Vodka aunt in training.

I live in Texas, I'm an Aries, and I like cute boys. Also, I'm left handed. Headed by animatedtext

[homoz]

[theehorsepusssy]

[animentality]

[hi-maryblueberri]

Kind of in the mood to roll over in bed 50-100 times and not be comfortable

[magpiegirlforever]

need a t-shirt that says i had a weird heavily symbolic dream last night please don't talk to me

[catchymemes]

[copperbadge]

On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.

[vergess]

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

[theehorsepusssy]

[firewalkwithmedvd]

Fake laughed at a customer's joke today and dropped the smile within milliseconds of them turning around. when I tell you that I felt like Patrick fucking Bateman

[rat-king-they-them]

[worlds-best-cat-detector]

Rat detected. Make him jiggle.

[mutipede]

Holy shit I assume everyone is doing an up and down jiggle and maybe a side to side jiggle but if you jiggle your phone forward and backwards he jiggles in and out, too

[smoresthehalloweenqueen]

Brother I am jiggling this rat all three ways, up and down jiggle, left and right jiggle, backwards and forwards jiggle. I love this shit.

[specific90saesthetics]

[lelouch]

[itscyran]

REBLOG IF YOU USED TUMBLR IN 2011 - 2013

If so, you knew how turnt Tumblr use to be

[circusheart]

one time i hooked up with a guy and he ate my ass and jerked me off and then his boyfriend came home and was like kind of upset that he didn't get to have sex with me too. so i was like hey we can do sex that's fine by me. i can cum again. and so he's like ok lets take a shower together and ill jerk you off in the shower. and as hes jerking me off in the shower he asks if i use my phone while i shower. and i say no. and he says he always uses his phone in the shower. and sometimes he takes off the case and washes his phone with shampoo and water just for fun. and he's broken five phones this year from doing that but he's not going to stop because he just wants his phone to be clean and feel good. hes still jerking me off as he tells me about this. this is a real story you have to believe me

[tylerdraws]

Whenever things get really bad I watch The Birdcage.

[flork-of-cows-official]

scythe

[flork-of-cows-official]

scythe 2

[flork-of-cows-official]

scythe 3

[flork-of-cows-official]

scythe 4

[flork-of-cows-official]

scythe 5

[flork-of-cows-official]

scythe 6

[flork-of-cows-official]

scythe 7

[flork-of-cows-official]

scythe 8

[wolfram-blorbos]

having a resting bitchface is so funny because i'll be doing something relaxing, and really enjoying myself and my face will look like this

[gaybuckybarnesss]

HUGO DIEGO GARCIA The Substance (2024)