i'll take my 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖊 …

and make myself a 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆.

[edithsantheia]

sigrid wished things had ended in sweden on a happy note. that’s what’s supposed to happen on foreign trips, especially “spring breaks”, right? well, her relationship with esme was on the rocks and warren….she didn’t even want to think about warren. they had been drunk and she had let her feelings get the better of her. she had let her guard down and she had paid for it. the morning after they had been together, warren’s phone had glowed with a notification with a clearly significant swedish friend and sigrid flew off the handle. all of her insecurities and reasons for trying not to let herself care bubbled to the surface. she had stormed off after accusing him of using her, of only wanting her body just like the rest of the women in his life, just like her own sister. once again, she was proving her mother right. the world, other people, would only hurt her. that’s why she needed to have the upper hand at all times. that night, she had let herself forget that. never again.

going back to new york was an incredible relief. the loud business of her bar, the companionship of her cats, getting back in the swing of her job. it was familiar. it was easy to distract herself. except for the stab of loneliness whenever she wanted to reach out to her favorite people. as far as she was concerned, she had lost esme. as for warren, she refused to let herself think of him. it was far too painful. she lounged in her apartment one saturday morning until she heard a knock on the door. she wasn’t expecting anyone and so, getting up, she grabbed a knife from her kitchen before padding over to the door. slowly opening it, she felt a knot in her stomach and her jaw clenched upon seeing the face on the other side. “what are you doing here?”

@warrxns

[warrxns-blog]

“sigrid, i just want to — fucking hell!” exclaimed warren upon sighting the knife in sigrid’s hands. he paused, recovering his composure. “could you please put the knife down? it’s just me. i’ll walk away if you don’t want to hear me out. but please, please just spare me one moment to explain.” he eyed the blade.

“that’s hardly the worst thing a woman’s done in response to my presence,” he remarked with a wry laugh. “yeah, i’ve fucked up many times. i know that. but believe me, sigrid, i don’t use women in the way you think. and whenever i fuck up, i own up to it. i can explain. it’s up to you if you believe it, and i’m not asking things to go back to how they were that night in sweden, before it all went to shit... but i just wanted to explain. you’re not... you were never just another number for me, okay? you mean a lot to me. i’m sorry.”

[warrxns-blog]

KAI.

he laughed at the sight of warren in what he’d consider casual wear, and the greeting. at least the other man was in a good mood so if they got this done they could hit the town after. “nah, you’d look A LOT worse if we freaky friday’d.” he admitted, recalling some choice outfits he’d kill to see warren wearing. “dude, i grew up with a bunch of girls, of course i know about disney movies and the disney channel.” his knowledge of that kind of thing should not be underestimated, esme would know, and evie. “i’ve seen legit three different versions of it to be honest.”

“right, yeah.” he had no issue with warren changing, he half expected it most of the time anyway. but he couldn’t say warren didn’t always look good, because that would be a damn lie. “well, it also makes more sense for why we have so much to deposit. there’s no assumption we have money, it’s there on the desk.” he chuckled but his assumption is so spot on kai wonders if he’s been spied on. “good guess.” he knew it was no guess but admitting to it beyond that wasn’t about to happen. he knew people dressed like they were were given more respect and deference, he’d experienced that kind of bullshit since birth. being one of those men now brought back his discomfort but he tried to forget that. “you did what now?”

“ha! good,” replied warren simply. he was going to say something along the lines of “angel would probably love how much you know about disney,” but remembered that he had no right to attempt to “help” kai with angel for now, not even just as one of her best friends in childhood.

he thought it was obvious: his “good deed” was contributing to kai’s eventual concession to suit-wearing, thus leading to kai getting unfairly better treatment from staff. but he realised this was also dangerous territory, given kai’s resentment towards the rich. (far greater than warren’s own resentment, it was likely.) “nothing, don’t mind that.” prudently, he left it at that and excused himself so he can change into his suit. after a few minutes, he opened his door once more and said, “let’s go.”

[warrxns-blog]

ANGEL.

        ❝  o - okay ,  i just–  ❞  she stops herself ,  as there’s something in warren’s tone that tells her she shouldn’t insist on apologizing ;  not to mention how the last thing she could have possibly wanted right now was to upset or annoy the man .  just be quiet ,  angel ,  she thought to herself ,  but it was so difficult ! her constant need to please people made it almost unbearable not to say a word ,  yet in contrast ,  the way he seemed to scold her soon after made the redhead feel incredibly small .

           following as he led the way towards the car ,  the redhead dared not to say a single word .  her delicate arms wrapped around her torso in search for comfort ,  eyes glued to the tips of her ankle boots .  he was right ,  she owed those people nothing , & yet it was so hard to stand up for herself  —  especially when she didn’t know what exactly there was to stand up for .  still ,  there was something about the way warren’s tone that didn’t sit well with angel ,  prompting her to furrow her brows and look up at her friend through tearful eyes .  she wouldn’t cry ,  but the want to was definitely there .  ❝  don’t talk to me like that !  i– … just don’t ,  okay ? don’t .  you–  you don’t get how i feel .  you don’t know how difficult it is for me to put myself first !  besides ,  what was i supposed to do ?   tell over ten people i have to go because they’re making me feel gross ,  because i feel sick ?  i - i can’t do that ,  i can’t !  ❞  sliding inside the car ,  she put on her seatbelt before burying her face in both hands ,  elbows resting on her knees .  moments like this were the ones where she wanted to disappear .

angel probably doesn’t see it, but regret spreads on his expression. he knows he’s fucked up. why, oh why, is he always so rough or cruel, even when it’s not his intention? he means to be kind, and tender, but never sufficiently either. focusing on driving, he doesn’t speak for a while. “...i’m sorry,” he says after his prolonged pause. “i’m just concerned, angel.”

nonetheless, he repeats, “but i know i shouldn’t speak to you like that. i’m sorry. i really am. but you should leave. you can leave. you should leave when you need to.” just like he’s going to leave once he’s finished driving her to safety, of course.

[warrxns-blog]

SIGRID.

her fingertips pressed into the muscle of of his shoulders as she clung to him, something she had dreamt of doing for so lher fingertips pressed into the muscle of of his shoulders as she clung to him, something she had dreamt of doing for so long, it felt as though she were in a lucid dream. as his lips wandered down, her head tilted back and she bit down on her bottom lip. between the adrenaline rush she was seeming to have and the heat from the water, sigrid was beginning to work up a sweat. warren had the right idea. between all the people who may intrude and the inevitability of what was bound to happen, the hot tub was the last place she wanted to be. “anywhere,” she murmured, pulling back to gaze at him with half-lidded eyes. “let’s just not waste anymore time.”ong, it felt as though she were in a lucid dream. as his lips wandered down, her head tilted back and she bit down on her bottom lip.

between the adrenaline rush she was seeming to have and the heat from the water, sigrid was beginning to work up a sweat. warren had the right idea. between all the people who may intrude and the inevitability of what was bound to happen, the hot tub was the last place she wanted to be. “anywhere,” she murmured, pulling back to gaze at him with half-lidded eyes. “let’s just not waste anymore time.”

her legs wrapped around him, he promptly carried her upward to the room in which he figured she’d been quartered. “this ‘s your room, right?” he whispered. he decided this was probably the better option, so that she could just rest the other day without him if she wanted to.

after placing her on the bed, he took in a long, good look at her. a quiet, low “goddamn...,” was all he could say in that moment. he kissed her again and again in a flurry of frenzied, heated movements, until the pleasure cooled down and mingled with overwhelming sleepiness. he gave her a light kiss one more time before settling beside her, daring to try to envelop her in an embrace.

[warrxns-blog]

IZZY.

‘ they’re going to find out i’m here anyway, ’ she snickers—in such nice weather, even the thought of her overbearing parents isn’t enough to put a damper on her mood, ‘ did i ever tell you that they hired someone specifically to stalk my social media so they can keep track of where i am and what i’m doing ? it’s like they forget that i’m a grown woman who can make my own choices. ’ isolde opens her eyes then, her lips pulling into a smile of their own accord as she catches sight of warren. ‘ get your ass over here, ’ she laughs, patting the spot next to her on the bench, ‘ it’s a beautiful day to give my parents an aneurysm. ’

“that’s so fucking shitty, i’m sorry,” he replies. this moment dedicated to sincerity fades, and he’s cracking another joke. “this is so sad. alexa, play ‘how to save a life.’” it’s their inside joke, one that’s morphed from the two’s days of early 2000s ipods and scrapes underneath elementary-school uniforms. he seats himself beside her and sends an aerial kiss in the direction of his phone’s camera. “that’s for all my fans. your parents being my biggest fans, of course. i hope they appreciate my gift of popping arteries.”

[warrxns-blog]

DANTE.

“and here i thought i was making the view worth it,” dante scoffs, rolling his eyes at warren. “hey, if you take the picture with me in it, you can post me as your man crush monday.” there’s a smile playing on his lips as he fakes a casual pose, lifting an eyebrow in question. “last chance, here.”

“you’re very far from my type, dante. sorry. gotta politely decline this mcm thing.” he shakes his head, although he provides a good-natured little smile for the other man. “but, you know, if you take this seriously... i know my followers like you, so i might actually take a picture of you. just smarten up, all right? be alert, ‘cause i’ll probably upload this regardless of how you look in it. three, two, one....” a finger hovers over the “snap” button on his smartphone camera.

[warrxns-blog]

SIGRID.

his words sent a thrill of shock through her body. she had never heard those words, not once in her life. hell, her own mother had never even told sigrid she loved her, let alone a man. slowly, she straightened up as her hands moved back down to her sides and her brows furrowed, mostly in confusion. to be fair, she had never felt the way she did for warren. not with her first kiss, not when she lost her virginity. And he was absolutely right, it wasn’t her plan to save him. in fact, she should have killed him after he saw her. but she remembered the first time she saw his face. his beautiful, terrified face and she thought immediately of those strong, stunning, terrifying angels one would see in a renaissance painting and dammit, she just couldn’t kill him.

and just like warren, she hadn’t planned the feelings that grew within her. in fact, she had fought them tooth and nail, especially when she learned about him and esme. but those feelings were stronger than her will. she wanted so badly to say that she was falling for him too. she wanted so badly to believe that she was different for him. if she were sober, she would harshly remind herself but she would allow herself just this one night of happiness. “i want you to shut up for once,” she whispered before allowing her fingers to spread through his hair, lowering herself down until her thighs were on either side of his own and, finally, her lips, trembling with emotion and anticipation, met his own.

he reciprocated her kiss with fervent intensity. the heat rising inside him felt greater than that of the jacuzzi itself. his lips strayed from hers, going downward, slowly reaching her jawline and the skin at the upper corner of her neck. “sigrid,” he breathed out. a simple word, yet laden with gravitas. 

his fingers brushed against her legs, before gently guiding them to wrap around his back. “let’s go somewhere private,” he murmured. “do you want to go in my room? or maybe yours?” 

[persecvted-blog]

sweden has been fun on so many different levels since they all arrived. but they were there for business and it had to be done in between asl lessons and rooftop conversations. kai knocked on warrens door, a little bit excited for his friend to see him in his new clothes. he felt more confident, and he’d gotten better service while dressed this way too. he found it odd, classist, it brought up old resentments he thought he ‘d long buried. but warren would like it, he could at least count on that. “hey man, time to make a deposit.” he said through the door, to inspire a bit more haste.

@warrxns

[warrxns-blog]

“ayyyy!” said warren boisterously upon seeing that his friend had finally succumbed to the call of formal wear. on the other hand, he was clad in a simple white shirt and denim jacket. it wasn’t as though he actually rarely wore anything that wasn’t a suit; just that he professionally often did, and that his friends were much more used to the idea of him in a suit than in casual wear. but here he was now. “it’s like someone freaky friday-ed us today, huh?” he added, “i hope to god you’ve seen the movie freaky friday. i swear, if i have to explain this disney channel classic to you, kai....”

he told kai, “if we have to make a deposit, give me some time to change into my suit.” he explained, “i know i look good in casual wear. i’ve got nothing to prove. it’s just that i know people in these types of places are more inclined to help you if you’re wearing something that screams, ‘i’ve got money!’ it’s awful, i know. so awful and classist. but i reckon i’m right in assuming people did help you more? i can rest easier now knowing i’ve done one major good deed for the month.”

[warrxns-blog]

ESME.

– THEY’RE SITTING DUCKS. all of the sanctum’s youngest, best players, holed up together in the same manor in sweden. if someone wanted to hurt them (or swoop in with an arrest warrant), it would be all too easy. they were sitting on piles of cash. and yet, esme’s playing games – and by warren’s response, he’s playing too. this is what they do, they distract each other. and generally, it works. and she won’t lie, the photo he sends causes her to inhale a sharp breath, and it does take her mind off of the danger for just a moment. but not long enough. he’ll have to keep talking.

[sms]: fine. better if i wasn’t alone with my thoughts.

[sms]: come have a drink with me?

he texts her to say “yes” to her offer, and not before long he’s knocking by her room’s doorstep. fingers wrap around a semi-drained bottle of wine, which he can at least honestly blame for the fact that the buttons on his shirt weren’t all that well-fastened. “brought some of the fancy stuff i got too,” he explains, as though any explanation were needed. his hair was still wettish and tousled, slightly an unusual state for him to be in. 

“are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, his bright smile diminishing a tad. it’s easier to identify esme’s emotions face-to-face, he finds.

[warrxns-blog]

SIGRID.

it was so strange. she knew they were both intoxicated. she knew warren was to be trusted. she knew what kind of situation she was in. and yet the way her heart was racing, the way her teeth were on edge, the way her breathing was beginning to pick up…she felt like she was in fight or flight mode. she knew she wasn’t in danger, but something was. their friendship. if she followed through with this, things couldn’t be the same. sure, they could remain just friends but there would always be knowledge of that one night in sweden. she would think of it every time she saw him with esme. with another woman. it would make it hurt even worse. she still had time to get up, gather her clothes, and go to her room.

she didn’t want to. her eyes had remained on his as he made his way to her and stayed that way as he moved his head even closer to her own. the sensation of his fingers on the skin of her waist sent a shiver up her spine, despite the heat of the water they were submerged in. slowly, steadily, sigrid stood and placed her hands on warren’s shoulders, gently turning and pushing him down until he was seated where sigrid once was. “don’t ask stupid questions, northrop.” with that, she placed her hands on the edge of the jacuzzi behind warren and slowly lowered her head, her eyes flickering from her eyes to his lips. taking a steadying breath, her pink lips were hardly a breath away from his. her cheeks were rosy from the heat and the bottle of champagne she had just finished. “do you want this, warren? do you want it like i want it?”

his gaze dropped, although his smile remained in place. “you know, i can only speak for myself.” for a moment, however, the smile wavered. “i’ve wanted more than this ever since we first met. i don’t ever rely on people to save me. i’m more than able to take care of myself. but i know that if it hadn’t been for you, i would’ve died that day. or maybe suffered worse in some sense. it wasn’t part of your plan to save my life, i know. but i didn’t — i didn’t plan to fall in love with you either.” as one could recognise from his uncharacteristic stumbling of words.

“i didn’t plan this, sigrid,” he reiterated. “and i’m not planning anything sly, if that’s what you think.” smiling once more, he propped his nose against hers. “you... what do you want?” he asked again. it was evident that he wouldn’t kiss her until she let him know, or maybe initiated a kiss.

[warrxns-blog]

ANGEL.

        ❝  i - i– …  i did ,  yes ,  ❞   she doesn’t waste a moment standing up from her spot ,  &  without much thought ,  wraps a hand around his arm so as not to get lost from warren in the crowd .  her free hand ,  of course ,  gives a small wave goodbye to the very group people who made her so uncomfortable in the first place  —  typical of angel ,  really ,  to be polite regardless of the situation .  still ,  it isn’t until the two are outside that she looks up at warren and stops walking for a moment ,  head shaking lightly in an  apologetic  manner .

      ❝  i’m sorry i called you ,  i just–  i literally just called the emergency number  &  forgot that it was  yours .  you were probably busy or doing something important ,  i didn’t–  they just–  … they wouldn’t stop touching me and talking to me , &  my head hurts  so much– ❞

“don’t worry. i wasn’t doing anything important when you called me.” even if he had, he wouldn’t have let her feel bad about this. he was seething as his broad shoulders struck people within the crowd — though he forced himself to give them a surprisingly skilful chant of “ursäkta mig”s (“excuse me” in swedish, one of the many tongues he’d easily picked up over the years). he walked and walked until they reached his car, away from the people.

“don’t apologise, angel. jesus.” he said, “i wish you wouldn’t apologise so much. those fuckers? you didn’t owe them anything. i’m not blaming you or anything,” he said in advance. “sorry. i’m just... god, when will you learn that you should put yourself first? many people care about you, angel. i care about you. i know that’s not... that’s not much coming from me. i fucking hurt you. but a lot of better people do care about you. if nothing else, please believe that.” he took a sharp intake of breath. he was concerned that she’d been drugged or something, but he’d ask inside the car. “get in.”

[chan-gemma]

TARON EGERTON photographed by Lorenzo Agius (2018)

[warrxns-blog]

SIGRID.

sigrid sat for a moment, quiet. he was right. she knew he was right. but why? aside from esme, warren was the only person sigrid trusted, the only person she would do anything for. and yet her feelings toward warren had shifted since they first met. it was a gradual process but dammit, she had to finally admit to herself that she had feelings for him. she was falling for him. so why did she push him away? she took one last drink from the champagne bottle before setting it aside, empty. who was she kidding? she knew exactly why she pushed him away. esme. she knew about their…relationship. the sex, the friendship. and her little sister was just one of many women that warren entertained. watching him with them hurt. the idea of being just another name on the list hurt.

“yeah,” she agreed, barely audible above the bubbling of the water. it wasn’t often that sigrid felt comfortable with letting her guard down and, when she did, it was harder still for her to know what to do. but with warren, it was coming a bit more naturally. she knew she had to say something but sigrid tipton had always been a woman of action. so, she decided to accept his invitation. she hadn’t intended on going for a swim, but she would make it work. with steady hands - though her heart began to thump within her ribs, inside her throat - she reached down to slowly peel her tank top over her head, revealing the black bralette beneath. standing on the built-in bench within the tub, she removed her sweatpants - black underwear beneath - soaking them before tossing them up by the empty champagne bottle. silently, she took a seat across the tub from warren, her eyes locked on his. “doesn’t mean i wouldn’t want a picture still.”

warren’s mouth went dry as he watched her undress to her underwear. as though he didn’t crave her more than enough already.... he looked down for a moment. sure, he wanted to respect her and acknowledge boundaries. but sigrid didn’t do things without knowing what she’s getting into. he knew that. he knew this was a decision that meant something, because her decisions tended to mean something.

slowly, he advanced towards her. the expression on his face was careful, although the fact that his emerald-hued irises were darkened to the point of seeming mostly deep brown made his piqued interest (and desire) clear as day. her comment, however, causes a real and brilliant smile to grace his face. “a picture. yeah, we can arrange that for a fee. you know, modelling is a job, no matter what you and the others say....” but then, he paused in silence before drawing his head even further towards her, his neck craning slightly as he spoke. “and is a picture all that you want...?” he asked simply, but in a low tone, his hands gently setting on her waist.

[warrxns-blog]

IZZY.

‘ yes, i would mind moving actually. ’ isolde laughs, only making herself more comfortable on the bench at his request. she tilts her head up to the sky, eyes falling shut. it’s nice here; the air is cold, but it’s crisp in a way that feels fresh—she can’t say the same about the air back in new york—and she basks in the feeling of warm sunlight on her face. ‘ i’ll move in a moment so you can get your shot, ’ she says with a smile, head still faced towards the heavens. ‘ but if you want to take a photo of me too, then feel free. ’

a grin spreads across his face. “you know,” he replies, “that’d be brilliant, actually.” he trains the lens of his phone’s camera at her. “i was thinking i could tag your parents. you know, give them a good ol’ aneurysm,” he suggests cheerfully, a semi-joke. “would it be more effective if i sit beside you?” more earnestly, he remarks as he takes a glimpse at the sunlit visuals surrounding them, “quite a beautiful day, isn’t it?” it's nice to forget about the stressful situation that accompanies their free little trip, even just for a while.

[warrxns-blog]

SIGRID.

“finally? people don’t find me unless i want them to,” she pointed out before taking another swig from her bottle. “cheers to that, my friend.” there was something about drinking abroad. it felt a little less…sad. everything on “vacation” did. sigrid felt a bit more liberty to loosen up, to not always be on watch.

sitting up a bit straighter, her hazel eyes narrowed up at him before she reached up and pinched one of his cheeks. “you sure have been. look how pink your cheeks are!” she let out a breathy laugh, lifting the bottle up for yet another sip. “no,” she waved him off. “i had to shower. planes make me feel disgusting, you know?” before she could finish explaining herself, warren was walking away, taking his clothes off, and stepping into the bubbling, steaming jacuzzi. she paused for a moment, thinking perhaps a little harder than the situation called for.

well, she certainly wasn’t going to sit by herself and watch him like some creep. getting up, she pulled the legs of her sweatpants above her knees, picked up the bottle of champagne - now half-empty - and dipped her feet into the tub as she took another drink. she sat silently, simply looking. the sun was almost set, the sky a dazzling array of colors, but quickly darkening. warren was illuminated by the dim lights beneath the water’s surface. sigrid found herself thinking that was how he should always be. not hidden beneath clothes, skin glistening and shining, and a devil-may-care grin on his face.

“that’s simply what i’m referring to,” explained warren. “sometimes i get the impression you’re trying to push me away, but sometimes it looks like you do want me to find you.” and then she submerged her feet into the hot tub, punctuating his statement. he nodded when she cleared up that she’d only taken a shower.

his eyes fixed upon her again, noticing how she was watching him despite her contrary efforts. “so are you actually joining me in the water, or are you just going to stay there? because if you are, you know, you can just take a picture. i don’t mind.” he smiled at her, teasing. she looked beautiful, and he ran his eyes on her, appreciating the details -- of the dark waves of hair cascading, of the way her hazel eyes looked under the sky at that time of day.

but he didn’t express that sentiment. instead, he just said, “i enjoy this side of you... of us. just peaceful, relaxed.” he wasn’t expecting any more of her than this.

[pcllx-blog]

@warrxns

– MOMENTS OF UNCERTAINTY cause you to turn to familiar distractions. warren is a lot of things to esme; best friend, companion, confidant, lover. esme, as usual, could make a laundry list of things she’s worried about (she’s high maintenance like that), which she does sometimes, but other times she resorts to old habits (albeit fun ones). most of the time, she has every intention of stopping – things like this tend to get messy and deep down, she knows it’s a coping mechanism, but there are times where she can’t help but want him, imagining his lips on her neck and craving the way they help her forget. esme usually wants him most after a few drinks, and the hotel bar has happily obliged. she’s struck up some sort of absentminded conversation with the bartender, one where her name is cora and she works at a marketing firm. cora has three dogs and three brothers, which is basically the same thing, according to cora.

but she soon grows tired of that. maybe she wants to be someone else, but she also doesn’t want to be alone. nothing her lace bra and a photoshoot can’t fix.

[sms]: (picture text)

[sms]: what are you up to?

she glances out her window of the manor to stockholm, spanning out before her. it’s so scary to think about how she’s ended up here, and instead, she’d rather not.

[warrxns-blog]

“ah, jesus,” warren mutters to himself upon seeing esme’s attached picture. he’s halfway through polishing off a bottle of liquor by himself — it’s not as though he’s an alcoholic or anything, but some days he’s just sorely reminded of the degree to which he’s much less extroverted than people seem to regard him as. he just wants to be in a room alone, avoid thinking about the others, and just drink while doing practically nothing. for esme, however, he can make an exception. especially when she looks like that, distracting him from the resentment and vexation at their circumstances threatening to swirl in his head.

he hasn’t bothered putting on a shirt after his bath, and when he replies to her texts he decides it’s for the better. his hair is still damp, droplets from the shower still clinging to the bare skin.

[sms]: (picture text)

[sms]: just went for a shower, then drinks (smile emoji)

[sms]: how are you holding up?

he’s not even really aware there’s something going on with her mood, but he asks her the question pretty often, her welfare a concern entrenched within his mind.

[warrxns-blog]

“excuse me. would you mind moving to the side? i’m just trying to get a picture of this.” he gestured to the lovely place surrounding him and the other. sweden wasn’t a particularly notable destination for him, having been there several times already; but it served him to keep his followers consistently updated. “unless you want to be included in the shot...?”