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[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

I bet Jar Jar is fucking hung like a whale. God he can raw me anyday.

I spent like two? Three? Entire weeks with this sitting in my askbox and I just. I got nothing. What could I possibly answer? I tried all the “nope” gifs in this god forsaken website, I tried to draw what my face looks like every time I read this, I tried to find fanart of jar jar with his wang out and the universe was kind enough to me so that I couldn’t find any. I got nothing. Nada. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. What am I gonna say? What in god’s name am I gonna say to that?!

You see, I wanna fuck general grievous. I do. I want him use all his four arms to simultaneously pull both my arms back and touch my tits as he fucks me with his mecha-schlong. I do. I wanna fuck darth Maul, pre-legs cut off or post metal legs+metal dick enhancement. I wanna lick those horns. Okay? I wanna fuck darth vader. Boy, oh, boy, I do. I wanna hear that hard breathing and wrap my legs over that dramatic cape while he force-chokes me and we do the do. Am I a weird robot-fucker? You bet your ass I am! Am I a tad too much on the horny side? Probably. Did I extrapolate my right to be horny on main? Fucking sue me. But this. THIS.

How do you want me to face my family and all the three (3) friends I have irl? How do you want me to walk into an elevator with a bunch of strangers and when an old lady says “the weather has been a little hot lately, isn’t it weird?” just to do small talk like every fucking old people I don’t know do, how do you expect me not to answer her with “y’know what’s weirder, someone at this very moment is thinking about Jar Jar Binks going balls-deep in them and I cannot talk about this to anyone and the knowledge of this? it’s eating me alive. ALIVE, ma’am, and I don’t mean this as some sick vore reference. Someone’s dreaming of those popped-up eyes, of that weird high-pitched voice screaming MEESA COMING while they’re filled up by Jar Jar Bink’s thick seed, and I’m just standing here while this very notion rots me to the core, taking all life away from me. It’s a nightmare. My entire life, a nightmare, because of an anon message from a horny jar jar fucker on tumblr. This is my floor now, ma’am, have a good day”

I leave the elevator. I probably have an appointment, but I can’t remember where, or what for. I sit down on the floor by the elevator doors. I sob for a full minute. I take the elevator back downstairs, I walk home, I collapse in bed and rub one out thinking of darth vader. I feel better.

Five minutes later, I think about this ask again, and my whole world collapses again. It’s only Tuesday. I sigh heavily and sit down to write this reply.-

Edit: a lot of this is exaggeration. Some of it is true. You get to pick what exactly.

[mulletlove-deactivated20200811]

perhaps love and kindness are practices rather than feelings or states of being

[aydaspastlives]

shadow fell in most universes: dreary bleak place full of death and decay, pretty much shadow purgatory where everything is serious

shadow fell on naddpod: evil vampire undead-cowboy town where everyone is bad and a lil dumb

[pendragyn]

GNU Terry Pratchett

Not all the signals were messages. Some were instructions to towers. Some, as you operated the levers to follow the distant signal, made things happen in your own tower. Princess knew all about this. A lot of what traveled on the Grand Trunk was called the Overhead. It was instructions to towers, reports, messages about messages, even chatter between operators, although this was strictly forbidden these days. It was all in code. It was very rare you got Plain in the Overhead. But now:

“There it goes again,” she said. “It must be wrong. It’s got no origin code and no address. It’s Overhead, but it’s in Plain.”

On the other side of the tower, sitting in a seat facing the opposite direction, because he was operating the up-line, was Roger, who was seventeen and already working for his tower-master certificate.

His hand didn’t stop moving as he said: “What did it say?”

“There was a GNU, and I know that’s a code, and then just a name. It was John Dearheart. Was it a-”

“You sent it on?” said Grandad. Grandad had been hunched in the corner, repairing a shutter box in this cramped shed halfway up the tower. Grandad was the tower-master and had been everywhere and knew everything. Everyone called him Grandad. He was twenty-six. He was always doing something in the tower when she was working the line, even though there was always a boy in the other chair. She didn’t work out why until later.

“Yes, because it was a G code,” said Princess.

“Then you did right. Don’t worry about it.”

“Yes, but I’ve sent that name before. Several times, Up-line and down-line. Just a name, no message or anything!”

She had a sense that something was wrong, but she went on: “I know a U at the end means it has to be turned around at the end of the line, and an N means Not Logged.” This was showing off, but she’d spent hours reading the cypher book. “So it’s just a name, going up and down all the time! Where’s the sense in that?”

Something was really wrong. Roger was still working his line, but he was staring ahead with a thunderous expression.

Then Grandad said: “Very clever, Princess. You’re dead right.”

“Hah!” said Roger.

“I’m sorry if I did something wrong,” said the girl meekly. “I just thought it was strange. Who’s John Dearheart?”

“He… fell off a tower,” said Grandad.

“Hah!” said Roger, working his shutters as if he suddenly hated them.

“He’s dead?” said Princess.

“Well, some people say–” Roger began.

“Roger!” snapped Grandad. It sounded like a warning,

“I know about Sending Home,” said Princess. “And I know the souls of dead linesmen stay on the Trunk.”

“Who told you that?” said Grandad.

Princess was bright enough to know that someone would get into trouble if she was too specific.

“Oh, I just heard it,” she said airily. “Somewhere.”

“Someone was trying to scare you,” said Grandad, looking at Roger’s reddening ears.

It hadn’t sounded scary to Princess. If you had to be dead, it seemed a lot better to spend your time flying between the towers than lying underground. But she was bright enough, too, to know when to drop a subject.

It was Grandad who spoke next, after a long pause broken only by the squeaking of the new shutter bars. When he did speak, it was as if something was on his mind.

“We keep the name moving in the Overhead,” he said, and it seemed to Princess that the wind in the shutter arrays above her blew more forlornly, and the everlasting clicking of the shutters grew more urgent. “He’d never have wanted to go home. He was a real linesman. His name is in the code, in the wind, in the rigging, and the shutters. Haven’t you ever heard the saying ‘Man’s not dead while his name is still spoken’?”

-on the meaning of GNU, and keeping someone’s memory alive.

~Going Postal, By Terry Pratchett

[kontextmaschine]

Absolutely fucking surreal start-of-the-movie vibe, calmly eating dinner in a restaurant while the TV describes the collapse of the global economy and I keep overhearing snatches from the surrounding tables about the coming plague

[argumate]

nah it only counts if you’re having a messy breakup with the woman you will tenderly reconcile with ninety minutes later

[prettyponyprincess-prancespiety]

The other day I was delivering a pizza and there was on this guy’s lawn a newspaper perfectly oriented on one of the steps to his front door so you could just make out the words in bold print “PLAGUE FEARS DEEPEN” and I’m like yep that’s a movie trailer shot.

[argumate]

I hope as you came in you were listening to a song that is currently popular but not too expensive to license for the soundtrack

[m86-deactivated20171116]

while you studied the blade i studied the forge so i could make you the very best blade in the world! love you baby

[neopetsuser-deactivated20210119]

my pockets jingle with stolen buttons from hot topic

[neopetsuser-deactivated20210119]

i literally cant stop stealing those buttons from the Button Vats like i dont feel like paying 3 dollars for a piece of tin with pusheen on it but i do feel like doing a heist

[neopetsuser-deactivated20210119]

call the cops bitch ill have sex with them

[ainawgsd]

Oilbird

The oilbird (Steatornis caripensis), locally known as the guácharo, is a bird species found in the northern areas of South America including the island of Trinidad. It is the only species in the genus Steatornis and the family Steatornithidae. Nesting in colonies in caves, oilbirds are nocturnal feeders on the fruits of the oil palm and tropical laurels. They are the only nocturnal flying fruit-eating birds in the world. They forage at night, with specially adapted eyesight. However they navigate by echolocation in the same way as bats, and are one of the few kinds of birds known to do so.

Keep reading

[lilrussiandoll]

literally taking a bath in glitter rn

[crimson-goddess]

Let me tell you a little something about Star Light Star Bright. If you even pick up this little fucker, you will have glitter on you, on your things and all around you for two weeks. Yes, from your maybe two fingertips that you used to give it a smell - it has left it’s mark.

Now if you BATHE with this thing you will become a fairy.

You will also have glitter in your hair for all eternity whether you get it wet or not.

If you like glitter, this is the bath melt for you. There is no escape once you bathe. Happy holidays, from us at Lush.

[kahtiihma]

Since this product is a melt it is literally just cocoa butter and glitter and some other fun things so the oil WITH THE GLITTER will bond to everything it touches. You, the tub, everything. But since our glitter is made from seaweed and sugar it’s soft and biodegradable! I was coated in this glitter for two days and I was not itchy or scratchy, not once! However, this melt was banned from my household due to the intensity of the glitter.

[nocakeno]

biodegradable glitter. there is at least one fucking god

[this--too--shall--pass]

This is easily one of my favorite lush products. But this post is 100% true.

[catchymemes]

[meatpower]

i have some sort of issues not sure though, maybe disorders or syndromes. gonna keep you guys posted

[draculagetspegged]

[valtsv]

you know those scenes in movies where the protagonist sees someone attractive and romantic music starts playing as they stare at them doing something attractive in slow motion? well today i went axe throwing with some friends and i was just sitting waiting for a free target when the most stunning butch woman i have ever seen picked up an axe and absolutely nailed her target with it just as the chorus of hozier's NFWMB started playing, and reader, when i tell you i was transfixed,

[tales-from-the-library]

[baeddel]

I take immense psychic damage from the united states election cycle

[like-i-need-a-hole-in-my-head]

It’s designed that way. 

[baeddel]

im not even from your country!!!

[anarchblr]

it’s designed that way.

[anthropologyofwater-deactivated]

when keith haring wrote "i don’t want to be pitied and i don’t know how to be loved. i only know how to love. all i can do is hope i'm doing the right thing."

[catchymemes]

[nerdgul]

The fucking mobile game ad. the burn. im crying