What is a good mom? Google describes it as a person who provides unconditional love, safety, and support, focusing on connection through open communication, empathy, and patience, while setting firm boundaries and modeling positive behaviors, importantly recognizing she doesn't need to be perfect but consistently present, loving, and willing to learn and grow alongside her child.
I have NEVER known such a person in my life, which is quite disheartening and disappointing for any girl.
Now what is a bad or toxic “mother”? Well Google describes it as a person whose behavior involves patterns like constant criticism, manipulation (guilt-tripping), lack of boundaries, emotional unavailability, unpredictable moods, playing the victim, and excessive control, all aimed at putting their needs first, diminishing your self-worth, and creating instability, rather than fostering healthy, supportive love.
Now THIS, I know all too well. I hear it whenever I close my eyes, it darkens my dreams into nightmares constantly, and keeps me from hoping too much.
I have never had a moment of feeling truly loved, supported, cared for or really safe at all. I don’t know how to feel safe with people. I don’t know how not to be guarded with a big painted on smile all the time. I don’t know where the mask ends and I really begin.
Losing my birth mother was such a mind trip because unfortunately I barely knew her as a person and I was mostly grieving the fact that I could never have the opportunity to grow a real mother/daughter relationship with someone.
A girl who somehow has both mommy and daddy issues.
Wouldn’t it make a great book.
