Often we hear of the disparities in the number of black women in science. While this is true, it is not due to a lack in interest.
I have hobbies that connect me to botany, geology and mycology. Things that I’d study independently, I looked to connect with others here in Indiana within the last two years to “next level” my understanding. My excitement and eagerness to learn unfortunately has more often than not, been greeted with blatant instances and occurrences of racism.
My most recent occurrence just March 26th.
A mushroom certification workshop. I had in mind already what to expect, I’d likely be the only black girl in the room. Nothing I hadn’t already gained the internal fortitude to handle, this was becoming normal as I began to bring credentialing to these interest of mines. Typically I’d get the icy stares or those suffering black invisibility syndrome , you know, where no one makes eye contact or just refuses to look in your direction because ignoring you will theoretically make you disappear.
I arrived to a full parking lot at our meeting location in the fairgrounds. The locked building created several pockets of people standing around waiting and hanging around their cars. I hung out in my car until I saw the doors about to be unlocked. About 50 people shuffled into the building and up the stairs to yet another set of locked doors. I meandered the hallways that included the conservation society and the Purdue extension office before settling on a wall near the exit and staircase. I looked to make eye contact and greet those in my vicinity to no avail. Two men who came together seem to have a “pack” energy. They stood maybe 10 feet in front of me in the moderately congested hallway. Clearly I could see them glance, whisper and smirk like fourteen year old children despite being men possibly in their forties or fifties. I returned their side eyes with clever smirks and suggestive body language taunts of my own. Subtle, composed, with the poise of a mother goddess with a growing impatience looking upon her defiant children, who plot, unbeknownst to her awareness.
This exchange of dominance would persist. Finally after never getting the door unlocked, we made our way into the only other available space in the building, a cafeteria. We were led to more stairs, where the two would go up ahead of me. One being the apparent “gentleman”, decided to show his white brothers and sisters their due respect and chivalry, only to attempt to further show his contempt towards me. He released possession of his doorman ship at my arrival, hoping that I’d be shut out. I laid not a hand to the door. Able to get in before it closed, I was sure to thank him. Which to my pleasure received his down turned brow and furrowed lip at his failed attempts at embarrassment.
Several round tables. Maybe six or so seats each table. I take a deep breath and head for a table of women, just two at that time, subconsciously seeking to maybe find some refuge and comfort ability with the feminine energy. “Hey, how are you ladies?” I asked as I pulled out my chair and took my seat. A younger woman, maybe early 20’s would engage me, politely acknowledging that I’d just said something. The older lady next to her said absolutely nothing and looked as though I had no place saying anything to her. The table would fill with more crumpled faces, another female and two men of whom I will note, one with locs that didn’t seem to connect him at all to a higher level of not being an unwelcoming blue eyed asshole. A subtle telling of not alliance and an awareness of the culture but just the consumption of.
I created my bubble and made it through the first part of the workshop. Before our break we would participate in a hand washing experiment using UV lotion. As the tables were released to wash their hands. One of the men would stare at me eye to eye from the time he stood up until out of the door. I thought to myself how pathetic these men were and at my turn to leave to room would do so fearlessly but cautiously. During the break that would come, I’d communicate all that I’d been noticing and perceiving. Returning from break I noticed our table a person short. An older man who was one of the last to enter when we had come into the room initially, having slim pickings on seats grabbed a chair at our table, not without showing his discontent of course. He would sit about two feet removed from the actual table utilizing his lap and notebook instead. I’d notice this but not think twice about it until I saw that at first opportunity he cut clear across the room. There was one gentleman that engaged me during the four and a half-hour certification. He asked if I’d been mushroom hunting long and told me of his many adventures growing up doing so. I welcomed this small talk and was slightly relieved that all hope for humanity was not dead after all. A little glimmer of light was witnessed even though possibly reflecting from fools gold. Class would end with a test making for a staggered release. I’d finish to notice all my “friends” had already gone.
I made my way down the two levels of stairs and out the sliding doors to see none other than who?!
None other than my knight in the red and black Pelle coat with the shining buttons! He await me with his laid back demeanor and a mean ass mug for every person that came out of that building. Him already letting on that he had perceived my problem through a stare down battle of his own that ensued. The two men were actually still in the lot, sitting in their SUV. It wasn’t until I’d come out and connected with this big strong man, who leaning against my car stepped forward in true alpha male form, to kiss me that the two would drive off. I was then escorted home. Full of many feelings, but the final and most important I suppose still being love.
Before this, at a rock and mineral show, I asked a vendor about the stone Celestine. “It takes you to other dimensions, like out the door”, was his response. I wanted to stab a quart point thru his throat. At both instances, what in hindsight I can say I recognized, was that in these battles, it was my humanity at stake. The warmth of the world is created by us. We have the morals and the manners. The empathy and intelligence. We cannot let the lowliest of receptive beast dictate our actions. Being composed, and strategic is our proactive resolution to all off our issues.
As we proceed to break through the barriers that have been placed before us, I remind you, to in fact serve as a reminder to self to not be intimidated, maintain your humanity, to stand strong and solid in your pursuits and beliefs, and to never quit despite all the locked doors you are sure to come across…
Black women in science, what have been some of your experiences with race relations as you’ve traversed your paths! Speak up about your experiences!
