Swag

[cryptotheism]

Im only dating a landlord for access to free electrical sockets covered in white paint that don't work

[sandmandaddy69]

[foxgirlmindcrank]

Autistic second base is when she's trying out new noises with you

[pukicho]

Dont worry guys, My dumbfuck uncle who borrows money all the time says the US will be okay. He has never made a good financial decision in his life

[pukicho]

He’s a worthless sack of shit too! We’re saved

[proletherian-dictatorship]

lol i think they should spare me. reblog if you think i should be spared! 😁😔

[francisforever2014]

me being so normal when there’s only vague plans to hang out for the day nobody is texting back with specific times or what we’re doing

[heavensickness]

[sapphling]

broooooo ahaha that's so epic. do you mind if i grow fond of you

[disgustinggf]

[drdaanvondutch]

i will never forget in 2022 when i went to the same starbucks every day for like 4 months. and every day i ordered the same thing (grande iced matcha latte with oat milk). and every day it was the same barista and he was so rude to me every single time. and then one day i got in line and he immediately started making my matcha latte when he saw me and as i went to grab it off the counter, he stopped me and looked in my eyes and said "i'm sorry i'm such an asshole to you every day. this job sucks everyone is such a dick to me and youre the only regular who isnt so i take it out on you. and that probably wont change but im sorry anyway." and then the next time i went, he was rude as fuck to me again like nothing had ever happened. life is so strange.

[mesetacadre]

explaining executive dysfunction to people is so embarrassing yeah I have the be useless for days at a time disease

[charl0ttan]

theyre going to kill me because nobody in history has acted strangely and im the very first

[replicated-archive]

i'm a substance abusing pseudo intellectual but you will respect me

[syekick-powers]

tumblr is really funny because a bunch of the posts on here are the kind of funny that anyone would enjoy them. but then there's also a good fucking portion of posts on here that are so fucking bizarre that they're only really funny to the weird cockroach bitches whove been on tumblr nonstop for over a decade. and if you're tumblr-irradiated enough, you start to lose the ability to differentiate between those two types of posts.

[aru]

guys

if i ever see any of you in public, the code is “i like your shoelaces”

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

[memorycycle]

straightup farting in my car in the parking lot rn with all the windows closed

[memorycycle]

me being 70 years old looking back on the memory and wishing i could still fart or sit in cars

[segamascott]