From the current to the ex
First of all, I want you to know that there was nothing going on between us before you two broke up. If you think I stole him from you, believe me when I say, I didnāt. We were friends, nothing more. Yes, there was a point when I thought we could be good together, but I didnāt act on that thought. We hit it off right away, why would I jump into something that would put an unexpectedly amazing friendship at risk? Moreover, what would I gain by stealing someone elseās boyfriend? Wouldnāt that ruin my friendship with him too? I tried not talking to him frequently because I knew that might make you feel jealous. I was even willing to be friends with you if that would put you at ease and if you were comfortable with that. I mean, why not? I love new friends. Besides, there was nothing to feel guilty about because we werenāt cheating. We were just friends. And because of that, I tried to be there for him whenever he needed meāwhich brings me to number two: I never did anything that would jeopardize your relationship.
Iām used to being the sister or mother figure among my peers so listening to people venting, crying, ranting and raging isnāt new to me. Some people even think that thatās what I do best: I listen with my undivided attention and without any judgment. Thatās what I do whenever he would confide in me sometimes about your problems as a couple. Still, I never gave unsolicited advice. There were instances when I would even ask him permission whenever I want to comment on something, especially if what I was going to say would put you on a tight spot. Whenever itās just me knocking some sense into his stubborn head, I just say it without filter. But whenever itās about you, I was always very careful. More often than not, I chose to simply listen and then tell a random story. Itās to prevent myself from commenting while still managing to make him feel better.
I am a girl and I have been in a relationship (albeit, quite a long time ago already) so whenever I say something, I keep in mind that while I know his perspective, yours is and will always be a mystery, and that there are some things that only the two of you will understand. The day you wanted to break up with him, who do you think was listening to him cry all night about losing you? Who do you think pushed him to try to patch things up instead of giving up right away? Even after you broke up, who do you think told him to talk to you so that you could have a proper closure? It was all me. Iām sorry if you didnāt get back together but know that I did my best to help you fix your problemsāfrom my limited knowledge of the glitches in your relationshipāand at least have a decent break-up when you were already heading that way.
We both know that the relationship already had its recurring problems even before I entered the picture. He loved you. I can tell whenever he talks about you. The soft look on his eyes and the gentleness in his voiceāhe was so smitten and in love. As a friend, how can I take that kind of love away from him? Even during moments when I thought you were being unfair to him, I chose to be blind and silent about the signs that this relationship wasnāt working. As I said, I only know his side of the story. Iām sure you had your reasons for doing the things you did and saying the things you said, so who was I to meddle with your personal affairs?
Iām sorry if you think he replaced you right away. Thatās how you feel; I know. It wasnāt our intention. We were both considering how you would feel when our friendship turned into something moreāwhich was why we chose to keep things private and refuse to commit āofficiallyā. We wanted him to talk to you first and settle things in person, because thatās what you deserved regardless of what went wrong in the relationship, not a text or a phone call break-up. As to how your conversation went and whatever you talked about, I didnāt ask. For me, it was between the two of you. Iām not one who pokes her nose on otherās business. Although I could have asked him and he wouldnāt have minded, I simply told him I trust him to do the things he believes is right. He loved you and youāre just hurt, I always remind him of that. I let him realize what I do with every guy I considered special: I recall all the things he sacrificed and the times that he was there for me. By doing so, he wonāt do or say things that would hurt you more. The way I saw it, thereās no need for me to interfere; itās your break-up, not mine. But trust me, not one decision was made without thinking about other people and external factors.
To be bitter is normal. Iāve been there so I know. Iāve seen a lot of people been through that as well. However, what hurts me is how you publicize everything. While we chose (and are still choosing) to be quiet, you chose to be loud and dramatic. From your statuses and tweets, I get that your intention is to show that you can do it, even without him. Nonetheless, because of the way you keep comparing yourself to me and the way you keep repeating that youāre going to replace him, your intentions backfire. Instead of appearing as strong and independent, you come off as bitter and immature.
Donāt compare yourself with me. Itās easier to judge people when youāre hurt, but it wonāt make you feel better. You would only end up asking over and over whatās wrong with you, and why he picked me. You can say youāre more beautiful and Iām only pretty when I close my eyes. You can say youāre exciting and not boring. You can say everything you want, but in the end, wouldnāt you wonder: If I were the better pick, why did he choose her over me? Besides, you donāt even know me. All you can criticize about me are superficialābased on what? A Facebook picture? Will you really feel better by comparing yourself to me based on my default profile picture? Maybe for a moment, yes. But after some time, the satisfaction will fade. How do I know? I told you, Iāve been there.
Donāt try to boost your self-esteem by looking down on people and picking on their āflawsā. In the end, youāll only come off as pathetic, especially because you publicize your rage online. Youāre beautiful and talented, and a lot of other great things. Isnāt that why he loved you? Youāre a wonderful girl so donāt go hating just to try to make yourself feel superior, albeit temporarily.
If only I could talk to you now, I want to tell you all these. I want to assure you that one day, all the wounds would heal. While everything still hurts, donāt be rash and stupid. Donāt be careless with your words and actions. Cherish the past and donāt regret anything. In the future, youāll learn to appreciate everything, even the moments when you feel most challenged and broken. And I pray, I do pray that one day, youāll get your chance at love too.
