Reasons to be a leftist in the 21st Century
[translated and slightly modified from an article I read. DISCLAIMER I do not own anything except my own additions, where noted.]
Because you can consider yourself morally superior to everybody else without ever having to practically prove what your superiority consists in. It suffices that you pose it as an axiom.
Because you have the freedom to maintain that true politics is limited in philosophical quotations and the recitation of noble desires with which pretty much everybody (especially Peter Pan) agrees.
Because you can criticise everything without offering a counter-proposal. The answer to everything is “love” [own note: cf. “open-mindedness”, “tolerance”]
Because you are a priori right in every discourse, since you are not obliged to construct and submit arguments. In case your opponent demands them, you can easily leave them dumbfounded by asserting that s/he has never studied history (which, by the way, is ALWAYS on your side) [own note: Alternatively, come up with some convoluted reason to declare them sexist, racist or homophobic. That ought to shut them up].
Because you have the most beneficial relation to capitalism possible. You take advantage of it in the way, time and degree that you desire (e.g. by consuming its goods, offering your services to it, being rewarded by it) but theoretically you are its permanent detractor. Thus, you manage to benefit from its positive aspects, while at the same time you renounce its “monstrous evils” - given that, formally, you disagree with it and, as is well known, all that matters in your world is ideology, i.e. what you believe and say you are.
Because you are able to be philosophically opposed to the concept of power or authority and consider anyone who wields it (in any form and intensity - from the local school principal up to the PM himself) inhumane, but also approve of it with immense joy when it is exerted by you or anyone of your persuasion.
Because you can defy every procedural framework and democratic tool when they are imposed and used by non-leftist folks (because, in your judgment, “they are not pro-human” (now ain’t that deep)) but also demand their strict observance when those whom you like call upon them.
Because you deserve to and, to be exact, enjoy the exclusive privilege to label every application of a law which you don’t particularly like as fascistic and totalitarian, as well as designate the state involving the legal status quo which you dislike as fascistic. In the meantime, you have the right to state your satisfaction in the implementation of the exact same laws and democratic institutions - as long as the government is of leftist leanings.
Because you enjoy the exclusive privilege to produce authentic judgment on violence, as well as constantly invent new sub-categories of it, regardless of the dictionary definitions or plain sense because, clearly, you know better. In the same framework, you hold the absolute right to detest violence and put under the umbrella of its vague definition anything that displeases you, but also call for its use against your enemies, because then it is not “violence”, it’s “justice”. [own note: usually expressed in terms such as “the oppressed have every right to lash out against their oppressors”]
Because your arsenal of arguments consists primarily of absolutes which are not subject to scrutiny under reason and/or science, because, as everybody is aware, sciences and degrees are bought/sold/corrupted things who estrange man from true knowledge [own note: to this you may add, ad libitum, that “evidence and logic are obsolete constructs of the cis white heteropatriarchy”]. Thus, you have the ability to support everything but also deny everything, without bearing any sort of burden of proof for your allegations.
[my own addition] Because, depending on your metaphysical beliefs in the context of your leftism, you can also have a special relationship to science as well. When your opponent happens to be a theist, you can very simply refuse to debate with “retards like him/her” by playing the “Science has proven that God does not exist lol who could ever take you and your arguments seriously” magic card, with no examples or citations needed even for that, but when peer-reviewed articles prove that the gender pay gap can be traced back to causes unrelated to institutionalised sexism, then “the results are obviously rigged” and “traditional logic and reason are patriarchal constructs”. Or, more concisely: theists bear a burden of proof for the existence of God, but your claim that there are 145 genders must be taken as gospel.
Because you can shun the education system, school, college, university, classes, studies and separate disciplines, but at the same time assert an active role in the structuring of the curriculum and administration of colleges and universities.
Because your former life means jack s**t once you decide to join the “enlightened” left. From the moment on that you embrace leftist dogma and modify your speech accordingly, you are a true missionary and whatever you say gains extra importance and a poetic gravitas. Your whole record is wiped clean and you are a saint in everybody’s eyes. [own note: if you want some evidence off the top of my head, take a look at the organisers of the vagina demonstrations women’s marches. Hint: if you find an ex-torturer and a Sharia apologist among them, don’t say I didn’t warn you.]
[own addition] Because, once you are a leftist saint, or at least seek protection under the wings of the Almighty Church of Leftism, you get a free pass on things ten times as controversial as what you criticise others for. By way of example, you can compare opposition to no-measures immigration to genocide, but when you say “kill all men” it’s ‘just a joke’. Likewise, when you deem your child trans in its third year of age, you are a ‘hero’ of ‘progress’, but a couple raising their kids in a Christian worldview and way of living are “indoctrinating them” and it counts as child abuse.
Because while, formally, you are strongly opposed to discrimination and labelling, you are entitled to lump all your intellectual opponents together into one enormous category, apply to that category the label that suits you and cast stones at them at will.
Because you have the freedom to speak on behalf of “the people”, without any authorisation by anybody.
Because you have the most convenient relationship with logic. Whenever you want or are forced to collide with it, you aren’t irrational as anybody else would be, you’re just a romantic revolutionary who wants to make the world a better place.
Because you can continually reinforce your position (which is either way dominant) by invoking the struggles of others, with whom you are not connected in any way beyond your imagination.
Because your left-ness is something akin to an honorary title, which shall accompany you throughout your entire life and shall buy you positions, distinctions and glory, without your actually being obliged to do anything for that or possess any ability or talent.
Because you have the mind-bogglingly surreal advantage of stigmatising as apolitical [own note: or, just as easily, fascist, medieval or nazi] anyone whose political convictions fall to the right of yours.
[own addition] Because, if you are a leftist but also consider yourself Christian, things could not be better for you! Not only can you conveniently label any conservative a racist/misogynist/homophobic/islamophobic bigot, but when it comes to Christian conservatives in particular you can also confidently shout that they are not true Christians and gleefully proclaim how God will burn their asses in Hell eternally and you will be laughing. (Yes, fellow leftist ‘Christian’, the “love your enemies and pray for them” commandment only applies to others; you are a cute, special little snowflake and you don’t need to burden yourself with anything resembling courtesy or ethics or bearing your own cross and all that jazz…)
Because it is ex officio self-explanatory and universally accepted that you belong to the group of the greatest Fighters for Social Justice and, at the same time, the most oppressed among all citizens, just because you participate in rallies and believe that the state owes you extra stuff and special treatment.
Because you can always decry propaganda while simultaneously declare yourself unaffected tby it - and in this you see no contradiction.
Because you have the most peculiar and schizoid relationship with the state. It is obliged to pay you, recompense for you, educate you, take care of you, employ you, spoil you, not tire you, foster you and do likewise for your children and the only thing you have to do is point out how bad and incompetent it is.
[own additions henceforth] …until a left-wing government is elected and then you insist that we must give more and more and MORE power to the state or else the entire country is doomed. When, after all that, you have a right-wing government again, only then and not a moment earlier you have to remember that it is bad to trust the state with excessive control and call for curbing its power.
Perhaps most importantly:
Because you can spend years on end being allergic to any sign of dissent, labelling whomever disagrees with your ideology hateful or bigoted or whatever modern synonym is available and shutting down all debate, but when people get disillusioned by your collective attitude and turn en masse to other platforms and ideologies, you are under no obligation to assess your actions and words so far and consider the possibility that you might have been wrong; nope, it MUST be their fault and this only proves that they ARE hateful, bigoted, misogynistic, racist, homophobic, climate-change-denying Bible-thumpers after all and that YOU HAVE BEEN RIGHT ALL ALONG!
