stepping stones

Val, she/her Integrating AuADHD into my best (and only) life.

[val-daily]

19 February 2026, Thursday

Currently feeling

alive, hopeful, decisive

Well Done:

Took a long bath to rest my mind. In candle light I lay down until I felt an impulse to get up and start washing.

Sorted out glasses and put them in cupboards! One box fewer in my surroundings!

Laundry routine.

Proper lunch.

Alright design for sport competitions.

To better:

Improve morning routine: essentials (to life, not survival) before all the plans.

Notice and cheer myself up! Celebrate all the accomplishments.

Try eat on schedule, so I won't overeat snacks later on.

More attention and system thinking to my finances. I've spend an hour digging into my fear of being present by having resources.

Delights:

Lunchtime walk in a snowy square. Gazing at different snow textures and forms.

Delicious eclairs with chocolate.

Setting up Notion once again because I still grasp it better than any other program.

Saw a few acting trainings that I'd like to practice.

[val-daily]

17 January 2026, Saturday

Currently feeling

tired, lonely, sentimental, bitter

Well Done:

During a post-training coffee break I felt bored of people around and went out a bit earlier without any guilt.

The moment I realised that at mom's I'm even lonelier and more miserable I took taxi back home. The whole trip was a waste of time but at least I'm going to sleep in bed, not on the floor.

To better:

I tend to drown myself in loneliness, forgetting that I'm not that powerless child! Sadness is a valid emotion, yet focus should be on the things I can navigate, like meetings, calls, new acquaintances etc.

Once distracted by forlornness, bringing myself back to action is unbearable. I should accept the fact, that I've lost my focus and bring it back to stuff I need done. Sadness and loneliness are pretty much the same as before, I know them by heart and there is no benefit of mulling over them.

Delights:

Pink sunset.

Singing along Taylor Swift.

Stretching and scratching soft cats.

Driving back home through busy streets.

Joking around via texts with bestie.

[val-daily]

Sunday, 11 January 2026

Basics Water plants. Feed the cat. Take laundry off the balcony. Wash dishes. Make dinner.

Finish the essay about the staging process. 2x 45-minute Figma sessions.

Walk while there’s sun. Shower, face mask. Plan tomorrow. Journal.

Optional Speech or acting drills. Instagram story. Look up French short stories. Pharmacy and grocery.

[val-daily]

Monday, 5 January 2026

Currently feeling

Tired, lonely, bored, listless.

Well Done:

Slept well all morning and had done good exercises in the morning.

Studied the whole time I allotted for it.

Made the psychiatrist appointment.

To better:

Therapy session went generally well. Yet, I'm still confused with all these outside messages I get that I need to lower my demands and restore. She recalled how my lightness and joy affected overall productivity and flexibility. Lately, I've been either enjoying myself and not catching up with things, or barely catching up and overstraining.

I couldn't bring myself to come to a study session I proposed yesterday. Instead, I texted a friend that I'm being sluggish today and I won't come. In future, I better not make "next day" plans on the go, my energy might not be up to my intentions.

Delights:

Manicure without talking.

Hot soup with chicken.

Studying design.

Andrew Scott's acting in "Vanya".

[val-daily]

1 January 2026, Thursday

1. Facts

- Wrote down deadlines and tasks to be completed by specific dates.

- Compiled a list of commitments.

2. Observation

- Struggling to maintain coherence: there’s a pull either to rebuild the system from scratch or to get stuck on the question, “What’s the next tiny step?” → Need to strictly limit tasks, despite the urge to do everything at once (= ending up doing nothing, ever).

3. Next Steps

- Start the first design sprint;

- Read one comedic short story (today);

- Allocate 45 minutes to prepare for the rehearsal.

🐦‍⬛️

[val-daily]

Oh my! I totally forgot that I can regulate my depressive mood with dances, speech drills and singing along. This works 100%

[val-daily]

Thursday, 14 August 2025

Well Done 

Remade a colleague's design and got immediate approval from a client.

Started to design an invitation for my own Birthday in Figma (struggling).

Looked through Portfolio templates.

Tongue twisters during work hours.

To better

Let the colleague fix her own designs, even if I presume that I know better. Don't get hyper-focused and therefore exhausted.

Lively delights

Listening and singing along to Обстоятельства's dramatic songs.

Checking on girls.

Talking to the therapist on higher speed.

Watermelon for breakfast.

Tomorrow

Upload 5 more designs on my hard drive.

Make notes in the notebook.

Make precise plans for the weekend.

[val-daily]

Well, I have a dilemma to tackle.

My major focus shifts from mental health, which is stable enough now, to a career switch.

I have a lot to do:

Start earning money with side-hustles;

Start learning UX/UI design.

So, the dilemma is: should I keep writing here or create a separate blog? Switching the topic feels quite natural to me, in the end it’s all about making life more fulfilling. Yet, I know that it’s going to be less sentimental and more practical approach.

So, I’m going to have these questions:

Well Done things, even small ones.

To better. Notes on fixing things rather than whine over them.

Lively delights, including all kinds of joyful stuff and distractions.

Gratitudes to the world, to people and to me.

Tomorrow is the day

I shall begin now, shan't I?

[val-daily]

Sunday, 18 May 2025

Currently feeling:

Down, lonely, disappointed, drunk

Well Done:

I pulled myself together and at least got some chores done. I dusted the flat — which, honestly, has been a big deal lately!

I let my emotions out by singing along to Arctic Monkeys songs.

I didn’t force myself to tackle all the overdue tasks just because “there’s no other time.” Instead, I prioritized my mental state. That matters.

To Improve:

Instead of constantly telling myself how sad and lonely I feel, I could try texting someone — or at least write down the gloomiest thoughts instead of bottling them up. I completely forgot about my crisis sheet — the one that helps me zoom out and see the bigger picture. Instead, I wallowed like it was still 2019, not 2025.

ADHDisorder is seriously getting in the way lately. Maybe I need to start treating it as a bigger factor than I thought.

Also, stop badgering yourself about not having a proper getaway like “everyone else.” That comparison game never ends well.

Delights:

Arctic Monkeys’ album Humbug.

Chocolate biscuits. Bananas and avocado.

The soft glow of the blue lantern.

A quirky little French series with oddball twists in the script.

[val-daily]

Monday, 24 June 2024

Currently feeling

tired, sad, lost, hollow, sleepy

Well Done:

I've listened two YouTube episodes about cPTSD and ACA, I felt somewhat lighter after hearing about much more horrid childhood circumstances, also it helped me to reassure in my treatment.

To better:

I haven't gone outside today, but has been slowly and joylessly cleaning up. I'd better focus on my needs and condition rather than be productive.

Delights:

Reading the third Bridgerton book.

Listening to a new Booktuber.

Eating fried eggs with cheese and mustard.

Not going to work!

[val-daily]

Saturday, 22 June 2024

Currently feeling

sad, apathetic, wearisome, longing.

Well Done:

I attended ACA meeting despite my general wish to stay at home and lay down. The moment I started to share my feelings, I started to cry, quite unexpectedly. I wanted to howl and leave the room, but I stayed to listen while feeling down.

When I saw free spots at the cosmetologist's I went for simple waxing and massage. Face massage was relaxing enough, though not the top-notch.

To better:

It isn't a day for telling myself that I've done something wrong. I appreciate that I keep going, keep texting to people, attending meetings and cooking meals.

Delights:

Maria Massot's YouTube videos on books. They are so quiet and cosy that I feel immediately warm and kind. Also, I like watching a Russian-speaking person to possess English books, they are too costly now for me to buy.

Weird matcha-latte with some seeds.

The whole "The Tortured Poets Department" album has been such a good companion today. The pain is so familiar, and I hope the healing would too.

Fried eggs for breakfast.

Looking through English books at the store.

[val-daily]

Monday, 17 June 2024

Currently feeling:

tired, excited, inspired

Well Done:

I’ve made a psychiatrist appointment! I do wonder if my depression ill cease in two weeks.

I’ve been friendly enough towards people.

I haven’t bought unhealthy snack for watching House of the Dragon.

To better:

I still feel hollow during work hours, like I’m not alive, but have to do the job.

Delights:

New “House of the Dragon” season has begun!!!

Friendly repairwoman in the morning.

Listening to the second part of TTPD, identifying with the sadness of songs.

Tasty mantas.

[val-daily]

Friday, 14 June 2024

Currently feeling

Tired, satisfied, sad, forlorn.

Well Done:

I've been working despite being emotionally so low that I felt on the brink of the meltdown. I've completed some tasks without getting it out on people (I wasn't nice, just not aggressive as I could)

Despite the rush of work I made breaks and took a breather, it was literally stifling in a room.

I could stay at work longer to complete some smaller tasks that were overdue, but I chose to get dinner and go to massage as planned.

To better:

The overall position at work and life dissatisfaction made me miserable and depressive today. Yet, besides making a psychiatrist appointment next week, I don't know what to do. Plan nice caring stuff for myself instead of dull routines.

I can't ask myself to be nicer when I'm that close to nervous breakdown at work, but I'd like to smooth this condition and be less brisk with people nearby. I fear I was too raw with the ex-coworker who came to chat today.

Delights:

Listening to psychology YouTube show about depression, surprisingly I've learned a lot.

"Bridgerton" 3 season. Episodes without sex scenes are the best!

Massage by a new masseuse, she was so professional, I was amazed and relaxed afterwards.

[val-daily]

Wednesday, 12 June 2024

Currently feeling

buzzing, head, decisiveness, tired,

Well Done:

In the middle of this hot day, I realized that being at home is worse for me than going out and trying to write in the cafe. So I went to the poke bar and wrote there some time, enjoying the quiet and cool.

I've done a short strength training in the morning.

To better:

Today, still, I haven't made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I tried very hard to make it online, but it didn't work. At the end of the day, I plucked my courage and called, but no one answered. So I better try tomorrow at work because for me admin calls are easier there.

Delights:

Morning fried eggs with tomatoes, while watching a light-hearted comedy show.

Short comedic videos mocking influencers and frauds.

Poke in the poke-bar.

Watching a British comedy.

[val-daily]

Sunday, 09 June 2024

Currently feeling

tearful, sad, tired, isolated

Well Done:

I tried to make notes about my state in a new cafe.

I came to therapy session though I really didn't want to focus on my feelings and state of mind.

I went for a run and felt refreshed afterwards.

To better:

I've got a lot of resistance to therapist's advice to visit a psychiatrist.

I should treat myself with care and love in this semi-depressive state.

Delights:

Cappuccino and Korean sweet cake in the new cafe.

Ending scenes of "Strike C.B." 3 season, very tender.

Watching YouTube videos.

Mini-cheese cakes in the morning.

Wearing a white T-Shirt.

[val-daily]

Friday, May 31, 2024

Currently feeling:

tired, sleepy, clenched jaws, buzzing head, disappointed, sad, excited, hopeful

Well Done:

I tried to be more professionally positive and polite with client, and I managed it quite well. Surely I felt inadequate to my natural responses and desires, but it was interesting nonetheless.

I took good care of myself by choosing a simple and tasty dinner to make. I didn’t push myself to create something for a few days, which would require a lot more willpower and I haven’t fallen for some fast food.

To better:

I do behave a bit too aggressive towards my colleague. Every day I tell myself not to snap at her, by tension grows, I feel highly dissatisfied and she’s just being not perfect nearby.

I’m better to remind myself that she’s not the prime reason of my discontent, plus I have many tools to work with my anger and frustration.

Delights:

I’d finished a time-sensitive order in time, and was quite pleased with it.

Walking by traffic jam without need of any transport.

Eating pasta with mussels and re-watching “Strike C.B”.

Hot bath.

[val-daily]

Monday, 18 March 2024

Currently feeling:

frustrated, disappointed, tired, satisfied, buzzing head, sad

Well Done:

I’ve shared with my coworkers my thoughts on delicate topic of LGBTQ+ (talking from a homophobic country). Later on I thought that I’m being a carrier of bad pictures for them, I see how idea of a great government cracks on my coworker’s face.

While internet was down, I felt calm and even grateful for some quiet time, instead of worrying about clients’ reactions.

To better:

I have a problem rejecting my mom watching a series. She came home in a bad mood and I felt guilty pushing my boundaries. I shall remind myself that I’m not obliged to watch a series with her.

Delights:

Grant Lee Buffalo album.

Walking up the street after work and watching still blue sky and people around.

Quietness at work.

Many videos from the election day from abroad. I was jealous of the vitality of and happy that at some places people can at least proclaim their attitude in the queue.