Is this thing on?

In that case, I upcast fireball.

[muntzerism-diggerism]

[teaboot]

Me, watching my kitten hold still for a suspiciously long time: Ollie, are you peeing on my floor?

Ollie: Not

Me: Are you sure?

Ollie, grunting through time and space to push out a chocolate mcmuffin wider than he is tall: Not

[teaboot]

Me, helpless, arms full of hot chili: Ollie, no! Ollie no! No, Ollie! God, Jesus, Ollie! Ollie, nooo!!

Ollie:

[teaboot]

Artist's recreation of incident

[2urban2fantasy-deactivated20241]

I like that both OP and the cat are crying

[miskhos]

tonight i swore a blood oath to the minimum wage workers at my local subway

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.

[captain-acab]

You decide it’s best to find out what you can about this person. Cautiously, you approach his desk. He’s a handsome man, tall, but with a disarming smile. How could such a friendly guy with such cute, dorky glasses be dangerous?

You extend your hand. “I noticed you’re new here. What’s your name?”

He shakes your hand warmly. His gaze is piercing, as if he’s looking right through you. “The name’s Clark,” he says. “So, how long have you worked for the Daily Planet?”

[misscrazyfangirl321]

This one wins.

[janothar]

It’s been a few weeks, and one of Clark’s friends shows up.  She’s pretty and all, enough muscle that she must work out.  First thought would be that she should be maybe a 6.

Clark’s introducing her around.  “This is my good friend, Diana, she’s in from out of town.”

You blink, and take a step back in fear.  You’ve never seen an 11 before.

[aniseandspearmint]

The day Bruce Wayne shows up for his long promised interview with Lois Lane, you can’t help it, the mug your holding drops from your fingers and sends a shock of hot coffee and ceramic shards across the floor.

Clark stops a few feet away and squints at you worriedly from behind those ridiculous glasses you’re 99% sure he doesn’t actually need, and asks tentatively, “Everything all right?”

You ignore him in favor of staring at the inky dark numerals hovering over the beaming fool gesticulating some fantastic yacht story for a gaggle of secretaries and minor columnists.

That’s it. Your gift has officially gone haywire. There is no other explanation. Because there is absolutely no way that Brucie Wayne is a 10.

[petitstar]

At this point, you’ve seen it all. Miled manner reporters and billionaires at a 10 and a model-like woman at 11. You were really starting to doubt your power. The day you really stopped believeing in it was when Bruce Wayne came for another visit, and this time with a kid. The kid couldn’t be more than 10 years old, a bit on the short side.

He was an 8.

[lainathewitch]

The day you started believing in it again was when you saw on tv the formation of something called the justice league.

There were those same numbers over superman, batman, wonder woman and robin. That’s when you put two and two together. You wonder how nobody at the daily planet noticed that Clarke was Superman with glasses. You wonder why you didn’t notice. You wonder why nobody put two and two together that Diana Prince and Wonder Woman looked exactly the same. You look in the mirror as the realization hit you and you see your own number change from a 3 to a 9.

[ribbonsflyingoutthewindow]

I don’t think I’ve ever actually reblogged this magnificent post and that’s shame.

[avioletmoonrise]

every now and then I am reminded to my great chagrin that my mother is funnier than I am

[odd-maid3n]

[knight--error]

[bvckbiter]

“is this character good or bad” “is this ship unproblematic or not” “is this arc deserving of redemption or not” girl…

[creekfiend]

gender essentialism is soooo funny bc it's like "this is what women are like" and you're like "I've met women and many of them, if not the majority, have not been like that" and it's like "well women SHOULD be like that" and you're like "why should women be like that" and its like "because that's what women are like"

[iguanamouth]

forbidden knowledge

[coldfruit123]

Can we see this frame by frame? Please and thank you.

[iguanamouth]

Yes Here Are All The Frames

[pibblepunk-deactivated20200219]

THAT IS NOT WHAT WAS ASKED FOR

[waterbottoe]

How dare you hide this in the notes

[depsidase]

[what-even-is-thiss]

You know for the first 18-ish years of your life everyone your age is mostly doing the same things and then all of a sudden every year for the rest of your life somebody your age is getting divorced while somebody else just learned what a leaf is and you have no idea what’s going on or what you’re supposed to be doing

[headspace-hotel]

curious to hear y'all's suggestions for the worst possible pasta shape

(Assume that "pasta" needs to be made of sheets or strands of dough with enough surface area relative to thickness so that they can be cooked.)

[headspace-hotel]

I was going to suggest fettuccini but twisted with the ends connected to form a Möbius strip, but then I realized that would fuck like hell.

[headspace-hotel]

@fishofthewoods I did NOT expect to get such a strong contender so early.

[headspace-hotel]

@alilcajun @aralioideae

a couple of challengers emerge

[headspace-hotel]

You are all fucking madmen

[people-too]

[xeptum]

[depsidase]

[birdturgular]

[anarchocuntboogaloo]

HE 👏 WENT 👏 LOOKING 👏 FOR 👏 TROUBLE 👏

[2urban2fantasy-deactivated20241]

The euros fail to consider the form: it’s not Johnny’s hubris that is the subject of the song. It’s the devil’s, who thinks his power is worth more than simple love for a craft

[aethersea]

neither americans nor the modern era have any sort of monopoly on one-upping the devil. one of the oldest european folk tales is The Smith and the Devil, in which a smith makes a deal with the devil for his soul and when the devil comes to collect, the smith tricks him into leaving him alone forever. tricking that bastard is an old and storied tradition.

[aethersea]

"average person who makes a deal with the devil is dragged to hell after 10 years" factoid actually just statistical error. average person who makes a deal with the devil uses their new hellish gifts to outwit the old bastard so they can keep both gifts and soul for the rest of their long and prosperous lives. faust, who bargained for knowledge of all things and then wasted his 10 years chasing a girl who wasn't all that into him, is an idiot and should not have become the cornerstone of modern understanding of the trope.

[feyosha]

[himynameisemail]

[nanaluvbug]

[bluebeetletedkord]