Hey. look at me. look into my eyeballs. I know what you want from life. You want an absolute CHAOS GREMLIN of an old lady who is 1) horny on main, 2) HELLA QUEER, 3) also a pirate queen, AND âïž...... 4) magical. And she has sea puppies. Puppies made of the sea. And a MAGIC BOAT
"What is this book?????" i hear you ask.
It is this book by @lincodega!!! PASHA THE STORM!!!!!! The year's absolute best pirate fantasy novel which will blow your tits clean off. I got to read an advance copy and i am here to tell you that it Slaps it Slaps it fully fully Slaps.
It comes out on June 30th, so you should go read it right now and tell your friends who liked Black Sails, Our Flag Means Death, or Running Close to the Wind (For fans of the latter: Imagine if Avra Helvaci was an old woman. This is the kind of horny chaos gremlin energy we're talking about. Everyone around Pasha is like "Pasha no" and Pasha is like "PASHA YES!!!!!!!!")
SUMMARY:
An exiled pirate queen hunts a killer whale on the high seas, while caught between a power-hungry empress and a revolutionary conspiring to end her reign . . .
Pasha the Northern Storm was once the most infamous Meridian pirate who ever sailed the sister oceans. Now, a decade into her exile, Pashaâs afterlife is being held hostage by Atle, an absurdly attractive noble who knows far too much about pirate magicâbut not enough about sailing to realize how dangerous Pasha really is.
Minister Atle Itaavar is duty-bound to serve the Kingdom of Garda, but as Queen ThivaldĂs gathers support for her ambitions of empire, Atle turns to treason to stop her. In order to destroy the Queenâs new necromantic navy, Atle plans to steal the Queenâs flagship, kidnap a washed-up pirate to sail it, and track down a legendary killer whale to bring it down.Â
But the hunt for the great undying whale drags Pasha, Atle, and the crew of the Dog into a cosmic reckoning as they face threats from ghosts and gods alikeâand the Queen of Garda is close behind.
(Also if y'all wanna do me a solid and signal boost please and thank you? Lin deserves it! <3)
i think ao3 should have a feature like an anonymous kudos but instead of kudos its "i jorked it to completion" and you can leave as many of these as you want and obviously authors would opt-in to this feature on a per-fic basis but like. i want the stats, you know.
jerk it to fanfiction??? noooo bro i was just joshing ya. wouldnt that be crazy? haha. fucking got you bro i cant believe youre so gullible. what a far fetched notion. that people would do such a thing. cant believe you fell for it
Been Roaming Around Always Looking Down At All I see | 6,252 | dancinbutterfly
Summary: The bloke in the back of this charming roadside diner is having a hard time of it, Hob is fairly sure.
Not that Hob is watching.
Itâs just that the man was there when Hob came into this cliche masquerading as a restaurant and he was the only other patron. It was hard to miss him in all the white and red Americana decor. He was a human storm cloud, hunched into the last booth, facing the door, his head covered in a black knit cap and his shoulders draped in a slouchy black hoodie that looked deeply insufficient for the snow. His pale face was tipped down, staring into his coffee mug and now Hobâs done with his entire lunch and a piece of pie and the man hasnât done much more than accept a refill, all without once looking up.
And okay. All right. So Hob has been watching him. Is still watching him.
a lucky break(out) | 9,892 | cuubism / @cuubism
Summary:Â Hob acquires a familiar ruby at an antiquities sale. Said ruby summons something else into his home as well.
finger painting | 16,624 | cuubism / @cuubism
Summary:Â When Dream comes to him for help with his broken hand, Hob's fairly certain he can get him back to painting again. Whether he can fix Dream's broken heart is another matter entirely.
golden days | 21,228 |Â issylra
Summary:Â "I could stand to see you more often," Hob says, a little bit hesitant, and Dreamâs eyebrows nearly rise into his hairline.
"That is truly what you wish?â Heâs looking at Hob like heâs an enigma wrapped in a riddle, which is funny coming from a not-quite-man whose name he only learned last year after six hundred years of meeting.
In which Dream agrees to visit Hob more often and neither of them quite know what they're getting into.
(see more recommendations below!)
A Mug's Game | 14,136 |Â Anonymous
Summary:Â Hob Gadling teaches history, flirts with Death, gets a boyfriend, and accidentally breaks the laws of the universe.
Heat | 6,267 |Â softestpunk / @softest-punk
Summary:Â Dream visits his oldest friend to find him, unexpectedly, in heat.
He finds, even more unexpectedly, that Hob perceives him as an alpha.
His alpha.
Covetous | 6,649 | cuubism / @cuubism
Summary: âDream,â he says carefully, sitting down on the coffee table across from him. Itâs new to him still, this name. Pulled from his strangerâs hoarse throat on their way out of the manor. Dream. His poor friend.
Dream looks up at him. His expression is guarded. Wounded. âI owe you,â he says, in his low, sibilant voice, âa boon.â
As a reward for his rescue, Dream offers Hob what he's always wanted most. Dream himself.
Heat Wave | 6,689 |Â spqr
Summary:Â âSounds like youâre horny to me,â says Matthew.
Summary:Â "I need you to show me. That being powerless. Need not hurt," Dream says.
After escaping from his imprisonment by Roderick Burgess, Dream, one of the last truly ancient vampire lords still in existence, seeks out the comfort of his oldest friend, the immortal necromancer Hob Gadling, and in Hob's necromancy finally finds the tools he needs to let himself be taken care of.
Mating systems of T. bifasciatum | 7,490 |Â Moorishflower / @moorishflower
Summary:Â "Can't believe we've gone six hundred years and you never knew I was an omega."
Hob Gadling does not show for an appointed meeting. Nor the next night. Nor the next. Dream goes looking for him.
Repair Work | 7,498 |Â softestpunk / @softest-punk
Summary:Â Dream falls in lust at first sight with Hob Gadling, a mechanic with more to him than meets the eye.
we're only young and naive still | 7,757 |Â BeatnikFreak / @beatnikfreakiswriting
Summary:Â âI am dying,â Dream whines, slumped in his chair in a truly non-Euclidean manner.
Hob doesnât even look up from the footnotes heâs cannibalising. âNo, all youâve consumed since 7pm is a bag of Percy Pigs and three coffees. Go drink some water.â
Hob and Dream are best friends, but one night, in the depths of an essay crisis, things change.
Pleasures of the Vulgar Crowd | 10,577 |Â softestpunk / @softest-punk
Summary:Â The first Dream knows of Hob Gadling, his teeth are stained with blood.
Hob is a werewolf, held captive by vampires to fight for their entertainment. Dream has no desire to be entertained, but he is immediately drawn to the scrappy werewolf with the bright eyes, fighting tooth and claw to live.
Skin Deep | 12,182 |Â Cheshyr / @five-and-dimes
Summary:Â Hob has a routine for how he uses his tattooed, biker aesthetic to coax people into his bed, and tonight he knows who heâs going for the second he steps through the door. The man at the bar is just Hobâs type- lithe and pale, artfully messy black hair framing his face. Despite the warmth of the bar, heâs fully covered up, a black turtleneck hugging his body and leather gloves covering the hands tapping away at a laptop. Hob wants to peel the fabric off of him, wants to see that pretty white skin blush beneath his mouth.
Hob has no idea what he's getting into, but he knows it'll be worth it.
save a horse, ride an equestrian | 13,203 | cuubism / @cuubism
Summary:Â Hob wants to hate difficult, perfect dressage rider Dream -- but he might have a bit of a crush on him instead.
In Your Teeth | 13,471 |Â equus8Â / @violetequus8
Summary:Â Dream of the Endless has a one night stand. Hob Gadling fucks the most beautiful man in the world, and then wakes up the next morning to slay a dragon.
Normal People | 15,153 |Â softestpunk / @softest-punk
Summary: Professor Gadling in absolutely nothing but a leather harness, holding the leash of a young man in a puppy mask who is kneeling at his feet, petting him, had not been on theâadmittedly ill-conceivedâlist of sights Dream had expected to see at this event.
Dream runs into Hob Gadling, the most normal man he's ever been aware of the existence of, at his first ever play party.
Part 1 Summary: Hob slides his hands farther back to cup Dreamâs arse, digging his fingers in to pull their hips together, the pressure and warmth of Dream against him making his hips buck up.
It feels⊠slightly off. Not bad, just different. The bulk of Dreamâs hard cock, usually easily felt through his tight clothing, is missing.
Or: Dream isnât wearing his usual configuration. This deters Hob not one bit.
the trouble with talking by issylra
3 Part Series | Rated M & E | Total Words: 19,790
Part 1 Summary: "He does not wish your friendship, Hob Gadling. He wishes to bed you."
"Heâ" Hob cuts himself off, head tilting slightly like the new information needs just a second to process. Dream wonders when he began to find this kind of confusion more endearing than a test of his patience.
In which Dream begins to feel things and it goes about as well as you would expect.
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