Listen. I don't know what I'm doing either.

My reblog blog of chaos

[byjove]

You guys hear about that 18 month old baby at a zoo that wandered away from their parents (who were on their phones…), entered a restricted zone, stuck their hand into the wolf enclosure and got bit? The parents are being charged with child endangerment but what I want to know is why the fuck does this keep happening? You do not have to take your toddler to the zoo, especially a one and a half year old who is too young to fully appreciate the zoo. You could have stayed at home and scrolled on your phone while ignoring your baby in an environment containing 0 carnivorous apex predators. You would think the zoo would be one place parents feel the need to constantly supervise their kids but no, they’re like “Oh yeah, honey, go ahead and go swimming in the stingray tank, I’m going to play Candy Crush for 45 minutes.”

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

It was indeed a myriad of other familial problems! I got 99 problems but a leash ain't one

[catchymemes]

MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[thekijs]

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

[weaselle]

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

[interdimensional-chaos]

Also also!

He very specifically DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE

Someone DRAGGED HIM AWAY /PROMISING/ It'll take five minutes tops. A quick run over to Troy's house.

[catchymemes]

[link-the-feral-anon]

When you remember the anti-vax movement

[burger-prince]

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[drarry]

Imagine being the gays at a pride event in 2004 living their lives when someone grabs the microphone and announces to the room that Ronald Reagan was pronounced dead. Can you even imagine the hype, the celebration, the pure elation

[drarry]

This is the Pride Month that It will happen. I feel it in my gay bones

[broken-horn-of-equius]

[ahmnorhein-zkn]

Repost, now do your honors.

[jkl-fff]

Trans people just existing is no more sexual than when cis people just exist.

[joycomplexx]

by the way it's fine to like sexual content just for the sake of it. "we can't ban porn because other stuff will get banned" "sometimes nude art has value" "the government will classify queer people as sexual" this is all true but it's okay to just like porn. its okay to not want porn to be banned because you like it.

[mytearsrricochet]

[black-quadrant]

ADHD affects how I experience time, not how I experience attachment. I love you. I miss you. I just don't realize how long it’s been since I last said that, let alone messaged.

I understand that most normal functioning brains need regular engagement to maintain a bond. Absence doesn’t diminish my affection. My silence isn’t neglect or disinterest. It’s time blindness and object impermanence. The contact gap is purely neurological, not emotional. Thank you for being patient with my inconsistency and holding a seat in your heart for me.

[eptck]

you have to be kinder to people with memory issues.

you have to be kinder to people who are slow processors.

you have to be kinder to people who don't understand your jokes.

you have to be kinder to people who forget important dates.

you have to be kinder to people with cognitive decline.

you have to be kinder to people who were always this way, too.

you have to be kind. you have to be kind.

[tiktoksijustthinkareneat]

I'm begging you to turn the sound on

[drtanner]

Spring.

[sage-nebula]

Spring.

[self-righteous-god]

Spring.

[troubleshootingspacekangaroo]

Spring.

[royalninja]

Spring.

[roboticutie]

✨️GOLDEN.......✨️

Mouse 🐁

[marlinspirkhall]

Everytime this crosses my dash my eyes light up because I know my favourite part is coming. Spring. Spring. Spring. Spring. Spring.

[thestuffedalligator]

"Um," said the fairy. "Choose something else."

Rosamund hesitated. It was, she had to admit, the first time she had ever been given a wish, so she wasn't an expert with this sort of thing, but she felt that this was not part of the typical script. "Sorry," she said. "Is that not allowed?"

The fairy grimaced. When it spoke, its voice came out pained and stressed. "Y-y-y-e-e-e-no," it sighed at last, dragonfly wings sagging. "No, technically no, it's not not allowed, but-" It suddenly brightened. "How about gold? Can't go wrong with gold. Gold's a good wish."

Rosamund frowned. This was really not going the way she expected at all. "Excuse me-"

"Beauty, that's a good one too, beauty's always popular," it went on. "And if there's a ball nearby tonight I can probably-"

"Excuse me!"

The wand was twiddled in chitinous fingers. "Right," the fairy said, sounding scolded. "Sorry, it's just..." Its voice trailed off.

Her grandmother's clock chimed midnight from the mantelpiece.

Then - "I'm sorry," it said, not daring to look up, "I know it's not fair, but - you know what I am. You know what we do to wishes. If you wished for wealth I'd have to turn your hair into silver, so you’d have to tear every strand out of your head before you could spend it. We can't help it. It's what we do. The cost of a wish is that you get what you want, but you don't get it the easy way.

"So if you wish for a child, it'll be - strange. Twisted, somehow. Made of pine or marzipan or have the head of a hedgehog. That's the cost of a wish-child; you'll get the child you wished for, but it'll never be - right."

Rosamund waited to see if there was anything else. She felt a sting to her pride when she realized there wasn't. "Is that all?" she said. "I wouldn't care what I got-"

"You all say that," the fairy said. "You all say you wouldn't care what you got. You all say it, and you really believe it, until the neighbours sneer at you and your hedgehog child for too long, or your back aches because your thumb-high child can't help you in the fields, or your pine child kicks and bites and won't obey, and then you think, 'This isn't the way it was supposed to be,' and then..."

The fairy stopped and looked into Rosamund’s eyes. It was a beautiful thing, all glittering carapace and iridescent wings, but just for an instant it looked terribly, terribly old.

"I'm sorry," it said. "But I'm tired of making unloved children."

[caffeinewitchcraft]

That hit my hurt like a freight train, what an amazing perspective

Of course now I want Rosamund, realizing that there are already children out in the world ready tk be loved, to go out on a quest to find them and makes the fairy come along with her as a guide by refusing to change her wish unless they help her find them all. And then at the end, after she has gathered all her wonderful and unique and, yes, strange children, she wishes for a big house they can all live in

And the fae grants it with a twist - they may all live there but the fae will live alongside them and the house will always be little strange with expanding rooms and extra seats at the table for uninvited guests who almost always become one of Rosamund's children too

[ironmyrmidon]

When the AI bubble pops, the demand for computing power will fall much more quickly than the supply. For a brief window, we will have an amazing digital surplus.

[otherwindow]

accidentally fell into somebody’s chimney

[mega-taiga]

They really said

[babygirlimgone-deactivated20240]

i love how OP is wailing over being set on fire but manages to remember to close the door behind him when he leaves the house.

[stunningpicture]

Failed panoramic.

[ianre-d]

define failed

[lonelovebird]

dude

[roguesquirrel]

the dream is collapsing

[hugsohugs]

one genre of fanfiction that seems to have mostly disappeared since i became an adult is shenanigans-type fics. like not exactly crack but just "the gang goes to 7-11" type, extremely low-stakes plot stories. the beach episodes of fanfiction. i just feel like i don't see those around so much anymore. whered they go. i miss them :(

[darlingandmreames]

Never underestimate the power of just slapping "in an AU where..." onto the beginning of a plot idea/summary. You can do whatever you want once you got that shit there. Doesn't matter how absolutely batshit insane it is. As long as it's an AU where that insanity makes even slight sense, you're fucking golden. I once saw a Jar Jar Binks/Sheev Palpatine fic whose summary started out with "A Star Wars AU where Jar Jar never met Qui-Gon, and instead became a couples/family counselor on Naboo" and like. Wild fucking concept. Probably a wild fucking story. But no matter what happens, you've already got it covered because you established right from the start that this is already a universe where Jar Jar fucking Binks is a couples/family counselor. Anything else that happens is just bizarre icing on an already buck fucking wild cake. You can do whatever you want

[darlingandmreames]

And before anyone's like "bUt WhAt WeRe YoU dOiNg At ThE dEvIlS sAcRaMeNt" I was ACTUALLY looking up fics about Lurtz (the urukhai secondary antagonist from Fellowship of the Ring who kills Boromir) when I came across a "Frodo Baggins & Jar Jar Binks" tag and then ended up looking at Jar Jar Binks fics. I found a fic tagged "Abraham Lincoln/Jar Jar Binks." I also read short Anakin Skywalker/Jar Jar Binks smut fic tagged Major Character death, had the sentence "body horror abounds" in the summary, included Jar Jar calling Anakin out on racism, and a first five sentences that personally came into my home shot me in the face. It was only like 1k. Is any of this better than just being at the devil's sacrament? No. But it is significantly weirder.