muses, choi chanhee x gender neutral reader. content, like his mother said — ah, young love. word count, five hundred ninety two. pantone, fluff / bff to lovers. mona likes, for @changminurheart !! sorry moomin if this is far from what you wanted, i tried my best 😭 taglist, @stealanity and @mingkii ( yes i now have a permanent taglist! )
pink looks pretty on chanhee.
“it does!” is the first thing the two of you bicker over once you meet in his back garden.
he groans when you lay yourself on top of him, refusing to roll off until he agrees. to this, he tries to pry you off and call for his mother, but to no avail. the kind old woman is enjoying where she is, standing at the backdoor while she watches the two of you.
“ah, young love.” she mutters, right before she shuts the door to let you two have your privacy.
a few more minutes pass by, with a little play wrestling in between, before a compromise is made. the two of you lie upon the freshly mowed lawn, elbows bumping against each other, while you watch the clouds together.
or so it seems. in reality, you’re watching your best friend, but you don’t think it’s obvious—
a chuckle fills the atmosphere, “stare any harder and you’ll burn holes in my head.”
your face heats up, you didn’t think he would notice. yet, you still try to play it off with a scoff, “as if i’d stare at you.”
chanhee hums, saying nothing after, and you chew your bottom lip. you hope you won’t come off as too strong for what’s about to happen next.
“hee, could you do me a favor?” confused, he lies on his side to look at you, brow arched.
he nods, prompting you to continue with a lopsided smile, “could i make your heart rate go up a little faster?”
it’s chanhee’s turn to splutter, the tips of his ears as flushed as the shade of his hair. the young man won’t admit it, but he wanted to ask the same thing to you.
“and how do you plan on doing that?” he innocently questions.
he leans in a little closer, and you do the same. there’s only a sliver of space between the two of you, and neither dare to move. because it’s a test — to see who would break first.
spoiler alert: you lost. three years of obvious pining, the fine line of best friends and lovers, broken so easily. just by whispering, “like this.”
and before he can even prepare for it, your lips are on his.
the two of you kiss tentatively, unsure if this is real. but once reality dawns, it melts into a wave of tenderness, and his hands are bracing your waist to pull you on top of him.
by the time either of you pull away, your cheeks are bathed in a rosy glow, just like your shyly grinning lips. he titters again, though a little more bashful, and draws circles on your sides.
“is it clear that being just friends doesn’t work for me anymore?” you ask, fingers fumbling with the ends of his coral dyed hair.
he pretends to think, “mm, i think that was a good sign for me.”
“then what if i asked you on a date, and maybe even more. would you take that kiss as an example of the benefits you will receive?”
without skipping a beat, chanhee nods and watches you grin stretch from ear to ear. injected with excitement, you pull him in for a second time. the kiss is chaste, but it still leaves him blushing wildly like a fool.
“cutie,” you coo, giggling as he scrunches his nose from distaste. “you are!”
yeah, you still believe that pink looks pretty on your best friend. and now, you’re sure another thing shall look pretty on him — love.
Summary: the holiday season pushes you and your neighbors closer together
Warnings: none
Genre: neighbor au, fluff
WC: 1.6k~
Tagged: @kpophoe-22 @stealercore
Artist Note: Only 3 more left 😁 Merry Christmas! Submitting this for the holiday event @ficscafe
navi | m. list
The tape stuck to your fingers as you tried to wrap another present, making you frustrated, “Ack! This is not working out as I hoped.” You accidentally tore the wrapping paper and that’s when Chanhee snatched the gift that you bought for your friend out of your hand. “Let me wrap it, y/n. I don’t mind doing it.”
It went this way every year. You’d tried to wrap one or two presents, Chanhee would look over, shake his head in disapproval, and take the tape away from you. Always opting to wrap all of the gifts so they would be uniform and look nice under the tree. It was an unsaid tradition and you looked forward to it every year. Getting up to make hot chocolate, you picked up the scraps of paper that were strewn about the table and waltzed into the kitchen with a gleeful smile on your face.
Tossing the wrapping paper scraps in the bin, you called out to Chanhee with your back turned, “Do you want marshmallows on top?”
“Don’t you know me by now?” He whined, feigning offense.
You giggled, “Yeah, yeah, I do.” You spun around on your heel to stick your tongue out at him, catching the way he was looking over at you fondly. It seemed like Chanhee was struggling with bringing something up to you and you wanted to know what. Leaning back against the counter as you waited for the milk to warm, you eyed him with curiosity. You smiled warmly, “What's going on in that head of yours?”
You watched him freeze, cheeks reddening as he placed the tape in his hands down. “Oh, nothing. I’m just excited for the New Year and stuff…”
His eyes roamed every spot of your kitchen trying to avoid making eye contact with you, he was lying. You narrowed your eyes, scrutinizing him before speaking up, “You know, I've known you for a long time. I can tell when you're lying. I’m sure you'll tell me when you're ready though.” Deciding to let him be, you turned around to finish what you were doing.
After sprinkling the two warm mugs with lots of mini marshmallows you returned to sit down beside Chanhee. You handed him his mug and took a sip of your own. “I’m almost done with the last gift”, he prided.
“Sweet, then we can watch a movie or something.” You clapped your hands together in excitement.
“I should probably go home, it’s getting kind of late.”
You looked at the clock, it was only 7 pm, you narrowed your eyes, “ Mmmhm.” You opted not to say anything, he was your neighbor, if he wanted to go home, who were you to stop him. Plus, Chanhee was always next door, if he decided he still wanted to hang out you’d gladly go over to his house later on. “Okay, I understand!” You took another sip of your hot chocolate and watched him finish the last present that needed to be wrapped.
As you were waving goodbye to Chanhee you noticed that he left a gift behind. “Hey, Chanhee, wait—
He put up his hands, acting totally clueless, “That’s for you, from Santa maybe?” He turned on his heel, walked past the tree that was between your houses, and climbed up his steps, disappearing into his house before you could get another word out. You took hold of the small box that was sitting on the table by your entryway and closed your door.
Back inside, you sat at your table, clearing off the scraps of tape and wrapping paper so you could set your gift down. Your hands shook a little with excitement as you pulled at the ribbon, very curious as to what Chanhee could have gotten you. There was always this charged energy swirling around you two when you spent time together, but it was an energy that you couldn’t discern. He was your neighbor so you tried your best not to read into some of the kind gestures and sweetness he often displayed with you. Sometimes his hugs would last a beat too long, or his eyes would linger on your face for too long leading him to get caught for his wistful glances. You always had a sneaking suspicion that he had a little crush on you the way you did him but as time went on and no moves were made, you figured it was hopefulness that you felt rather than suspicion.
You lifted the lid and saw a large ornate snow globe inside the box. It was gorgeous, as you pulled it out of the box you noticed the two figures inside the globe, a couple sitting on a swing together in the snow. You cocked your head slightly, trying to sort out the meaning of your neighbor’s gift. “It's just a snow globe, why am I trying to find hidden meaning where there is none”, you laughed softly to yourself.
You shook the globe, watching the fake snow swirl around in a flurry inside the glass as you thought about Chanhee. With a sigh, you placed the globe in the center of your table as decoration and got up to toss away the box the gift was in. As you walked to the trash bin in your kitchen you saw a small piece of paper stuck to the bottom that went unnoticed before. Picking it up, you unfolded the paper to read a note that appeared to be written in Chanhee’s handwriting.
“Mind if I ‘swing’ by later?”
Raising your eyebrow, you looked back at the gift on your table. It didn’t immediately click in your mind at first, but once it did you grabbed your coat.
-
You sat out on the swing in your backyard and sent a text to Chanhee to let him know you were waiting for him outside. It was chilly outside but you were under a blanket with a mug of hot cocoa in hand so you were pretty warm. You watched the snowfall onto the ground, pushing the swing with your legs and swaying back and forth.
The wooden fence creaked open and you saw Chanhee walking over to you, a huge smile on his face. He waved his hand, “Did you like your gift? I thought you’d like it, it reminded me of you.” He sat down beside you, taking the time to get himself settled under the blanket you had so that he would avoid freezing.
“Yeah, I liked it. I could have told you that tomorrow though.” You giggled, poking him in the shoulder gently. “Thank you for the present, Chanhee. I put it out on my table.”
He grinned at you, cheeks rosy from the cold. “I wanted to tell you something.” He sat up straight, shifting under the blanket so that he was facing you more. You could tell that he was nervous by the way he was gnawing on his lip.
“Okay”, you gave him your full attention, ready to hear what he had to say.
“I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it and even longer to do something about it but— I like seeing you every day, you make me laugh, and getting to hang out with you every day is a gift within itself. You’re one of my favorite people and you are truly beautiful to me, inside and out. I get nervous whenever I even think about confessing how I feel but I couldn’t go on like this without at least trying. Gosh, I’m rambling too much— W-what I’m trying to say is… I don’t want to be just your neighbor anymore,” he mumbled the last part more to himself than to you. He looked out into the yard, kicking the ground with his feet to make the swing move, “I’m sorry if this comes as a surprise to you.”
You buffered for a moment, digesting his words and taking note of how fast your heart was beating in your chest. Snapping out of it, you smirked, “Finally, Choi.” You nudged him with your shoulder and reached out for his hand under the blanket. “I don’t want to be just your neighbor anymore either.”
You could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke, “Really? Oh my god, y/n, you don’t know how nervous I was just now.” He chuckled to himself.
You laughed, squeezing his hand lightly to comfort him. “Yeah, I always wondered if there was something between us but since we were neighbors and such good friends I didn’t want to make anything awkward.” You blushed hard, thinking back on how you used to be back in the day. Freaking out over every little thing Chanhee did and getting giddy over anytime you caught him sneaking glances at you. You chuckled to yourself, “So, what happens next? Oh yeah— this is for you.” Letting go of his hand, you turned and picked up a to-go cup of hot chocolate that you brought for him so he wouldn’t be cold. You handed him the cup, “Here.”
Chanhee took a sip of his cup, “We go out on a date…” He shifted his eyes to look over at you and gauge your reaction.
You smiled, “Of course.” You gave him a peck on the cheek. “I look forward to it.” You moved closer to Chanhee so that you could lay your head on his shoulder. He pushed the swing with his foot and wrapped his free arm around you. You stayed like that for a while swaying outside staring out into the backyard watching the snowfall under the stars, happy to finally be more than just neighbors.
# now playing nyu’s ver ! 𑁋 pretending your arm is stuck in a bottle
the couple who will never take any shit seriously
you can just expect laughs out of this relationship
him being very sarcastic and you matching his energy 100%
singing to yourself, you washed the dishes that you had been holding off for a few days now. your boyfriend was coming over to your place and while you didn’t care at all if it was messy when he came, you decided with your better judgement.
just as you turned around to take note of the time, the familiar cheery tune of your doorbell chorused through the house. you grinned to yourself, drying your hands off. you honestly couldn’t wait till you saw him again after a while of not meeting each other.
“so, this is love~” you sang exaggeratedly, spinning to and fro, in front of the door that had been opened. chanhee was not shocked in the slightest, he knew you were going to be like this the moment he stepped into your apartment. you continued your little serenade despite the large smiles formed on both of your faces.
“shut up, you goof, imagine not giving me a hug first,” he jokingly sassed, hand on his hip. “awe, come here, my little love bug,” you said, pretending to baby him. “ah! y/n, stop! seriously,” he whined, arms open wide. you gave in, chuckling into his chest, the vibration of your laughter sending shivers down his spine.
putting a little distance between your embrace, you looked up at him, kissing his nose, “i missed you, you’re a jerk for not visiting me.” he looked baffled as he retaliated, “sorry, i was just doing my job.”
“hehe, i was just kidding, go sit down, i just gotta finish up washing some dishes,” you ushered him to the soft, leather couch and ruffled his hair. “do you need any help?” he asked. you only shook your head and told him to make himself at home as per usual, “maybe you can start ordering food if you’re hungry?” he hummed in agreement, leaving you to resume washing the dishes.
as you stepped foot into the kitchen, you smirked devilishly to your phone propped against the cupboard. it was already recording the moment chanhee arrived so all that was left was for you to carry out the plan. you had no idea how you were going to go through with it without bursting out into laughter but you had to try.
you made sure that your arm could actually fit and be removed because you didn’t know what you were going to do if it got stuck for real. pulling the bottle up your sleeve area, you began to scream, as if all hell broke loose. all these years of being part of your school’s theatre club definitely pulled off as you tried your best to feign hurt, throwing in some ‘ow’s for extra measure.
chanhee, who ultimately was shocked by your screaming, came rushing into the kitchen, nearly slipping on the sharp turn he made. “what’s wrong! are you okay?” he started yelling too, trying to drown out your screams with his louder ones. to say the least, your neighbours hate you since the condition in the kitchen right now was utter chaos…
“can’t you see! my arm is stuck!” you screamed, waving your arm around. “okay, calm down! do you have soap or something?” he started to look around in every cupboard he could pull open when the said dish soap was on the counter staring right at him. “babe, it’s here!” you pretended to panic and removed your arm which was supposedly stuck, pouring the soap into the bottle before shoving your arm back in.
you expected chanhee to freeze and realised what you just did but the latter was absolutely oblivious, instead helping you to drown the bottle in dish soap too. you wanted to stare at him in shock but continued your act, pulling your arm out again multiple times, even turning on the sink which was a big action to make him notice but due to his panicked state, he merely took note of it.
you decided to do one last thing before you lost all hope in him when he still wouldn’t realise that you were pranking him. you removed your arm and passed him the bottle, “here, take this! i’ll find something else!”
as you crouched down to open the bottom cabinet, a high-pitched laughter erupted from behind you. you turned your head to see chanhee looking at the bottle in disbelief, his hand over his mouth as he processed what was happening. you rushed towards him and shoved your hand into the bottle again, splashing water all over it. “why are you laughing? my arm is stuck!” you didn’t want to tell him just yet plus you wanted to make him laugh even more.
you ran around in the kitchen, trying to wriggle your arm out of the grip. chanhee’s laughter echoed throughout the house as you could see him doubling over on the floor, “y/n, what’s wrong with you?” you repeat yourself, screaming “my arm!” over and over again, acting like a complete maniac.
it was only when he threw a kitchen towel at your head did you stop in your tracks. “why are you like this?” he grinned as he trapped you against the counter, pushing away the strands of hair that had covered your face after running around so much. “took you long enough to notice,” you snickered, wrapping your arms around his shoulder, looking up at him. “you made me panic!” his hands placed at your waist, ready to tickle you but you wriggled out of his grasp, “no! don’t you dare.”
“i should’ve been tickling you already but since i’m such a nice boyfriend i won’t,” he pretended to flip his hair, earning a chuckle from you. “you’re such an idiot,” he shook his head, hands holding your face, “but you’re my idiot.”
— summary: after escaping your family’s christmas gathering, you find solace in your childhood hangout and the boy you grew up with
— genre: hurt/comfort, fluff, best friends to lovers
— word count: 1.8k
— warnings: mention of toxic family
have yourself a merry little christmas - judy garland
━━━━━━━━━━━🎄━━━━━━━━━━━
“y/n?”
chanhee’s voice rang out through the darkness, combined with the sound of the fire door opening and closing. it was a brutal reminder of just how cold it was on the rooftop where you sat, but you still daren’t go back to the house. not whilst your family paraded your brother and brand new sister-in-law around the room, comparing their achievements to yours, right in the face of your extended family and the friends they had dragged along.
annual boxing day gatherings amongst your family were the bane of your very existence. it was nothing but an excuse for your parents to brag about your older sibling’s perfect little life, whilst you were left serving drinks and entertaining the children.
over the last ten years you had made friends there, distant relatives and family friends alike brought their own children, most of whom you grew up alongside. it was the one thing that made you grateful your brother was five years older; he never fit in with the likes of changmin, or juyeon. they were something he couldn’t take from you.
then, there was chanhee. the only other person your age actually living in the extravagant neighbourhood your parents had insisted on living on. the boy-turned-man who had grown up in the equally as large building across the road. the one who you used to shout to from the rooftops, until both your parents complained about noise and dragged you back into your respective houses.
so of course, when you had disappeared from the thrumming party downstairs, it made sense that chanhee would know where to find you.
he took his place by your side, leaning against the old decorative chimney. you didn’t need to turn towards him, and he didn’t bother making you, choosing to follow your gaze out onto the bright lights of the expensive neighbourhood. if he couldn’t give you much, he would at least gift you that moment of peace.
it didn’t take long for you to rest your head lightly on his shoulder, chanhee still not startling. he was too used to such affection. in honesty, you were fairly certain that chanhee wouldn’t bat an eyelid if you asked him to bring you a star from the very sky you stared at now. he’d probably ask you which one. the thought did nothing to ease your thumping heart.
“has my mother stopped trying to marry me off to that guy from her company, yet?” you asked after the silence settled around you. you hated how suffocating your thoughts were sometimes, but you knew chanhee’s voice would provide the grounding that you needed.
“i think juyeon managed to lie to him that you two were dating in secret.” chanhee answered lightly, hand sliding over to rest on your knee. you couldn’t help but snort quietly at the suggestion of juyeon’s lie, and it probably helped your case that you had sat on the much taller man’s lap earlier when no seats seemed available. “we all know that’s bullshit, but no one's arguing with juyeon.”
you hummed, barely aware of the way it vibrated chanhee’s shoulder. “he couldn’t hurt a fly. even if you triple dared him.”
you could feel as chanhee turned to look down at you, both in the way his muscles twisted, and the sudden heavy presence of his gaze weighing upon you. flicking your eyes up to meet his, you had to remind yourself how to breathe momentarily, for he somehow looked even more beautiful in this light. it was far from being dark, the overuse of electricity from every rich family within your neighbourhood providing too heavy a glow, but chanhee made everything look spectacular.
that feeling alone was the reason you never gave your mother’s friends the time of day. how could you, when someone as perfect as choi chanhee was in your life?
your love for him was a secret you shared with only yourself (and probably juyeon and changmin too, who were no strangers to the gazes you sent towards your supposed best friend when he was simply existing). but as days trickled on, and the two of you grew from directionless teens, into adults with somewhat of a dream, you started to wonder if it was a secret you held alone.
it was evident in chanhee’s eyes, sometimes. in those moments you stared at each other for too long, he let it slip through. it was a distant sparkle, one he had clearly gotten good at hiding, but it gave you a glimmer of hope.
“you know, this is my favourite christmas tradition.” he admitted after another moment of silence, finally breaking your gaze and looking back out towards his own rooftop.
“what? my annual christmas breakdown?”
chanhee only flicked your knee, but his hand soon returned to rest there, even going as far to rub small circles into the fabric of your jeans. “you’re annoying.” he chastised, but as quick as he complained, he tacked on, “spending time with you out here. just like we used to when we were kids.”
“except now we have to worry about adult things, like taxes.”
“well i was trying to have a cute moment.”
“go have it with my mother’s accountant friend.”
you couldn’t help but giggle as chanhee gave you a gentle shove. it was light, but you rocked to the side anyway, using the momentum as you fell back to further cuddle against your friend. he welcomed the touch happily, never having limits when it came to being close to you, and the two of you fell into a thoughtful silence once again.
“where do you think we’ll be this time next year?” chanhee asked, pulling you out of your contemplation before you allowed yourself to fall too deeply into reminiscing. that was always bad for your brain, remembering how it used to be before you told your parents you wanted to chase your dreams instead of following their footsteps.
“somewhere far away from here.” you replied in honesty.
“hm. that’d be nice.” chanhee shared your sentiment. you knew, without even having to discuss it, that he had similar trouble with his family “no parents pressuring us every ten seconds, no worries. everything that’s troubling us will be so far away we’ll forget they even existed in the first place.”
you could only dream. maybe one day you’d be able to turn around at one of those fancy galas your parents hosted, announce your success and finally be the one everyone cared about. there was always the motivation to spite the people who doubted you, but in truth, you weren’t even sure if it would bring you satisfaction. one moment of imagined revenge was hardly enough to make up for five years of hurt.
“we’d be free.” you commented, not meaning to sound as solemn as you did, but even your subconscious had resigned itself to your family’s behaviour.
chanhee looked back down at you, just for a moment. you wouldn’t have noticed his attention, eyes closed softly against the warmth of his body, but a soft sigh left his lips. “you’re worth so much more than they say.”
glancing upwards, you were met with chanhee’s stern gaze, as though he was burning his words into your skin. before you even had the chance to process the first compliment, he was speaking again.
“you’re everything they are and more. you’re funny, you’re smart, you’re talented,” he seemed to falter momentarily, “you’re beautiful. and you have humility – they don’t even have an ounce of that. when in my eyes, you should be the one proud of who you’ve become.”
you supposed he kept talking, but you couldn’t move on. not from that one word. beautiful.
it wasn’t unusual for chanhee to compliment you, and you had no idea why it affected you so deeply now. perhaps it was the christmas season, or the lights surrounding the both of you, but hearing those words from him meant more to you than you could ever express.
because he made you feel it, with the way that he looked at you. every time that you met his eye, it was like he was reminding you of how much you meant to him, and he made you feel beautiful in every way possible. even now, eyes sparkling as he studied your face.
you wanted to show him, thank him, even, for what his words meant to you, but that would never be possible to do in words. so you boldly did the only thing you knew could convey everything you wanted to say.
you kissed him.
it was only a small peck at first, head twisted at an awkward angle from the way that you sat, but the neck pain was more than worth hearing the small gasp of surprise that left chanhee’s lips as you pulled back. then, he gave in completely. his hand slipped to the back of your neck, and he was suddenly pulling your lips back to his for a kiss that could only be described as life changing. his lips moved against yours like second nature, as though he were a writer bringing a sonnet to life, with you as his muse. it felt too natural, the way you fit together, a sign that you should have been together like this sooner. but you had each other now, and that was all that mattered.
you moved one hand to cup his cheek, thumb stroking against his cheekbones as the kiss came to a close. even as you pulled away, he stayed there, lips brushing against your own, rewarding you with chaste kisses between breaths.
it was far from how you imagined your first kiss with chanhee, years of friendship allowing you to create those scenarios in your head, but it was better in every way. his cheek was warm in your hand, his touch still gentle on your nape, and you knew then and there that things would be okay as long as you had him by your side.
you wanted to stay like that for forever, biting back a whine when your name was called from the stairwell to the roof. you had been gone so long that even your mother had noticed your disappearance, but you could only giggle at the thought itself.
when you had left the party to escape to the rooftop, it had been with doubts of your future, brain tormented by the idea of not being good enough. and now, those notions were barely recognisable in your head, too busy thinking about the feel of chanhee’s lips on your own.
he knew it too, exactly what you were thinking about, leaning in to give you one last parting kiss before you had to stand and prepare to face the music.
except this time, you were fuelled by the realisation that your dreams about the future may not be so far away after all.
ೃ⁀➷ note: i know hyunjaes was meant to be next But i am rewriting it so in the meantime :)) sorry the other 3 will be posted after the holiday season! i aim to have them up before it’s too far into the new year but:/
i hope you all had a wonderful christmas!!
PERMANENT TAGLIST (click to fill form): @pockyandme @changmin-wrlds @hannieyooon @nyujjan @i6swoo @cloudykyu @f4ery @luvrbin @erikyoong
notes: i think i can attack my soulmate with this plot (ille, you are everything to me, understand!!!). but i thought about it for our kitty’s bday, btw, happy birthday, chanhee. love you so much! <3
Pairing: Sunwoo x reader
Genre: angst, fluff, hanahaki, fake dating
Word count: 14.2k
Warnings: mentions of blood and death, swearing, drinking, and uhhh all the things associated with hanahaki ha...ha
A/N: written for @yangkiwi as a part of the "a gift for you" fic exchange hosted by @cherryutas and @ateez-elena ! hi yanna i'm your writer!! i had fun writing your faves and trying something new so i hope you enjoy <3
It's okay if he doesn't return your feelings, and it's okay if you have to hide yourself whenever the petals show up. What's not okay is if he ever finds out the reason for them in the first place.
Sunwoo's usually the perceptive one of the three of you. At the middle school dance, he was the first to notice the tightness of your smile and the slight slump of your shoulders after your boyfriend had dumped you. He was the first to figure out the good news about Eric's scholarship, though it wasn't as if Eric really tried to hide it—his eyes were brimming with endless excitement that was obvious to anyone. And whenever the three of you played your game of guessing the relationships between strangers in public, Sunwoo was able to differentiate between a first date from a dating app and one set up by mutual friends.
Kim Sunwoo was perceptive, and as his best friend, you knew that fooling him would not be easy.
"I have something to tell you," he says quietly.
"So do I."
While it's far from unusual to be hanging out between classes at the apartment he shares with Eric, you get the feeling that it's different this time. The way he messaged you privately instead of in your group chat coupled with seeing how Eric isn't home only confirm your suspicions. If Eric's birthday hadn't recently passed, you would've thought it'd be about planning a gift or a surprise party.
But now, there are more important things to worry about.
"You can go first," Sunwoo gestures at you, nodding in encouragement.
It doesn't make you any more encouraged, but you take a deep breath and decide to take the plunge anyway. This is something you have to do. "Sunwoo, do you think the three of us will be friends forever?"
"Why wouldn't we be?"
"Don't know." Your gaze is trained on his and your shrug is nonchalant, just as you practiced, but every second that goes by makes your stomach twist uncomfortably. Would it be too late to back out of this? "Just wondering."
He searches your face for a second. "Is this about Eric?"
"What?"
"You wouldn't be bringing it up now if it's not about him," he shrugs, though he's no longer meeting your eyes.
It's not about Eric. Not really, anyway; out of the three of you, Eric was the person that this concerned the least. Yet, he's not wrong either because that's exactly what you wanted to talk to him about.
"You like him, don't you?" he says when you don't respond.
"I—what?"
"Y/N, were you worried about how I would react to it?" At the way your jaw drops, Sunwoo has the audacity to laugh, though it quickly dies down and he drops his voice. "It's a good thing that it's Eric. I don't know if I'd trust anyone else to not break your heart."
This is not what you expected at all. You'd practiced and prepared to say these words to him, and now you're hearing him spit them right back at you.
And perhaps there is some truth in his words, but Eric wouldn't be breaking your heart anytime soon. Neither would anyone else when it's already broken. Shattered. "Yeah," you mutter, trying to stop your lips from falling into a frown.
Sunwoo takes your hands, holding them in his lap as he smiles at you reassuringly. It would be a touching moment and if it were the reality of a world where you did like Eric, you'd be more than happy. But all you can do now is force a smile on your face and ignore the queasy feeling in your stomach. You ignore the small fluttering in your chest that you now know is not your heart, but rather the small sprout that's been tickling you with every breath for the past week.
"Right, what did you want to tell me?" you ask, swinging your linked hands a little to shake him out of the reverie he seems to have slipped into.
He simply shakes his head, giving you a smile. "Never mind. It's nothing."
Sunwoo is perceptive—he's the first to notice your fake crush on Eric. But unfortunately, this time he's not quite perceptive enough.
The disease isn't exactly a secret, though there's only been one time you'd personally seen it happen to someone. Chanhee, a guy in your major, had been assigned to work on a group project with you and two other classmates back in second year. The four of you had been sprawled across Younghoon's living room one afternoon researching potential topics for the project, with you complaining every few minutes and Changmin blasting nothing but girl group songs while he was in charge of the playlist. But if you thought that was what made Chanhee leave the room, you were wrong.
You hadn't intentionally checked up on him, nor were you curious about where he had gone. It was something as simple as walking by the bathroom on your way to grab the flash drive from Younghoon's room when you heard coughing. It hadn't been a soft sound either—it quite sounded like Chanhee was hacking up his lungs.
And through the gap he left in the door, you were able to see the petals. Soft, white petals were scattered across the floor, large enough in size that you thought they were plucked straight from a potted plant. An orchid, perhaps, or a lily; you weren't familiar with flower types at the time and didn't know what the petals meant at all. That had been your first and only experience directly witnessing the effects of the disease.
"Chanhee? Are you okay?"
He'd barely looked at you, too preoccupied with the petal in his own hand. He held it up to the light, seemingly studying it as if it were something foreign. And maybe it was—looking back, that must've been the first time he'd coughed up those petals.
"Can—can I help?" you continued stubbornly when he didn't reply. "Is there anything I can do?"
Chanhee shook his head. "No—" Then he paused. "Actually, yes. You can help by not telling anyone about what you saw today."
It was amazing how intimidating he could still look during a vulnerable moment like that, so you'd nodded, quickly leaving to get him some water which he took from you with a blank stare. After that day, he pretended not to know you. It was only your persistence in befriending him that finally allowed him to open up about what was going on.
And although you learned about the disease and supported him throughout it, it never occurred to you that the same thing could happen to you.
"Eric, it worked," you say as soon as you get home and finally drop yourself onto your couch. "I was so sure that he would suspect something, but you know what? He was the one who asked me if I liked you."
"Seriously?" Eric glances at you from above his laptop screen, raising a brow. "I thought we weren't convincing these past few times. Damn, I wish I could call him stupid."
You heave a sigh. "He is stupid though."
Sunwoo is stupid for not knowing, for not having an inkling of a clue about everything that's going on. He's stupid for having no idea that your crush on Eric and your soon-to-be relationship with him aren't real.
And there's no way you could tell him.
Even the thought of him causes an itch in your throat that turns into a cough. Though it's bearable, feeling like a lingering cough from a cold—it hasn't been too long since the start of all this after all. You quickly throw an arm over your mouth to cover it, and when the coughing dies down, there are exactly three small petals sticking to your sleeve. Cherry blossom petals.
"Hey, you okay?" Eric reaches over and plucks one of them off your sleeve, and then holds it up to his face curiously just as you had a few days ago when they started appearing. You'd examined it and pondered in your mind about how such a thing could come from your body because the very thought of that happening was already strange. But even stranger than the science behind growing a plant in your lungs would be the cause of it—unrequited love.
"I'm okay," you mutter, grabbing the petal back from him. As pretty as the flowers may be, the thought of them still make you conflicted. It's embarrassing to know where they come from and why they exist.
Eric snaps out of whatever trance he was in a minute ago. "I still think it's weird. It's obvious he feels something for you," he says stubbornly, crossing his arms. "Can't you see it?"
"Tell that to these stupid flowers." You take the few petals out of your pocket where you'd collected them from earlier in the day and hold them in front of his face. "The answer's right here, Eric. That's what's obvious."
He opens his mouth as if to retort but closes it again and lets the silence settle between you instead. It's a little surprising that he doesn't have anything to say considering he usually shares his thoughts in real time. But this time, it's obvious that he holds back. Perhaps this would simply be one of the changes that your friendship would suffer as a consequence of your situation.
"Y/N," he finally says, the hesitance written all over his face, "are you sure you want to do this?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know I'll help you no matter what, right? But do you think this is the right thing to do?"
"I talked to Chanhee the other day," you say slowly, watching as he glances at you with alarm at the mention of Chanhee's name. You don't blame him though; there have been rumours about the guy that aren't exactly nice, and they all started from the flowers.
"Chanhee?"
"Yeah. I—I think I'll get it removed just like he did." You avert your eyes from Eric's face. This is yet another lie that you'd have to work on telling. "So we just have to go with the plan until then. It'll be fine; I'll even let you think of a dramatic way to break up with me."
"Yeah?" he nods, the grin immediately forming after hearing the last part of what you said. "Okay. If you're sure."
You try to put on a smile too, but there's more than a tinge of guilt in your heart. Eric must think that talking to Chanhee helped you come to a good conclusion, a logical one where you'd simply get the flowers removed and continue living your life as it is. But what he doesn't know is that seeing Chanhee's deadpan stare and hearing the flatness of his voice are the very things that convinced you to make the opposite decision. Having to live a life without feeling the pain that came with unrequited love may sound like a blessing, but to you, it was also a curse that would get rid of a chance at happiness too.
So while Sunwoo may not know the truth, Eric doesn't know the full truth either: you aren't planning on getting these flowers removed at all.
"Thanks, Eric." You turn back to him and finally force a smile on your face. There would be time to worry about that later, but first you need to make sure that Sunwoo believes your relationship with Eric is real.
A few days later is when you put the plan into action.
It's a coincidence, really, that you're with Eric when the two of you see Sunwoo walking by. Your plan was to start at the next study session together, but the opportunity arises in the parking lot on campus after class one day.
"Wait, is that him over there?" Eric pauses just before opening your door for you, tilting his head at someone walking down the path.
It's unmistakable—the figure is getting closer with each step, and you'd recognize Sunwoo's familiar strides anywhere. "Yup, that's him."
"Should we..." He trails off, gesturing vaguely in the air. "You know."
An idea pops into your mind. "Quick, come here."
Maybe this would be strange and awkward and would ruin your friendship in any other context, but this fake relationship needs to be as convincing as possible so that Sunwoo doesn't ever get the idea that your flower situation is because of him.
And so you take Eric's face between your palms, feeling the warmth of his cheeks and the softness of his skin. It may not be anything new, but it makes you briefly wonder what Sunwoo would feel like between your fingers now, whether his newly permed hair would still be as soft as before. How your heart and the tiny flowers around it would react.
Eric is angled so that the two of you would be visible to Sunwoo when he walks by, arms caging you on either side against the car. As you bring him in, you squeeze your eyes shut and anticipate the feel of his lips against yours. They're soft and warm like what you expected, and they fit well as they slip between yours. You feel him bring an arm behind your waist, pulling you closer until you're pressed against him.
It's not bad—it's a nice kiss in every sense. Maybe in a different context it would even be good, or maybe kissing your best friend should be awkward. But right now, it's something you don't have the luxury to worry about.
Soon he pulls back, and you notice a hollowness in your chest that's quite startling. The stillness there feels as if the flowers don't know how to react to his touch at all—as if they're not blooming, not fluttering, but just pausing in confusion for the fraction of a moment.
Which only means the solution isn't to make yourself fall for someone else, you think bitterly.
In the minutes that go by, there's no sign of Sunwoo unlike what you'd expected. You thought he'd come by and jokingly interrupt the two of you and maybe invite himself to your dinner plans—seeing the confusion on Eric's face, it's obvious he thought the same. It's only after you turn to look in Sunwoo's direction that you see his figure getting smaller in the distance. Perhaps he simply didn't look your way or didn't realize who it was, or maybe he was too occupied with carrying the books in his hands.
But as you stare at his disappearing figure, there's a slight slouch of his shoulders and an increase in the speed of his steps compared to earlier. Signs that he clearly saw the two of you but chose to walk away.
It means you're not the only one avoiding him—he's avoiding you too.
Sunwoo opens the door before you get the chance to knock, leaving your fist hanging in the air in front of you.
"Hey," he greets, opening the door wider and stepping back to let you into the space of his narrow apartment hallway. The place looks the same as always, and you can even smell the remnants of pizza lingering in the air—something that reminded you all too much of the game nights here that you've begun to miss with Sunwoo avoiding you and Eric as of late.
But even though not a hair looks out of place, there's a feeling you can't shake off that everything is different. Perhaps it's the lack of smile on Sunwoo's face this time, or the absence of the brightness that he typically radiates every time he sees you. He looks tired, and in a way it's almost like looking at your own face in the mirror. Tired, pale, hollow.
"I, um, have a dinner date with Eric in a bit so I can't stay too long," you say, following him when he leads the way to his room. It only confirms what you sensed from his text—this will be about something serious if he doesn't want Eric accidentally walking in on your conversation when he gets back from class. "Sorry. Maybe we can hang out properly another time? Just the two of us?"
"Yeah, of course." He briefly looks disappointed, and your small mound of guilt for creating this plan piles up a little more.
You close the door behind you and then opt to lean against it, unsure of where you should be standing or sitting when things are no longer the same as before. His room may be small, but it makes the distance between the two of you stretch to infinite bounds.
"How have you been?" he starts, eyes focused somewhere near your head but not quite on you. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You look tired." There's worry in his eyes now, despite the way you tried to keep your voice as level as possible. "Are you stressed? Is your... relationship taking a toll on you?"
"It's just midterm season." You give a casual shrug, trying to change the subject as quickly as you can. It's strange for you to be talking to him about your supposed relationship with Eric and seeing his reaction, it is for him as well. There's a tension in the room that can't be explained but you assume it's simply attributed to the sudden change in your friendship dynamics. "Anyway, I haven't seen you in a while."
Sunwoo looks away.
"Well, actually," you say carefully, finally deciding to put your theory to the test. "I think I saw you last week. Like, by the parking lot? You looked like you were walking home from campus."
His gaze snaps to yours. "Oh yeah? When was that?"
"After class one of those days," you lean back a little more and pretend to pull some balls of fluff off your shirt, maintaining a nonchalant stance. "I was going to say hi and ask if you wanted to grab dinner together, but you walked by really quickly."
"Oh." And there it is—his eyes flicker away from you, an uncomfortable expression settling on his face that only proves your theory to be correct. "You seemed busy."
"Busy? With Eric? Sunwoo, you know that we miss you—"
"Y/N, I lied." He looks right at you before slumping to the ground at the foot of his bed. Running a hand through his hair, and then heaving a sigh. "I'm sorry but I lied when I said I was fine with it. You and Eric... I want to be happy for you. I really do."
"But?"
A bitter chuckle. "But that's clearly not working out."
Crossing the room, you slowly lower yourself as well until you're seated beside him like you've done so many times before. Leaning in just the slightest so that your head rests against his shoulder and hating how even the most minimal contact gets such a big reaction from the stupid flowers. "Talk to me, Sunwoo. Don't keep it to yourself."
He stays silent for a while, so still that only the rise and fall of his chest was any indication that you're leaning on a living person. And when he finally speaks, it's quiet. Barely a whisper. "It just feels like I'm losing you—both of you."
You immediately know what he's talking about because that's exactly what you'd feared would happen to Eric if Sunwoo, for whatever reason, returned your feelings. After all, it'd always been the three of you sticking together since you met in middle school. There's no doubt that feelings would make things messy, and right when you caught your heart fluttering at Sunwoo's smile as he walked you home one night in first year, you knew that nothing about your friendship would be the same ever again.
Now, as he wraps an arm around your shoulders, you wonder if this is exactly what your past self would've wanted: to make Sunwoo jealous and see if there's any ounce of hope that he would be able to return your feelings. But that no longer matters. The itch at the back of your throat and the pressure residing in your chest make it clear there's nothing left to prove, and now it's just a matter of making sure he never finds out the truth.
"It's so selfish to say this but I don't want to be reduced to a—a third wheel to you. But I also don't want you to feel obligated to spend time with me if you'd rather just be with him." Sunwoo looks over, briefly meeting your eyes before he's dropping his gaze again. Another sigh slips out of his mouth. "Sometimes I think about what things were like before. Y/N, I don't want it to be awkward between us."
"That's not selfish of you. I'll always be here, okay?" The lies, along with your pile of guilt, grow a bit larger. "Even if things don't work out with Eric."
"Yeah? Okay." The corners of his lips curve up, but his eyes seem to stay in an unreadable, neutral expression.
Then he mumbles an excuse about quickly sending off that assignment due today before heading to the living room, leaving you alone. The silence is nice, giving you a chance to calm down your racing heart and replay what just happened. Was Sunwoo's jealousy over not being able to spend time with his two best friends the reason for the tension whenever your relationship with Eric comes up in conversation? You wish that could be the worst of the issues within your friendship, but unfortunately, that seems like the tip of the iceberg.
When he continues typing away on his laptop in the other room, you let your eyes roam over the details of the walls around you. It's nowhere as cluttered as the bedroom of his childhood home, though there are a few touches that make it more personalized than the standard dorm room.
On the bulletin board hanging near his desk, he has some polaroid photos of the three of you. You easily recognize where they're from: a Halloween event back in first year where the three of you dressed up in lab coats, pretending to be scientists as if you didn't have to dress in those for your weekly labs. There are a couple of shots at different restaurants when Sunwoo had brought his camera, claiming to capture all your funny antics—clearly the way you and Eric drank with arms linked was one of them. But the last one on the board is your favourite: a photo of you and Sunwoo dressed in fancy prom attire, his arm slung around you, both of you smiling brightly at the camera. It must be the only photo he brought from home, seeing as it's from your high school days.
Just below the board, on his desk, there's a glint that catches your eye. It's a small jewelry box, a little bigger than one that would fit a ring, made with a navy velvet material with gold writing of the brand at the top. And you know that it would be rude to take a look but sometimes it's hard to care about trivial things when your days are numbered. So you reach for it and—
"Hey," Sunwoo's voice interrupts and you try your best not to jump back in surprise. You were so caught up in your curiosity that you hadn't heard his footsteps at all.
"Hey. You submitted your assignment?" When he nods, you decide to directly ask him about what was on your mind. "What's this?"
"Oh—it's um." There's a frown on his face when he comes over to take the box from the desk. He fiddles with it in his hand, body turned in a way so that the box is just outside your view and you're not sure if that's on purpose. If it's something he doesn't want you to see. "Just a necklace I got for my sister."
"Right, her birthday's coming up, isn't it? That's so sweet." It totally slipped your mind. Of course it has to be for his sister. Maybe even for a crush. Either way, it doesn't make sense for you to be holding onto that piece of hope in your heart.
When he opens the box, it's a pretty necklace with a small flower pendant—coincidentally, one that looks like the very flower that you've recently come to be very familiar with. It twinkles so beautifully in the light that it nearly makes you forget the dread that flowers bring you.
And when you see Sunwoo's eyes soften and his smile grow fond, in that moment, you nearly tell him everything. Between the cracks of the walls he always puts up, you can see it—the way it hurts him that you're avoiding him and spending all your time with Eric. The way he knows he's losing both of his best friends but has no choice to be happy for the two of you.
But wouldn't it hurt more if he ever finds out the real reason behind all of this, especially when it's connected to him? Thinking about the guilt he'd have to carry makes you hold back your words once again.
Sunwoo sets down the box and turns to you, but the moment has passed and he has his guards up again. "Have fun on your date tonight, okay?"
"I will," you lie, attempting at plastering on a smile. You go to step around him, thinking that you could wait in the living room for Eric; it shouldn't be too long until he's on his way back.
But maybe it's the sad smile Sunwoo wears or maybe it's the influence of the flowers, for you find yourself stepping forward towards him, chasing the warmth of his touch the way the tiny flowers inside you chase his sunshine. Then you're wrapping your arms around him, burying yourself into the fabric of his hoodie like that's where you belong. And maybe it is where you belong if the disappearance of your chest pains is any indication.
His arms automatically wrap around your waist and the warmth of his embrace is enough for you to pretend just for a minute. That he's not him, you're not you, and none of this is really happening.
"Y/N, what's wrong?" he whispers an eternity later, as if not wanting to break the moment either. But maybe he hears your tears softly pattering against him or the light rattle in your breaths. Maybe he already knows everything there is to know and maybe it's killing him inside just like it's killing you.
"I just—miss you," you admit. A small truth underneath your mountain of lies.
"Hey, if this is because I was avoiding you, then I promise I won't do it again, okay?" He tightens his arms slightly. "We can go back to being the three of us."
But it's short-lived for soon you hear the front door closing loudly, and equally loud footsteps walking around. Eric—the person you're supposed to be dating—is back and here you are in the arms of his housemate. You quickly untangle yourself, ignoring the pressure that immediately reappears in your chest that seems to protest your leave.
Sunwoo lifts a hand as if going to wipe your tears, but you don't wait around to see whether he would just pull back like you expect him to.
"I'll see you soon." Another lie as you go to grab your bag and head out to meet your fake boyfriend. Sunwoo doesn't follow you out.
What you thought was a lie actually turns out to be the truth—you do see Sunwoo very soon. A few days later, it's as if nothing had ever changed between the three of you. Sunwoo holds his promise and makes an effort to hang out with you and Eric instead of shying away from it.
So study sessions at the library are spent with Eric draped across your arm, napping on the table while you look up from your laptop and exchange amused glances with Sunwoo across from you. Game nights are back at their place and has you complaining about how they gang up on your poor character, though Eric sometimes helps you out and you're pretty sure it's not just about being a good fake boyfriend.
Eric also asks a few times if you're comfortable with Sunwoo being around so often, and you give him the excuse of wanting normalcy before the surgery. It's not completely an excuse when most of it is the truth—you do want to live life normally. Besides, you're sure he's glad the two of you won't need to execute the PDA part of your plan right in front of Sunwoo.
You also know it would be difficult to hide the petals, but Eric surprisingly does a good job of covering for you. It seems to work for the time being, however, you know that Sunwoo is perceptive. The longer he's around you the harder it'll be to maintain this façade, and the more cracks there will be between the mask that you're trying so hard to keep up.
But what surprises you is that it becomes easier to breathe when Sunwoo is around: your coughs decrease in severity, there are fewer petals, and there's less pain. It gets to the point where you start wondering how long this would last for. What if simply being around Sunwoo—even if it's purely platonic and even if he will never return your feelings—is enough to stop these flowers from blooming forever? What if this could pause their growth and let you live a life still full of emotions? What if this was the solution?
Though you have a feeling it's too good to be true.
The next weekend has you at a party with Eric. Heavy bass from the music playing at alarming decibels seems to reverberate through your body as you make your way through the crowd, one hand in his and another grabbing onto the first drink in sight. Being the social butterfly he is, he stops by to talk to each friend he sees, and it's just about as awkward as you imagined. Maybe even more, when they look at the two of you with that knowing smile and the twinkle in their eyes.
By the time you make your way to the living room, you find Sunwoo already part of a circle in the corner with some friends you recognized from the occasional lunch together. He waves you over when he catches your eye, shifting back to make room for the two of you.
"Didn't think you guys were coming," he muses, lifting his cup to touch it to your own before downing the rest of what's in it. "Thought you'd have better things to do."
You shrug, lifting your own cup to your lips and relishing in the burn that trails down your throat instead of giving him an answer. Not because of the implication in his tone of voice, but rather the fact that you can't possibly explain your real reasoning for coming here. Thank goodness Eric hadn't questioned your intentions, though you had a feeling that he knew all too well.
"What are they playing?" You nod over at where the rest of the circle is closely huddled together.
Sunwoo eyes you warily for a second before dropping his gaze. "Truth or dare or something. You want to join? They're doing spin the bottle next."
"Yeah, sure." You give him another nonchalant shrug when he turns back to search your face. Sunwoo may be perceptive, and you may be attending a house party despite hating the idea of them before, but surely this can't be as suspicious as his expression makes it seem, right? This calls for another drink. "Eric, you want a drink?" you ask, though you're already up and across the room before he can respond.
Chanhee is in the kitchen when you go to pour the remaining of the vodka into your cup. And with him is Younghoon, the very guy to cause the white petals to fall from his mouth once upon a time. They're talking animatedly—Younghoon throwing his head back as he laughs at something Chanhee says, and Chanhee leaning against the counter with his arms crossed and his signature unamused look on his face.
"Oh, hey, Y/N," Younghoon greets, immediately reeling in his laughter from before. "Surprised to see you here."
"Yeah, um. You're not the first to say that." You laugh a little, sounding awkward even to your own ears. "Needed a change of scenery." The vodka bottle empties without even filling much of your cup and has you reaching for a cooler to make up for the remainder. There's not much of the non-alcoholic selection either from what you can see, but Eric will have to deal with whatever's left of the inventory.
Chanhee remains silent, simply glancing you up and down.
It's strange now that you look closely at him. From the outside, you'd assume that he was the same person as before—a master of sarcasm and a permanent scowl on his face as if judging your life decisions. How Younghoon managed to make him fall in love is a mystery to you, and even more a mystery is how he's coping with the effects of the surgery so well, like nothing ever changed.
Younghoon seems to notice his stare. "I'll head back to the others first? Find you later, Chanhee."
Once he's out of the vicinity, Chanhee finally turns to you. "A change of scenery," he chuckles, though his voice remains flat. "It's not much of a change when the petals follow you everywhere."
"How do you feel talking to Younghoon?" you blurt, not even realizing what you've said until he cocks his head in amusement. Perhaps the drink you downed all too quickly was finally taking effect.
"How do you feel talking to me?"
That's not what you were expecting. "Um, you're cool? I guess?"
He smiles a little and fiddles with the drink in his hand. "I'm just playing with you. That's really what it's like though; talking to him and being with him. It feels like being with anyone else."
"But—but it seemed like you guys were getting along pretty nicely." You frown at him when he simply shrugs.
"Yeah," Chanhee takes a long sip of his drink, and it were anyone else, you would've interpreted that as trying to drown out feelings with alcohol. But you know better. "He confessed his feelings to me last week."
"What?"
A nod.
"Are you serious?" It must be the drink you had. There's no way you're hearing things correctly—
"Yeah," Chanhee scoffs. "It's a bit too late for that. I know I should feel bad, but I really don't."
"Does he... know?"
He shakes his head, immediately knowing what you're referring to. "There's no need for him to know. My feelings are my own responsibility; why should they have anything to do with him?"
"Right." You mentally note that down, unsure of how well you'll remember it after the night is over though it only reaffirms your plan not to tell Sunwoo about any of this. Chanhee's right and it makes too much sense even to your inebriated brain.
But more importantly, what he said about Younghoon confessing sticks around in your mind. How is it that Younghoon only developed feelings for him after the whole flower ordeal? And now that Chanhee's gotten the surgery, he would never be able to return those feelings. It might not hurt him anymore, but your heart aches just thinking about what could have been. They could've been so happy together. They could've loved each other. Instead, now all they have is a broken relationship filled with lost time and opportunity. How could their fate turn out to be doomed like this?
"Y/N, you know it'll only get worse?" The look in Chanhee's narrowed eyes pins you to your spot. "Being around him and pretending like it's sufficient to stop it from progressing."
"Does it not? But I feel better than I have in days—"
"Y/N." He steps closer, setting down his cup on the counter so hard that you can feel a drop of his drink splash onto your arm. "You should stay away from him. It'll feel better for a while, and it'll give you hope. But that won't last; it'll get much worse very soon."
You chance a glance into his eyes and what you find there is confusing. It's almost as if he does have some feelings—enough to watch out for you anyway. Could it be that the surgery doesn't take away all emotions? "Um, yeah. Okay." A nod for emphasis.
But whatever you found in his eyes quickly disappears and his face settles back into its signature displeased look. Then Chanhee gives you a sharp nod before he's picking up his drink again and heading off in the direction Younghoon went in.
The alcohol pumping through your veins makes the encounter fade instantly, and soon, you're joining the circle in the living room once again. Eric thanks you for the drink and then starts the game.
It doesn't even occur to you how this stupid game should've stayed in middle school and not followed you all the way to college. With the bouts of laughter following each round and each funny reaction from the participants getting picked by the bottle, you just about manage to forget why this might be a bad idea. Coming to the party, hearing Chanhee's words, being near Sunwoo.
Well, until the bottle lands on Sunwoo anyway. He's the first person it lands on this round and the crowd reacts, cheering him on and whispering about who they hope the bottle lands on next. Some are looking at him in anticipation; nothing surprising when he's attractive and decently popular amongst the people in his major. Perhaps they'd be praying to the OTP gods to have the bottle land on them. Meanwhile, you're praying it doesn't land on you. You send the bottle your brain waves and you shift in your spot slightly in the hopes that something happens to it—anything, really, as long as it doesn't land on you.
At first it seems to work. The bottle slows down, nearing the end of the spin and appears to stop on Eric. There's laughter on the tip of your tongue and fear in Eric's eyes just at the thought of having to kiss Sunwoo.
And then the bottle rotates just the slightest bit past Eric, landing on you. It's not directly pointing at you, but anyone would be able to tell that it's closer to you than it is to Eric. The laughter dies in your throat.
Eric shoots you a worried look, though there's also obvious relief in his eyes. "Y/N, you don't have to do it. You can back out." There are some coos around the circle, eyes peeling at the concerned boyfriend's reaction to you having to kiss someone else.
But you can feel the way your heart speeds up, the way there's a stirring in your chest that's edging you on. It's something you wanted, after all. Kim Sunwoo—he's what you wanted. "It's fine," slips out of your mouth quietly before you're making your way to where Sunwoo's seated, all the eyes in the room trained on your every step. His included.
"Are you sure about this?" he asks, lips pressed together as if holding back a smile. Why he would be amused at this, you're not sure, but you brush off the thought and give him a firm nod. The full smile appears now. "Okay," he murmurs, inching closer.
When you're looking at him, it's like the rest of the room disappears. A stillness settles, and whether that's from the audience waiting with bated breath, or whether it's the gradual decreasing of the pressure in your chest, you can't tell. But you don't need to. In the next moment, Sunwoo has a hand around your waist and another cupping your cheek. Leaning in until you're shutting your eyes and the tiny smile is the last thing you see before his soft lips finally reach yours.
You knew it would be different from kissing Eric but aren't prepared for just how different it would be. The sharp taste the alcohol on his breath can't hide how soft his lips are, how warm his mouth is. It has your heart thudding ceaselessly as everything else melts away until you can no longer remember why kissing him was supposed to be a bad idea. No, it couldn't have ever been a bad idea. The way he tilts his head to deepen the kiss and the way he pulls you closer tell you that this is exactly where you belong, like he's breathing the air you needed right into your lungs. And then there's the tingling in your chest as if the flowers are reacting to his every touch; they lean into it, they crave it, and the pain disappears when they're satisfied.
It's like the room doesn't know how to react afterwards. You know how it must look—you're dating Eric, but you're here kissing your other best friend. His other best friend. And maybe it was entertaining for the audience, or it looked like a realistic kiss, but there's an awkward energy lingering in the room as people refrain from commenting or cheering.
Eric, for one, is speechless. His mouth hangs open the slightest, perhaps more of a shock at how different you are when kissing the person you're in love with versus kissing him the few times you'd done it just for show. There's a glazed-over look in his eyes like he's coming to a few realizations, ones that completely make him forget that he should be jealous, angry even, in this situation. You hope that people would simply assume he's in too much shock to react.
Sunwoo says something, hand still resting against your wrist. But you don't hear it over the itch at the back of your throat that's been increasing by the second. You can't speak and you can't possibly respond or risk opening your mouth now for there will only be a pile of petals coming out, and no matter how much you try to swallow it down, the pressure only increases.
So you run. You pick yourself up off the ground and get out of the room, making a dash for the nearest bathroom. Hand over your mouth like you're just another one of the guests who've had too much to drink.
Once in the bathroom, you only have half the mind to turn on the faucet and let the sound of the running water drown out the cough that wracks through your entire body. You cough and you heave, and the pressure in your lungs continue to squeeze you until you're doubling over in effort first by the sink and then by the toilet. It's worse this time—that much is obvious even without seeing the bunches of petals that fall into the toilet. They're soft against your tongue and where they stick to your mouth and lips, and they seem to paint the bathroom in different shades of pink where they land.
You almost want to laugh at the situation—the only times you'd seen such a trail of beautiful petals on the floor like this was in movies, always as a set up for a romantic night. Perhaps a path of petals, trailing into the bedroom. And here, in this small bathroom, you're surrounded by the prettiest cherry blossom petals as a reminder of the very lack of romance in your life.
"Hey, Y/N," Eric's voice comes softly from just outside the door, followed by a couple of knocks. "You okay in there?"
"Yeah—" Another cough. Eternity seems to pass before they subside and let you come back up for air. "I'll be fine."
"You don't sound fine. Can I get you some water—"
"Eric, please. Go before he suspects something."
You can sense the hesitation in his steps as he lingers just outside the door for a while longer, but eventually he mutters an 'okay' before he leaves.
It calms down a while later. You catch your breath, sucking in the air between the rattling of your lungs and pushing it out in slow motions to try not to break into coughs again. When you finally flush the toilet and turn off the tap, you can hear the music and chatter floating over again. Luckily, there's no one waiting outside; you still have to deal with the scattered petals across the floor.
Footsteps approach the bathroom again as you're trying to sweep up the petals with your hands, but this time the door creaks open. Great, you'd forgotten to lock it. At least you weren't using the bathroom for its intended purpose, though at this rate, you aren't sure if being on the floor with the petals surrounding you is any better.
"Eric, I told you I'm fine. You should go make sure he doesn't suspect anything," you mutter, your gaze not leaving the handful of petals you carefully throw into the toilet. You're nearly done cleaning and the floor only has about half the amount it started with.
But there's no response. Your stomach drops at the realization.
Because when you look up, it's not Eric standing there at all. It's Sunwoo. Sunwoo with his eyes widened, mouth slightly parted, jaw slack. Sunwoo, whose gaze trails over the tiny pink petals that cover the floor, then to where you're sitting with a handful of them in your palm, and then to the open toilet where they float.
Sunwoo, whom you ran away from the second after you shared a kiss with him.
"I—I thought you ran out because of the kiss." He slowly blinks a few times as if he can't believe what he's seeing. Though underneath the layers of shock, there's hurt. Jealousy. Worry. And while it pains you to see him like this, you're just so tired of having to hide it or explain it or deal with this stupid flower situation at all. Maybe coming here was a bad idea and pretending like everything was fine was a bad idea.
Maybe loving Sunwoo was a bad idea.
"Y/N." Hands are on your wrists, stopping you from where you're still trying to grab at the little flower pieces. "Hey, look at me." Sunwoo gets down beside you, face mere inches away from yours. Forcing you to look at him. "What happened? What is all this—Y/N, why didn't you tell me about this?"
You have no response to his questions. How can you possibly tell him that all of this was because of him? Because of your inability to handle your feelings for a friend? Even without the thought of the flowers making their home in your body, there's the constant fear of ruining your friendship with him, and in turn, your friendship with Eric too.
Luckily, you don't get a chance to answer him, because Eric appears right behind him in the next moment.
"Y/N?" Eric's eyes widen when he sees what's going on. "It's late. Let's get you home." Thankfully, he catches the desperate expression you throw him and carefully steps around where Sunwoo's kneeling on the floor, reaching to help you stand. You give him a weak smile, feeling the relief seep through your body at the excuse for walking out of this difficult situation.
But it doesn't quite go as you expect.
Sunwoo stands, hand catching your elbow as you try to walk past him. "We're not done here. Y/N, Eric, what the fuck is going on?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," Eric scoffs, voice dripping with a venom that you've never heard from him before. "Get out of here, Sunwoo."
Immediately, you can feel him stiffen next to you as if bristling with hostility. "No, not until you tell me what's going on." Sunwoo steps in front of you, eyes pleading with you. "Y/N, what is all this? Why are you—"
"That's enough." Eric shoves him lightly, though it sends him stumbling back. He steps in front of you, arms out like he's protecting you from him. "You won't get it, so just stay out of it."
"What did you say to me?" Sunwoo grabs at him, getting a handful of his collar. "You want me to stand here and watch while Y/N is—is dating someone who doesn't even love them?"
That final bit is what does it. It has Eric sending a fist into Sunwoo's jaw. "Shut the fuck up. You have no idea what you're talking about."
You hear a gasp, but it takes you a second to realize that it was from you. Everything after that is a blur.
Sunwoo retaliates, landing a few punches before Eric is pushing him back. Soon the commotion catches the attention of the other partygoers, and a crowd begins to form around the small hallway. You can almost hear the whispers in the audience. It'd be jealousy over the kiss—jealous boyfriend Eric trying to fight best friend Sunwoo over what looked like a much more passionate kiss than what should've been possible. That would be the logical way to go. No one would be able to wrap their head around the truth that's suddenly become so overly complicated.
Someone steps out of the crowd and grabs onto Eric at the first opportunity to hold him back. Sangyeon—at least that's what you think his name is—shoves Eric behind him and holds out his arms in front of Sunwoo, blocking him. If he's not afraid that Sunwoo would simply give him a punch of his own, he's right. Neither of your friends have been much of a fighter and this is the first time an altercation like this has happened.
So you do the same. You step in front of Sunwoo, hand on his chest. "Sunwoo, please. Stop."
He looks at you then, and it's like the fury or whatever it was clouding his eyes completely disappear. There's a new sense of clarity in them and he slowly drops his arms, clenched fists gradually loosening.
One final worried glance and then you're heading to Eric. You nod a quick thanks at Sangyeon before grabbing Eric's hand and leading the way through the crowd. But just when you think the worst is over, you make the mistake of looking behind you as the two of you walk out the door, and there Sunwoo stands glancing back at you with what looks like betrayal in his eyes. It's not great, but you'd rather have him feeling betrayed instead of guilty or helpless over what's happening to you.
There's silence in the car the entire drive home. Eric doesn't bother turning the radio on, though it's clear that neither of you would listen to it anyway. He's stuck in his head just as much as you are, and you can't help but wonder what he's thinking about. Whether he feels just as trapped in this situation or whether he really thinks things will go back to normal after the surgery you said you'd get.
"Hey, you okay?" He finally glances at you just after parking the car outside your apartment, neither of you making a move to get out.
You can't help the grin creeping onto your face. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"
He breaks into a smile too and it makes you forget everything else that happened tonight. The fact that he's still your best friend and that he's still by your side despite this whole situation is something worth smiling over.
"Ow—" The moment ends when his smile disappears. A fresh line of red appears between his split lip and the sight of it has you scrambling out of your seat then dragging him out of his.
A short elevator ride later, you seat Eric down on a chair in the kitchen and grab the first aid kit. But even when you're gently cleaning the cuts on his face, it's hard to not think about Sunwoo. How Sunwoo would be all alone in their shared apartment, how he probably wouldn't bother doing anything about his injuries at all. You can't help the pang in your heart at the thought of that despite how it sounds ridiculous that even when you're dying, all you can think about is helping him.
"Hey," Eric glances at you with hesitation in his eyes as you start with the ointment. "Do you think I can crash here? Not sure it's a good idea to be going back with Sunwoo around."
"Yeah, sure." Then you think twice about it. "But wouldn't he just get more pissed if you stay here?"
He only gives you a grin that's soon followed by a small wince when it pulls on his battered lip again. "That's the point. Kim Sunwoo is going to be so pissed when he figures out that I'm staying here."
The look on his face paired with his words suddenly seem so funny. Although the fight has sobered you up for the most part, the remnants of the adrenaline pumping through your veins gives you a different kind of high—one that has you setting the ointment down and bursting out laughing. Eric joins you until he's doubled over, head landing in your lap and probably ruining all you've done to fix his wounds.
But for a while, none of it matters. For a moment it's only your best friend and you, back in the room of your childhood home laughing at an inside joke that no one else could possibly understand. For a moment there are no worries about the future and no flower petals and nothing that may cause your friendship to be hanging on by a thread.
"Dude, that was so dumb," Eric lifts his head, wiping away the tears at the corner of his eyes. "It's funny now but maybe I shouldn't have punched him so hard."
You look him up and down. "Do you really think he ended off in worse shape than you?"
He gives you a frown before rolling his eyes. "Your bias is showing, Y/N." Then he waves you off when you shake your head a little too vehemently in response to that. "How can you be on his side even now?" It comes out clearly sarcastic like it's a joke, but you can't help but hear the truth lacing his words underneath all of it.
"No, I didn't mean—"
"It's okay," Eric gives you a weak smile and when he stays silent, you realize just how quiet the room has become without the sound of his laughter from just a minute ago. Fading until you can no longer remember what it sounded like. "I can see it, you know. I saw it. Y/N, I didn't believe it at first," he looks down, averting his eyes from where you're hovering to continue working on his wounds. "Well, I've never been very observant, so I didn't see it when you first told me."
You keep the cotton swab in your fingers light and steady as you finish up with the last cut on his cheek, not showing the shakiness you're starting to feel at his words.
"But I saw it back there. Not just how much you care about him, but how much he cares about you too. You felt it, didn't you?" Eric's eyes meet yours again. "What we all saw... that can't be faked, Y/N."
"I guess my acting was terrible the few times you and I kissed then." An attempt at trying to deflect the conversation as you step back to pack up the first aid kit. "Sorry about that."
But Eric shakes his head. "Y/N, forget about our kiss. That's nothing compared to what went down tonight." A bittersweet smile appears on his mouth and then he lowers his voice. "You love him. You're in love with him."
"Yeah," you finally bring yourself to admit, setting everything down just before he pulls you into a hug. "But it's not like that changes anything. I wish I could say that I hated tonight and that it made me hate him too."
"You don't mean that."
A sigh. "I don't."
There's a stillness in the room and one in your chest as well. It's nice being in his arms—calm, warm, and without the strong currents that threatens to pull you under every time Sunwoo is around.
Eric breaks the silence. "I shouldn't have said all those things to him."
"You shouldn't have fought him either."
"I shouldn't have." He sighs, burying his face into the crook of your neck. "I was just so angry at him—it's so easy to think that all of this was because of him. That it's his fault you're..." dying, you would've said, though it's not like he would know. "It's his fault you're hurting."
"It's not his fault. None of this is."
"I know but," he pulls back to look right at you, "should we tell him? Doesn't he deserve to know? He already saw what happened, Y/N. I don't see how we can keep holding it back from him."
"Yeah, I agree." You have to force yourself not to look away for this next part. "But it won't be long until the surgery. We can tell him after, yeah?"
Eric frowns, bottom lip between his teeth. "Okay," he mumbles, clearly hesitant, "if you're sure."
"Just don't mention that it was about him. He doesn't need to know that."
He nods.
You leave him to settle on the couch as you dig through your closet for the spare blankets and clothes that the two of them have left here on numerous occasions. A pair of sweats and a baggy hoodie is what you pick out, though you're not quite sure if they belong to Eric or Sunwoo; you suppose it wouldn't matter with the rate of which they share their clothes anyway.
"We'll talk in the morning, okay? I have a feeling Sunwoo will be showing up right after he gets rid of his hangover."
"Wait." Before you can turn to leave, there's a hand wrapping a hand around your wrist and pulling you down onto the couch next to him. "Y/N... what do you think will happen with us now?"
When you glance at him, there's worry on his face and something unreadable swimming in his eyes that you've never seen before. The Eric you know would never worry about anything, much less over a silly fight with his best friend. But this isn't quite the Eric you know, and you're no longer the you that once existed; everything from here on out is uncharted territory, and the thought of that makes your heart sink a little.
You try your best to put on a smile. "You'll make up with Sunwoo and things will go back to normal."
"You think so?" He searches your eyes, and you only hope that nothing he can find in them will betray you. Not now, not yet. "What about you?"
What he's asking is obvious—it's a question of your feelings for Sunwoo and whether you'd be able to overcome those, or it's about your lack of feelings after the supposed surgery. But all you can do is shrug a little, pressing your lips together to hide the way they quiver. "I'll be just fine."
Whatever joke you made about Sunwoo having a hangover is not so funny the next morning. You wake up to sunlight streaming through the window, so bright that it only aggravates your pounding headache and creates waves of nausea in your stomach. And while it's a nice change to be making a run to the bathroom for a more normal reason than to cough up petals, the sharps pains in your chest quickly make their presence known.
Eric looks just as bad from where he's sprawled across the length of the couch when you drag yourself up and head to the living room. His face is swollen, bruises darker and fully formed, and the way he squints at you must indicate that the same fatigue is affecting him too.
Yet to you, it was all worth it.
Initially, you hadn't wanted to go to the party—heck, the party scene has never been your interest and you'd always opt for an arcade adventure or a game night with your best friends instead. But along with the many changes to your life that the flowers had brought was a change in your mind too. Your real reasoning for going was that you knew it would be your last chance at having fun before things progressed too far. The kiss was just the cherry on top.
And even if the party went to shit, you have a headache that seems to split your skull in half, and the flower situation gets significantly worse, it was all worth it.
"Morning," Eric mumbles, face half covered by the pillow he uses to block the light.
It's well into the afternoon, but you don't tell him that. "Morning." You set a glass of water on the table in front of him and then head into the kitchen to figure out hangover foods.
Sunwoo doesn't show up as you'd expected he would, but it's for the best. The pressure in your chest makes it obvious that you should be avoiding him from now on because Chanhee was right. Everything he said last night was true and it was stupid that you briefly thought it wouldn't be true. Or you thought it just wouldn't happen to you.
But now, it's happening to you. Maybe it would've been fine if you were simply near Sunwoo at the party, but the instant he kissed you, you knew that something changed. And you also knew that you didn't have much time left.
The rest of the weekend goes by in the same way. Eric stays over, half afraid of the truth spewing out of his mouth once Sunwoo confronts him, and half afraid of ruining things with Sunwoo forever. You hate having the situation with Sunwoo weigh the both of you down like this, but there's no way you could let the truth get out. And so, Eric recycles the measly amount of clothes he has at your place, occasionally stealing a hoodie out of your own wardrobe too.
It's after he heads to class the next week when you hear a knock on the door.
"Did you forget something—" You stop when you realize that it isn't Eric turning around to grab his bag at all. Sunwoo is the one standing there, dark circles under his eyes and face hollowed as if he hasn't slept in days. Which, knowing him, is probably true. He'd be bothered by the events of the party endlessly.
"Hey," he says, voice neutral and expression unreadable.
"Hi. You want to come in?" You open the door a little wider though Sunwoo lingers hesitantly where he stands in the hallway, unsure of whether to accept your invitation. It isn't until you reach to pull him in when he finally moves and follows you over to the couch.
All your previous jokes with Eric about how funny a confrontation with Sunwoo would be disappear in an instant. It's no longer funny and you don't seem to recall why it had been in the first place.
"How are you?" he asks, still looking very much uncomfortable where he's now seated on your couch. "Are you okay?"
You nod.
"Look, I'm sorry for the other night," he runs a hand through his hair, eyes only briefly pausing on yours before fleeting away. "And for being an asshole in general. I didn't know what you were going through."
"It's okay. I didn't want to burden you with this."
"What? No, it's not a burden."
It gets quiet. Even the hum of the fridge abruptly stops, leaving you completely on your own.
"How long has it been?" Sunwoo asks, and though his face is half turned away, you can hear what his words seem to say: how long do you have left?
"A few weeks."
Silence.
"Does Eric know?"
A nod, then more silence. It feels a bit like an interrogation at this point, and you can't seem to shake off the strange feeling between the two of you.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, eyes still not meeting yours. You sigh a little, searching his face for any trace of a hint or an answer that his voice fails to give, but finding none of the jealousy or hurt that seemed to seep through his presence at the party.
The answer is obvious, of course: you didn't tell him because you don't want him to live with the guilt of knowing his lack of feelings for you is the cause of this. But instead, you settle on another one of the cards from your deck of lies. "It's kind of just between me and him."
"Is that why you guys started dating?" When you don't answer, he continues. "So the flowers are for him. And you've been trying to make him fall for you." The last bit comes out sounding like a statement, so you don't answer that either. It's like he's working through his own thoughts out loud, and even if they're far from the truth, you can't correct him.
Sunwoo looks like he has more to say or ask but is clearly tentative about how far he should push this, and so you let the silence linger uncomfortably. But the strange feeling builds and at this point you aren't quite sure if it's something that really exists or if it's another reaction of the flowers. You haven't seen him since the party and while you're hoping that his presence alleviates some of the pain, Chanhee's words echo in your mind like a siren. Warning you that being with him may only make things worse.
"I have something to tell you," Sunwoo starts slowly, breaking the silence. "This might be bad timing, but I just want to say it in case I might not get a chance to later."
You're too afraid to ask if he means that in the sense that he won't be seeing you much when you're supposedly dating Eric, or that you may no longer be around to hear it anymore. Either way, there's a foreboding feeling; perhaps this is what you've felt since the instant he stepped into your apartment.
He draws in a long breath. "Y/N, I like you. No—I love you. I have for a long time, and—fuck, I might actually be in love with you. But I guess none of it matters now." You think that's all he is going to say, but then he finally lifts his head to meet your gaze with a wry smile and continues. "Do you remember the day you told me you like Eric? I wanted to tell you that day. That's why I called you over."
"What? How? Why didn't you?" That's impossible; he has to be joking, though it's not a very funny joke. Especially when it hurts to breathe.
"If it were anyone else that you liked, I would've told you." His eyes soften, smile turning fond. It reminds you of the tiny glimpse of him you saw the other time in his room, and it looks so real that it your heart stutters. "But it was Eric, and I could never do that to him."
It hurts to speak so you don't. You keep quiet and let him fill in the silence.
"And ah—you found the necklace in my room," Sunwoo breaks off into an awkward chuckle and ducks his head just as you catch a glimpse of his reddening cheeks. "That was supposed to be for you. Anyway, I know you're dating Eric now, but I just—I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest. Maybe it'll give you some comfort knowing you're not the only one in this whole one-sided love thing."
One-sided love. That's about all you catch when all your attention is directed to breathing. You have to focus on pushing the air into and out of your lungs between the branches or roots of the plant residing there when it's so difficult. It's not too different to what happened right after the kiss you shared with him at the party—your throat tightens, and your chest hurts and there's too much pressure all of a sudden. As if the strange tension was building up to this moment the entire time. You're aware that what Sunwoo's saying is something important and that you should hear the rest of it, but the urge to cough is uncontrollable.
The bathroom is still a few steps away when the coughs start and a shower of pink petals land on the floor, trailing after you. But even when you're hovered over the toilet, it's like the petals don't stop this time. They fall much like each spring breeze shakes the petals from a cherry blossom tree towards the end of the season, and they pile around you like they had at the party. They only make you realize Chanhee was right. Being around Sunwoo was making this much worse than you ever thought possible.
He's right outside the bathroom, and the worry is apparent in his steps and the quiet knocks on the door. "You okay?"
"Just—give me a second." You can barely hear yourself say it over the pain that blares across your body. If Sunwoo hears, he doesn't react, and you can't bring yourself to repeat it. It's hard to focus on anything at all when simply breathing is taking up all your energy.
"Y/N? What's wrong?" He opens the door and the concern on his face is the last thing you see before the world goes black.
There are voices nearby, you vaguely realize. Eric and Sunwoo's voices, though you've never heard them like this before.
"No, I—I couldn't have told you before," Eric says, and then sniffles slightly. "It wasn't my secret to tell. I'm sorry."
There's no doubt he's telling Sunwoo all about it. Hiding it might not be an option anymore, but you can only hope that Eric doesn't reveal the true cause of all of this.
The next time you wake up, it's to Sunwoo's face. He's seated on a chair beside you, hand on yours and body draped across the hospital bed. Eyes closed, seemingly fast asleep. Despite having spent nearly half your life being around him, it's become rare to see him so vulnerable—somewhere along the way, you'd begun to get the sense that he'd put up a sort of guard between him and the world. And that included you.
"Oh, you're awake," he mumbles, pulling his hand back to rub the sleep from his eyes. You hope that napping here was a chance to catch up on the rest he's been missing, but the tiredness written all over his face says otherwise. "Thank goodness."
"So are you."
He doesn't react to that. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay."
There's a pause and you belatedly realize how tense the atmosphere is. All the words that you wanted to say suddenly disappear from your mind, and seeing the way Sunwoo hesitates, perhaps the same is true for him.
"I told Eric to go home and get some sleep." He chuckles a little, almost bitterly. "Is it selfish of me to want to be here when you woke up? I just—I want to take up all your time even though I know Eric's the one you should be spending time with."
"Wait, what?"
"So that he might return your feelings." Sunwoo reaches for your hand and drops his gaze to where he intertwines his fingers with yours. "I'm sorry about what I said before. It doesn't matter if you're dating Eric or if he doesn't feel the same way about you yet. As long as you're okay... that's what's matters."
There's nothing to say to that. You look away, glancing at the ceiling instead. Counting the number of squares in between the grids of the fluorescent lights above head.
"You will be okay, right?" he prompts, squeezing your hand a little as he shifts closer. "Eric says you're getting the surgery soon and—"
"I lied."
It's the hope in his eyes. Lying to him and deceiving him has been difficult already for the past while, but it's seeing the way his eyes light up as he glances at you with such hope that finally stops you from perpetuating the lie. Many things would end soon, and maybe the lying should be one of them.
"What?"
"Sunwoo, I lied to him. To both of you." The wires and tubes around your free hand prevent you from wiping away the stray tear, but he takes care of it for you. "It was never Eric, and I'm not getting the surgery."
"What do you mean?"
"These flowers aren't for him; they never were." It takes you eternity to muster the courage to say your next words. Even in the face of death, it doesn't get any easier. "They're for you, Sunwoo. They were only ever for you. It was never Eric or anyone else."
Time seems to freeze the moment Sunwoo's jaw goes slack along with the hand that was holding yours. He lets go of you and sits back in his chair as if putting space between the two of you. And despite knowing this entire time that there's absolutely no way he'd reciprocate your feelings, —the stupid petals told you that much—there was still a tiny inkling of hope in your chest that things would be different.
Perhaps misery always starts with the delusion that things would be different for you.
Now, as he glances back at you with an unreadable expression, you can only resort to being grateful that you wouldn't have to see this expression on his face for much longer. It leaves you thinking it's good you never planned on getting the surgery; you don't know if you could stand coming back to a ruined friendship.
"Wait," Sunwoo says slowly. He has his bottom lip between his teeth, brows furrowed like he's deep in thought. "But Y/N, that doesn't make any sense."
"Why? You never thought I'd fall for you?"
"No, that's not what I mean." If you don't know any better, you'd say he sounds almost exasperated. Frustrated. You're afraid you'd see the shades of guilt on his face that you'd imagined whenever you thought about confessing to him, but of all the emotions that seem to flash across his face, guilt isn't one of them. Why would it make him frustrated to hear about your pathetic feelings for him that started all of this?
So you give him a weak smile. "It's okay, Sunwoo. You don't have to worry about—"
"No," he says firmly, leaning forward and taking your hand in his once again. "It doesn't make sense because I've loved you forever, Y/N. I—I just. How can this still happen?"
"I don't know how it can happen either—wait." Now it's your turn to pause in disbelief, replaying his words in your head to make sure you heard correctly. Surely, it must be the drugs in your system confusing your mind. "What did you just say?"
It sounds familiar, as if you've seen a glimpse of this scene from a dream before. Had it been real? Had he uttered these words before?
"Wait," you stop him just as he opens his mouth to explain, "that wasn't a dream?"
The memories start to come flooding back all at once: Sunwoo on the couch in your apartment, being interrupted by the petals, but most importantly what he'd confessed.
You hadn't had the time to process his words at the time, but now, your overactive mind has you second guessing them. That surely, they had to be fake. Was it sympathy for believing that Eric really didn't return your feelings? Because how could you possibly believe him when all the signs are pointing you in a different direction?
Sunwoo must see the conflicted emotions written on your face. "I'm not lying to you. You saw how I was avoiding the two of you at first," he smiles now, a small and sheepish smile spreading across his lips. "I really wanted to be happy for the two of you and thought that if my two best friends were happy, it'd be enough for me. I tried staying away until I could get a handle on my own feelings, but it only made me miss you." A pause, and then he rolls his eyes. "Well, him too."
"You didn't know it was fake? The whole crush-on-Eric thing."
The corners of his mouth form into a frown. "I didn't want to question your relationship. Besides, when I did see things that made me doubt it, I thought I was just seeing what I wanted to see. That maybe, somehow, you don't really like him that way."
"You're not joking."
"No, of course not." Sunwoo shakes his head. "Y/N... will you get the surgery? Please? We can work things out after it."
Now that you've heard what he has to say, everything is different. But you hadn't thought this far—in all the possible outcomes that you'd imagined, there was never one in which Sunwoo would return your feelings. Because how could he? The very reason for these flowers to be harbouring in your lungs stems from the fact that your feelings are unrequited.
But if Sunwoo's telling the truth, and it seems like he is, then why has this disease taken over your body in the first place? And how can you possibly remove the flowers now, knowing that he loves you? That you'd be coming back as an empty shell of a person, incapable of giving him the type of love he deserves. You'd seen the way Chanhee talked about Younghoon, and how he's now lost the opportunity to have something he'd always wanted. For all the suffering you'd done silently, believing your feelings to be unrequited, you don't want to put Sunwoo through even more of that.
Especially when happiness is so close you can almost taste it.
You sigh. "I can't." When he starts to protest, you continue. "Sunwoo, it's for the best. If I get the surgery, I wouldn't be able to return your feelings. I wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore, and it just—" Another tear slips out but this time he doesn't go to brush it away. "I can't live like that. Especially knowing that we could've had everything. We have everything right now, Sunwoo. If we get out of here right now, we'd still have some time together. Can't this be enough?"
"But—but if you get it, you'd still be here. You'd still be our friend."
"I wouldn't be me, though."
Sunwoo shakes his head. "No, there has to be a way. Don't give up on this, not when we're so close."
His determination is easy to get lost in, and for a second you think that everything will be okay. It's the same feeling as when you were with him before—thinking and believing that his presence will be sufficient to stop the disease from progressing. Something you now know is false with the sharp reminder with each effortful inhale and exhale.
But Sunwoo doesn't know all that. He glances at you with a small sparkle of hope back in his eyes, bright enough that it almost disguises the fear and the sadness underneath. "Y/N," he's tentative, eyes averted from yours, "can I try something?"
"What do you mean? What is there to try?"
"Can I kiss you?"
Already, the mention of a kiss has you thinking back to the one at the party. How it had felt, how it had been worth it despite the progression of the coughing and the pain in your chest afterwards. Now, this could go very well or very badly. Maybe nothing would happen—the pain might be relieved for a while like when you'd spent time with him before. Or maybe everything would get worse. But maybe it's a chance that you're willing to take for one last kiss with Kim Sunwoo, someone who you now know loves you, despite what you've believed for the past few months.
So, you say yes.
He reaches up to gently caress your cheek, and then leans forward so slowly that you're sure he would've jumped back at any sign of interruption. But nothing interrupts, and there's a bit of a smile on his lips right before they meet yours.
If you thought the kiss at the party was good, then you aren't at all prepared for just how it feels knowing you aren't the only one in love. Sunwoo's lips are soft like they are before, and now there's a sense of familiarity, as if you're returning to where you belong. He kisses you so delicately, like he cares, like this is a moment that you've never known but will never get back. The way his plush lips seem to melt into yours like there's no space where one ends and the other begins. And in any world, this should be enough to convince the flowers that your love has been reciprocated and was never unrequited at all.
You feel it again—the fluttering of petals, the movements of the branches ever so slightly. The pressure in your chest. They follow his every movement like they always do, like they're trying to soak up as much sunshine as they can get. But then they stop.
They stop like they're completely gone, and there's an apparent emptiness like they were never there. You can still feel the way your heart speeds up at each of Sunwoo's gentle touches and there's the pull that's always been there, telling you to get closer until there's no space between the two of you. But those are the things that have always been there, before the flowers have taken over.
When Sunwoo pulls back, he's speechless for a while. Hovering over you like he doesn't want to be apart quite yet. "I've been thinking about that since the party," he gives a lopsided smile. "Thought you ran out because you hated it."
"So this wasn't about finding a solution?" You raise an eyebrow at him, and the tips of his ears immediately redden.
"Sorry, I just—well, yes, it was kind of an excuse to kiss you." He settles into his seat, hand finding its way back to yours. "But we will find a solution. There has to be one."
And maybe there is one.
The emptiness you felt a moment ago, the lack of response from the tiny plants residing in your body—are they not signs of what's happening? That instead of having the disease progress further, maybe the kiss and the confession and the ending of a lie were the solutions to ending this situation once and for all.
You half expect a branch to be sticking right out of your chest, that maybe it's not a solution you're feeling but the opposite of one. But when you look down, there's nothing there.
Nothing except for the slow realization dawning upon the both of you.
"No way," Sunwoo's eyes widen as he reads the expressions that must be fleeting across your face. "Did it actually—please tell me it worked."
"I don't know." You don't want to give him false hope which would only fuel your own hope that you're holding onto. "I can't feel it. Nothing's happening and I—I don't know what's going on."
But perhaps the flowers were never really about the person you love being unable to return your feelings, but rather what you believed. Perhaps they weren't a glitch and Sunwoo wasn't lying about being in love with you either, but rather they stemmed from the fact that you never gave him a chance to tell you or show you. You were so fixated on the consequences of your feelings not being returned that you never gave yourself the chance to believe otherwise.
"It actually worked," Sunwoo breathes, pulling you out of your thoughts. "Y/N, we did it. We really did it."
This time, the weight on your chest isn't from the presence of little plants filling your lungs but rather the weight of Sunwoo's body crushing you in a hug. The warmth you feel isn't from a fever or sickness but from his touch and perhaps this time it's no longer the flowers that bloom, but rather the hope and the love between you.
ミ★ synopsis: the best type of revenge is to hurt the person that means the most to them. aka, in which sunwoo is in charge of making you fall in love with him, just to break your heart.
ミ★ genre: angst, some fluff
ミ★ warnings: mentions of vomit, slightly suggestive
ミ★ word count: 10,155
ミ★ pairings: sunwoo x female reader
ミ★ notes: this is dedicated to my other half, @sunlightwoo happy birthday gina, i’m so grateful god decided that i shouldn’t be lonely and have you be born three days after me. i know you’ll probably hate me for this oneshot, but i know daises was one of your favorites from me. i love you, my sunshine. no amount of words will ever express just how much you mean to me.
hello, i'm new to this world writing scenarios with the boyz. but I came here to publicize my tumblr and ask you to take a look. You can also suggest what you want, always feel free and thank you 🌷
Hi!! I’ve been inactive for a while but anyone still here GO FOLLOW^^^^^
- ͙۪۪̥˚┊❛ THANK U FOR BEING PART OF MY YEAR ❜┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
OMG THIS IS SO FANCY AJZHXJS
Okok first you have no reason to be insecure from the amount of emotional rollercoasters your stories have to put me through (lovely emotional rollercoasters ajjxd) and as always I appreciate you for writing the stories you do,, they’ve brought me comfort when I needed them most and like,, they just filled a hole in my heart I can’t even fully explain it, so thank YOU and I’m so glad to have met someone as sweet as you
to elle,
HEY HEY HEY it's me again !!! i'm so so glad to see u once in a while on my dash and just :') ANYWAY i appreciate the gesture last time )): u chECKED UP ON ME I'M IN LOVE </3 glassy has been on repeat ever since and my family is sick of it blasting every day but idc <3 AND AND AND i edited my tags on my writing blog a while ago and i reread ur tags again for that one chanhee fic AND JUST !!!! i fell 4 u even harder </3 i remember those tags making me smile in the middle of d night and my mom asking me if i finally have a bf <33 no mum <33 but i got someone appreciating my efforts <33 BUT I'D LIKE TO THANK U AGAIN 4 THAT bc if it weren't for ur incoherent (/j) tags i wouldn't be moots with u aND IT HURTS JUST THINKING ABT IT,, i hope u've been taking care of urself luv !!! <3
tiktoks to waste your time (one) (two) (three) (four) (five)
THANK YOU FOR READING, HAVE A NICE DAY!
to: dayns☀️
I took a break for a while, I’m sorry :( but I’m doing better now!! I love your messages and thank you so much for writing this one, you are and ALWAYS WILL BE one of my favorite writers, and the amount of talent you possess honestly scares me ahdjx
That song is so sweet, the singer kinda reminds me of Jacob? They have similar timbres, also those tiktoks 💀💀💀
I really really hope you’ve been taking care of yourself too xx
notes: this was requested by the loml @matchaminn ♥
warning: i’m so sorry about this but char asked for it </3
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
the way his earthy, round eyes squinted slightly as he concentrated on the road ahead made your heart flutter slightly. sunwoo had turned up at your dorm door moments after two in the morning with a loud crash that woke you with a start; his own sherpa hoodie with baggy sweatpants matched your own as you trailed him down the dark halls of the castle to his truck. in his right hand dangled a crimson velvet pouch that jingled – you recognised the clacking sound as his spell casting crystals that mimicked your own.
warnings; chucky, the nun mask, mentions of bl**d and sp*ders
summary; in which changmin journals his experience of y/n, his oh so loving girlfriend taking revenge on him for 10 consecutive days leading up to his birthday.
but does he fire back? read all of his haphazardly scribbled journal entries to find out!
October 27th
So it’s 4 days before Halloween and I decided to scare Y/n. I know she doesn’t like loud noises, so I put mini firecrackers under our door mat, you know the ones when you step on them they pop? The plan is, when she comes home from work she’s going to step on them and lose her mind! She hates loud noises!
Update; she screamed and now is mad at me… she said she’s going to get me back later… I’m scared
Update; she popped a party popper in my face. She tried so hard to scare me, but I saw her in the reflection of my computer screen. I mean, how could I not when she was trying to hide her smile? She’s just so precious!
October 28th
It’s now 3 days before Halloween and I'm nervous because Y/n has never been so quiet around me. I asked her if I did something wrong, all she did was smile and shook her head. Maybe she’s planning something?
Update; She’s a clever girl, wow. I love her. She knows I like to take late night walks, so before I got home, she took my chucky doll and strung him up on the front door so when I opened it the doll would fall and in theory scare me. Well, I hate to tell you babe, but that was weak sauce. I know she’s trying her best, but I can’t help but imagine how adorable she must have looked carrying my chucky doll around the house.
October 29th
Okay now it’s 2 days before Halloween! Y/n mentioned something about this new bath mat she recently ordered and it’s coming in today! I’m actually really excited since our old one wasn’t… How should I say this? My style? Gosh, she’s going to slap me for this, but it wasn’t very nice. It shed everywhere and never dried!
Update; Wow, so she actually got me this time. I screamed so loud when I got out of the shower. The bath mat when coming in contact with water would change color! Which is so cool! But not when you see red, like blood red! I nearly fell over! And you know what tops it off? I could hear her giggle!
Update; I scared Y/n when she got out of the bathroom and she threw her slipper at me. I now have a bump on my forehead. I apologized and she kissed my forehead and gave me a face massage… Wow, I love her.
October 30th
So it’s now the day before Halloween and I know she planned something, but I don’t know what. It can’t be all that scary since she’s just so cute! What’s the worst she can do?
Update; I- I take that back. I can’t believe her. Like, I can’t even get mad at her. But, she’s so clever! I asked for a cup of coffee and she gave me this “special mug” I didn’t know why it was special until I finished my coffee. I almost shattered the mug because who wouldn’t?? The base of the mug had a ceramic spider that appeared!
Update; she scared me again, but with how cute she was. I feel so soft and fuzzy inside. I was going to the bathroom last night and it was pitch black in the apartment, right? She put on my nun mask and charged at me. I got so scared that I fell… straight on my butt, god was I embarrassed.
October 31st
So, it’s Halloween and I decided to get back at Y/n for charging at me with my nun mask. I knew I couldn’t do anything that would scar her, but something to get her back. I decided to stop by the party store to buy some fake webs and bugs. Y/n absolutely despises bugs for the life of her, she makes me get rid of them.
Update; OMG, hi so I’m dead meat. She cried, like actual tears. I feel so bad, what the… I offered to take her to the store for snacks, so she agreed and got ice cream, gosh she’s so cute
Update; she pushed me off the bed
November 1st
It’s now 4 days before my birthday, I overheard Y/n talk on the phone with her brother saying she had a surprise for me which does excite me, but with the current trajectory of things, I don’t think it’s going to be a pleasant surprise.
Update; I was wrong! I’m such an idiot, she planned such a nice dinner with home cooked dinner and some nice dessert. She looked so nice today too, she even wore the outfit I got for her! And her eyes, gosh, I could stare into them all day.
Update; So, the cake was not a cake. It apparently was just a balloon covered in frosting. No wonder she had us cut it outside, now I’m covered in frosting and recovering from nearly getting a heart attack.
November 2nd
I woke up this morning and the bed was empty, Y/n left a little note saying she’d be back. She went to the store to pick up some groceries to make breakfast. Thinking about it, she’s tried to scare me for 6 days straight so far, but most of the time she’s failed because she’s so cute.
Update; I scared her by hiding behind the door and she screamed, and maybe kicked me… But I did help her bring in the groceries, so she kissed my cheek hehe. After breakfast, she decided it was funny to lie to me. She said she was moving because her job is relocating her. I cannot tell you how much I cried.
Update; Apparently it was just a joke, but it scared me so much. God, I hope she doesn’t do it ever again, I love her too much to let her go.
November 3rd
It’s now 2 days before my birthday and it seems like Y/n doesn’t have anything planned, so far…
Update; I’m a fool, she did have something planned… She had a large party popper and got confetti all over me. Gosh, it was a pain to clean up, but she was so cute. she giggled right after, like? How can you be that cute? Update; Y/n bought me a waffle and kissed my cheek? I am very happy hehe
November 4th
So now it’s one day before my birthday and I can’t help but feel she has something planned, but I still don’t know what she had planned. I know she mentioned something about dinner, but that’s it. Should I plan to scare her again for getting back at me? Would she kick me out?
Update; I scared her and she threatened to kick me out
Update; She surprised me with a bouquet and I don’t know how to feel. I feel so loved and so important? Why didn’t she get me flowers sooner? Is this how girls feel when they get flowers because I get it now, I get it.
November 5th
Ah yes, the day that I have been waiting for! It’s the day of my birthday… but the house is so quiet… It’s like I’m walking on eggshells. I shouldn’t be nervous, but I am. I walked around the house but she’s not home? Where did Y/n go? She’s usually always home.
Update; I asked the guys, but they don’t know where she is either. I’m getting nervous, but at the same time I think she’s planning something with the guys… so in theory I shouldn’t be nervous
Update; I was right! Wow, I love Y/n and yeah I love the guys too. They planned a little party for me! They even cooked all my favorite foods! I even got a new phone case! Not gonna lie, I was waiting to be scared, but that never came.
Update; I was wrong. Y/n scared me when we got home, she pretended to be hurt. No one ever hurts my Y/n! Anyways, someone needs to hire her because she can really act! I was actually scared, like really scared!
A/n: hi so as you may have guessed, this is a little spin off from the movie "how to lose a guy in 10 days" which i've never seen, but i hope you all enjoyed this! i wanted to change up the normal formatting and write it as several journal entries. pls let me know what you think! and to those who have seen this movie, i am so sorry if i completely butchered it lol
finally, this will probably be my last piece of writing for some time. thank you to everyone who has joined me on my writing journey. it's been a long and fun one, and i've met so many wonderful people in this community. thank you for everything
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tag list: @blossom-hwa @uwu0clock @experimentalwrites @suzy-rainbow @bbangsoonie @nyuhearts
Sunwoo would sometimes label you as his personal twin, always wreaking havoc anywhere you went. That wasn’t all that you were to him, you were his other half, the better moon in the sun-moon duo sorry kevin. He always knew how to push your buttons, from stealing your snacks to purposefully cropping you out of his pictures only to post them with dumb emoticons covering your face. You were his lifeline, the one who kept him on his toes with your antics and witty comebacks. Sunwoo always turned to you when he needed a refresher, or even someone to laugh with. You were perfect in his eyes, never once losing a petal from your rose. Sunwoo always thought about how you two first met, it was by accident where you quite literally ran him over. It was over the summer while you were at the beach with friends throwing frisbees back and forth. The sun had unfortunately not been by your side as you ran over the poor boy, trampling over his precious mango juice. Anyways, Sunwoo thought of you often. He would never admit this, but he once ran into the goalie post at school because you preoccupied his mind in the middle of a game.
Juyeon was like shattered glass and you were the glue that put those pieces back together despite the cuts you’d earn on the way. No matter how much pain you felt, Juyeon was always your priority. He always made time for you, so you made time for him. He was the same for you, Juyeon was your rock. He always stood by your side when it seemed as if the world was against you. You were his world and he was your everything. He loved how vulnerable you were willing to be with him, it gave him the chance to take care of you. Just the thought of your warm hug at the end of a long day brought a genuine smile on his face. He always remembered all the times you’d lecture him on self-care, although he’d never admit, but you were right. Those nights began to catch up to him, but he claimed they were worth it if all he thought of was you. On particularly difficult nights, he would call you. Just hearing your voice made him happier, these phone calls always lasted till the morning as the both of you would be asleep on the other line. The two of you fit together like a puzzle, never a missing piece and never a step behind, always together.
Younghoon loved everything about you, from your smile to your laugh, everything about you was perfect even if you felt the complete opposite. You were a true gift in his life, like a box of chocolates, he didn’t know what to expect when the two of you first met. As time went on, he fell more and more in love. Thinking back, not once did you question his motives, for you always knew he did things out of pure joy. He would make sure to save a seat for you on the bus because he knows you don’t like sitting all the way in the back. He always made an excuse to see you when you were working at the bookstore, claiming he was looking for a gift, when in reality you were the gift he was searching for. Younghoon was waiting for you with open arms. He still waited for you to enter your class before walking to his own, even lying to leave his last class early just to meet you at your locker. When things got tough, he always thought about you, your smile and your laugh even on his worst of days. You always knew how to make him smile, like a flower, you made him bloom.
