watch the way new things just hop along

she/her 20

[iamoutofideas]

*puts my cigarettes out on you*

[frogmoss1]

*wuickly smokes it all before you can reach me*

[iamoutofideas]

oh a wise guy huh? *rolls up my sleeves* why I oughta…

[frogmoss1]

*wuickly rolls your sleeves back down before you can hit me*

[commanderchrist-deactivated2017]

Fuck small talk.  Let’s talk about how your day was, the weather, or the big game last night.

[segamascott]

he seems to be doing a pretty good job tbh

[weepingwitch]

theist accelerationism: the world needs to get as bad as possible as fast as possible so God is forced to intervene

atheist accelerationism: the world needs to get as bad as possible as fast as possible in order to trigger a collapse of the current economic and socio-political structure

agnostic accelerationism: nobody knows why the world needs to get as bad as possible as fast as possible

[beatsforbrothels]

Visit Original Link

My cobra hand draped in multa Hidden regime like ebola Blink and you’re over Wouldn’t shut the fuck up, that’s the fun of behavior Death valley creator War, that’s my savior Stratus cloud, call me vapor

[catgurltreats]

Adam Sandler: So here's my pitch. There's this guy, average guy, kind of a loser, stays upbeat, his only real flaw is that he's a child at heart and doesn't hide it

Me: Ok Adam. This is fresh as fuck every time

Adam: And one day, he meets this beautiful blonde, and she doesn't really respect him. But he KNOWS there's a connection, and there must be something wrong that she doesn't see it

Me: Adam you're blowing my fucking mind this is untouched territory for you

Adam: So the guy crosses a few lines, yaknow? He steps over the line a little bit but it's for love, right? So it's cool. He solves the problem with social heroics, stays persistent and even though things get rough he wins her heart

Me: Yesssss this is literal gold Adam this is ingots

Adam: And I'm thinking, like, who we can get to play the guy?

Me: I think we both know just the guy

Adam: You don't think it's weird that the awkward everyman hero with a heart of gold is me again?

Me: Adam. Hand on heart bro. I couldn't care less

Adam: I'm so glad. You're my rock

Me: Can I borrow another $10,000

[portaltomb]

this lettuce smells like dog

[iamoutofideas]

you bought dog lettuce

[swarnpert]

[ozempicofficial]

[thatsoup]

They should let me go into every building I want just to look around

[space-sweetheart]

I love people who have specific characters that are their "no one understands this character like me. not even the writers." because they're genuinely not joking. the way they understand those specific characters is so profound that it'll change your entire veiw.

[undying-princess]

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

[its-a-seikret]

Tbh I don't understand anyone who denies their favorite character's flaws and acts like they've never done anything wrong when that is like consistently the most interesting part of any character ever

[angelicguy]

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

[milk5]

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

[angelicguy]

dude hes three….

[coughloop]

2025 lets all internalize "its my fault for not taking enough stimulants"

[sluttynurse]

i wish i lived in the universe tongue tied by grouplove takes place in

[deadelated]

Drunk as hell flying a zeppelin because it doesn't count as operating heavy machinery

[contemptible-scoundrel]

I say old chap that airship is flying dreadfully close to the- OH DEAR SPROCKETS!!!!!

[meloetta]

my bf texted me a picture of a mysterious big black roach looking bug on the floor and hasn’t answered me since… rip

[emosad420]

dam u think that roach givin him the succ?

[meloetta]

[simply-a-dream]

you ever be so stressed and you look in the mirror and you’re like wow ok great I’m ugly too