isolating will fix me this time
â SANITY CRITICAL
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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we're not kids anymore.
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Claire Keane
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@vaultoffaggotry
isolating will fix me this time
â SANITY CRITICAL
Next up someone is going to claim that the Narnia series isn't kids books.
Kids books is probably not the best way to word it, you can enjoy them at every age, including your childhood, as you get older you may find new truths in them, but they're still good for any age.
I want you to understand this. I NEED you to understand this. My mother read me the hobbit as bedtime story, and I started pushing myself to read before pre-school so I could in fact read the hobbit for myself instead of having to wait for bedtime.
I didn't do so right away but jesus wept I PUSHED myself to learn to read SPECIFICALLY so I could read The Hobbit! It is, in fact, a children's story! And children only see page count as 'there is a lot of this fun story to read!'
"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?
thy mother
Art thou for fucking real
character misses their shot and the villain goes "ha! you missed." and the main character goes "did i?" and then shoots the villain again while they're frantically looking around the room for what the hero could possibly have aiming for instead
i hate the notes on this so much so many people are saying shit like "and then the hero shoots the villain while they're looking around!! XD" THAT'S WHAT THE POST ALREADY SAID. THAT'S THE ENTIRE JOKE.
There's a Pukicho post like this I need to find it
Edit: found it
maybe... they DIDN'T miss part of the post...! (starts frantically looking around)
(i shoot you while youre looking around)
and then while i'm frantically looking around you shoot me for real this time XD
Omg you missed part of the post
did i? đ
(frantically looks around)
(i raise my gun to shoot you while you're distracted but the bullet i already fired ricochets all around the room and hits me in the back of the head, killing me instantly)
Getting dumped really puts children's cartoon villains into perspective. Like dude you're SO right, love and caring ARE disgusting and we SHOULD cast a spell to drain all human emotion into your amulet.
Friend breakups are how you get lines like "Your friends? You think your friends are coming to save you? Don't make me laugh."
literally my dad
I know cats have a stigma of being evil little robots who care for nobody but themselves. I donât deny that there are some out there like this. But in defense of the large majority of darling cats who have been given a bad name due to the wicked few, I would like to tell you a storyâŠ
I am asthmatic. Iâm not as bad as some; my asthma is generally well-controlled, and I donât have much trouble with it on a daily basis. However, as all asthmatics know, getting sick becomes a nightmare. Even a small cold can turn into a days-long asthma attack, one that is very painful, and very annoying for me and those around me. The asthma cough sounds like an ill seal at best, or an angry moose with a nasal condition at worst. Y'all with asthma, and y'all with asthmatic friends, know exactly what Iâm talking about. The bark. The hack. The Cough Heard Round The World. Itâs painful, itâs loud, and it doesnât stop. Even the rescue inhaler can only do so much to calm it. It just has to run its course with the cold.
Well, this week I caught the crud, and in the past few days it deteriorated into The Cough. Last night, I took some NyQuil to try and stave it off for as long as I could, just to try and get some sleep. That meant that for a few hours, I was cough-free. After that, I was still doped up enough to sleep through some of it. However, by 2am the sleep aid had worn off and The Cough woke me up. Since lying down makes it worse, and I didnât want to wake my sister, I sneaked out of my bedroom into the living room, where I sat on the recliner and proceeded to hack up a lung while I waited for my next dose of NyQuil to kick in. That is when I noticed Simon.
Simon is a Russian Blue with a masterful resting-witch-face and an attitude to match. She (yes, sheâs a girl, thatâs another story) is old, fat, proprietary, and attitudinal. She isnât shy about telling you when she is displeased, and does so with a loud shriek and some teeth or claws thrown in. She is convinced she owns the place, and owns all of us in turn. She is particular about where you can pet her, like most cats; and, like most cats, she loves her sleep and hates to be woken up.
And of course, my hacking woke her up.
Attempting to whisper an apology in between bouts of coughing, I noticed she was getting off her perch atop the chair nearby. She stretched, made a little squeaking sound, and trotted over to me.
I expected her to demand petting as payment for having woken her precious sleep, but she did not. Instead, this traditionally cranky dragon of a cat did something that amazed me.
She began to purr loudly, and sat herself directly on my aching chest. She kneaded my sternum softly, and nosed my chin as if to say, âIâve got this, you sleep.â Even though I was still coughing, and bouncing her horridly in the process, she remained settled on my chest right above my diaphragm, purring loudly so that it vibrated through my ribs. I donât know what magic spell she was chanting between her boat-like purrs, but within minutes my cough had subsided and I was able to sleep.
I didnât wake up until about 4:30. When I did, it was to discover that my lap and chest were devoid of Simonâs presence, and I was coughing again. As I started coughing once more, I heard her familiar âIâm hereâ squeak from the area of the water dish. I heard some hurried lapping, and then her heavy gallop across the floor. She flumped onto my lap again, and resumed her purring and kneading. She had evidently been doing that for the past 2 hours, and had only left to get some water. Hydrated, she had returned to take care of me.
So yes, she has her share of evil, jerk-cat moments, but I can no longer pretend that Simon is entirely heartless. For that matter, I now refuse to believe that about any cat. Just because they act like a jerk doesnât mean that they donât love you.
So, fun fact. Scientists have not figured out why cats purr but one of the leading theories is that it helps stimulate the healing process because cats purr even when they are sick or hurt.
@rileyav
https://youtu.be/7KowU4tPi7Q
The cat I grew up with was Kitten Little. She was a remarkably misnamed cat; she was an enormous cannonball of grey and white fur, and we got her when she was an adult cat. She died at 21 years old when I was in middle school, and we all agreed that sheâd made it so long by pure power of rage alone.Â
Kitten Little did not like to be picked up. She did not like to be petted. She did not like to even be talked to, most of the time, and it seemed her sole joy in life was the systematic murder of every living thing in the field behind our house, beginning with praying mantises and beetles, and ending with adult rabbits about her own size. (And, according to legend, at least two other cats, though probably that is just legend. But Rorschach and Chairman Mao did die under fairly mysterious circumstances.) She was, perhaps, not an ideal cat to have in a household with four small children. She was distressingly fluffy and lovely to behold, but was also perfectly willing to threaten teeth and claws at any small hands that ventured places she didnât want them. Â
With one notable exception.Â
If you were cryingâactual crying, not tantrum-crying, Kitten Little would appear. Â It might take a little while, but if she was within a few acres, she would turn up and ask to be let in the house, then invariably find whoever was crying. Seemingly across any distance, her sad-human senses would tingle, and sheâd show up and get in your lap. And that was the one and only occasion you would be guaranteed permission to pet the death-cat. Sheâd sit on your lap, purr, and let you pet her until you stopped crying. And then she would resume her duties as the enforcer of chaos, and generally go back outside to relieve her pent-up rage on some poor unsuspecting rodent.
Kitten Little ruled the household with a fluffy little iron paw; she took no shit and no live prisoners, and woe betide anyone who disrespected her personal bubble. But she was also always there for her people when we needed her.Â
I loved that cat.Â
âyou cannot ship these two fictional characters becauseââ actually I can because they are not real people. they are just toys I play with. you cannot apply real-world morality to fiction or how strangers play with their imaginary toys in their imaginary sandboxes.
you can, however, curate your own internet experience by minding your own business, muting/blocking/scrolling past what upsets you but does not hurt anyone in real life in any way, shape or form.
âship whatever you want except xyz. there is a limitâ so you miss the entire point of what I just said đđ»
there is, in fact, no limit. I may be uncomfortable with it, I may even find it unpleasant/disturbing, but my personal feelings are not rules that can be applied to other people, and they absolutely do not justify shaming or harassing other people.
dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say âis that everything â but fumbled and said âe ga thebythinâ and me trying to say âyeahâ or âyupâ just went âYIP!â in response. No survivors
Me proposing to my wife like:
there is a stripper pole in my attic. i saw it in a dumpster one day, and i went, shit, this is exactly the kind of thing my wife would want. and i didnt really want it in the house, what with it being a used stripper pole lightly seasoned with dumpster juice, but i mentally decided that if she were to see it and ask for it, i would say she could have it, and then sure enough, later that evening, she went soooo baaaaaaaabs there's this thing by the dumpster and i want it but i get it if you don't want it in the house but i have to show it to you- and i went, no you dont, you can have the pole, and that was the most surprised i have ever made her look. even compared to the day when i proposed to her, which she was prepared enough that we both knew she would say yes, and she could also get her hair done up and have a cute outfit, but not so prepared that she was not fucking flabbergasted by the 12 empty decoy ringboxes i sprung on her. i handed her so many decoy ring boxes that day. still one of the funniest things i've ever done to her.
anyway we like pacing around together and ranting in the attic but sometimes instead of pacing one of us will just hang on the pole and spin, and the other person will watch on the beanbag, which makes for these really goofy conversations where the person on the bag will say something that gets the other persons goat, such as, hypothetically, that xylophones do not belong in rock music, and then the other person will go on a tirade about this, but they'll actually only be facing the Hot Take Speaker half of the time, what because of the pole, so the response will sound something like
I can't believe
you would even suggest such
a stupid opinion. You've
been to a Danny Elfman
concert! How can you
have heard Oingo Boingo
live and say with a straight face
that they alone do not justify
rock and roll xylophones
and then that person will continue until they get too dizzy, then they'll get off the pole, and by unspoken agreement, the person on the bag will get up and trade places with them to deliver their rebuttal while also spinning and it just creates this sort of crazy strip-court lawyers debating absolute nonsense for no reason kind of vibe that frankly just really does it for us.
i don't really have any marriage advice for this i guess its just a look at what being married can look like. i thought that being married would involve a lot more stuff like carving the turkey, or barbecuing, or watching the sunset, and if id known how much time it would involve arguing for xylphones in rock music while spinning upside down i might have prepared for it a little differently.
these types of tweets make me feel like a celebrity who has fake death announcement every two weeks
i dont "go on walks," i dont "use character sheets" and i dont "plot before writing," i raw dog it, and if it doesnt flow, I FUCKING CRY.
i dont "go on walks," i dont "use character sheets" and i dont "plot before writing," i raw dog it, and if it doesnt flow, I FUCKING CRY.