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More Crows as things me and my friends have said:

✨student council voting edition✨

Inej: I’m surprised you’re actually voting. That’s very patriotic of you. Kaz: No, there are some people I hate running so I’m commenting voter fraud against them.

Nina: I’m voting for that one guy cuz leadership is his whole life, and I think if he loses he’s gonna kill himself. Wylan: Are you talking about me?

Matthias: Voting is your civic duty. Jesper *turns to Wylan*: How about you civic do-me 😉 Wylan: Genuinely, what does that mean??

Inej: On one hand, he’s a terrible option. Kaz: On the other hand, they’re all terrible options. Nina: You should have run. Inej: And be in a council with THEM.

✨extra✨ Wylan: I love Alanis, they don’t make me feel awake, I just feel tired and shaky, but I love them Jesper: Have you every tried aderal

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Manchild except it’s Nina, Wylan, and Inej singing

Inej: You said your phone was broken, just forgot to charge it Wylan: Whole outfit you're wearing, God, I hope it's ironic Nina: Did you just say you're finished? Didn't know we started All three:It's all just so familiar, baby, what do you call it?

Nina: Stupid Wylan: Or is it slow? Inej: Maybe it's useless

All three: But there's a cuter word for it, I know Man-child Why you always come a-running to me? Fuck my life Won't you let an innocent woman be?

Inej: Never heard of self-care Wylan: Half your brain just ain't there Nina: Why you always come a-running, taking all my loving from me?

Wylan: Why so sexy if so dumb? Nina: And how survive the earth so long? Inej: If I'm not there, it won't get done

Inej: Oh, I like my boys playing hard to get Wylan: And I like my men all incompetent Nina: And I swear they choose me, I'm not choosing them All three:Amen, hey, men

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I actually need to talk about how Kaz helped Wylan lie to Colm. HE SAID JESPER GOT SCAMMED! I REPEAT HE SAID JESPER WAS SCAMMED. Oh you mean the same thing that happened to you and you blame for your brother’s death. Oh ok cool. THAT MAN IS THE FAKEST IDGAFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It actually makes me wanna throw up and cry every time I think about that. Kaz sees so much of Jordie in Jesper it physically hurts. Your honor, they’re brothers

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six of crows fic writers are truly god’s strongest soldier because they’re giving the people what they want, Kaz Brekker pathetic and covered in blood

sidenote:

Y'all I need fic recs (ideally finished, if I become attached to one more ongoing fic it might kill me)

thank y'all

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Obviously, we all love Kanej cuz it’s sweet and poetic and stuff

but also like, the concept of a ragebaiting mobility aid user and a ragebaited acrobat is so fucking funny

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I’m working on knitting some super intricate gloves rn (1.5mm double pointed needles for any other knitters out there), and the only thing keeping me going is picturing Kaz wearing baby blue knitted gloves

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More crows as things my friends and I had said:

Jesper: Today someone told me I can’t be black and gay, and I had to pick a struggle, so I’m proud to announce I’m no longer black Wylan: Congratulations

Nina: I was messing with my friend and I drew a penis on their paper, but I also drew a uterus for equality

Kaz: I’ve been kicked out of several blackjack games, monopoly, uno, and an Easter egg hunt

Wylan: I think a lot of the world’s problems could be solved with canablism

Nina: *fake makes out with Inej* Matthias: Do I have to be here? Nina: HOMOPHOBIC

Kaz: My friends in chemistry won’t play go fish with me anymore cause I always win. God forbid a girl have strategy and cheat a little.

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I saw a tik tok of a girl doing the we’re all in this together dance from high school musical, and the caption was ‘trying to cheer up my friend who hates physical touch’, and it was the most Jesper and Kaz thing I’ve ever seen

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I have decided that Wylan is left handed

yes, yes I am projecting (just let me have this)

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There are two options for a modern au Kaz: 1 (probably realistically more likely) he’s really good with technology, cracking digital locks and stuff

OR 2 (true in my heart) he’s completely technologically illiterate, and he’s yelling at Jesper every 5 minutes to fix his computer

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The crows as Psych quotes

Jesper: We didn’t do anything illegal Matthias: WE JUST DANGLED SOMEONE OFF A BUILDING Jesper: There’s no way dangling someone off a building is a crime, not in Ketterdam

Kaz: If we’re out here for more than three days I’m gonna eat you whole Jesper: No you wouldn’t Kaz: I would eat you in manageable bite sized pieces

Jesper: AND OH MY GOD WYLAN’S GONNA DIE Wylan: I’m not gonna die Jesper: you are, way be for me if statistics prove correct, which is crazy I’m practically asking for it

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A conversation between my friend group that felt very SoC

Jesper(me): I was at that level of bored where you feel itchy and disgusting and stressed for no reason, but I’m lowkey stimulation maxing rn, so it’s ok

Matthias: what does that even mean???

Jesper: *send a picture of crocheting while walking on a treadmill and drinking a monster*

Kaz: what the actual fuck

Wylan: I’m so in love with whatever’s wrong with you

Nina: Darlin, I’m gonna need you to ramp up the summer program search. I can’t deal with this shit for 3 months

Inej: I feel like we’re all forgetting that Jesper doesn’t actually have a gym membership

Jesper: ;)

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ok ok ok ok, hear me out

Kaz speaks or at least spoke with a country accent because he grew up in the countryside. He quickly abandoned it to be respected/survive in the barrel and further distance himself from Kaz Rietveld, BUT when he starts getting comfortable with Inej and Jesper (all the crows but these two especially) he starts letting little country mannerisms slip, AND THE TWO OF THEM GO CRAZY FOR IT

I just know Jesper literally explodes when he finds out Kaz is a farm boy

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Nina and Kaz playing chess (yes this is from b99 Nina and Gina are literally the same person):

Kaz: I don’t know how you expect to win. You don’t even know the names of the pieces.

Nina: I do know the names. I have simply rebranded them. My king is Hanne, my queen is Matthias, and this little guy right here is Inej. Would you really be willing to kill Inej the love of your life.

Kaz: yes, chess Inej means nothing to me

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The crows as things me and my friends have said:

Kaz: I can’t kill myself cause that would mean letting my enemies win

Jesper: you ever wanted someone so bad you hit em with the PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Wylan: um… no girl Jesper: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Inej: my life was so much easier before I wanted an emo man

Kaz (this one was literally my teacher): Do I have to start speaking in caveman so you guys will understand me?

Wylan: I would love to be the whimsical pink highlighter, unfortunately, I will always be the useful yet boring light blue one

Kaz: so I was driving home from work, as one does. Well, not you unemployed bums, but-

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had to a project for social studies that involved labeling some countries and I crashed out over Jordan and Kazakstan

The Rietveld brother brainrot runs deep

sidenote: I need people to stop calling Freddy Carter chopped. That’s my wife, leave him alone. Yes he look a little ai generated when he’s in sunlight, he’s beautiful.

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can we talk about how crazy Inej’s ‘and did your brother get what he deserved’ line is. LIKE WHAT?????? Keeping in mind that the only thing she knows about it is when Kaz said ‘Pekka Rollins killed my brother’ (and maybe the Jesper Jordie thing if she put that together). AND SHE CLOCKED HIS ASS. SHE CLOCKED HIM SO HARD. In conclusion, I’m clawing at the walls of my enclosure waiting for a darker shore, thank you for coming to my ted talk.