Bukankah seharusnya dia merasa senang? Bahkan setelah dua tahun hilang kontak, Ushijima masih memilihnya.

Ushijima kembali bersuara saat Semi tidak kunjung mengatakan apapun, “Eita, aku hanya menggapai apa yang benar-benar kuinginkan dan baik untukku. Bukan suatu hal instan yang ditawarkan orang, meskipun itu juga baik untukku.”

Semi masih hening, tidak bisa menemukan suaranya. Ingin mengatakan sesuatu tapi tidak tahu apa. Banyak pilihan kata melintas di pikiran tapi dia tidak berhasil merangkai bahkan satu kalimat.

Menganggap itu sebagai kesempatan untuk berbicara lagi, Ushijima menambahkan, “aku selalu mengingatmu dan apapun yang pernah kita lakukan bersama. Seperti yang kau minta dan kuinginkan.”

“Toshi,” Semi membisikkan namanya, kerutan di dahi semakin dalam. “Dua tahun sudah berlalu. Tidak mungkin kau masih membaca bab yang sama. Seharusnya kau menulis buku baru,” suaranya lirih, Semi tidak yakin emosi apa yang sedang dirasakannya sekarang setelah mendengar pengakuan laki-laki itu.

Ushijima tidak langsung membalas. Mengambil lebih banyak detik untuk memahami bahasa kiasan yang digunakan Semi. Lalu menggumam, “aku hanya ingin bersamamu, apa permintaanku berlebihan?”

Semi tercengang untuk kesekian kalinya. Ushijima adalah tipe yang tidak banyak bicara. Dia tidak akan membuang napasnya hanya untuk mengatakan omong kosong. Jadi semua ucapannya adalah jujur, murni, dan transparan.

“Aku...”

Menatap ke dalam mata masing-masing, berkomunikasi dengan mata dan hati. Saling mengungkapkan apapun yang tidak mampu dilisankan. Menghapus kebimbangan dalam hati masing-masing. Menghapus ruang diantara mereka. Saat bibir mereka akhirnya bersentuhan—meski hanya dalam waktu singkat—sekali lagi semuanya terasa benar dan mudah. Seharusnya memang seperti itu. Membuka halaman pertama pada buku baru dan menuliskan:

“Aku masih menginginkanmu.”

.

Menghidupkan kembali kenangan di dalam ruangan gelap dimana semuanya berawal. Keheningan malam menghasilkan gema dari suara napas yang beradu, kain seprai yang bergesekan, dan suara-suara lain yang mewakili perasaan seolah merasakan surga. Memanggil nama masing-masing seolah itu satu-satunya kata yang mereka tahu. Menarik tubuh masing-masing mendekat seolah masih ada celah tersisa. Meninggalkan tato kontras di kulit yang akan bertahan selama beberapa hari. Mengklaim kembali apa yang pernah menjadi milik mereka.

Mengabaikan panas dan keringat di kulit, Ushijima mendekap tubuh Semi. Bibirnya yang menempel di antara alis Semi mengucapkan, “tetaplah bersamaku.”

Semi tidak tahu, apakah itu permintaan atau perintah. Sedikit menarik diri untuk menatap iris hijau keabu-abuan milik Ushijima, menangkup pipinya dan menyatakan, “aku tidak pernah pergi.”

“Apakah kau bersedia untuk tinggal selamanya?” pertanyaan Ushijima datang hampir seketika.

Yangmana tentu saja itu membuat Semi lengah dan tercengang. Tidak pernah sekalipun dia membayangkan seseorang memberinya pertanyaan sejenis itu. Iris coklat menyelam ke dalam iris hijau keabu-abuan, mencari keseriusan dari pertanyaan itu.  “Apa kau… melamarku?” ragu-ragu Semi menggumam.

“Apa kau mau?” sekali lagi Ushijima menyerang Semi dengan pertanyaan tak terduga.

Entah kenapa suhu kamar menjadi lebih panas dari sebelumnya, setidaknya bagi Semi. Mungkin karena Ushijima masih mendekapnya atau tangan panas Ushijima di punggungnya. Jantungnya pun berdetak lebih cepat dari normal. Semi tidak lagi menatap Ushijima. Di dalam pikirannya melintas banyak pernyataan seperti: Apa ini benar? Apa ini yang diinginkannya? Apa dia pantas?

“Aku tidak tahu apakah aku pantas mendapatkannya.” Tanpa sadar menyuarakan pikirannya.

Tangan Ushijima berpindah dari punggung ke sisi wajah Semi, membuat mereka kembali saling menatap, “tapi apa kau mau? Untuk tinggal selamanya?”

Meletakkan tangan di dada Ushijima, merasakan jantung mereka berdetak dengan kecepatan dan irama yang sama. Mengikuti kata hatinya, tanpa ragu-ragu lagi mengangguk satu kali, Semi menjawab, “aku mau.”

“Kau pantas,” Ushijima mengkonfirmasi, lalu membawa bibir mereka untuk bertemu sekali lagi. Kali ini lebih lembut dan tidak menuntut.

Semuanya terasa benar. Saat mereka bersama semuanya terasa benar. Tidak peduli akan menjadi sekacau apa dunia di luar lingkaran mereka, saat bersama semuanya terasa lebih mudah. Seharusnya memang seperti ini.

Kisah mereka bukanlah sebuah garis lurus maupun liku-liku. Bukan juga sebuah garis yang membentuk simbol hati. Melainkan sebuah kurva naik-turun yang akan kembali ke titik awal dimana semua bermula, lalu terus seperti itu. Seperti simbol ketakterbatasan.

.

“Terima kasih, Eita,” ucap Ushijima saat menyelipkan sebuah lingkaran mengkilat di jari manis Semi.

Seolah basa-basi Semi bertanya, “untuk?” Dalam hati bertanya pada diri sendiri, bukankah dia yang seharusnya berterima kasih?

Menggenggam tangan kanan Semi, mengusap benda mengkilat yang melingkar di sana, Ushijima menjawab, “menerimaku kembali meskipun aku pernah meninggalkanmu, dan semuanya.”

Itu adalah cincin rose gold dengan ukiran simbol ketakterbatasan di dindingnya. Semi tidak pernah meminta, tapi Ushijima tetap mendapatkan untuknya, untuk mereka. Benda yang akan mengikat dan menjaga, dan merupakan simbol hubungan mereka.

Semi mengecup singkat bibir Ushijima sebelum melingkarkan kedua lengan di leher laki-laki itu, dan membisikkan, “selamanya.”

Selamanya adalah waktu yang tak terbatas. Mereka bisa hidup dengan itu.

[end]

21.12.04

a/n (3): ahahhaha, ceritanya gak jelas. ini sudah tidak aku proofread lagi, males sih.. aku nulis fanfik buat aku baca sendiri, soalnya fanfik yang pengen kubaca belum ada yang nulis, jadi ya gitu deh. kalau ada yang nemu dan baca ini, makasih ya..

ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

[nondelphic]

real writers don’t have writer’s block because they never start writing in the first place.

[unstablehorsestance]

Fanfiction Recommendation (and a little reviews)

This time i will try to review(?) some sungbri fanfictions i’ve been binge reading since last year. I’ve been itching to do this. I actually crave more, especially the canon compliant ones, but i have to limit myself to keep my sanity. Also i need more fic about sungbriwoon family with parent sungbri and baby/son doun.

OK, I'll start now. Since english isn't my first language it will be messy. But the fanfictions I will review(?) is mostly in english bcus reading fanfictions in my own language makes me cringe >ᴗ< but i’ll also review them (in my own language), one or two that i really like. Also mostly they are from AO3, so yeah. To the writers that their fic i review(?) here, if you found this, please forgive me if this essay offends you or something, i didn't intend to.

Oh, to inform you guys (who?) I'm not a fan of the “switch” couple, I'm a “top!sungjin-bottom!brian/youngk” truther (bcus i refuse to believe someone with major babygirl behavior is a top, and king of testosterone, the epitome of masculinity, the ruler of men, the capital XY is a bottom). So, the fanfictions are limited to that. This will be a long list. Let's get started!

[redacted] by anonymous (idk who). 2021. Teen and Up. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. Youtuber. A story about youtube mukbanger sungbri one-sided rivalry. This is not the first sungbri fic i read, but this is the first i bookmarked. Maybe most of you have read this. I really love the story. I am actually not a fan of enemies/rivals to lovers but I had so much fun reading this, and keep re-reading. The story, the characterization, also the kangwondo dynamic, the best!  The tiny ‘off’ from this fic (for me) is why would kangwondo text each other when they live under the same roof? I mean, yes their dynamic is fun to read, but I still don't get this kind of concept. But that doesn't make the fic bad. Overall is good. ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

take my hand, don't ever let go by anonymous (idk who). 2021. Teen and Up. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. A story about fox hybrid youngk and restaurant owner/chef sungjin against the world or the governor and youngk adoptive parents, specifically. Wow, just this is a major spoiler for ones who haven't read this. But i believe most of you have read it. I love the world building also the characters dynamic. The slow burn from strangers to friends to lovers is aju nice! My favorite is jaepil dynamic, i really like detective parkjaehyung character here he's really cool and fun. Also, even not the major theme, i can still feel the thrill. I keep re-reading. Need to protect fox hybrids!

choice of convenience by sbanon. 2020. Teen and Up. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. This is the best fic (for me) that 'sums up' sungbri relationship irl. I always get the arranged marriage couple vibe from them, just add the drama and BOOM!! The writer didn't miss brian simping over sungjin agenda, it’s everywhere in the fic. Sungjin’s character is too tough and stoic, like a typical cold-hearted first male lead in k-drama, but it’s perfect for the plot and the drama. Because brian will shower and soften him with his unconditional love. The eternal sunshine is melting the tough guy character. Too bad we don't get doun as their adoptive son here. Overall it is perfect and the best. ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

Sbanon’s short fic collection. 2020-2021. Mature. Alternative Universe and Canon compliant. Here are my favorites: ✮ Urs. Friends with benefits to lovers. Angst with a happy ending. Love it! ✮ shadows and chicken wings. A very soft and domestic night call. Sungjin is away, brian is sleepy and missing his man so badly. ✮ fck me & feed me. Explicit. Wow HOT!! Just brian simping over sungjin agenda, but make it spicy. ( • ᴗ - ) ✧ ✮ it’s because i’m missing you. Just brian/youngk missing sungjin's voice or sungjin in general. ✮ star-crossed. Dramatic brian/youngk antagonize twitter zodiac sign post, kind of.

You and I and Eternity by pandaysal. 2021. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. This is the one that is similar to gusari's iwaoi doujin "beginning to end" i talked about in my pre-pre-previous essay. The things about soulmate and childhood friends to lovers. I didnt mean it as plagiarism but the concept is so iwaoi. Idk how to word this right. If you ship both iwaoi and sungbri, you'll get what I mean. This fic is beautiful, angst with a happy ending.

you might need to hear this, i need to talk by orphan_account (aw, too bad). 2019. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Depression and anxiety. Sungin in a storm and brian is there to calm the storm. I love how brian approaches Sungjin and handles the situation even though he’s just waking up. Reading this makes me sad, and hurts me too. But the writer gives it a soft scene for the ending. ദ്ദി( ╥ ᴗ ╥)

You know, I know by KlavierRPF (KlavierWrites). 2020. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Sungbri relationship through 5+1 POV. From subtle pining for each other to lovers. 

morning kiss by anonymous (idk who). 2021. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. One fine morning in sungbri household. Featuring brian's parents and cat. A domestic, cute and soft fic.

everyone wants to find the most beautiful eyes, i just want to comb your hair. By smolcloud. 2023. General. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Stressed brian can’t finish a new song and can't sleep, goes to sungjin for comfort. 

Beacon Hills series by anonymous (idk who). 2021-2022. Teen and Up, Mature, Explicit. Completed. Alternative Universe. Urban Fantasy. A story about werewolf sungjin and witch brian/youngk. This one reminds me of demon hunter iwaoi fic that was posted on ao3 too, idk what year it was posted but i believe this sungbri one posted first. I didn't mean it as plagiarism, they are totally two different fics but have similar vibe. Nevermind. Can be called friends to lovers to mates. Not really slow burn, not rushed too, the pace is just right.

GrumpyAsFuck’s fic collection. I really love their fics, I read almost all of them. The way they write, the detailed setting and character physical features (or flaws), the characterization, the push and pull, the suggestive theme, the tension, the punchline, all of them are the best quality ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧. I had a lot of fun everytime reading their stories. Mostly labeled as Mature, i’ll write it if it’s not. Here are some of their fics I really like: ✮ Dans le noir sans ton regard je saurai peut être mieux. A getting together canon compliant fic setting after sungbri D-Day. ✮ Young dumb and prone to public indecency. A story inspired by that famous clip of sungjin's amazing self-control for not grabbing brian/youngk exposed knee. I kept giggling while reading this one. ✮ Hug a bassist day. Just brian/youngk wants to be hugged by sungjin. A really cute fic. ✮ That grow (old) together type love. Domestic sungbri talking about their future after retirement. Sweet but a little angsty. ✮ Whisper it like a secret. A canon compliant fic inspired by brian/youngk shoulders flinched cutely. ✮ Smooth like (shea) butter. Just a lip treatment routine but make it a sungbri kiss fic. ✮ 230719. I call this one “Sungjin The Mosquito Hunter”. Brian/youngk can't sleep and Sungjin helps him. A funny fic with suggestive themes. ✮ 240117 – Busan Rizz. Brian/youngk flirting attempts backfire, kind of. ✮ 240306. I call this one “His Wardrobe”. Sungjin helps brian/youngk dress. This was definitely inspired by brian/youngk showing off he got free access to sungjin’s wardrobe. ✮ Was gonna love you (But I'm outnumbered). Explicit. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Fantasy/Magic. Brian/youngk and his harem but all of them are sungjin. (≖⩊≖) ✮ Come sing by the fire with me. Teen and Up. Chaptered. Unfinished. Canon compliant. A secret relationship fic. Or they call it: parksungjjiniya missing episode. ✮ I wanna take you to a. Explicit. Oneshot. Canon compliant-ish Alternative Universe, kind of, idk how to word this right. Post military university student sungbri bonding (intimately). (≖⩊≖) ✮ Place locked away with tears. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Not K-pop Idol. Halloween fic. Sungjin meets brian/youngk in a motel. Should've been a scary fic but the sadness is unbearable. ✮ No Such Thing As Bad Decisions In Kang Younghyun's Cook Book Of Great Decisions. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Sungbri having a pillowtalk(?). Definitely inspired by brian/youngk tmi about visiting sungjin in busan in the predebut era. ✮ Mr. Sandman. Explicit. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Not K-pop Idol. A steaming hot fic with human sungjin and demon brian/youngk. ✮ Safe and Sound. A little conversation in the chairlift, I’ll call it the cut scene from ‘healing trip is an excuse 3’. Cant help but keep smiling while reading this. Super cute fluff. ✮ 250325 — nos racines s'entremêlent. Brian/youngk is anxious and Sungbri has a discussion about living together. Inspired by the news on Wonpil moving out. This story somehow calmed my ridiculous anxiety, ꉂ (´∀｀)ʱªʱªʱª Also after hearing youngk’s story on ‘Maybe Tomorrow’ Live, I became to assume that this story was written by youngk himself. Nicely written, great story.

Drifting by centersoul. 2022. General. Oneshot. Canon compliant. A sleepy brian/youngk become super clingy to sungjin.

stuck on replay by anonymous (idk who). 2021. General. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Kid fic. A story about uncle sungjin, kindergarten teacher brian/youngk and kid doun. A super adorable fic. (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑) I Need more sungbriwoon fic!! 

Between The Cracks of A Concrete Wall by ssfsteaklates. 2019. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Not K-pop Idol. Sungjin gave brian/youngk all the privileges he wanted and deserved. Featuring jaepil the shipper.

what's in a name? by anonymous (idk who). 2021. General. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Brian/youngk just wants to know that new barista's name.

see you on the flipside by anonymous (idk who). 2021. General. Oneshot. Canon compliant. A little story about sungjin calling brian/youngk the night before his enlistment.

and because you are a dream, i sleep a lot by smolcloud. 2023. General. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Sungjin becomes clingy bcus he's still sleepy and misses his brian/youngk. 'Day and Night' playing in the background.

Beyond These Four Walls series by lemonhopia. 2018-2020. Teen and Up, Mature. Unfinished. Alternative Universe. A cute story about office worker brian/youngk has a crush on new IT guy sungjin. Strangers to lovers. There's one spin-off about dopil getting together.

How To Love by wintercoda. 2021. General. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Sound engineer. Grumpy(?) Sungjin is not very happy with this cheerful rookie brian, until one day he does.

Cross the Line by rorobynne. 2024. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Sungjin wants to kiss brian/youngk so badly.

those pleasures in the night by orphan_account (aw, too bad). 2020. Explicit. Oneshot. Omegaverse. Fox hybrid omega brian/youngk got in heat while on a concert tour. 

Your name tattooed on my heart by anonymous (idk who). 2021. Explicit. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. Soulmate. Strangers to friends with benefits to enemies(?) to lovers for real. A story about tattoo artist sungjin that has trauma with an ex lover meets florist brian/youngk. A slow burn, eh not really, they straight(?) to sex tho. Even though labeled as explicit, I don't think it's that hot, just steamy, still safe. Full angst with spiciness, but happy ending. This is written beautifully. The way the writer executes this is brilliant. The conflict, the resolution, the drama. The pace is not that fast and not that slow, just right. It's so romantic sungjin's way to win brian's heart and trust back. Also how brian still putting his guard up even though he already accepts Sungjin's apology. 

Brighter than Sunshine by wintercoda. 2023. Explicit. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. Sungjin brings brian/youngk to meet his parents. That fake relationship fic. Friends to lovers. I really like how the writer inserts the canon materials here. Fit perfectly! Also the domestic vibe! *chef kiss* My favorite part is when brian/youngk helping sungjin put on his shirt. Also when sungjin woke up to brian, hand across his chest and still with eyes closed, smiling to him. Very domestic and the tension too, ugh! Reading this again after 'witnessing' their relationship development irl is woah.. I wanna cry happy tears. 

to the heart & back by seohngjin (cngkyns). 2020. General. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Highschool. A slow burn enemies to friends then kinda fast burn to lovers. Ambitious brian antagonises sungjin just bcus he’s smarter and teachers favourite but too laid back for his liking. Lowkey, sungjin fell first but did nothing about it.

one, two, three (as easy as you + me) by anonymous (idk who). 2021. Teen and Up. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. Highschool. Sungjin fell first, brian/youngk oblivious. Or brian thinking he's a homewrecker. It's funny how brian character is the hot nerd(?) that has zero dating experience, not even a first kiss. But that's very cute of him. Also jaepil the third wheel. ( ദ്ദി ˙ᗜ˙ )

I Wanna, I Wanna, I Wanna Touch You by CrowsGift. 2022. Explicit. Oneshot. Canon compliant(?). Military era brian/youngk got punished by sungjin, in a hot way. (≖⩊≖)

Our Melodies and Melancholy by pskytales. 2024. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. A complicated story between singer sungjin and producer brian/youngk. Full angst but happy ending. Song fic, I guess. Listen to 'didn't know' while reading this.

A Gumiho's Guide to A Writer's Block series by anonymous (idk who). 2024. General. Unfinished. Alternative Universe. My roommate is a gumiho, literally. Not the drama, well idk what the drama is about.

Nobody Knows by anonymous (idk who). 2024. Explicit. Oneshot. Omegaverse. ‘Alpha’ Brian/youngk behind the closed door. P.s. he’s an omega. (≖⩊≖)

Possibly Till Sunrise by rorobynne. 2024. Mature. Oneshot. Brian/youngk exploring new spicy things and Sungjin can't get enough of him. I'm not sure, is this canon compliant or alternative universe, but super hot, love it! This should've been labeled as explicit rather than mature. I mean it, this is super hot!! (๑>؂•̀๑)

easy work for an easy A by honnou_archive (honnou). 2024. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Warning: age gap, but not really shown. Just take a wild guest. A funny fic but poor kimwonpil, boy must be traumatized, let's go to therapy together. ꉂ (´∀｀)ʱªʱªʱª

Deisikseu’s alternative universe oneshot collection. Most of their stories are alternative universes. I mean how come one puts a pair in a lot of universes? That must be a multiverse of madness inside their head, and they aren't the common universe! Like mostly ‘magical’. Also I call them the master of angst sungbri, bcus how come this person loves to make sungbri suffer? But their writing skill is amazing, i can visualize every scene perfectly and the emotions are ugh, pained in my meow meow. All of their stories are labeled as mature, but lately(?) they make a 'corner' for explicit sungbri fics. Here are some of their fics I really like: ✮ 011693. Brian is lost and then ‘meets’ sungjin in an old phone booth. Kinda like the concept of 'your name' anime. Short angst, kinda eerie but magical. ✮ Where the Sunflower Grows. Yes, angst but happy ending! A beautiful story of sungjin and his beautiful sunflower. ✮ Beyond the Negatives. A really nice concept. A little angsty and magical. Kinda reminds me of something but I can't recall what it is. ✮ A Kiss of Celestial Ashes. Icarus sungjin’s endless love for sun brian/youngk. And of course he died, what did I expect? Damn hurt btw. (╥_╥) ✮ Letters in the Ruins. Soldier sungbri. Damn someone died! Of course it's a war story. ✮ Allergic to Love. I’m sorry for your break up, brian, but that brings you to sungjin. Finally! A sweet fic! ◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜ ✮ printf("Hello World!\n"); kind of creepy but nice concept. Should've been a halloween fic too. I really love the vibe and the setting in this one, wish I could be trapped there. ✮ Fading Strings. Damn hurt. Just hurt bruh, no comfort. ✮ Fading Grace. Zombie apocalypse. Of course someone died. I cry with you brian! (つ╥﹏╥)つ ✮ 7:20 am. A cute meet cute story. University student sungbri in a morning subway. ✮ Seafoam Lullabies. Siren brian/youngk and sailor sungjin. Someone died, not surprising. This one has the similar emotion and concept like the icarus one. The pain is unbearable. damn. ✮ Drafted in Red. Halloween fic. Cereal killer and writer, power couple!! That trope and the ship I've been obsessed with! *chef kiss* it’s actually soft for a thrill theme. ✮ Marlboro Reds. Explicit. Cigarettes are hot. Friends with benefits? ✮ BMW Sedan. Explicit. Sungbri in a steaming hot car. Porn with feelings. Friends with benefits to lovers. (๑>؂•̀๑) ✮ Valentine. Explicit. Brian/youngk is sungjin's valentine present. Shibari plus blindfold with some streak of melted chocolates, what a perfect and hot valentine present. (๑>؂•̀๑) ✮ Pricked by Golden Point. When cupid's arrow hits the cupid himself. Meet-cute. Super cute, super sweet. Like a rom-com movie. (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵) ✮ Eclipse. When the sun and the moon kiss. That’s it! That’s the whole fic is about. ✮ Chocolatine. A soulmate au!! My favorite! Not really, the writer didn't mention it, just my assumption. A very sweet fic, just like the title. ✮ Ash and Silk. The prince and his knight eloping. A beautiful story, I might cry. No one dies, but it’s also not happy ever after. ✮ Bench Beneath the Gingko Tree. Teen and Up. Oneshot. This story is inspired by 'above the clouds'. Sungbri are an old married couple, they grow old and die together. A soulmate!! Okay, I think this is the first time in a while that a fanfiction makes me cry a lot. I've braced myself but still, literal tears rolled down my face. I recommend this bcus the story is really beautiful, it's not angst but it still damn hurts. Don't read it if you are sensitive with age like me. But if you do and if you can please leave a comment there, hehe.

fast times and fast nights by espressopeachtea. 2024. Teen and Up. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. A secret relationship between F1 driver sungjin and singer brian/youngk. The title suits the story, a fast burn from strangers to friends to lovers. I love how the writer inserted canon materials/events and adjusted them with the plot, I almost forgot this is not canon compliant. Also how the writer describes brian’s worry and emotion in general for sungjin, ugh i get it. I happened to read this after watching the ferrari movie, so it is easier to feel the emotions and the vibe. Great story! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ )

beneath the shattered sky by sugarvixx. 2024. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Zombie apocalypse. The first part is funny, reminds me of zom100 anime. But of course the fun ends there. There is no hope. The writer already gave a trigger warning, so no use hoping for a happy ending, though there is a ‘soft and calm’ moment. That’s the ‘calm before the storm/in the eye of the storm’ scene. At least make them accidentally kiss once when they have the night talks! But, maybe the writer just wants to make sungbri suffer. Damn, I cry with you brian! (つ╥﹏╥)つ

worth it? by sugarvixx. 2024. General. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Doun the third wheel in action, his parents just need a little push to be together. Good job and thank you, doun (and writer)! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

feeling you by sugarvixx. 2024. General. Oneshot. Alternative Universe(?). Soulmate. A little story about sungbri, one night, finding out they are each other's soulmate.

Mr. YoungK by sugarvixx. 2024. General. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Kid fic. A story about uncle sungjin and kindergarten teacher brian/youngk. One day, Sungjin picked up his niece from day care and fell for brian at first sight. Then the classic but cute misunderstanding. This one isn't tagged as sungbri fic, but it’s sungbri to me.

one little thing (a ring) by espressopeachtea. 2024. General. Oneshot. Wonpil accidentally pranks brian, kind of. Or brian wants THE ring from sungjin. I’m not sure, is this canon compliant or alternative universe.

A Puppy Business by clefaire. 2022. General. Oneshot. Canon compliant (i think). Not sungbri, but it’s really cute. One day, Doun turns into a puppy, and the desik hyungs take care of him. Or how to shower your puppy maknae with a lot of love by desik. A little sungbri moment there, you blink you missed it.

Let Me See Your Eyes by wintercoda. 2025. Explicit. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. College/University. One sided rivalry to friends to lovers. I’m not sure how to summarize this story, but it’s a great one. The writer uses some canon materials and adjusts them to the plot. It's a complicated story, there’s fluff and also angst. My emotions are up and down while reading this. Also I'm not sure if the ending is happy, but it’s not sad. Oh, right, this is tagged as explicit but i dont think the porn is that explicit. (≖⩊≖)

we could burn by moonsixes. 2025. Explicit. Oneshot. Canon compliant. A story when sungjin realized he always wanted brian all this time, a.k.a sungjin reciprocates brian’s feeling for him. Well, basically it’s sungjin overthinking until he does something about it, a.k.a sungjin letting his intrusive thoughts (feelings) win. It’s porn with feelings but super HOT!! The sexual tension is ugh, feels like I was there with them. freak. Idk how many times I re-read this. It’s written neatly, no rush, just right. Congratulations to sungbri, and thank you writer!

Love Shot by sungbricrumbs. 2020. Explicit. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Another great porn. ( ≖‿  ≖ )Heehee. At first I thought they would have a deep conversation about feelings(?), depression, and anxiety, then having a slow emotional make out session. But that won't suit the title. They have angry sex instead, I didn't expect the angry part actually, haha. But that makes this story even hotter. Burning hot!

Find You by sungbricrumbs. 2020. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Super angst. Sungjin is a soldier and Brian is a doctor. It takes place during the Korean war, so I guess Sungjin will die in this story. Brian/youngk sends sungjin off to war and waits for him to go home to him, Sungjin never makes it. The pace of this story is kinda slow, it makes me anxious and the sadness is unbearable. It’s heartbreaking. Damn hurts. I thought there would be an epilogue where they met again in a different life. It's cliche but would be nice. Overall, it’s a great story.

The Night They Met by sungbricrumbs. 2020. Explicit. Oneshot (?) Alternative Universe. Wah, I actually am not sure how to review this, but this is a great porn. It’s the classic meet-ugly(?), brian is drunk and throws up on sungjin, then sungjin takes him home and they have a drunk sex. Done. Very delicious. Also brian calls sungjin “oppa”. ꉂ (≧ヮ≦)

My Secretary Kang by sungbricrumbs. 2020. Explicit. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. So I assume this is the sequel of the story above, and the actual whole story is a twitter thread. Well i dont know the original tweets, i just stumbled on it while being desperate. But reading this as a standalone story is fine too, I guess. No need to read the whole story. Anyway it’s another great porn. (≖⩊≖) Very delicious.

let me go home by sapphireblu. 2025. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Just a soft slice of life story of a married couple sungbri, cuddling in their warm house. Super soft. Love it!

The Only Time by housecleaningmusic. 2025. Explicit. Oneshot. Canon compliant. When I read the summary, at first I was like, “finally someone writes about how pretty brian is when he cries.” I mean he has always been pretty, and I think he gets even prettier when he cries. But this was tagged as explicit and porn without plot, then i was like, “how come that can go together?” Still, I gave it a try to read, and damn it was A good porn. Definitely will re-read this as a bedtime story. Hahaha, freak! I think this is really funny.

Only by sugarvixx. 2025. Mature. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. This story is inspired by 'only'. Never expect a beautiful wedding song and 'blood and gore' tag, can go together. Maybe my imagination isn't that wild. Also didn't expect the 'corpse bride' reference, but that's a really nice and great idea. The story is not rushed or slow paced, the description is neat and nice, I can feel the mystery linger in the air (?). Ah, someone died but it's not sad. Don't worry, haha.

Thank you to all fanfiction writers, I know you write them for free so i hope you all have the best of life. ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰ Also, it turns out I'm not good at reviewing things. I can’t help myself to write ‘this written beautifully’ in every title. Because IT IS!! I'm lacking in vocabulary and not really good at writing, honestly. I want to point out my favorite scene in every explicit fics. Every time the writer(s) writes: sungjin pins/holds brian’s both hands/wrists above his head just with one hand. That’s so woah. I’m so embarrassed writing this. (>/////< " ) That makes me wonder if he can really do that irl, i mean not in an explicit way, just for research purposes. （´∇｀''）

(update: he can! well, not pinning them, but he can hold brian's both hands with just one hand! wow!!)

Next..

So, there are these 'freestyle' fics these people write and post on twitter. I call them freestyle bcus the writers don't care about formatting, just write out the ideas in their heads. Mostly the themes are slice of life, still some are canon compliant, some are alternative universes. Some are pretty short like just three long tweets, some are pretty long threads. I think this kind of writing is not popular yet in my place. I first saw these from ksungbri shipper accounts. At first I thought they write something like a 'news', like: "I saw this member yesterday at this place doing nothing." Bcus it's in Hangul, I'm too lazy to look up for the translation. But one day I gave it a try, and found out that this kind of writing is somewhat fun to read, I mean a little inconvenience since I have to look up for the translation. But some are worthy, some not, it depends on personal taste. So i bookmarked some, maybe you guys (who?) want to give them a try too. These stories don't have a title so the title is self-made for my own convenience, hehe. Also a reminder again, they are written in Korean Hangul, so you might need g.translate if you don't understand Korean like me, hehe. Here they are:

Sungjin and yonkkitty by 93persent. So here brian is literally a cat (Ke-Nyang/Ke-Kitty), and his human is sungjin. Just a cute slice of life story.

Sungbri cuddling by zzzzi_s2. Literally sungbri cuddling on bed, and sungjin kinda sentimental. They talk then sleep. This is canon compliant btw.

Sungbri weekday by 93persent. An alternative universe where sungbri is a couple but don't live together. One day brian/youngk visit sungjin’s place and suggest doing something spicy. Not a spicy fic btw, still tame, haha. This is kinda domestic.

Post-concert finale by myfavoritegy. A story after the last day of the encore concert, so it's canon compliant. This is written neatly, a beautiful story. They are so soft, vulnerable and domestic here.

Choding Sungbri by yummy_116. One day when sungbri got upset with each other, they wrote ‘things i hate about you’, then made up just like that. Very funny and childish. Here is the eng trans by kyugomi.

Next..

Rekomendasi fanfiction berbahasa inggris sudah, sekarang yang berbahasa indonesia. Sebenarnya, nggak banyak yang sudah kubaca. Bukan sombong atau gimana, memang sejak dulu entah apapun fandom dan kapalnya, aku lebih nyaman baca yang berbahasa inggris, apalagi yang labelnya dewasa. Sedikit cerita, pertama kali baca fanfiction dewasa berbahasa indonesia yang bahasanya eksplisit banget, aku trauma cukup lama. Mungkin karena pas baca itu aku belum cukup umur, jadi kayak ‘culture shock’ gitu. Sejak saat itu aku cuma baca fanfiction berbahasa inggris (terutama yang dewasa). Trus, nggak tau kenapa suka geli aja kalo baca yang berbahasa indonesia. Padahal (dulu pas masih nulis) aku cuma bisa nulis fanfiction berbahasa indonesia. Semoga para penulis fanfiction berbahasa indonesia tidak tersinggung dengan ‘pengakuanku’ ini. Maaf, ya… ( • ᴖ • ｡)

OK, ini adalah beberapa fanfiction sungbri (atau generasi sekarang lebih suka menyebutnya AU) berbahasa indonesia yang pernah kubaca dan aku cukup suka dengan ceritanya.

you're coming to me by henryneedswater. 2024. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Bercerita tentang brian/youngk yang sedang menjalani masa KKN di desa kampung halaman sungjin. Setting-nya lokal alias tkp di indonesia, jadi budayanya juga indonesia. Ini adalah fanfiction sungbri berbahasa indonesia pertama yang aku baca, dan kayaknya yang pertama juga yang di-post di ao3. Jadi, karena waktu itu baru satu ini, aku coba iseng baca. Ternyata ceritanya nggak terlalu buruk meskipun kayaknya memang ditulis terburu-buru satu dudukan langsung jadi. Format penulisannya juga gak terlalu berantakan sekalipun alurnya bikin aku agak bingung. Tapi aku suka alur dan temanya. Good job! ( ദ്ദി ˙ᗜ˙ )

Perjodohan by liquidalveolar & breezyxwinter. 2020-2022. Chaptered. Completed. Alternative Universe. Cerita ini hampir sempurna buatku. Bercerita tentang brian/youngk, anak tunggal kaya raya yang manja, yang dipaksa dijodohkan untuk menikah dengan sungjin, anak tunggal dari keluarga menengah ke bawah yang kerjanya serabutan. Untuk yang ini aku nggak sengaja nemu pas searching keyword sungbri di twitter. Awalnya ragu-ragu mau baca, soalnya dari abstrak cerita kayak drama tipikal sinetron indonesia. Trus iseng aja pilih bab acak dan jadi penasaran. Ternyata tidak drama mendayu-dayu, cuma cerita kehidupan sehari-hari rumah tangga sungbri. Ditulis dengan rapi dan sederhana dan berbahasa indonesia yang baku (ada bahasa gaul juga sih), pakai aku-kamu bukan gue-elo, dan nggak belepotan dicampur percakapan bahasa inggris. Ya, sayangnya di dua bab terakhir nggak tau kenapa penulisnya pilih mencampur percakapan berbahasa inggris, ada juga di bab berapa tiba-tiba sungjin ngomong inggris. Itu yang kumaksud dengan hampir sempurna. Mengabaikan itu, sejujurnya tema dan jalan cerita cukup bagus, nggak terburu-buru juga nggak bertele-tele. Penggambaran karakter juga oke. Aku suka karakter ibunya sungjin. Trus aku juga suka penulis memilih membatasi munculnya nama/karakter baru, cuma fokus ke newlywed sungbri aja. Lucunya karakter baru yang diceritakan itu cuma 'varian' dari sungbri, kayak mantannya brian (sungjin 'dibalik') dan istrinya sungjin (brian versi perempuan). Aku suka banget pas di akhir dopil muncul sebagai anak mereka. (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

Keluarga Bapak Sungjin by akubukanyaa. 2024. Chaptered. Ongoing. Alternative Universe? Canon Divergence? Parents!sungbri; sons!dopil. Warning!mpreg. Yang ini juga gak sengaja nemu, ada yang qrt trus muncul di timeline, iseng aja baca. Kayaknya si penulis juga iseng aja nulis. Nggak ada proofread, nulis langsung post. Lucu banget ceritanya, mungkin karena dicampur bahasa daerah, trus tkp di jawa tengah kayaknya. Sejauh ini ada enam cerita kalau nggak salah. Bercerita tentang keluarga bapak sungjin. Cara nulisnya itu sederhana tapi berantakan tapi temanya lucu. Penggambaran karakternya juga lucu. Suka banget sama bayi/balita wonpil disini. Jadi keinget video wonpil baru bisa jalan masih plonga-plongo itu. (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑) Nunggu kisah bayi/balita doun yang lempeng itu. Tiap kali baca ini, sambil cengar-cengir yang kupikirkan: kok bisa ya kepikiran nulis gitu. Aku suka penulis nyelipin bahan canon disini kayak kisah mancingnya doun trus brian gagal jadi idol tapi disuruh ngeband trus brian jadi dj radio, dan producer parksungjin! ♡(˃͈ ˂͈ ) Sejauh ini favoritku kisah ketemuan dan jadiannya sungbri. Aku tunggu ide kreatifmu yang super lucu itu, kak! ( • ᴗ - ) ✧

Disclosed Desires by bapaksungjinn. 2021. Mature. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Bercerita tentang Sungjin seorang pengacara yang sedang menyelidiki misteri kakaknya yang menjadi korban pembunuhan, bertemu dengan Brian yang seorang orang tua tunggal yang memiliki usaha sewa alat selam dan tur kapal di sebuah pulau. Konsep dan cara penulisan ceritanya bagus, hanya saja alurnya terlalu cepat jadi kesannya agak berantakan. Tapi itu tidak terlalu berpengaruh ke ceritanya yang memang bagus. Aku suka pilihan kata dan bahasa yang dipakai penulis, kayak baca novel terjemahan. Pas baca ini rasanya kayak nonton drama, padahal aku bukan fans drama. Cukup menghibur. Oia, ada doun sebagai anaknya brian, yaay!!

Gaze by bapaksungjinn. 2021. General. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Sungjin naksir Brian, mereka tidak saling kenal. Ini adalah cerita meet-cute, strangers to lovers dengan alur cepat. Ada adegan yang mirip mv lagu lama dari penyanyi wanita amerika yang terkenal itu. Ceritanya sederhana dan ditulis dengan bahasa yang bagus.

Chemistry by sungbricrumbs. 2020. Teen and Up. Oneshot. Alternative Universe. Bercerita tentang Sungjin sebagai tutor untuk Brian sebelum ujian. Gitu aja sih. Mereka cuma belajar bareng terus ciuman sedikit karena Brian banyak mau, terus sadar kalau mereka saling naksir. Oke, jadian deh! Cute. Ditulis dengan sangat rapi dan bahasa yang baik. Mungkin alurnya sedikit agak lambat, kesannya jadi agak membosankan. Tapi jujur keseluruhan ceritanya bagus kok. Brian babygirl sekali disini, Sungjin mana tahan. Aku nggak tahu apa rating yang kucantumkan untuk cerita ini sudah tepat. Soalnya mereka cuma ciuman aja sih, nggak lebih. Tapi deskripsinya agak detail. Jadi ya, gitu deh. (≖⩊≖)

Fanfiction sungbri berbahasa indonesia di atas kubaca karena iseng. Biasanya aku nggak bisa baca fanfiction dengan seting lokal, tapi cerita di atas bisa aku masukkan ke pengecualianku. Mungkin ada yang mau merekomendasikan padaku fanfiction sungbri berbahasa indonesia? Fanfiction ya, bukan au yang format screenshot-an chat wa gitu.

Terima kasih bagi kalian yang nyasar kesini dan membaca tulisan berantakan ini.. (*´▽`*)

Updated 25.06.08 Notes: Been a while. I've been on reader block mode for months. Every time I try to read one story, I close the tab after one or two first sentences bcus I lost the mood to read, idk why. So, here I am again after getting my reading mood back, updating this list. Some of them, I need to dive back to the past to find them, bcus they weren't posted on AO3. It's hard to find old fics if not there, I still count as new sungbri fic reader. I wish twitter writer post their fics on AO3 too. I mean it's easier for new reader to find old fics, and they don't need to censor the names. I mean why would they need to censor names in the first place I don't get it.

I'll update this again when I found a bunch of nice fics again.

[unstablehorsestance]

you bury me

I didn't listen to iichliwp album when it was released bcus of the theme and that one specific song even though I don't know what that song is about. I tried to listen to one song (picked it randomly) in 2023, and decided to listen to the whole album. That one random song is my favorite so far. Then I add two other songs on my favorite. Until the end of last year those three songs are the only songs I listen to from that album. Yesterday I gave it a try to listen again and see what this one song with a non-English title is about. I googled the meaning of the title and about to cry. I find the name for 'the emotion' I've been feeling for a long time. Something about, I want to die first bcus I can't handle the emotion I will get if my beloved people die before me. It said it is kind of a love language/expression, but usually used by parents to their children. That's what I've been feeling, it's not only bcus of my depression and my suicidal thoughts. So, that is love. I have that emotion for my family, and recently I have it for my cat too. I keep telling my cat not to get sick and/or die before me, bcus i don't know what I will become if that really happens. But I don't know how to tell my family and make them understand about this emotion, I only write it in my journal. I love them so much it hurts, I don't want to witness their death before me.