[mamoru]

survive out of spite. survive as a witness. survive as a warning to the future. survive so these stories do not disappear

[microweave]

shout out to the drag queen last night who started the show with “ladies, gentlemen, and those of us who know better”

[notreewaits-deactivated20200806]

Toddlers are so pure. She doesn’t understand that we help her with certain things because she’s little. She thinks that everyone just helps each other like that. So she tries to blow on my food and cut it up for me and tries to help me put on my shoes.

[pussysoupforthesoul-deactivated]

i was giving little wagon rides to a baby around the backyard one day and all of a sudden she hops off and slaps the seat of the wagon telling me to get on because it was my turn and i was like no it’s ok im too heavy and she was like NO ITS UR TURN and kept tugging on my hand so i would sit down. eventually i got on and it was just a little 2 year old trying so hard to push me around on a wagon not understanding why it wouldn’t budge but still so determined to let me have my turn lol

[llywela13]

I don’t think I’d realised how many casual compliments we pay to our toddler until she started casually complimenting us back, because experience has taught her that’s How Social Interaction Is Done, and there’s nothing quite like a very earnest three-year-old solemnly and sincerely informing you that you look wonderful and smell nice to make you feel really good about yourself

I tell her she’s my best girl. She tells me I’m her best auntie. Then we both feel good about the world!

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[teaboot]

Why do people hate American possums so much? Look at one, Sharon. They have all the classic qualities of a beloved dog

[teaboot]

Fuzzy fluff? Check. Goober face? Check. A little bit of Burbaduburbadurbur? heck yeah babe!

[sassypotatoe1]

What?

[teaboot]

I said what I said

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

[copperbadge]

Sumer more talkative than others. 

[mrvelocipede]

[copperbadge]

IT GOT BETTER

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I saw a nurse practitioner today and told her how BAD I always feel and she ordered a lot of tests they took like All my blood and she also figured out I have like. No viatamin D in my body. Apparently my viatiamin D levels are at like 10% of what they should be so that’s probably why I’m always so tired and sad!!!!!!

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Y’all I literally work outside and go to class outside every single day. My body just is having trouble uh.,.idk processing it or whatever. I don’t know what you’d even call it. But it’s an issue for a reason!

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

You have to be nice to me I have a disease

[left-reminders]

[octahedronhd]

[naamahdarling]

This is Shakespearian.

[honted]

i walked in on my 4 year old nephew sitting alone on his bed eating grapes in the dark and i didn’t even get a chance to say anything before he said “i don’t have answers”

[psxgfx-deactivated20180706]

why do food places have to give you that little tiny ass baby cup when you ask for water it’s so flagrant. water drinkers are treated like second class citizens in this country

[psxgfx-deactivated20180706]

you ask for soda they give you a trough sized cup, you’re treated like royalty. you ask for water they’re like oh baby wants his water? his wahwah? here you fucking go little man take this

[there-is-still-some-liquor-left]

the only adjectives in the english language:

1. tender

2. feral

[littlegreenfag-deactivated20240]

3. horny

[tearlessrain]

for your consideration

[birdtypegirl]

[conquered-gnomes]

Why is Jesus Feral

[birdtypegirl]

- Killed a tree because he was angry that it didn’t give him fruit when it wasn’t fruit season

- Destroyed a bunch of tables and chased the owners with a whip

- Blew up and then acted like he didn’t know nobody (Mark 3:33)

- Yelled at his followers for interrupting his nap to let him know their boat was about to sink

- Healed a blind man by spitting on him

- Explicitly ordered his followers to steal a donkey for him

And that’s just the highlights from Mark.

[gingerdaile]

Now who is Tender/Mild and Feral/Mild

[actualaster]

BABY Jesus, specifically, is Tender and Mild

[autisticsprout]

skills include:

going to bathroom 2 hours after deciding to go to bathroom

staying awake all night for literally no reason

being on the ground

snack

[thatsbelievable]

[nuclearparade]

You know I’m not always proud of what my libido wants but at least I’ve never wanted to fuck Pennywise.

[hustlerose]

(lives in your house and knocks things off the table) lol (eats a plastic bag) lmao

[yeeowch]

dont vague my cat you scum