I really can and will blame the 9-5 for everything. "We're in a loneliness epidemic" well, we have to spend a third of our day interacting with people in a professional way that makes forming real friendships difficult and then we're peopled out by the time we're done. "People are eating more and more unhealthily" people have to spend more than a third of their day doing work related tasks and they don't want to spend their tiny amount of free time making food. "People aren't involved in their local communities" after spending more than a third of their day doing work related things people are tired and also all those community events take place during normal working hours. "People need to get more hobbies" after spending more than a third of their day working, people are TIRED and don't want to do anything that takes yet more energy. "Literacy is dying" to maintain your critical thinking skills you need to read/watch things that make you think and after spending more than a third of your day doing work related stuff you are TIRED and don't want to expend even more brainnpower. "People need to get outside more" People. Are. TIRED. Because they have to spend all of their time working or preparing for work or recovering from work or doing all the chores they couldn't stay on top of because of work. I can blame fucking anything on having to work, it is truly the root of all fucking evil.
[Caught by Penguin's goons and tied to chairs in a warehouse, waiting for the cavalry]
Red Robin: I'm gonna say it. Shakespeare is overrated.
Red Hood: Ok, first of all: how dare you. Second of all: how DARE you?
Red Robin: He's boring and Romeo and Juliet is ridiculous bullshit.
Red Hood: Counterpoint. Romeo and Juliet was always meant to be satire and if you read it with the knowledge that teenagers are idiots it's actually a fantastic, mean commentary on teenage romance.
Red Robin: The only way I'll accept that argument is if he was purposefully making fun of a particular pair of teenagers that he knew in real life and "Romeo and Juliet" was really Shakespeare being petty and mocking his cousin or something.
Red Hood: You- yeah that would be great actually.
Red Robin: Right? Still, my original point stands: Shakespeare is given way too much credit. So he invented some words. big whoop.
Red Hood: He basically invented the English language!
Red Robin: He better have considering the lenght of some of the monologues.
Red Hood: Look, thanks to Shakespeare we get to study dick jokes in school. There are so many dick jokes! How can you NOT like him?
Red Robin: One would think you'd be over Dick jokes, growing up in our family.
Red Hood: Well where do you think I get most of my material??
Red Robin: I'll concede that Macbeth is okay, but the rest of his tragedies? I mean, Hamlet? More like Ham-let-me-out-of-this-AP-English-class
Red Hood: One, that was sub-par and I expect better from you. Two; are you seriously going after HAMLET?
Red Robin: [snorts] Of COURSE you would enjoy a play about a death-obsessed dude with daddy issues and a thirst for revenge.
Red Hood: OK, POINT! But I'm still HELLA insulted. And Shakespeare is a master at exploring the human condition!
Red Robin: [rolls his eyes]
Red Hood: [to one of the Henchmen guarding them] Hey, you! With the ski-mask and bad enough judgement to wear sneakers to a gunfight!
Henchman: Uh... yea?
Red Hood: Back me up here. Shakespeare is a cultural icon.
Henchman: well, uh, he always kinda bored me in school
Red Robin: A-HA!
Red Hood: Oh shut up. Since when are Penguin's goons the go-to authority on literature
Red Robin: Since Shakespeare gets way too much credit because of fanboys like you.
Red Hood: Says the man who CRIED about the Hobbit movies. Several times.
Red Robin: THEY RUINED IT. EXCELLENT PRECEDENCE, EXCELLENT SOURCE MATERIAL AND THEY-
Boss Henchman: [barges in] what the fuck is going on in here? Who's making so much fucking noise?
Red Hood: [inclines his head towards Red Robin] Red Robin here thinks Shakespeare is overrated.
Boss Henchman: [immidiately involved] YOU'RE INSULTING THE BARD? HE BASICALLY INVENTED THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Red Hood: [mimicking Red Robin] A-HA!
Red Robin: Look, if you want to stan an author who made a comedy about gaslighting and subjugating a woman through marriage be my guest but I'm different
Boss Henchman: That's a bullshit argument
Henchman #2 -a woman: Nah, he's got a legit point.
Red Robin: Thank you!
Red Hood: One bad play doesn't mean you can diminish the impact of his work as a whole
Red Robin: Oh CAN'T I?
Boss Henchman: I will not stand here and see the Bard slighted in my own house- warehouse- whatever!
-----20 minutes later-----
Boss Henchman: -HISTORICAL CONTEXT
Red Robin: SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A SEXIST APOLOGIST WOULD SAY
Red Hood: THAT'S NOT EVEN-
-----40 minutes later-----
Boss Henchman: SHAKESPEARE SHOWED ME THAT WORDS CAN BE BEAUTIFUL
Henchman #1: I WENT TO AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL!! THEY MADE ME PLAY JULIET DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT I GOT ON THE STREETS
-----70 minutes later-----
Red Hood: YOUNG LEONARDO DI CAPRIO WAS A LEGIT SNACC AND IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE YOU'RE LYING
Red Robin: SO WATCH GANGS OF NEW YORK AT LEAST THAT'S INTERESTING
-----90 minutes later-----
Red Robin: THE FUCKING BARREL SCENE!! WHAT EVEN WAS THAT?!!
-----2 hours later-----
Red Hood: HE TAUGHT HISTORY TO THE MASSES!
Red Robin: HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO SLEEP IN CLASS WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT IS WHAT HE DID
-----2,5 hours later-----
Boss Henchman: [pointing a gun at Henchman #1] HOW DARE YOU CALL OTHELLO A LI'L BITCH-
Henchman #2: [Hits Boss Henchman over the head with a chair] JUSTICE FOR KATHERINA
Red Robin: [Cheering] GET HIM, SUSAN
-----4 hours later-----
------The Batcave------
Bruce: [tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose] Ok, tell me again how you managed to escape.
Tim and Jason: [glancing at each other]
Tim: First off, I'd like to state for the record that we had everything perfectly under control.
Danny didn’t really think it through. In his defense, there weren’t a lot of guidebooks titled “How to Deal with the Psychotic Future Version of Yourself You Accidentally Redeemed But Are Still Terrified Of.” Jazz suggested therapy. Sam suggested containment. Tucker suggested launching him into deep space. Danny, brilliant and seventeen and sleep-deprived after three days of babysitting a now mostly-reformed Dan Phantom, decided, “Screw it,” ripped open a portal to another dimension, and told him to “go make friends.” Dan grinned, sharp-toothed and wicked, and without hesitation dove through the swirling green and blue mass of unstable ectoplasmic energy.
Thus began the Marvel Universe’s greatest headache.
The first incident happened barely four hours after Dan’s arrival. New York woke up to a brand new urban legend: a demon with burning blue eyes and silver-streaked black hair beating the living shit out of Shocker in the middle of Times Square. People recorded it, of course. Viral videos showed Shocker screaming, running, trying desperately to aim his gauntlets while Dan literally phased through every attack like he was swatting a mosquito. Somewhere in the footage, Dan shouted, “C’MON, MAN! HIT HARDER, YOU’RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF!” before drop-kicking Shocker into a halal cart.
The Avengers noticed. Specifically, Spider-Man noticed, because Peter Parker had never been so personally offended by something in his life.
“He’s stealing my bit,” Peter whined to MJ later, scrolling through TikTok and watching the mysterious “Blue Devil” bodyslam the Rhino into a GAP storefront. “That’s MY thing. Wisecracking and beating up guys in animal costumes.”
MJ, deadpan as ever, didn’t even look up from her book. “Maybe if you hit the gym once in a while, you could still compete.”
Elsewhere, S.H.I.E.L.D. was losing their collective shit.
Nick Fury reviewed the footage with the grim severity of a man preparing for war. “I want every available agent tailing him. Find out what he is, what he wants, and for God’s sake, do not engage.”
Unfortunately, Dan had other plans. He wanted engagement. Constant, chaotic, no-holds-barred engagement.
When the X-Men tried to approach him peacefully—because, to be fair, a floating, smirking, six-foot-seven superpowered anomaly screamed “mutant”—Dan responded by challenging Wolverine to a fistfight in the middle of Central Park.
“You smell angry,” Dan said, cracking his knuckles and grinning wide. “I like that. C’mon, Knives. Show me what those claws can do.”
Wolverine, never one to back down from a challenge, growled and immediately lunged. It took six X-Men to pull them apart. Logan was half in love and half homicidal.
Jean Grey, massaging her temples afterward, sighed, “He’s not a mutant. He’s something else. Something… worse.”
Meanwhile, Dan wasn’t picky about his opponents. Hero? Villain? Civilian? If you looked at him wrong, he was ready to throw hands. He got into a screaming match with Daredevil over a parking spot. He suplexed Deadpool into a dumpster for calling him “Discount Nightcrawler.” He made Venom cry after a fifteen-minute insult match that Eddie Brock would never fully recover from.
The Fantastic Four tried to reason with him.
“We can help you,” Reed Richards said, voice patient like he was talking to a rabid cat. “We have resources—”
Dan blew up the top three floors of the Baxter Building and left a sticky note on the ruins that said, “UR WELCOME - D.”
The thing was, Dan wasn’t evil anymore. Not really. He wasn’t trying to take over the world. He wasn’t murdering anyone. He just had a lifetime’s worth of rage, grief, and unresolved abandonment issues—and no idea what to do with them except get into constant, escalating, deeply unnecessary fights.
It got to a point where the heroes started treating Dan like a natural disaster.
“Code Blue,” a harried S.H.I.E.L.D. agent barked over comms one afternoon. “I repeat, Code Blue! The entity is currently body-slamming Juggernaut through Grand Central!”
Cap sighed, already pulling on his shield. “Alright, team. Let’s move out.”
Black Widow holstered her guns. “At least it’s not another alien invasion.”
Thor, cheerful as ever, grinned. “I relish a good battle!”
Hawkeye muttered, “You relish being concussed.”
Dan, for his part, loved the attention. He loved the chaos. He loved the feeling of letting loose in a world that could actually handle him, where nobody flinched when he punched through a concrete wall or melted a tank with a blast of pure ectoplasmic fire.
He was happy, in his deeply deranged, borderline-psychotic way.
That didn’t mean he was easy to deal with.
After Dan singlehandedly wrecked a Hydra base (“I was bored, okay?” he said when the Avengers confronted him), Tony Stark decided to try a different tactic.
“Look, Big and Blue,” Tony said, lounging on the ruined remains of what was once a cutting-edge jet. “Ever think about channeling that rage into something… productive? Like, say, joining the Avengers?”
Dan blinked, actually considering it for a full five seconds.
Then he laughed so hard he almost dropped a car on Tony’s head.
“Me? Work with you guys? Under orders? Are you high, Tin Man?”
Steve Rogers, exhausted and already developing a migraine, tried. “You could do a lot of good—”
“I am doing good,” Dan said brightly. “I’m keeping you on your toes. No need to thank me.”
“You broke Clint’s arm last week,” Natasha reminded him.
“He’ll live.”
“He was trying to give you a granola bar.”
Dan shrugged, utterly unbothered. “He looked suspicious.”
The closest thing Dan had to a friend was Deadpool. Not because they got along—they didn’t, not even a little—but because Deadpool was the only one insane enough to keep up.
They had a rivalry. A bloody, chaotic, absolutely incomprehensible rivalry that involved prank wars, bar fights, and one extremely regrettable karaoke contest that left three bars in ruins and a citywide ban on musical gatherings involving either party.
“I hate you,” Dan snarled once, pinning Deadpool to a wall after a four-hour chase across Manhattan.
“I hate you more!” Wade screeched back, thrilled beyond belief.
“Great! Friends forever!” Wade cackled.
Dan screamed into the void.
Meanwhile, Danny Fenton was back in his own dimension, blissfully unaware, telling Jazz, “See? Everything’s fine.”
Jazz, reading a news article titled “Unknown Supernatural Entity Causes $3 Billion in Property Damage, Punches Doctor Doom in the Face” quietly considered strangling him.
Eventually, the heroes adapted. Dan was like bad weather. You prepared for him. You kept an eye out for ominous blue clouds and spontaneous outbreaks of screaming. Sometimes he helped. Sometimes he made things worse. Mostly, he made things interesting.
There were even betting pools.
“Fifty bucks says he crashes this gala,” Sam Wilson said, tightening his bowtie before a high-profile Avengers event.
“Hundred says he wears a suit to crash it,” Bucky Barnes added, deadpan.
“Two hundred he punches Tony before dessert,” Carol Danvers said, sipping champagne.
Dan did crash the gala. In a tuxedo.
He punched Tony before the entrees even made it out.
By then, nobody was even surprised.
The turning point came when Galactus tried to devour Earth (again). The heroes mobilized. Big stakes. High drama. Apocalyptic dread.
Dan showed up in the middle of the chaos, lazily floating beside Captain Marvel.
“Hey,” he said, tilting his head at the giant cosmic entity looming in the sky. “I’m gonna punch that.”
Carol, blinking, said, “You can’t just punch Galactus.”
Dan, already cracking his knuckles, grinned. “Watch me.”
And then he did.
Nobody knew how. It defied physics, logic, and every law of reality. But somehow, Dan punched Galactus so hard the giant stumbled, clutched his jaw, and left.
There was a beat of stunned silence.
Deadpool clapped. “THAT’S MY BEST ENEMY!”
Thor dropped his hammer.
Tony sat down on the ground and decided to reconsider all his life choices.
Steve very seriously said, “We are never letting him leave.”
Thus, against all odds, Dan Phantom—the violent, chaotic, semi-redeemed ghost of a now-erased dystopian future—became an honorary Avenger much to his own dismay.
He didn’t exactly follow rules. He certainly didn’t behave. But when Thanos invaded three months later and Dan showed up by suplexing a Leviathan out of the sky and riding it into battle like a demented cowboy, nobody complained.
Well. Except the Leviathan.
In the end, Danny was right.
Everything was fine.
If your definition of “fine” included a psychotic ghost terrorizing both heroes and villains equally, destabilizing multiple governments, and becoming a beloved menace.
Danny Fenton had lived a life far too strange for someone who wasn’t even twenty.
He’d died at fourteen, come back with ghost powers, fought his own evil future self, and somehow survived high school. By nineteen, he thought the universe had finally decided to leave him alone.
Then Clockwork showed up holding a tiny, furious, three-year-old version of Dan.
A toddler with glowing red eyes. A toddler who could melt doorknobs with a tantrum. A toddler who refused to be put to bed unless Danny lay beside him and hummed off-key lullabies.
Clockwork placed Dan into Danny’s arms like handing someone a baby tiger and announced,
“Rehabilitation is most effective with early intervention. Congratulations, Daniel. You’re a father now.”
And just… left.
Danny stood there, a nineteen-year-old ex-ghost hero, cradling a three-year-old who—at full power—could disintegrate continents.
Then the toddler nuzzled into his shirt and drooled on him.
Meanwhile, in the Future
Flash arrived in a timeline of smoldering ash, the sky split and warped like reality had been pulled apart by giant claws. The ruins of cities stretched for miles, scorched down to the bones.
The only name whispered by the trembling survivors:
Dan.
A great evil. A monster in a fake human form.
Flash barely escaped with his life. Glowing red eyes haunted him. He sprinted back to the present, heart pounding, mind racing.
Dan was coming.
He had to warn everyone.
The Justice League Meeting
Flash burst into the Watchtower, panting.
“GUYS—WORLD—ENDING—DAN—EVIL—HELP!”
Batman narrowed his eyes. “Slow down.”
Superman gently placed a hand on Flash’s shoulder. “Take a breath.“
Flash didn’t.
“Some guy named Dan destroys the entire planet in the future! I don’t know who he is—I don’t know what he looks like—all I know is that he’s powerful enough to wipe out the League, several times over!”
“Cause?” Batman asked immediately.
Flash hesitated. “No idea. But… It sounded personal. Emotional. Like something broke him.”
That got everyone’s attention.
A being strong enough to unmake the world… driven by heartbreak?
Not ideal.
The League spread out their intel teams.
They dug through databases.
They searched for the name Dan.
Nothing.
But if there was going to be an apocalypse child, they swore they’d find him.
Protection Detail: Beginning Unknowingly
Danny, meanwhile, was living his best low-budget college life.
He was taking night classes, working part-time at a ghost-free café, and raising a toddler who called him “Dada” in a surprisingly demonic tone when cranky.
Dan clung to him constantly—shirt, leg, arm—like Danny was a portable emotional support human.
Danny didn’t mind.
It was weirdly… nice.
One day Danny stopped at a park so Dan could feed ducks without accidentally overshadowing them. Dan's control over his powers was a bit wonky with the de-ageing.
Flash spotted them first.
And immediately froze when he heard the older black haired man call the toddler Dan. and he saw the todllers eyes flash that terrifying Red.
That’s Dan! That’s the world-ender! And that’s—who is that holding him?
Then Dan stretched his arms out toward Danny and chirped,
“Dadaaa!”
And Danny scooped him up with the kind of fond exasperation usually reserved for parents of clingy toddlers.
Flash’s brain did a barrel roll.
Oh god. Oh no. It’s his father. Something happens to his father—that’s what makes future Dan snap!
Flash vanished in a streak of lightning to warn the League.
Screw finding Dan—he’d already found the key.
They needed to protect… the dad.
Within 24 Hours:
—Superman began casually “flying by” Danny’s route to class.
—Wonder Woman “coincidentally” started getting coffee from the shop where Danny worked.
—Batman installed surveillance drones around Danny’s apartment building. (Tim removed the ones Batman missed because they were too obvious, but left the rest. Just in case.)
—Green Lantern offered Danny free rides whenever his car wouldn’t start.
—Martian Manhunter shapeshifted into an elderly neighbor “who needed help carrying groceries,” just so Danny wouldn’t go anywhere alone.
Danny thought Gotham had been weird.
This was weirder.
People were so nice here.
He told Dan, “Wow, buddy. Metropolis is so friendly!”
Dan, perched on his hip and eating Cheerios out of a plastic container, nodded seriously. “Fwiendwy.”
Sure, he still sometimes hissed at Superman (instinct?), but Superman didn’t take it personally.
I have a headcannon that when Peter Parker gets cranky from lack of sleep, hunger, whatever, his scariness/sass factor goes up like 1000%
__
After a horrible battle against giant lizards. Back at Stark Tower.
Steve Rogers ruffling Peter’s hair: Aren’t you a little young to be an Avenger?
Peter running on 12 red bulls, only slept nine hours total in the last WEEK, and now knows the taste of lizard blood: Aren’t you a little old to be alive?
Peter coming home after an EXHAUSTING patrol. He wants nothing more than watch Star Wars and eat the rest of the gummy worms he had stashed in the fridge. There not in the fridge when he gets there.
Peter, still in costume, goes to the Living room: Anyone Seen my Gummies. I swore I left them in the fridge.
Thor: AHHH Son of Stark, I ate your delightful fruit worms. A bizarre but delicious treat. I see why you enjoy them!
Peter sounding just as calm: Oh. Okay.
Peter: Karen! Active instant kill mode.
Tony jumping up: WAIT-
—
Ten minutes later.
Tony: What the hell, kid!
(In background, the rest of avengers are trying to put out the couch fire.)
Peter attending an Avengers meeting led by Steve. Its being going on for what feels like forever. Its been hours. He’s bored out of his mind, and he started to get hungry. He’s barely paying attention anymore. Instead Peter is staring at Hawkeye. Clint is spinning in his chair like a child, flicking paper footballs at people, making funny faces at Steve; the works.
Eventually, everyone starts noticing Peter staring at Clint with a thoughtful look on his face. Scott Lang, sitting next to Clint and the first to notice, finally nudges Hawkeye. Clint notices and gets creeped out.
Steve: You alright there, buddy?
Peter:
Tony glancing up from his phone: Kiddo?
Peter still look dead at Clint, the bored expression still on his face: I should hunt you for sport.
Steve:
Tony:
Thor:
Clint: WHAT THE FUC-
Natasha looking far too amused:
Bruce:
Bucky:
The rest of the Avengers looking horrified:
The only sound in the room is the slow creaking of Scott Lang inching his chair away from Clint
Tony looking at his watch: *sighs* We are passed lunch time.
Tony pulling on Peter’s arm: Come on, kid. Lets go get you a snickers.
Peter not budging, still staring at Clint: Why, Mr. Stark?
Tony: You’re not yourself when you’re hungry, child of the corn
Peter coming home from school to find that his secret snack stash has once again been pilfered. Peter going to Avengers hanging out in the living room.
The Avengers on the Quinjet. They just got done fighting Hydra and are finally bringing in Brock Rumlow and a bunch of his goons. Peter, still in his super suit, is exhausted and can barely keep his eyes opened. He is sitting next to Rumlow who has his hands and feet secure.
Peter meeting Nick Fury for the first time. They’re in a meeting room with the other Avengers. It’s very early in the morning. Peter is bundled up in his oversized hoodie, hissing whenever someone addresses him. Fury finishes recapping the previous mission.
Peter playing video games. He’s been at the same level for hours trying to beat it and has gotten agitated. A few of the other Avengers are talking loudly in the same room.
Kidnapper: We have your son, and if you want him back alive you will do exactly as I say-
Bruce: Hold on. One. Two. Three. Four. Five....okay I just counted and all my sons are right in front of me.
Kidnapper: Don't think we're bluffing Mr. Wayne. We took the boy right from your gate! Don't believe me? Listen to this.
Danny: Hello?
Bruce realizing they have a small child: Hi buddy. My name is Bruce Wayne. Whats your?
Danny: My name is Phantom
Bruce: That's an interesting name. Can you tell me-
Kidnapper: Alright, that's enough. He's unharmed, as you heard, but that could change at any time. Unless you wire one million dollars to the following account.
Bruce: Let me grab a pen and paper. Im terrible with numbers and address.
Tim: Bruce said the code. Everyone start tracing the call!
Damian: Scream louder, Drake. I don't think the kidnappers heard you.
Bruce: Okay I'm ready. Where should I send the money?
Kidnapper: The account is-WHAT IS THAT!? *Group of men screaming*
Bruce: Hello? Hello?
Danny: Hello?
Bruce: Phantom?
Danny: Yeah
Bruce: Phantom what happened?
Danny: Well I was sitting in my cage, minding my own business while they finilized the sale, when out of no where this gaint crocodile man just popped out of the sewer and ate the people who kidnapped me. He then ripped open my cage, told me to go home and jumped back into the sewers.
Bruce: Killer Croc...
Danny: Yeah he was cool. I'm gonna follow him.
Bruce: No! Stay there! Nightwing is on his way.
Danny: Nah, I like crocodile man more. I'm gonna ask him to be my dad. Funny enough I was at Wayne Manor to find my actual dad!
Bruce horrified: What?
Danny: Yeah. I guess his name is Richard Grayson, and the mother of this body said he lived at Wayne Manor. But it doesn't matter, because I'm going to be Killer Croc Jr. Bye!
Bruce: Wait-!
Dick: What's wrong B? Are you alright?
Bruce: Everyone suit up, my grandson is in the sewer! We got to go!
Clark was sent from Krypton as a child.
Jor-El never told his wife, Lara Lor-Van, but as with all unmanned ships, there was a risk of failure. Anything could go wrong, after all.
He never told her that he'd sent two ships.
One had Kal-El, their son.
The other, sent just a little bit after, held the clone of Kal-El.
Jor-El's reasoning was simple; Kryptonians were about to be an endangered species. He needed to make sure that at least a clone of their child made it, for the sake of preventing their species from completely dying out.
Was it immoral?
Yes.
Did he have the luxury to acknowledge that?
No.
If one ship failed, then the other would make it. One way or another, a Kryptonian would escape and live on. If he'd had time, he would have made more than one clone, but as it stood he'd only been able to make the one.
The readings from it were...odd. There was a possibility that the clone would be incapable of many natural Kryptonian abilities. But the clone was 100% Kryptonian, genetic anomaly or no.
And Jor-El was at the point where he'd take what he could get.
~~~~~~
Kal's ship landed in a field, where he was picked up by farmers. Kal was raised in a loving, caring household and, with time, was able to learn about his Kryptonian heritage.
The clone's ship landed in the woods, hidden from the world, with such force that the ship was essentially destroyed. The clone was picked up by a man who thrived on isolation, who lived in a cabin, and who had an unnatural fear of ponies. Thus the clone's sense of priorities were...off.
The clone was named Jack Fenton, and as he would never come into his powers beyond super strength, he would also never know his Kryptonian heritage.
~~~~~~
Years later, Danny Fenton and Jazz Fenton are on a school field trip to the Hall of Justice, and the massive security system privately alerts the heroes on monitor duty of something it considers just a little important.
A pair of married Cryptid Hunters are tracking Bigfoot through the wilderness when they come across baby Jack.
They decide to adopt Jack.
Everyone in the family can tell that Jack isn’t human but don’t know what he is. Everyone has their own theory of what Jack could be and no one can agree on his species.
After a myriad of benign tests to ensure that Jack isn’t a changeling or a baby Bigfoot (he could grow into his fur Gerald!), the Fenton family decide to raise him as human.
However, it does become a reoccurring “joke” for various Fenton relatives to trick Jack into interacting with things their individual species theory says Jack would be weakened to. Jazz and Danny are also included in the “joke”.
Danny could not tell you how many times his relatives have been disappointed when he uses a cold iron spoon to eat Aunt Miriam’s famous holy water and wolfsbane soup.
Oddly enough this treatment has given Danny a high resistance to things that ghosts are traditionally weak to via exposure therapy.
The only reason Danny was never exposed to Blood Blossoms and built up a tolerance to that was because Uncle Louie used the last of the Fenton reserves a decade before Danny was born to make sure Jack wasn’t a ghoul.
Coming from the other end with Clark would this not mess with Lex so much. He knows Clark has to be Superman then this happens.
Look everyone we found my biological fraternal twin brother who was also adopted! I never knew he existed as like me he was a closed adoption. They even left him in a different state from me. Here are my niblings and his lovely wife. Look our kids get along great! Why yes he sure is not allergic to that one rare alien mineral. He and his wife are scientists and built a portal to punch a hole into another dimension. They are working on green energy.
Meanwhile Batman with Oracle's help has created a false set of paperworks for Jack as unlike the Kent's the Fenton's never bothered to even try to hide that they just found a baby. Nope just showed up in town the next time with a baby. Where did they get that baby? It just was wondering in the woods. Well if their parents come back for them we will point them to you. What are they going to do track down a mystery baby that showed up how long ago in the middle of nowhere? It is too late anyway they have bonded with the fenton's. They might be weird but an't nothing hurting a fenton kid.
Or better yet, go with the reverse and Lex is convinced JACK is Superman.
Come on! Super strength? Science degree? His own brand of inventions that shouldn’t work but do? That could be argued to be Kryptonian technology? That specifically target the one variety of lifeforms Superman isn’t immune to? His kids were even recognized as SUPERMAN’S offspring! What more evidence do you need?
Unfortunately, this means Danny has to deal with yet another obscenely rich fruitloop targeting his dad.
Lobo thought this would be a simple bounty. Get paid half upfront from the vampire freak, capture the half ghost child, bring the ghostee to the vampire guy, collect the remaining Creds, head to the next bounty.
There was one roadblock. He has competition. Lobo watches in the air in the comfort of his Spacehog as he spots a robotic ghosty with flaming hair claim HE was the worlds greatest predator. Yeah that’s it. Lobo sits up from his lounging position on his Spacehog and revs the engine. He’s not going to be usurped by a punk with a gimmick.
With any luck, Danny will realise that his two problems are actually one problem and an anti-problem, and if he lets them both collide he will be left with no problems :3
and for a bonus, neither lobo nor skulker realise they have the same freaking employer in vlad
Both Skulker and Lobo have the same creed: I always get my man. Whether those are the exact words or not doesn’t matter, they both have sworn to never stop the hunt until they bag ‘em.
Skulker because it’s his Ghostly Obsession. Lobo because… I don’t even know, man, he’s just Lobo. Dude never stops. Killed his whole species. He’s the last one. On purpose, unlike Superman.
“But Superman isn’t the last Kryptonian? There’s all those prisoners in that mirror prison dimension that escape and cause problems twice a year or so. And Superman has that cousin and clone too. And a half-human son? And whatever happened to that entire city in a glass jar?”
You ask too many questions. This is about Lobo.
He’s absolute destruction on a flying motorbike. Doesn’t care about collateral damage and will often just kill bystanders because they were vaguely in his way or he thought it’d be funny. Sometimes a person will catch his special attention and he chases them for a while before continuing his bounty hunting.
“Chase them how? You mean like how Skulker hunts me or like… Why are you making that face? … oh ew, you know what? I don’t wanna know.”
Smart. Because yeah Lobo fuc-
“I said I don’t wanna know!”
Heh. Okay fine, but you came to me asking for the history of the new guy chasing you and that’s a biiiig part of his-
“Please stop.”
…
…
“Uhng I didn’t mean like that. Why did I even come to you?”
Because you’re too curious for your own good and you remembered Pandora mentioning I know everything and you’re a little too scared of Clockwork right now because you broke his favorite coffee cup.
“If you really know everything how come you said you didn’t know why Lobo killed his whole species, huh? Check and mate!”
It’s a figure of speech, kid. I’m still allowed to use those even if Apollo cursed me with Sight. At least I don’t have to rhyme.
“Oh yeah. Ghost Writer put me through that once. Hated it.”
Yeah. Loved how you ended that one. Anyway Lobo has been a bounty hunter for a long time. If the ticket says dead or alive he brings them in dead. Even when it specifies alive he sometimes keeps them just barely on the verge. And a few times killed them after delivery when the contract was complete just because he wanted to.
He’s almost impossible to kill, but it has happened. He… reformed. You don’t need to know all the details here, it would only depress you because you like your own clone, just know that all the little pieces of his soul merged back together.
Well, not all. One clone survived for a few years. And there was one other small chunk of soul that died a full death.
…
“Okay? And?”
Sigh.
“Did you really just say sigh out loud?”
I’m not technically saying anything here. I don’t have a voice anymore because my Sight took control of every aspect of my body and senses.
“Pandora did not say you were this snarky.”
Maybe she thought you should have a taste of your own medicine.
“Har-dee-har-har. Look, I came here for answers. I swore to pay your price. You’ve said a lot about Lobo but what does he have to do with Skulker?!”
Sigh. Again. I know I know everything but sometimes I almost forget how much others don’t. Or maybe I just want to forget. That sounds nice.
I know you’re smart when you put in effort. Try and piece together the puzzle I’ve given you.
“That’s a little rude…”
I’m allowed to be rude.
“… … …”
You’re almost there.
“… if…”
Yes. Follow that thought.
“If Lobo died and returned wouldn’t he be halfa like me? …But you said only a little piece - OH YOU HAVE GOT TO KIDDING ME!!!!”
There it is.
“WHAT GOD DID I OFFEND TO GET THE LIVING AND DEAD VERSION OF THE SAME GUY HUNTING ME AT THE SAME TIME???!!!”
Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again
My brain last night went, hey what if this happened, and I know it's not going too but I had to get it out of my head. Anyway excited to see the mario galaxy movie tonight!
Mini-AU: Charlie gets turned into a kid again (temporarily) and is looked after by the hotel crew (and by hotel crew I mean Lucifer and Alastor mostly heh)
this idea's been brewing in my head for a hot minute and you can say it's definitely self-indulgent (me wanting to see Lucifer get the chance to be a dad again + Alastor secretly finds his calling as a parent-)
I have a couple more comic ideas i wanna add on to this but I'll post them on another day haha
Things you can watch/do instead of YouTube, For those who may have trouble finding things to do.
1. Internet Archive. Has plenty of videos to watch, plenty of games you can play that are emulated right on the website. You can also find entire collections of roms. For emulators, check out Emulation General Wiki to find the best emulator for the system you want to emulate.
2. r/piracy has a wiki full of safe places to read comics and manga, to watch anime and cartoons, and to watch movies.
3. Virtualbox, you can set up a Windows XP virtual box and get old PC games from Internet Archive. You can also check out CD Game World if you need a no-cd patch.
4. Saltybet. A Livestream of MUGEN with thousands of characters fighting against each other, sometimes things get hilarious. Runs 24/7.
5. The Cutting Room Floor, spend hours reading up on cut content from your favorite games.
6. Lost Media Wiki, read up on lost movie, books, animation, video games, etc.
7. Neocities, learn coding and make your own website!
8. WebDSR, explore shortband radio
9. Radio Garden, listen to radio stations from around the world
10. Every Noise At Once, explore the widest archive of music genres, with samples and Spotify playlists
11. My Retro TV, pick and era and watch popular television from that time period
