Hello, my name is Salem (he/they) and I am a member of a DID plural system. I'm a fictive and I'm also fictionkin and otherhearted, and my system all identifies as alterhuman at least to some degree. Most of my personal identities are villainous in nature, and me being queer and neurodivergent with "scary" disorders only solidifies that identity for me. I reclaim it. I use the label terrorpunk as it describes me and how I feel about it.
I have schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type), narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. I will not share the entire list of disorders I have been diagnosed with at this time. You will probably be able to figure them out over time, though.
Everything on my blog is free to reblog, I will turn the reblog feature off if I decide to. If your account lets you reblog it, then it is fine to be shared.
Tag list, links, extra info, etc under the readmore.
I (and the majority of my system) are also queer. We're bodily transmasc and bisexual. I personally am bisexual and masculine identifying but my gender is more complicated than that.
As I said, I fully reclaim the "evil" and "villain" stereotypes, though that does not mean that I will be spreading misinformation. No one is evil or a villain on the basis of their identity, I have just reclaimed that identity for myself because I can do what I want with my identity.
Tags
#salem speaks - Original posts.
#rb - Reblogs.
#srb - Self-reblogs.
#ask - Asks.
#alterhuman - Alterhuman related posts.
#art - Art posts.
#dangerous - Posts related to horror/fear/etc as a sort of aesthetic.
#disability - Disability related posts.
#neurodivergent - Neurodivergent related posts.
#reclaimed villainy - Posts relating to "scary and evil" things that I or others have reclaimed.
Warnings
Most of these are self explanatory. Mild mentions may not be tagged, I will tag severe or explicit cases of these.
#ableism
#alterhumisia - (Stigma against alterhumans/anti-alterhuman sentiments.)
#delusions - (Only in-depth discussion of delusional beliefs as to not trigger others psychosis.)
#hallucinations - (See above.)
#queerphobia
#self injury - (Of all types, images will not be posted, nor will encouragement of such.)
#vent
| Dividers. | Ask me anything. |
DNIS AND MY STANCES:
I don't care who or what you are, I accept you here as long as you don't cross any lines that are personal to me, and all you will have to deal with from me is a block. All system origins, alterhuman identities, disabilities, disorders and queer identities are welcome.
I also may not read DNIs thoroughly if they're hard to access or if they're too long. Those are not accessible to me. Please be mature and block me if you don't want me following you or interacting. This isn't a forum for specific niches of people who agree with all of your views, it's Tumblr. Use the block button.
why are psychotic people expected to choose reducing symptoms over happiness every chance there is? I can't drink or do drugs or stay up late or avoid taking my pills that will make me exhausted in the morning or participate in my psychosis triggering hobbies and interests or I'm noncompliant and need forcible medication because I'm not allowed to knowingly accept I'll have symptoms and choose to manage them on my own without medication. we aren't allowed to take risks or else
COZ I'VE FELT THIS WAY FOR SO LONG BUT DIDN'T HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPLAIN
NOW I GOT THE WORDS TO TELL MY MENTAL HEALTH GROUP HOME STAFF "actually I like doing [x] thing even tho it makes me symptomatic and that is my right to face the consequences as a grown up"
alterhuman npd culture is i hate those posts that r like "u shuldnt have distain for people that r human! u rnt any better than them!"'im better than EVERYONE. do NOT tell me what to do
When someone frames your mental health issues as attention seeking behavior, problem behavior, or any other negatively-coded context, it creates an environment that makes you feel guilty, wrong, and selfish for struggling with things outside of your control. As a result, serious issues are allowed to arise in the absence of support.
Be honest, are you a bad person in any kind of way? I've been finding out about gross stuff that a bunch of blogs I really liked did and I feel icky :(
Hey. I guess to sum it up, "busy" would describe it.
Still having my usual ups and downs, but we've applied for a job and are waiting on the response from that. The whole process was a pain, amongst all of the other day-to-day stuff we do. I've been mostly busy, and/or taking quite a break from front because my depressive episode was messing with us as a whole.
But I'm still around. Always will be, as long as I have a say in it. Fronting a bit more again after not doing much for a while too.
npd culture is feeling entitled to information, and being extremely confused and hurt when someone won't tell you. Why would you leave me out! Now I know there's something about you I don't know and it's all I'm going to think about. Do you not think I'm good enough to know? Are we not close enough? (somethings are just private sometimes, I guess)
The thing is, I'll never know if it's me as the problem. I will never know if people really don't show they care enough, or in the right ways--or if I will never be happy because the wiring of my brain will never accept however people express care as truth. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust that people care, that it will get better and people have my back, or feel comforted by anything.
I don't know what to say to people when they ask how to help. "Show me you care" is so fucking vague, and I don't know what to answer with if I'm asked how to do that. I don't know what my brain will accept. On one hand I have no idea how to help myself, and my psychologist doesn't seem to either--it feels like I will never heal or feel secure. On the other, if I knew how to help myself, the things people could say to calm me, and I explained to them how.... Would they feel fake because I spelled it out for them? Would my mind just twist their care into an act of silencing me?
I am so, so tired. I hold so much in so that I don't hurt people. I don't lash out and yell at people about how little they seem to care, I don't touch anyone, I don't even blame anyone but myself. All this weight applied to myself to protect others from my pain, and even at my most paletable and small and weak, no one can help.
Mind you, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just severely hurting, and every time I get into a place like this, it feels awkward, or just another "wait till he shuts up and then act like it never happened". I don't feel like I'm ever taken seriously by anyone in my life, sometimes.
"If the stereotypical pwBPD wasnโt a hot young woman and was literally anything else weโd be locking them in cages. It really seems like thatโs it. For some reason other cluster b disorders are fine to be wary of but not bpd."
Do you ever think these people will realise how abusive and dehumanising, therefore hypocritical this sort of sentiment is? Do you think they will ever learn? Ever stop for a second and maybe feel even a slight bit of clarity surrounding the hypocricy of what they preach?
I'd say "we're not the ones who should be locked in cages", but I at least have the clarity to see that a person is a person and shouldn't be abused. I hope you learn and grow one day, and that any disabled or neurodivergent person in your life is far away from you and safe from your ableism. Do better.
And the first thing I'm putting in it is a graphic(โ๏ธ) of all Personality Disorders together, to make a global assessment on my issues. [I call it the C-PTSD wheel, because I believe that all PDs are just C-PTSD in different fonts, but I think no one's ready to have this conversation yet.]
Anyway, since I believe it can be helpful for some people to track their overall PDs symptoms in order to compare them, here it isโ๏ธ
[you can use it and/or take inspiration from it] [credits would be appreciated, but not necessary]
Yeah I know it's wacky and kinda ugly, but it makes the job. Each Personality Disorder is classed in alphabetical order, and each dash on the PD's line is for 1 symptom of the diagnostic criteria. For example:
OCPD have eight diagnostic criterias, so it has seven dashes + the border as the maximum & the shared center to indicated a lack of symptoms.
In the end, it should look like something like this:
I personally put a color-code to distinguish when I can be diagnosed with the PD, have traits of the PD, or nothing at all... But it's not a must, as long as you have a shape, it tells enough. If you want to have a checklist for all personality disorders at one place, I'm putting them below:
Regular people couldn't fathom the effort I put into being kind. I choose this, I actively decide to be kind and feign empathy when it's needed, or beneficial. Sure, those benefits might be as simple and nonharmful as keeping a friend, but I still make the conscious effort to decide to show kindness. A thing that you're just expected to do and show by default, like a program. So I can't get praise for taking my time to be as warm as I can to others, or studying social cues to figure out how best to approach a situation without causing harm. It's thankless for so much work.
And if I make a mistake? I find it hard to feel like my situation would be taken into account. I actively run what are basically algorithms in my brain to figure out how to respond to situations without cauing harm, sometimes I'm wrong. I'm not being selfish by making an honest mistake, trying to socialise--Like a thing in human skin trying to walk on legs it's never had before, it's a miracle I can even do anything at all, even if it's wrong sometimes. But it inevitably slips, and I show coldness instead of what I calculated to be warmth, and I can't help but feel that it'd be so easy to cast me away for that, because they simply don't see the effort I put in to blend in.
