Show Me (Dean/Fem!Castiel)
(final tumblr version)
I may use this in a larger series/work later, but this is basically done. At some point, I'm going to probably expand it slightly and get it posted to AO3, but I want a decent-sized collection before i get it up there.
"You had sex with April?" Castiel nodded with a small, curious smile.
"Did you have protection?"
"I had my angel blade."
"Great, she-she had her angel blade."
Cas squinted slightly at the Winchesters' reaction. But Dean supposed his surprise probably wasn't as interesting as the third burrito she was searching for as she ducked away to the kitchen.
"She cannot stay."
Dean's head whipped around and he could tell from the stiff straight posture that he wasn't talking to his brother.
"What the hell are you talking about Zeke? I can't just kick her out while she's down-"
The angel possessing Dean’s brother gave him a cutting look.
"She is wanted by the whole host of Heaven. They will be searching for her. If they find her, they will find me, and I will have to leave Sam's body."
Dean couldn't parse what the hell one thing had to do with the other.
"Why? You said he's not strong enough yet, you can't leave him."
"I will have no other choice. If they see that I am helping you, they will come after me as well as Castiel for the betrayal."
Dean looked at the angel before him. He took in the tightness with which he held Sam's shoulders, the too-steady hold of his gaze.
"Bullshit...You're not wanted because you helped us. They want you for something else."
Dean felt the gears all slip into place, felt his face shift into the predator so many demons had come to fear.
"They want you and you're scared. You picked Sam because you knew I'd do anything to keep him safe, even if it meant keeping you safe...You're not gonna do shit. You know full fuckin' well you won’t have anywhere to go and you won't make it on your own. Me and my brother are probably the only people on this Earth between you and a burnt out wing-print on the ground."
Dean moved into Ezekiel's space, close enough to feel his breath.
"Cas stays. She gets all the same protection as you. If keeping Sam safe means keeping you safe, if that means Cas has to stay on lockdown here for a while, then so be it."
He spoke directly into his ear. "And if you ever try to threaten my brother like again…I swear to God, I’ll rip you out of him with my bare hands if that’s what it takes.”
The following few weeks were…well, Dean’s dad would call it “Situation Normal: All Fucked Up.” The usual end of the world bullshit, one apocalypse after another, deaths and demon tablets, and angel tablets, and all the many joys of being a Winchester just…raining down upon them. But now, instead of just Dean and Sam, they had Kevin in the bunker full-time - even managing to get him outside occasionally and get a vegetable in him - and Dean was handling the Ezekiel situation, and they had Cas.
Cas…Castiel…Cas- Tee- Ell…
“Dean?”
“What?! - Uh, sorry, Cas, what’s up?”
He tried to look normal?...and failed miserably. He could only hope that she was too busy or too unaware to notice what a weirdo the past couple of months (years) [decades] had turned him into. At this point, the only uncomplicated, unfucked thing in his life was Cas. “You were saying my name in varying speeds and abbreviations.”
She was sitting next to him on his bed, resting against the headboard, her shoulders gently bumping against his. Dean really wished he’d sprung for a bigger bed. ‘Idiot, you knew, you fucking knew that if she was ever-’
“Uhhh, yeah, sorry about that, Cas. I was just thinking about how strange it all must be, being human. And you had such a rough go of it at the start. I suppose sleeping rough in abandoned buses probably isn’t what you imagined life as an Earthling would be like…ya know?”
The flush of shame nearly choked him, and he briefly wondered if maybe it was the better alternative to whatever weird little crush he’d been harboring.
He should’ve found her faster, made her the priority. She’d been murdered right in front of him because he hadn’t found her fast enough. But here she was, eyes ahead and far away as she turned her thoughts around in that way of hers; letting them roll gently in all directions before speaking.
“I suppose not. But I’ve seen worse human suffering than homelessness. I count myself lucky. I saw human systems at their worst, of course, but I also got to see people at their best. Plenty of people helped me along the way. And-” she patted his knee in a slightly exaggerated gesture that Dean couldn’t help but smile at “A pair of humans did come to my rescue and save my life when I was at my most vulnerable. I suppose I can understand Sam’s…unwise decisions where women are concerned…a little better.”
“Yeah, fair enough”
Dean could grant her that, although, in Cas’s defense, she didn’t drink demon blood because of April. She just…fuck, she died because of April.
‘STOP it’
“April was hot.” he blurted out lamely. She was hot, to be fair.
“So hot” Cas emphasized, “And nice…until the torture and the murder…” “Yeah, well, no hookup is perfect.”
“No, I suppose not. I just-”
She looked over and to her right, a habit she’d picked up when she struggled to articulate something.
“-I wish there wasn’t the-the wrongness of it. The sex itself was fine, she had a beautiful body and seemed to know what to do with it in a way I don’t really. But at the moment, I was so focused on ‘completing the interaction correctly’ that I think I betrayed myself a little bit.”
Castiel pursed her lips in concentration, and Dean turned to more fully face her.
“I desired her once she started touching me, I did, but...I just wanted her to let me stay. I wanted to be useful. She gave me food and shelter, she tended to my wounds, she held me. I didn't know that humans needed to be held that way. I didn't want her to stop, and I didn't want her to think I was ungrateful. If I'm honest, I didn't want her to kick me back out into the rain if I didn't have sex with her."
Cas had developed little fidgets by that point, and she toyed with the hem of Dean's flannel. It half-reminded Dean of Sam doing the same thing when they were kids, and it hurt to see it again.
"I..."
Dean took a deep breath to steady himself.
"I know what it feels like, thinking you don't really have a choice. That at least you're not being forced, no one’s got a gun to your head, or anything, and at least you won't owe them anything."
Now it was Dean's turn to fidget.
"I uh...I was the one that paid the bills most of the time growing up, you know? Dad never left us with much and rarely left us with enough. I got really good at seeing my body as a…I don’t know, a thing. A tool to be used. I can fight with it, I can protect Sam with it…I can make someone feel good enough to pay me for it. Hell, it wasn't until we met Charlie and she gave us our hacked credit cards that I was able to stop...paying the bills...completely."
Dean shifted, carefully putting his arm around Cas, holding her while also trying to give her space.
Of fucking course he’d find a way to make it about himself when she’s hurting. She needs a friend, and he’s just dumped his little man purse all over her doorstep. Can he have one normal interaction with this woman without it getting like this? Of course not, It's what he fucking does–
"Stop it."
What?
"What?"
"I might not be able to read your mind anymore, Dean, but I can still read your face, your body. I don't ALWAYS know what things mean, but I know your self-hatred as well as I know my own. So just stop. None of what happened was your fault, Dean. Not to me, and not to you."
Dean didn't even know what to say to that. He tried his best to take the grace he's being given in the spirit in which it was offered.
Cas scooted closer, burrowed into his side a bit, took his hand. She examined the lines and curves and bones and the meat of his palm. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, resting his head on hers and watching her fingers trace over his.
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable...but...I wish it'd been you. Even if it was to 'show me the ropes' as you'd say. To educate me in that part of humanity. It would've been kinder. I would've liked learning from you.”
“I can...I had Jamie's memories. I know the act of sex and what she felt when she had it. But I can't feel it. I can only barely see those memories, and when I do it's...well..it's like they're someone else's."
Dean's heart rate had been clipping along already, but now it was pounding in his ears.
Fuck.
She wanted him.
At least she trusted him to take care of her.
He could do that.
That's what he was for.
Take care of…sam, dad, a vamp nest…
Take care of… lee, lisa, a werewolf…
Take care of… truckers, bikers, demons and demons and demons and…
He could teach her, if that was what she wanted. He knew he was good at it, that he could show her all the ways her body could give and receive pleasure.
"I still could..."
Cas turned her head, looking at him with the curious squint that Dean had grown fond of despite himself.
"I could teach you, if you wanted. You still haven't been with a man, right?"
He chuckled nervously, and Castiel smiled softly at him, shaking her head.
"No. Not yet."
Dean swallowed dryly, throat clicking uncomfortably.
"If you want... I could show you. It wouldn't - you don't owe me anything, it-it wouldn't have to BE anything, I-I"
“Of course it would be.”
She was so earnest Dean wanted to run.
"What do you mean?"
Dean watched take a short sharp breath, another one.
“Dean…even if it was only as my friend sharing something special with me. You’re still my friend and that would make it special. And I uh -”
Her throat clicked audibly as she tried to swallow down whatever was rising up inside her.
“I don’t think I could…do that with you, and have it not matter. Not anymore…not for a long time. I’m sorry if that makes things uncomfortable for you.”
Dean could practically feel the guilt coming off her. Like she was ashamed at leading him on, and ashamed that she wanted more.
Holy shit, she wanted more.
Dean knew he could give her his body easily enough. He'd been giving that to nearly anyone who wanted it since he was 16. It'd been the only thing he HAD to give most of the time. If he gave Cas what she wanted - and Christ, he wanted to, wanted to give her anything and everything of his and of Him that she wanted - she'd see him for what he was: a killer, a thief, a liar, and a whore.
She'd see HIM.
He ran his hand through her hair gently petting the back of her head, and pressed a kiss to her crown.
She shook, now so fragile, for all her strength, and so in need of something - someone.
Dean's arms wrapped around her almost of their own accord, and he pulled her close, letting her bury her face in his chest.
Fuck, but she fit so perfectly in his arms.
Other women sat fine there, tucked into his neck. A few men had managed it.
But Cas?
This was right.
Fuuuck, he was fucked.
He knew what he was going to do, and he knew he'd probably regret it later, and he knew it would bring the whole deck of cards that was his life down, because shit like this, the Good Shit, never happened to him without literal hell to pay.
But he was going to do it anyway.
Bobby had told him once that being brave wasn't about not being scared, that it was about doing the scary thing no matter how frightened you were.
He'd lived by that creed. Gotten Sammy back from the dead by that creed, faced damnation, faced the apocalypse, faced Purgatory, all by that creed.
'Please, you sonovabitch, let me be brave one more time. I promise I won't ask for anything else.' He prayed, knowing that no one was listening, but needing it all the same.
"You’re right." He murmured into Cas's hair. He felt her shift and leaned back enough to catch her eyes.
"There's no way it could not mean something." He held her face in his hands thumbing at the stray tear making its way down her cheek.
Even her face fit his hands perfectly. Maybe it was his hands fitting her perfectly. He was younger than her vessel by a few years, younger than Cas herself by eons. Maybe it was fate, and maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. "It—it's everything, Cas. I—" He stopped trying to explain and kissed her softly. She gasped, small and quick, but he felt it, and he opened his mouth, kissing more fully.
He pulled away - her eyes were so blue, had they always been that blue when she was an angel? - and she leaned up and kissed him, deep and a little messy.
They stayed like that for a while, trading kisses, Dean holding her lightly and showing her how to gently lick into his mouth, how it felt when he sucked her tongue, and slid his own inside her mouth.
Cas moaned softly into a particularly deep thrust of his tongue and her hands found their way to Dean's chest. Not pushing away, on the contrary, she ran her hands across his broad chest and shoulders, up and back down the column of his neck and down his abs.
Dean felt his body respond eagerly to the attention, losing any of the previous nervousness, and he pulled her more fully into his lap, letting her knees bracket his hips.
“Ah! Dean - " She interrupted herself kissing him again. "Can I?" She asked, gesturing with her chin down at the bottom of Dean's henley.
He nodded, reaching down to help her pull it off him.
She reached around herself and pulled off her own top and Dean was suddenly so grateful that she'd taken to wearing his and Sam's old t-shirts around the bunker and rarely much else. She had come into Dean's room wearing Sam's shirt and Dean's boxers. Now she was sat in *his* underwear, bare-breasted and glowing, even under the poor light of his old reading lamp.
He had seen her body before, had to his currently-diminishing shame, gotten off to the memory of her naked on the hood of his car, unbothered by the view she'd given him as she spread out. (Even covered in bees, she'd looked like one of his teenaged wet dreams) But this was so different.
Now, he held her modest breasts in his hands, and got to watch her head fall back as she moaned at the feeling of him squeezing them gently. Now he got to taste the skin of her throat as he kitten-licked from mouth to chin, to jaw, to collar bone, to latch onto a hard nipple while he gently toyed with the other. He nipped and kissed his way across her shoulders, hands gently pressing her narrow waist, thumbs rubbing gently.
She moaned again as she started rocking into him where he needed her the most, pulling a matching groan from Dean.
"Dean! Please, I need -"
Dean nodded, shifting her off of him to pull off his sweatpants.
She pulled his boxers down her hips and Dean thought he might swallow his tongue at the sight of her, wet and naked before him.
He could see the wet curls between her legs and some animal part of him woke up, pulling her to him and ducking down to kiss her there.
Her hand gripped his hair as he pushed his tongue into her folds, and lapped up the taste of her.
He pulled away, and looked up at her.
She was a little shocked, a little dazed, and a deep growl climbed its way up his throat at the naked want in her eyes.
She nodded to him, smiled, climbed onto the bed, and let Dean flip her onto her back.
"Wait, Dean I-I want to see you...lay back for me."
A ‘half-virgin’ she may be, but Castiel was eons old and had never bothered to learn Western Puritanism.
Dean did as he was told, leaning back against the headboard and opening his legs for the woman above him.
Her eyes and hands caressed him from shoulders and pecs, down his abs and squeezed his hips gently, thumbs dipping into the valley between his pelvis and the dark thatch of hair his hard-on was jutting out from.
Cas slid down his body and grabbed his ankles, pushing them up closer to his ass, and ran her nails up and down his thighs.
"Fuck, that's good, Cas."
"When I use my nails?"
Dean nodded, encouragingly.
"Yeah, just like that. Can I?" He gestured generally to his torso and cock.
Cas swallowed and nodded in response, eyes eagerly darted between his face and his body.
Dean ran his own hands and nails across his body like Cas had, paying special attention to his nipples, then gently tickling at his ribs, making his cock twitch slightly. "See that? I'm kinda sensitive there. I like a little tickle and just a little pain. Only a little. I'm not a masochist or anything - not anymore." He traced his fingertips down his thighs, getting closer to his jutting erection, but not touching it directly.
"I like little kisses, little bites, all across here. I'll show you how good it feels."
Dean had never talked this much during sex, but he was going to make it perfect for Cas. He needed her to see that he wanted this.
"Can I show you?"
"Show me how you touch yourself first."
She was so sure, so serious about this new experience.
Part of Dean wanted to laugh and her furrowed brow, but the better part of him was thrilled to see her so unafraid, so honestly...caring about him. When was the last time anyone had actually meant it when they asked him what he liked? Maybe Lisa? Hell even then, it felt more about her pride in being good in bed than it was just him having a good time, for all that he'd loved her.
He reached down and teased himself with his fingertips, bringing them up his shaft, and just barely brushing the head.
"Hell, we need umm..."
He waved at his nightstand and she leaned over and rummaged through the drawer briefly, retrieving the bottle of lube she found.
She squeezed out a dollop into her palm, warming it carefully and Dean grinned at the implied invitation.
"Like this." He took her hand and, keeping eye contact, wrapped it around himself. His eyes drifted shut, mouth opening in a groan. "That feels so good, Cas. That's perfect." He guided her hand up and down the length of him, showing her how to twist her wrist slightly, squeezing him just so.
He opened his eyes, and she was staring right at him, her own eyes wide and lips parted. Her pupils were blown, her cheeks flushed.
Dean could not for the life of him understand how April could betray this woman. Even as an enemy, he'd walk through Hell and Heaven and Purgatory, and the ends of the Earth to keep her looking at him like that.
He brought her thumb over the little slit and his hips snapped forward of their accord. "We've gotta stop or I'm not gonna make it, Sweetheart. Let me touch you...lay back for me."
It was Cas's turn to do as she was told. She rolled to the side, and lay down next to Dean. She watched keenly as he took the position she'd been in.
He leaned in and kissed her, deep and fast, before making his way down her body, kissing and nipping at her breasts, and nuzzling the valley between them, lavishing her with long licks as he continued southward to the dark curls between her legs. He slipped his thumbs between her folds, and delicately opened them.
She was soaked and scorching when he pressed his tongue inside her. The scent and taste of her, coupled with the slick silk around his tongue drove him wild.
He reached out, circling her clit with the pointed tip of his tongue before latching on and suckling at it.
Cas spasmed beneath him, crying out and digging her nails into his scalp sending a delicious pain-pleasure straight through to his cock.
He continued his assault, bringing a finger to join in, pressing carefully inside her.
"Dean - ah! Please... More. Ahh"
Dean pressed another finger inside, twisting his wrist and curling his fingers in a 'come hither' gesture.
Cas's knees snapped further apart and her hips started rolling under Dean's mouth. He pinned her down with one hand while the other added another finger, scissoring them open, adding a maddening stretch to his licking and sucking of her folds and clit. Her little twitches were getting more and more urgent. Fuck. This is what Dean was made for. Not the hunting, or the killing or protecting. He was made to make Castiel writhe and cry out under him.
He looked up her body as he flicked. Once again, she was trying desperately to hold eye contact.
"Dean...so good. I'm -" her breath came in quick little gasps and her head fell back to the pillows, her back arching. "DEAN!" She cried out, warm slick making its way into Dean's eager mouth, her walls clenching and spasming around his fingers.
She was barely coming down from her high when she started grabbing at him, pulling up impatiently. He fucked his tongue into her mouth and they both moaned as they shared her taste.
Dean pulled Cas's legs up around his waist. He watched her face as he lined up, brushing his tip from her clit to her opening, and pushed inside, slowly but firmly pressing until he was buried to hilt.
"God, Cas, you feel so good. So wet for me." He started pulling back carefully, almost all the way out.
Cas dug her nails into his shoulders, the sharp little points creating a gorgeous contrast to the wet heat of her cunt. Her heels dug into the meat of Dean's ass. He didn't need to be told twice.
Dean pushed up onto his hands, and bent his knees, parting them so he could thrust harder and faster into the body beneath him. Their moans mixed as the fluid rolling of his hips worked a rhythm within her.
Dean watched, rapt, as her breasts swayed up and down with the movement of her body. His gaze travelled down to where they were joined. He had to grit his teeth to hold himself back at the sight of his cock thrusting in and out over and over, speeding up and slamming home with sharp wet slaps.
"So good, Cas. Fuck, you're perfect for me." He dropped onto his elbows and buried his face in her neck as he continued his holy work. "I want to show you everything. I'll make it so good for you, Cas, I promise. I'm gonna make you cum in ways you didn't even know about."
She had to know, he needed her to know he–
"Everything - haaah - I want it, Dean. I want everything with you." Cas wrapped her around him, her hand pressed into his hair, and her other around his shoulders, palm pressed between his shoulder blades. "Everything." Her hands gripped him tight. "Don't make me leave. Please, don't make me go."
Dean snapped away, looking into Cas's eyes, shocked. His hips slowed their onslaught. He’d kill April all over again for hurting her, he’d kill Ezekiel for even suggesting she leave, hell, he’d kill himself for every time he’d turned her away or left her alone
"I-I wouldn't. Cas, I Wouldn't. Not ever. Not in Purgatory and sure as hell not NOW." He was so hurt but he couldn't hold that pain once her face crumbled and she cried openly under him.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dean, I didn't mean to ruin it." Dean all but stopped moving within her.
"Oh, baby girl..." He stilled, rolling them both to their sides, still nestled inside her. He pulled her close and kissed her deeply. "You didn't ruin anything." He kissed her again. His hips rolled, slow and softly. "You didn't ruin anything. Do you want to stop? We don't have to keep going." Cas shook her head and ducked into his neck, hiding her face.
"Please don't stop, please don't stop. I was so close. I need you close. Please, don't stop."
Dean moved more forcefully and deeply by increments once he rolled them back over so Cas was again pressed down under him.
"I'm never gonna send you away, Cas" he gritted out between thrusts. "I've got you. I'm here, baby girl. You're so good to me. You've always been better than I deserved." He didn't even mean to catch her eye as he spoke. "I love you, Cas." Now it was his turn to tear up, it seemed. "I love you. I think I've always loved you." Cas's walls slammed around him, sending his orgasm crashing through his body. He pressed as deep into her as he could get as he pulled her legs higher and wider apart, spilling inside her as he cried out her name.
Dean had never been a clingy lay, but in that moment he Could Not let Cas go. They held each other as they shook and panted. Cas kissed him over and over, her eyes wide and earnest, even as she grinned up at him. Dean held her tightly to his chest.
"You okay there, Cas? Not bad for your first time with a man?"
"Better than okay. I just hope Sam had his headphones in."
"Meh, fuck him."
"No thank you...I still have things to learn from you before I take another lover."
"Hey!" Dean gently smacked her on the shoulder with the back of his hand. Hers reached up, found the exact spot on his shoulder where his scar had been.
"I love you.”
“I know…I love you too, Cas.”
