Volcano Wizard

Volcano attack

[volcano-wizard]

sure. we can play the floor is lava. but also the ceiling and furniture are lava and also you are lava

[volcano-wizard]

STOP DRAWING A MOUSTACHE ON THE SCARY FACE CARVED INTO MY VOLCANO

[volcano-wizard]

so if i go to the us do i have to convert lava damage to the imperial system or does it set the countryside ablaze regardless?

[polari]

grounding tips for the stressed aspiring tyrant: acknowledge 5 people you can sway to your cause, 4 methods you can use to persuade them (2 violent, 2 nonviolent), 3 people in positions of moderate power you can manipulate and usurp in order to gain access to 2 powerful institutions to destroy, and 1 foundational lie

[polari]

people are starting to character tag so i’d like to state upfront that this is part of a new branch of pop feminism i’m pioneering called despotette and as such is specifically advice for women trying to break into the world of tyranny, so if you must character tag it’s really only appropriate to do so if the character is a woman, thank you

[mold-wizard]

Fun wizard fact: Most wizard towers don't have or need plumbing because it's more efficient to just open small portals to the elemental plane of water.

[volcano-wizard]

This is what I do when I want a glass of water. Literally any other plane would be better to shit in.

[epidaleacalamita]

we have got to stop the seven Ice Lords

[volcano-wizard]

Finally somebody gets it

[volcano-wizard]

And then BAM! i hit you with fire tornado quake for 1 bajillion damage

[thaparasite]

corrupt evil goblins from hell are telling me to cast fireball on my apartment i am going insane

[volcano-wizard]

No no do it! Hahaha DO IT!! !!

[volcano-wizard]

Time for some alchemy! I've got a new recipe I haven't tried yet, so let's see what happens.

Bratz + Homestuck =

...

...

.....

Splatoon

[volcano-wizard]

The deep sea vent wizards are testing me again. Leave some convection cells for the rest of us. At this point I'm drawing power from the mantle because the crust is getting drained by losers casting Power Word: Underwater Smoke Puff because they want to feed their armies of tube worms. One of these days I'm just going to magma wave the entire ocean to put a stop to this.

[wizard-council-museum-clerk]

Have you no lava golems or imps to engage their armies of tube worms with?

[volcano-wizard]

I suppose sending some imps through the crust to plug their vents from the inside would be less extreme than destroying the entire ocean. It's just been weird with the imps lately because I still owe them from the last poker night.

[volcano-wizard]

The deep sea vent wizards are testing me again. Leave some convection cells for the rest of us. At this point I'm drawing power from the mantle because the crust is getting drained by losers casting Power Word: Underwater Smoke Puff because they want to feed their armies of tube worms. One of these days I'm just going to magma wave the entire ocean to put a stop to this.

[bunnyboyconjurer]

I don't think most wizards understand how harmful these proposed wizard tower building laws will be to the conjuring community. The current proposition by the wizard council will reduce allowed diameter for wizard towers to a mere fifteen paces! Preposterous!

Most familiars need a tower with a diameter of twenty paces at the very lowest for adequate enrichment, preferably much greater! This is to say nothing of the necessary space for ritual casting for those of us with limited access to mana reserves.

This is why the dark arts are becoming so popular in this age, the wizard council can't be trusted to determine what is or isn't forbidden anymore!

[volcano-wizard]

You have so many natural tower-like formations to choose from that these building codes shouldn't even matter. Live in a volcano, a mountain, a deep sea vent, a giant sequioa, a giraffe, etc. The world is full of wizard towers waiting to be enchanted and inhabited.

[confirmed-and-contorted]

slamming your knights visor down when you’re finished talking to them, like slamming the phone back on the receiver.

[volcano-wizard]

helmet visor with loose hinges so it keeps dropping like a call with bad reception. so then you're like "let me move to a better area" and that's when you cast lava blob on them and go back to the volcano because why do i even bother leaving

[evil-apprentice-wizard]

Would you still feel threatened by my evil plans if I was a worm?

[volcano-wizard]

Yes. We are all one mishap away from becoming worms ourselves, and in that case the evilist worm is the scariest.

[whiskerknittles]

Starting a collection of some of my favorite wizard war derivatives

[wizard-council-museum-clerk]

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

A rumor? Certainly! Have you heard- rumor has it there is an amulet that grants Perfect Healing in the Dragon's Hoard of the Blue Mountains

[volcano-wizard]

I've talked to her before because I was siphoning lava from her mountain without realizing she was there. Didn't know about the amulet though!

[volcano-wizard]

I'm going to Red Robin for a hamburger.

[volcano-wizard]

I dined and ashed. It's when I eat at a restaurant and burn the restaurant down to avoid paying the check. This time I cast Sudden Volcano. They didn't see it coming.