I'm on day 6 of recovery from vaginoplasty. If you're thinking about or scheduled to get a surgery like this, I'm going to give you some advice that is not in any of the paperwork.
You're going to sleep like shit. Between the icing, the catheter, and the lack of positioning options it's very hard to get to sleep and stay asleep if you do. On day 0, use that morphine drip baby. Abuse that morphine drip baby. Don't be afraid or proud or anything. After that, ask for sleep meds every night and make sure they keep bringing them to you. In my paperwork there was a big emphasis on entertainment (bring books, laptops, video games, etc.) I promise when the time comes you're not going to want any of that. Bring with you anything that helps you sleep. Sleep is your #1 priority.
I get it, girl. You're a people pleaser. You're a giver. You always treat service workers with respect and any annoyances you have at restaurants and stuff is "no big deal!! 😊." Me too. You need to understand that this mindset does not work for nurses. Like, by definition does not work. Let them do their job and cater to your every need. Be the most demanding, loud, Princess Karen that you can be. It's your turn for people to give to you. They will always ask how you're doing and always ask if there's anything you need. You cannot be too demanding or too TMI with nurses, tell them everything and be 100% honest about everything, even the stuff you're embarrassed about.
In my paperwork there are some bullet points on what you'll be doing each day. Today you're on bedrest and icing the area, today you'll walk a little bit, etc. Except for day 5, which is skipped entirely. I thought "huh. That's weird. Guess it's more of the same?" No, girl. Day 5 is the most important day. Two weeks before this surgery you go off Estradiol. On day 4 you will pick that back up, which means on Day 5, every emotion you've felt in the past three weeks is going to hit you all at once. You're going to cry the entire day, especially if you haven't been sleeping well. For me there was a super intense euphoria that kept me awake all night on day 4 and then I crashed HARD. Day 5 is going to be for processing, gratitude, relief, anxiety, and potentially a vivid hallucination about you're whole transition presented as a Broadway musical (I really haven't been sleeping well). You just gotta ride this out, I promise you'll come out the other end with closure and it will be a profoundly beautiful experience. I'm still kinda coming off this as I'm writing this out, and I seriously feel like a new person. I imagine this will be a different experience for everyone, but some activities to consider:
• Look at yourself in the mirror and channel your pre-transition self. Let them see you and how far you've come. Almost like going back in time to visit yourself, and showing them what they have to look forward to. And really let them bro out over how good you look, like just shower yourself in narcissism. You deserve it.
• You are a link in a long chain of mothers. As you're resting or wildly hallucinating, call on your ancestors and let them see you and celebrate you. Feel their pride and your gratitude, and let it envelop you. Trans people from the past are also your ancestors and they are invited.
• It's been a busy couple of months arranging everything for this surgery. Maybe there are some feelings in your life that you've sort of put on the back burner to focus on this surgery. What better time to process all of that than right now in your raw liquid state.
• Read through your Binder. You know, The Binder? (not a binder, boys, sorry). I know you have one! All the papers and receipts and documents and checklists and notes you've saved over the years about your transition. Open up that 3-ring and see how far you've come, and take a moment to be so, so proud of yourself.
• We all imagine how our life could have gone differently at certain points in our life. Most of the time it's "what if we transitioned sooner?" But there's other smash hits like "what if I kept teaching?" "What if I went to that school instead?" "What if I was born in India?" Idk, you get the idea. In another universe, right? In your wild hallucinations, go travel through the multiverse and find your selves. Then, very important, ask them for aid. Tell them you will be there when they need you most, and right now you need them most. When I was desperately trying to fall asleep last night, I assembled the dream team of Kylas and we busted our way into the land of sleep, heist movie style. It fucking ruled. Just remember, when Irish Kyla gets her surgery later this same year, it'll be your turn to return the favor and lend her your aid. Always be ready to help the multiversial girlies.
I've heard days 6 and 7 are real barn burners too, so I'll report back with my findings when I'm discharging from the hospital! I just... Really wanted to write all this out. Never forget that you're a fucking warrior goddess. You can do anything. I love you.
