𑣲.ᐟ words are futile devices.
⤿ Mattheo riddle, angst!
synopsis : It has been a long time since mattheo left hogwarts. All he could think about now, was you, and it was killing him.
It's been a long, long time since I've memorized your face
How many years had passed? He stopped counting after the first one. For how he was feeling, it could have been two just like twenty. His days were just a blur now, his thoughts and memories lost in the hours he passed trying to survive, trying to live through what he had done. Through what he had become.
It had been four years, exactly. Four years since he left that place. Three years since the war ended. Two years since he managed to run away, managed to elaborate what happened.
Two of his friends died that night. His most closed ones. His parents died. Not that they had ever been present, but now that void was louder, and more real. He lost everything.
If he only knew how much lonelier he could've been, he would've appreciated those moments at hogwarts a lot more. But it was too late. There was no possible way of turning back. No second chance, no happy ending, no plot twist. Everything he had disappeared in just one night. The only family he had, the only people he ever trusted, the only girl he ever loved.
He never had much, but he got robbed of everything that reminded him of being human, of being alive.
He wasn't sad, wasn't angry, he wasn't even hungry anymore.
Sometimes, when the nights were too long, when sleep never came, he closed his eyes and let his mind wander off to different nights.
He remembered when he used to smoke with Theo and hear gossips from Lorenzo. When he had to pretend to get annoyed at hearing them complain about girls but secretely smiled for his friends happiness. When he used to smile at the mere thought of her face. When he used to draw her eyes just in case he couldn't see them for more than one day, in order to never forget her.
The sketchbook he always used to carry around was burnt in that castle with many other things. His drawings and everything he ever wrote were now gone, alive only in his memories.
Those nights were the only moments in which he managed to feel again. Sadness, regret, anger. But it was still better than nothing.
"She's still alive, somewhere"
Those were the only words he said. Words he repeated like a mantra. Words that kept him focused on the present, on what he had to do.
He stopped speaking, stopped interacting with anyone. Not that anyone would have ever interacted with him.
He was a monster, he was just the only thing the dark lord left on this world. Rubbish.
He was sure he should've been the one to die that night. Not Lorenzo. Not Theodore. It should have been him.
But it would have been too easy, and life had never been easy or condescending for him.
No, he couldn't escape from himself that easily. He had to live through all of this before.
He couldn't die without saying goodbye.
After all, he was the one that left. He was the one that got away without telling her. He was the one that shut her off.
And now it was eating him alive.
The only decision he took for another person was the one that brought him there. The one that destroyed him completely.
He wanted to stay, he wanted to tell her he loved her, to promise her he would have been better for her, good. But he knew he couldn't. He knew the genetics would have taken over him. He couldn't promise her something he wasn't able to mantain.
So he left. He left and never came back.
But now too many years passed, too many nights regretting that decision. Too many days wandering who would even miss him if he just ended everything.
Too many hours since he last saw that pair of eyes he loved so much.
Yeah, he had to at least say goodbye.
And i won't stay very long, but you are the life i needed all along.
When the witnesses found the pale body under the small bridge, they instantly understood who it was. Curly dark hair, scars scattered all over and a mark on the left arm. And even though the mark was now damaged with all the times he tried to cut it off, everyone who lived through that tragedy could recognise it.
What those people couldn't comprehend was how angelic the features they saw were. Everyone knew how the son of the dark lord looked like. But no one had ever seen him like that.
No one who was still there, at least.
Because Mattheo Riddle died at peace. He died with venom in his vein and a relieved smile on his face.
The investigators will never understand why. They will wonder and formulate hypothesis but nothing ever came near the truth. Mattheo wasn't scared, he wasn't running away from anyone. He hadn't any debt. He just wanted to die. He wanted to reunite with his friends. He wanted to stop being himself. He wanted to escape.
And now, for the first time in his whole life, Mattheo Riddle was finally at peace with himself.
He managed to say goodbye.
And the investigators will never find the letter.
Because the letter had never been sent.
Hello my love,
You'll never receive this letter, and it's not because i won't send it.
For the first time in my life, i was ready to tell you everything. Everything i felt, everything that ever happened inside my head when you were around.
I would have told you that you made my day better just by smiling at me at breakfast. That your voice calmed me down even when everything seemed to go against me. That your hair were the softest thing i ever touched. That my hands trembled when they were near you because i was so afraid of ruining something so pure and fragile as you.
I would have showed you my drawings, every single one of them just for you to realise they were all inspired by you.
I'm smiling right now, you know? I haven't smiled in a long long time, since the last time i saw you. But now, i do. I'm smiling because i remember your words. Writing my thoughts off is better than bottling them up, but i never listened to you, didn't I?
I know, i was a dickhead.
But i was wrong. I could have been better with you. I could have been present, i could've tried. You made me good.
And i should've let you.
But now it's too late my love.
Because you're gone too. You, who were the only thing that kept me on this damn earth. You are gone too.
I will take this letter with me and i will read it to you. Because this time, i'm not letting you go.
I do love you.
With all of me.
And in every lifetime, i want to keep you near. I want you to make me good.
See you soon, my sweet girl.
a/n : i'm so sorry. This turned out darker than expected.
And yeah, they're all dead. But hey, now they're all together!
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
discoholicmusic
izzy806
andulkaphoto
gummygunk
dededos
