random stuff 💕

I impart valuable wisdom upon the masses

[weekat]

Hi plural tumblr! I’m coming to ya’ll to ask for some help figuring some stuff out and wondering if maybe you guys could help me in the right direction!

// below the cut

My whole life things have been weird. I don’t know if I have repressed trauma or something like that, but I remember even when I was in elementary school I had like…sides of me. I remember them differently and they don’t seem connected. There’s the me who was selectively mute, was the weird kid who stood around on the playground doing nothing, and then there was the me who enjoyed playing with the other kids, talked and made friends with people at my desk, made everyone at the table laugh with my dry sense of humor.

I remember both of those, with seemingly no timeline connection whatsoever. And it wasn’t like I was pretending for one of them or anything, or like putting on a mask. They were both ME. That much I know.

I’ve been through a lot since then, but it’s always felt like something’s wrong. There are different parts of me that I just can’t seem to unite and it always makes me uncomfortable to think about it. I often find myself talking to myself in my head, discussing, arguing, instructing myself on how to care for me. It feels like someone else who loves me is talking to me.

I’m in college now and I’m both the super weird kid (introverted, into fandom and writing fanfic, playing “niche” games and watching “niche” shows, likes being alone with my thoughts, social anxiety, I’m alterhuman) and the painfully average kid (extroverted, charismatic, I make people laugh, look basic, in an organization, go to parties, hang out with large groups). Both feel like genuinely myself. It feels like there’s a split between the sides of myself and I can’t get them to meet.

There’s definitely some spillover but it feels like I kind of make a switch depending on the situation. I’ve always thought of myself as one single person and would like to be. But it feels like there’s just a huge gap and both sides love the other so much but are also a little bit uncomfortable with each other.

I don’t know what to do!! What is this!!

Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it :D

[weekat]

Genuinely not doing shit im crying

[weekat]

Actually astonishing to me how UDG did tokomaru’s chemistry, monaca’s character when it comes to kotoko’s trauma introduction/the nagisa scene, and the kids’ breakdowns so masterfully well but everything else so abysmally. Did we alternate giving the writers adderall and meth or something?

[weekat]

Today i am going to be day drinking and playing endfield

[weekat]

Are you picking up

[weekat]

Im gonna be honest i have not one singular idea how the gemstone engraving actually works i just throw random bs together until something works

[weekat]

Incredibly sleep deprived rn and i gotta deal with this ungrateful little BITCH rosmontis complaining about the size of the ROOM . Girl I spent three hundred BUCKAROONIES on your INGRATE ASS and i LOVE YOUR CHARACTER so youre just going to have to deal with it

[weekat]

Im drunk rn so… pmmm mlp au check

https://archiveofourown.org/works/77038061

[weekat]

What are yalls starting metas for IS6? I’m curious and I’ve never been good at IS so I’d appreciate any input!

[weekat]

I paid 300 dollars for this little bitch years ago and she doesn’t even Do anything she just sits there not even on my squad and watches wis’adel nuke everything

(i love her sm)

[weekat]

Maybe im just alterhuman but the mfs in the mlp equestria girls universe really got the short end of the stick. imagine you in another universe are a beautiful majestic horse with ears you can swivel and a tail you can swish and strong legs you can gallop and kick with and possibly wings you can fly with and instead youre just stuck as some lame ass guy

[weekat]

Wlw is being obsessed over by a girl who looks like she’d bully me

[weekat]

Genuinely this is what it feels like trying to do literally anything on dxm

[weekat]

Lowkey been pondering tonight…

((Btw im NOT talking about tastefully exploring dark topics here. That is something I myself LOVE to do. I’m talking about the shit thats so over the top it seems like bait))

You know those slideshows of just the most tasteless disgusting illegal hcs youve ever seen on tiktok that almost seem like they’re just way too over the top to even be genuine? It’s cause they’re not. But not in the way you might think.

The majority of people who do this consistently and so confidently declare themselves proshippers aren’t doing it because they like or support what they’re posting about. They’re chasing the norepinephrine that comes from being as taboo as possible and then seeing the way people respond. And the reason they latch onto so MANY different so called darkships is because novelty is a key player in this dependence.

It only feels like you “like” the thing because you like the rush. It’s the way your nervous system learned to feel alive and alert. Posting inflammatory bs about god knows what is genuinely how you stay feeling alive and like you have purpose. That’s why it almost seems like bait.

Almost none of them are aware of it though. It really is a hard and unfortunate way to live. And it’s hard to break because it’s not even a substance, it’s a means to an end for achieving a natural brain state, which means it’s hard to realize there’s even anything wrong.

And I know this because I have the same problem. I’m speaking from experience

AND the people who “callout” or “react” are also chasing that norepinephrine but the difference is they aren’t dependent on it. Interacting with something salient (and spreading it to others for their reactions) to appease the nervous system’s need for excitement is normal behavior. It’s an interesting parallel though.

[weekat]

Rewatching MLP now as an adult studying zoology I can see exactly why my mom who used to ride horses liked to watch it with me so much. They genuinely act and move like real horses with prey animal and herd instincts, and the CMC are basically stylized real foal behavior. It’s actually kind of impressive

[weekat]

The fact yuka is only two years younger than satoshi and yet if i didnt know any better id think he was her DAD is EMBARRASSING for her

[weekat]

I am a domestic animal raised in a world that’s too wild